Walked out on my date, did I over react or stood up for myself…

[Robert28]

Is this a friendzone text or just some casual womenese “she says what thinks is right”

So I’ve been dating this girl for about a month now, we’ve been on 3 dates. On the second date she suggested to sleep over at my place. Did not have s3x because she was on her period. Third date, went out drinking with her, her cousin and room mate. I texted her yesterday to make plans for...

www.sosuave.net

If this is the same girl what you should have said is “my head is at that I told you I don’t do platonic friendships. I understand you want to start off as that but I prefer to begin relationships a different way, we just will never see eye to eye and that’s ok. Had fun with you too. Take care!”

 

[RangerMIke]

You wanted more: she wasn't feeling it. You just move on and forget her.

You didn't do anything wrong, it just wasn't going to happen.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Low interest and You friendzoned yourself.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

This chick disrespected you to your face. Her interest level is nowhere near what it should be, she lacks respect for you and she doesn't care about your "relationship".

She basically screamed "I am not interested" to you with what she did. Listen to her.

 

[Robert28]

I’ll be different than the guys on here bashing on you. Yeah you made some mistakes but this might actually work in your favor in the future if you’ll take the time to reflect and see where you went wrong, what you should have done differently, etc. This is a tough one to take but a valuable lesson that can be learned and you can come out better in the end. This girl taught you a lot in a short time, you just have to self reflect and take away the lessons you need to learn from. I’ve been where you are, worse actually.

 

[jaymbrs]

Reading this was super cringe. The disrespect was on full display and you're still wondering if you were wrong? Jesus man.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

I mean, 3 dates and no sexual escalation? You are pushing for that friend zone. Leave kisses on the chick for your aunt.

If you want to do something (like kiss her), do it. Do not hesitate. Saying to her "I want to kiss but I won't" translates in her brain as "I want to kiss you but I am afraid". Big no no.

To your question, no, you did not overreact. You were upset (rightfully so), played it cool, and took a step back to reassess. You did right.

Her giving this other guy her full attention for a significant amount of time that night is a sign of disrespect, disregard, and perhaps even mind games. She has clearly shown interest, but you have not finalized it, and the longer this goes the more risk you'll run into of loss of interest, friend zone, and lastly disrespect.

As a man, you take action, if you want something TAKE IT! It is partly what makes us men. We act on our true desires

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Simply put a woman who opens her legs for you right away is likely to do that with any other dude whos attractive.. those girls are often low quality or just looking to have fun. If youre a dude who wants more than jus casual fun and something meaningful, you probably dont want a skank or a girl whos sexually promiscuous.

Ofc theres other variables but from my experience an attractive girl that doesnt put out right away is usually one with healthy boundries and good qualities for the long run.

This topic isnt very relative to being any example of a good woman though. Quite the opposite. Just more or less what its like to be in the friendzone and not realize it.

The keys are, 1) is the girl less chaste for you than she usually is with other guys and 2) is she showing a high interest in you as a person if she is signaling she's willing to put out early?

An attractive girl who's highly interested and sexually available is what you want. The ones who want "to make you work for it" are only worth it if you can discern genuine high interest. Without clear high interest, they're not worth it.

Many of the "I want to make him work for it" women are likely to be damaged once they're 30+. Or they're toxic Italianas.

 

[Gamisch]

Playing devils advocate here, and I understand OP walked away( and i probably would've done the same) but imo thats only/more justified when she is indeed your gf/lover even fwb that hinted at more.

Correct me if I'm wrong gentlemen, but why is it disrespectful to talk to other men when she has no relational ties to OP. She is not his babysitter.


You walked away as a friend. Thats not that impactful. She probably shrugged it off and continued having a good time. You could've stayed, and connect with other women while using her as leverage BUT thats really tough to pull off when emotions are running wild.

OP,

Until you have slept with a woman - as in - had sex with her, you are nothing to her at all. Kissing means jack sh1t. You were 4 dates in and had not really done much of anything let alone slept with her. You were heading straight into orbiter status for her and that is exactly how that last "date" at the salsa night came off across. The little harmless buddy.

You were correct to leave when you did. But keep in mind you MUST be escalating towards sex at all times with women who you will be placed into the friendzone very quickly.

i would add that even more than kissing (bj, feeling her up, ect) isn't a guarantee.

Nowadays even after fecking her you still ain't sure about where you stand. If Op at least slept with her his reaction would've been more justified imo. Now its just a nothing burger.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Bro 4 dates. She did nothing wrong. Only wrong for his butthurt

So you are cool with being on a date with a woman and they go off with another dude as if they were on a date?

 

[Barrister]

So you are cool with being on a date with a woman and they go off with another dude as if they were on a date?

A man should never be cool with this. However, in this particular case, OP definitely made his bed by not doing any escalation at all in the previous three dates. So this chick's behavior, while not respectful towards OP, is completely predictable in this situation given OP's own misfires. Had he been properly escalating, the events of "Date 4" (I use that very loosely here) probably do not unfold that way. I am actually surprised a "Date 4" even took place given the lack of anything happening in the first three.

 

[Barrister]

i would add that even more than kissing (bj, feeling her up, ect) isn't a guarantee.

Nowadays even after fecking her you still ain't sure about where you stand. If Op at least slept with her his reaction would've been more justified imo. Now its iust a nothing burger.

It doesn't necessarily get you locked into anything I agree. However, I think most women begin to develop an attachment and want more probably about 75-80% of the time after you have slept with her. I have also had women try to play it off like it isn't a big deal we slept together when in reality you can tell when it is to her. Usually, it is just a matter of outlasting them in the IDGAF sweepstakes until she wants to do "the talk" about where you both stand. At that point, you hold all the power on where it goes.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

I am actually surprised a "Date 4" even took place given the lack of anything happening in the first three.

She needed someone to keep her company and buy her drinks while she found another guy.

 

[Barrister]

She needed someone to keep her company and buy her drinks while she found another guy.

Yep -- pretty clear she not only is on the market for c0ck but also on the market for orbiters.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Playing devils advocate here, and I understand OP walked away( and i probably would've done the same) but imo thats only/more justified when she is indeed your gf/lover even fwb that hinted at more.

Correct me if I'm wrong gentlemen, but why is it disrespectful to talk to other men when she has no relational ties to OP. She is not his babysitter.


You walked away as a friend. Thats not that impactful. She probably shrugged it off and continued having a good time. You could've stayed, and connect with other women while using her as leverage BUT thats really tough to pull off when emotions are running wild.

i would add that even more than kissing (bj, feeling her up, ect) isn't a guarantee.

Nowadays even after fecking her you still ain't sure about where you stand. If Op at least slept with her his reaction would've been more justified imo. Now its just a nothing burger.

Dude was a +1, personally invited to the event. That's what makes it disrespectful imo

 

[RazorRambo24]

The keys are, 1) is the girl less chaste for you than she usually is with other guys and 2) is she showing a high interest in you as a person if she is signaling she's willing to put out early?

An attractive girl who's highly interested and sexually available is what you want. The ones who want "to make you work for it" are only worth it if you can discern genuine high interest. Without clear high interest, they're not worth it.

Many of the "I want to make him work for it" women are likely to be damaged once they're 30+. Or they're toxic Italianas.

Well simply put youre talking about women who are willing to give you the "box" without even caring to know anything about you, vs women who are taking the few weeks, the few months to see what your personality is about, who your friends are, will you just lose interest if she doesnt have sex early on, what your morals are like.. how you react or act in certain situations, etc. And vice versa..

Its just normal healthy behavior. Its not to say that you cant have sex with a healthy high quality woman on the first date.. because you certainly can... but from my personal experience ---Ive noticed high quality women are not superifcial to the point they give in to your looks charisma and charm.. that stuff doesnt phase them. Nor does your money. They rather see what your chemistry is like and take thiings slow and see if you can crack them. You can even say they play hard to get.

Then again i come from a background of meeting alot of women who give up the box so easily.. and Id be a fool to think that they are all just super interested in me on first impressions.. Its just superficial girls who dont think past anything. How could you know me in a day. You rather jus give up the box and then get to know me.. bad idea because i look at you like a skank and then use you for just sex unless u then show any value you bring to the table..

This is in no way shape or form in regards to women who jus string you along or are prudes. Im talking about women who show you great interest obviously.

 

[Gamisch]

Dude was a +1, personally invited to the event. That's what makes it disrespectful imo

Yeah I kinda get that. Re reading the OP i get the sense she took him along because she would've been the third wheel without him.

Imo the whole build up was already messed up. I think @Giovanni SouthSide said something about as well; good guys finish last. Way too much gf/bf shiit way too soon. Also a salute to Gio's masterful qoute from a previous thread( I screen shotted that shiit).

***Girlfriend status should be treated as a sacred oath where the woman has to put in the work for and uphold.
You just can’t give the title to any woman who gives you the azz and that is for the sake of own peace of mind.
She needs to earn that privilege and after that she needs to earn it again.
These baddies should not take you off the market that easy.****

I am not sure if she actually was disrespectful ,or its OP's interpretation. Because tbh a really confident man wouldn't mind her talking to another dude. Its her venue, no surprise she knows people there. Interpretation can be a real bytch sometimes..put a confident man in the same scenario and he would end up taking her home and blowing her back out!

But oke, i get it. She kinda got her cake while eating it too. Dragging OP along like a lost puppy. And even though the previous dates were clearly lacking sexual energy, she must've known OP kinda liked her .

This wasn't a date, but a friendly get together. Op came to date, while she came to "just hang out ".

Women are like this sometimes...i think we should stand above this and ALWAYS keep a masculine frame. Deal with enough women and this won't surprise you or knock you off your square anymore.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Well simply put youre talking about women who are willing to give you the "box" without even caring to know anything about you, vs women who are taking the few weeks, the few months to see what your personality is about, who your friends are, will you just lose interest if she doesnt have sex early on, what your morals are like.. how you react or act in certain situations, etc. And vice versa..

Its just normal healthy behavior. Its not to say that you cant have sex with a healthy high quality woman on the first date.. because you certainly can... but from my personal experience ---Ive noticed high quality women are not superifcial to the point they give in to your looks charisma and charm.. that stuff doesnt phase them. Nor does your money. They rather see what your chemistry is like and take thiings slow and see if you can crack them. You can even say they play hard to get.

Then again i come from a background of meeting alot of women who give up the box so easily.. and Id be a fool to think that they are all just super interested in me on first impressions.. Its just superficial girls who dont think past anything. How could you know me in a day. You rather jus give up the box and then get to know me.. bad idea because i look at you like a skank and then use you for just sex unless u then show any value you bring to the table..

This is in no way shape or form in regards to women who jus string you along or are prudes. Im talking about women who show you great interest obviously.

They should allow themselves to give in to your charm and charisma to some degree, if they are attractive and genuine high interest (and not damaged/overly protective). If they're not willing to compromise on how difficult or easy they are, its an issue. Now, they can still be difficult compared to the average woman, but they need to make things less difficult for you than the next guy who shows interest in them.

 

[jafman]

My opinion may well differ from others. If a woman is attracted to you then by the end of a successful first date a fairly passionate kiss is mandatory for me.

if not then the something that is missing won’t ever be there. I get sometimes maybe a woman is insecure or perhaps had some other reason but 99% of the time she will want to kiss you if she likes you.

in fact by not initiating that passionate kiss you are perhaps placing yourself in the position of being nothing more than a hanger.
Learn from it and move on…

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Your takes are valid mostly but if he does nothing wrong by getting miffed to were she detected it how will he learn to NOT be this way and front run the behavior?
Just curious.
OP this is good advice and is more articulate then my writing talent but do yourself a favor and learn how to control your emotions. "On the fly"
Other girls will do this same stuff and so will your future wife/ gf

If you guys think 10 minutes of chatting with someone she knows is disrespect and a large amount of time dont ever take your girl to a high status type of event with well known ppl. You ngtmi

You should never take a chick to any kind of high status event if you haven't banged. If they've banged, then obv a different story.