V's life-changing self-improvement, Boot Camp et al Journal

[Violent V]

hey Bat thanks man.

I feel a lot better psychologically, but i still feel some emptiness inside that i am trying to fill. Everyone seems to fill it with different things- cars, sex, money, seduction, even some sort of role as a Buddhist.

But i don't want to feel any emptiness. I want to feel complete. Accepting unchangeable things as they are, not stressing over anything. I think i need to go even deeper spiritually to achieve this.

I will carry on growing and climbing. I will report here more frequently regarding being more reckless and in action rather than hesitation. The social expanding is very much a conscious, ongoing progress, and i have started a fitness journal on the H&F forum which i hope will aid my progress with the physical part of me.

 

[Violent V]

A much larger, varied social life.

Regarding the expanding of social/friends network, I don't really think there is a sort of middle ground to this that i can slip into. I either

just hang out every day/weekend with the same people who happened to come into my life by coincidence, and act invisbile to everyone else-

OR

I greet, talk to and even hangout with absolutely EVERYONE.

Again it really comes down to being more reckless and active rather than hesitant and thoughful. If i try and pick out who i will and won't greet (e.g. HBs, but not fat girls), i will just slip back into my old ways, as described in the first option.

So, less thinking, more ACTING.
Less judging, more INTERACTING.
Less planning, more LIVING!

V

 

[Violent V]

This thread is the closest thing i have to a blog, so i might as well post my thoughts on Michael Jackson here.

Our world is full of sick people; and the most disgusting of those are the ones who exploit the weak, innocent or naive for their own gains.

This extremely talented man grew up poor with no real childhood, an abusive father and brothers who bullied him. As an adult, the media- journalists, and the parents of kids who he loved exploited and took advantage of his naivity, insecurity and innocent nature for their own financial gain.

Not many 'Don Juans' here would have lasted until the age of 50 under his circumstances, which is a testament to how strong mentally he was.

And yet despite all this, he was really just all about LOVE. For Humanity, women, kids, and especially the poor.

Can someone honestly look at him and say he would even hurt a fly? Every footage i see of him, he smiling and throwing the V-peace sign up at the cameras.

Listen to some of his music, particularly towards the end of his career, and try accusing him of what many have accused him of. The fact is that he was never proven guilty of anything.

He was harmless and naive, but talented and rich, and banged for freedom, and that mades him an easy target. Its those people with sick, selfish minds themselves who can consider or accuse him of doing sick things.

Jesus Christ, misunderstood, was crucified 2000+ years ago brutally. Some things never change eh?

At least he can't be hurt anymore. The world doesn'r seem to deserve or want men like these. I am certainly no Michael Jackson fan, just someone who saw it from a different perspective to the one the corporate media brainwashed people with. But seeing those folks in Harlem singing his songs on 125th street nearly made me cry.

Peace. V

 

[Violent V]

a) being more reckless. A lot less thinking, having more fun.

Thinking about this the other day, i think maybe i am getting this bit mixed up.

Being hesitant, calculated and always in thought about how I should behave, what to say, how to say it, how to react etc is not really something I choose to do. It’s just down to my insecurities.

When i am feeling confident, happy and secure, i naturally begin to act (rather than react), behave recklessly and carefree, and live in the present moment rather than on some mind-made character/self-image.

So, working on increasing my confidence and my self-esteem (i.e. put MYSELF on the pedestal rather), would mean i start naturally being that great person i actually want to be: reckless, carefree, fun.

Rather than picking and choosing, I would naturally start approaching any girl off the bat, say what i want in a firm, confident and ****y tone, and be prepared to move on in a heartbeat. I will naturally state my opinion loudly, my politics and belief without fear of what others may think.

Etc.

I have read up about techniques to build up natural self confidence and esteem in the past, but never seriously or consistently applied them. Besides fulfilling my goals and ambition, i will look back at these techniques over the weekend and start to practice them.

Saying that however, it’s not an excuse to ‘not approach girls until I this level of confidence.’

Recently, I have started to feeling really proud of who I am. I have come to realise I really am one of a kind, there is absolutely no copy of me anywhere in the world. No one who can do it like, put it down like me, or at least not many.

Not many men in the world dream and live, strive to improve themselves and invest their time, prefer to be their own boss, want to win in everything, are travel-lust, and want stand up above the rest. I should be proud of this.

And if anyone else wants to stand up with me, I am only willing to offer them a helping hand. But I cannot carry anyone. I've learnt that the only person who can change my life, who I should or want to rely upon, is MYSELF. And I will live my life MY WAY, and do it my way.

b) A much larger, varied social life.

Definite improvement. As my confidence improves, so does my ability to just greet anyone spontaneously. Then that eventually leads to conversations, and if not a new friend, at least social proof.

That then feeds back into my confidence. Like a cycle.

I’ve been greeting absolutely everyone, from the immigrant cleaner to the multi-millionaire managing director of our company. Honestly, he even got me a drink and we had a conversation for a good 45 minutes…

I am not a social butterfly yet, but I got a lot of things planned to do in the evenings, next week new places to go, and will keep it going.

I have also started reading a new book, How to make friends and influence people, and am already learning. The next step of course is to apply.

c) A much greater effort and spent on my body and physique.

New diet and exercise program. Check it out in the Health and Fitness forum.

I also need to cut down on the jerking big time. I might use this journal as a daily record to cut it down, or start a new one on the forum so others can join in.

Onwards and upwards peeps!

V

 

[Violent V]

a) being more reckless. A lot less thinking, having more fun.

Had a date today.

So i plucked up the courage to approach this chick when i got into Central London and asked if she wanted to do lunch. Got her number, and after having lunch with other people (see below) we met up and had a bite in the evening after work at Starbucks instead lol (her idea since shes the local).

I didn't feel comfertable at all doing this sort of date. It was just her talking, me asking about something she said, and her talking again. I managed to find out she's a 30-something year old mother of two, married, from West Indies, who studied Business Law, and is a high flying legal specialist. When i heard about the kids, my interest faded...

She talked for a good hour, and needless to say it ended on friend terms cause she did what she was used to, and i didn't feel comfertable 'not doing' anything.

Any future dates will be on my terms, with me doing and going where I WANT.

b) A much larger, varied social life.

Being open to ALL people, and putting myself in positions where i want to do new challenging things, has opened up a window of opportunities recently.

I jumped at the challenge the other day of being at the table headed by our companies CEO in a meeting with representatives of various parts of the business. Little me, on a salary as low as the cleaners.

So today i headed to central London, and got to the location, only to find i was the only one who hadn't chickened out...

No meeting then. But something better. Little me, only a year into this job, and in the bracket of lowest level office employees in the company, invited to lunch with the group of directors, multimillionaire managers and CEO of this global corporation (Its actually much bigger in America than here in the UK) in Central London. My colleagues back at the office won't believe me.

It went so well, they have invited me to join them in a board of directors meeting in a couple of days, just for the experience.

All came about because of my desire to try new things, go new places, and meet new people- any people.

To put this in perspective, this time last year i was unemployed and sitting at home surfing the net, writing my first few posts here.

c) A much greater effort and spent on my body and physique.

First week of my new journal went well. This week hasn't been as inspiring, but i won't fall off the wagon yet... Check it out in the H&F forum!

Peace

V

 

[Violent V]

a) being more reckless. A lot less thinking, having more fun.

Had a lot of fun with this shopping assistant with big onion booty. Mad flirting, but no number close i guess i was too worried she was just doing her job, and she would reject in front of my friends.

When we walked out, my mates said she definetely wanted a piece of me. I should have number closed. Be more reckless V!

 

[Violent V]

Where i want to be

My goals last month remain for August, but i am looking to take a real step up in getting closer to the man i want to be.

This weekend i went to a party and met old friends, and in particular, GJ, who I look upto in terms of where/who i want to be. It made me realize how far i have to go when i saw him doing his thing last night.

GJ is very good looking, very low body fat, but toned with muscles. He could pose as a mannequin if he wanted to. He ALWAYS dresses extremely well: new, very nicely fitted, colourful cool shirts or smart jumpers. Expensive jeans, belt or knee high trousers. Fresh watch. Thats the physical. Mentally, he is renown for being a very very funny guy, is carefree person who can be extremely immature and fun, but at the same time very always positive and respectful to everyone.

He's a character, and a very popular guy. He changes cars every few months, works in different cities and in different jobs frequently, and generally gets around. He doesn't 'work the group', everyone just flocks round him. There is this magnetic thing about him that everyone seems to be drawn to him. His good looks draws everyone's attention, his fun personality makes them devoted followers. And he seems to do it naturally/like he isn't even aware of it. He has something to say/work with everyone.

And he always gets the hot girl. He did her again this weekend. He hardly talked to this girl during the house party. Then when we got into the club, he made his move. Got to the bar with her, they bought drinks and went off with each other for the night, came back home in the same taxi, and went to his bedroom together...

He inspires me.

I also noticed that cool people seem to naturally mix with cool people, and the quiet, insecure guys eventually seem to end up together in a group.

I did not feel i belonged or qualified in the 'cool group', and this led to a very quiet, sensible, hardly-reckless V this weekend. i realized i still have the same deep-seated insecurities deep down, and am not valuing myself in the way that naturally makes me a 'cool guy'.

So, what steps do i take to start valuing myself more? How do i increase that authentic confidence/self esteem so that i am comfortable in my own skin around other cool people?

A lot of my insecurities are based on my weight and body shape. The excessive body fat makes me feel unworthy of young cool people and hot girls.

My hesitant calculating nature has always eaten away at me. I at most in joy when i am human, behaving recklessly, without a plan or stability. But i have been brought up by very calculating parents, to be a sensible academic, not a jock. I create mental budgets, analyze everything, every move with logic. I still consider my every move with potential impact and outcomes...

I was reading the following statements the other day by Pook. Highlighted in black are what especially struvk a chord:

You cannot be yourself without truthfully seeing yourself.

You cannot sacrifice character for joyfulness without ultimately destroying happiness.

You cannot control the situation, but you can control yourself, your emotions, and your life.

You cannot have women love you until you love yourself.

You cannot grasp the female nature until you grasp your male nature.

You cannot win her until you focus on her winning you.

You cannot fully know the principles of this website until you leave it.

You cannot obtain love by giving yours away for free.

You cannot fulfill your desire by letting it trump your integrity.

You cannot be yourself by denying your dreams and what it takes to achieve them.

The last one especially. Being in a 9-5 office, not achieiving my set goals.. i really can't wait to save up my money and go travelling/free lance.

Last night one of the girls came onto the couch i was sleeping on and cuddled up. Instead of being human and putting my arm round her, i played sleep and pretended i didn't know she was there. When i woke up in the morning, she was gone...

 

[Violent V]

I learnt more about women in these few sentances from Pook than i have done my whole time here on Sosuave. Two, highlighted in black, especially stood out considering what stage i am at regarding girls.

Women would rather share a successful man than be attached to a faithful loser.

Many women do not marry for love.

Most divorces end up with the guy cherishing the woman but the woman detesting the man.

Even for long-term marriage, the Don Juan is the way to go.

The ‘innocent, nice girl’ is often the horniest and likely uninnocent.

Many women consider your looks, your career, what you can offer them, before your integrity and character.

Women are more sexual than men can even dream.

Women are not attracted to genius, only strength and imagination

Woman’s sole mission is union, either for pleasure or the fruits of children. She cares nothing for your philosophy and all except to either use it to catch interest in a guy or to enthrone herself.

Women, in sex, desire to be treated as an object and relish it.

Women place value in societal links; how they are thought of. You become her ego.

Strength and imagination. Pleasure.

 

[Violent V]

I forgot to mention on Thursday night last week was introduced to a group of hotties by a group of mates at the pub. I clowned around a bit and was playful with everyone. I think i made a good, lasting impression as all three made sure they hugged me before they went.

Today was eventful. At my meeting a work i mixed with this middle aged woman. She was big, but very curvey and was wearing those irresistible thin suit trousers which i love on women. I really wanted to fcuk that milf ass.

She needed someone to give her a lift back to her place, and since she lived near me i volunteered. We talked a bit, she mentioned she had a husband, one kid, and seemed live her family was pretty rich. I was my usual relaxed self without being ****y.

Before we got to her place she rang her husband to see if he was at home. He wasn't. We got to her place, and she said thank you so much and everything, but never mentioned inviting me in. I thought i would ask for coffee, but held back.

If she wanted to fcuk, she would have presented me with the opportunity. I move on, but learned that i was perhaps putting myself in the friend zone too much by reminding her how young i was, asking about her family too much, and not being as ****y as i could have been. I will learn more about this by reading other peoples journals (Jon I am looking at you!).

I passed up on a few HB9s around London today as well, which i am dissapointed in myself about.

But my focus is not specifically on fcuk or getting numbers and dates. My problem is my confidence- how worthy and good i feel about myself, who i am, and what i do etc. I unconsciously see others with so much as a little bit of confidence or beauty on a higher pedestal than me, and this tells me my insecurities and self worth are still where they were at the beginning of the year.

So i may not be approaching most HB girls i see, or dominating conversations with other people or in groups, or being my true self just yet, but this will come naturally the more i focus on increasing my self worth and self confidence. By specifically thinking about being an alpha in conversations or when seeing a girl i am not solving the problem, but just covering over it. The main problem still remains deep down, and will show its face in another situation.

I am fully dedicatedto/my main focus at the moment is turning my body around from out of shape gladiator to HB hunk, being as social as i can be, and start doing things i've always wanted to do in my life, e.g. Next month i will be going parachuting, something i have dreamed of doing for 6 years. I am finally learning boxing. Wednesday i will be starting karate, something i've always wanted to do but never actioned.

I am becoming the man of my dreams, and with that i will develop the self respect and worth, confidence, life and character i always dreamed of having and being: my true, fun and carefree self.

V

 

[Violent V]

One approach a day

It dawned upon me that yes it will be much easier to approach confidently when i have become the man that i feel women should try and win, but saying to myself i will wait until i have that body, that mindset etc is wrong wrong wrong. It is the ego finding salvation in the future.

I should be acting on my desires and wants anyway right now.

I am cold approaching now, but very inconsistently. So, I have set myself a goal this month: one approach and number close day. Rejection is always better than regret. Yield to action everytime. I will report here every night.

V

 

[rushing dude 123]

Dude i like the urge of u now, feeling those animal insticts. But always go for that close there is either no or yes. If u don't approach it is no. If u do approach it is yes or no. Everytime u don't approach it is a rejection and thats why u feel bad afterwards to b honest. the most important person in life in these situations is u, now if u get rejected by her, u will feel bad for like idk 30 seconds, if u get rejected by urself and don't approach man that stuff lasts a life time. The only one person that should never reject u in this world man is urself and i am sure deep down u know that, which is why after 30 secs u been rejected by her u feel good because u did not reject urself.

So just imagine that onion booty waitress, if u asked her out u could b sitting next to that nice onion booty right now, rather than reading this message from me lol. Trust me man if a chick liked u, she would not mind u asked her out no matter how busy she is. Lets say ur with ur friends at work busy doing loads of papers and a girl u liked came over and said "hey i got to go, but would like to talk to u again whats ur number" u r telling me u would not give it to her?

 

[Violent V]

V's approach journal

Went out this Saturday specifically to do sets. I ducked out on a lot, but also approached a lot as well. No number closing though, just trying to get a feel for approaching HBs and making conversation.

The more I did the easier it got, what helped more than anything else was that I was feeling like a bit of a clown and thinking specifically about having FUN.

One girl who worked in a fragrance shop, just passed me onto her colleague. Oh well her loss. Another one started smiling at her friend at the other side of the room when i decided to leave.

I am taking this a lot more seriously now, and will be frequently updating here on my approaches/conversations with women so as to keep me focused.

Today I ducked out of two approaches, one walking one on the other side of the world. It is irrelevant, but I am pretty sure she looked in my direction. Another one I got in the lift with. I couldn’t think of anything to say so said nothing. I was not relaxed enough.

I have made mental notes on a few things regarding cold approaches which I read on a couple of times a day to hammer it home:

The more I approach, the less it becomes a problem, the better I will get at it, and the the easier it becomes.

Eventually I am looking to be acting on easy sets, hard sets, awkward sets, set after set after set: consistency.

My intention is not to find a date or a new girlfriend for the rest of the month. Rather, I am trying to view every set as

-an opportunity to add to my experiences,
-to experiment on my social skills (I am already good at talking like I know the girl i.e. skipping formalities. By social skills i guess i mean listening more and learning to create threads of conversations),
-to learn to create greater social interaction with girls (something I am lacking: relaxing and not worrying about what to talk about or say)
-to learn to hold longer frames
-eventually feel comfortable number closings.

The first girl I approach during the day is only the first of a potential 10. Who cares how it goes? The remaining x9 are opportunities to improve on the previous approach.

Every approach removes a bit of that hesitation and anxiety in me, until it becomes non-existant.

Will update again today.

V

 

[Violent V]

Reminding myself of the reason for this journal

In recent days I have looked back through this journal and think I seem to have lost my focus a bit on why I started it up. When I first posted, I was hoping to be a completely different man and character within a year. While I have improved- especially on the social side, I don’t believe I am anywhere near the sort of change I was hoping for.

But I have learnt abundantly on what it takes to be the man I want to become- or rather decode myself to person I always was to begin with.

Shy nice young man

Being introvert, quiet and unsocial was where I was at a few years ago. It came down to being very insecure and not valuing myself very highly.

Where did that insecurity come from? It started from my parents. As wonderful as they are, they are extremely conscious of how other people perceive them: and more importantly, how others perceive them AS PARENTS. I would always get whatever toy or game I wanted, but I was brought up an AFC to prevent me of offending any stranger I would come across. Mind your manners, don’t cause controversy, be kind and nice to everyone i.e. CONSIDER OTHERS BEFORE YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF. It was ingrained in me from the start.

Academically the focus from the start was to be an A* grade student. I was also not socialised properly as a kid. The television or NES or my homework was my spare time as a kid. My mum was always my best friend. From an early ago I was talked to about becoming a doctor or lawyer.

The opposite sex and attraction was something I was indirectly told as being ‘bad’. Exhadurated attempts to prevent me from watching lovers when on the screen, to the examination of all my actions when around little girls my age. A great deal of effort went in to sending me to an all-boys secondary school.

The result was an insecure but nice young man who could not make friends very easily, was a perfectionist, who knew what being masculine was all about but did not have a lot of experience with girls.

Looking externally for value

So how did I combat the insecurity? A lot of money spent on the next ‘in’ clothes, maintaining that ‘in’ haircut, designer sneakers. If it was cool to be dress in this way or that way, that’s what I would do to fit in/be accepted.

Then, a couple of years ago my identity took shape based on what I did not want to be.. no more AFC, shy nice guy. I started to put on the extrovert, confident persona. My value and confidence still came externally: designer clothes and shoes, haircut, how many girls I hooked up with, how I talked, what I said, what I did.

Looking deeper and internally

I do know that many people look externally to add value for a whole life time. But I could not keep up that for a long time.

I broke from the cycle when I felt a deep emptiness inside me when I looked at all the possessions I had gathered. I looked in the mirror and felt a sad unhappiness within. There was a real me, a true nature inside of me which I had neglected for so long.

 

[Violent V]

Changing my life

When i say life-changing journal, I do not mean life changing in terms of income, how many girls i lay or approach. I am talking about life changing in terms of my character, and who i am going to become.

In recent days I have looked back through this journal and think I seem to have lost my focus a bit on why I started it up. When I first posted, I was hoping to be a completely different man and character within a year. While I have improved- especially on the social side, I don’t believe I am anywhere near the sort of change I was hoping for.

But I have learnt abundantly on what it takes to be the man I want to become- or rather decode myself to person I always was to begin with. Acting on the below is to make life-changing changes.

Hesitancy

Hesitancy leads to thinking and analyzing, and then trying to make things risk-free. Risk –free creates hesitancy,

Not just when approaching, but generally through out my existence. Cautious when taking that shot during a match (will I score? Are the better options available), hesitating when I have an opinion that might offend, hesitating when spending money. Cautious when someone or thing infuriates me or upsets me.

I have hesitated my whole life about what I want to do with my time and career. Even now I am unsure. Perhaps I should do this instead next year? This has lead to me planning out the next few years of my life as if it’s written in a book or something. For godsake V just do it and learn later.

I hesitate with money. I have a budget for the year, for this month, and it almost never follows what I spend in real life. For godsake V just spend and decide later.

I believe being hesitant is linked to not being used to success. Success only comes about deliberately when you are successful in your own mind. Being successful in your own mind comes down to your confidence, and how much you value yourself.

Confidence = Value.

How can I become more valuable in my own mind?

Well, I could either look outward and buy myself all those valuable possessions which become part of my identity and ego. Or I could look within and start liking what I do, who I am by nature, and start achieving goals, spending my time following my own path and dreams.

The man of my dreams is based either on what I own, or what I am.

I am a man, filled with testosterone, and a desire to build my own world, use up time on myself only and explore the unknown. I am attracted to girls, I like to eat food, and I don’t like being sedentary. I also prefer to succeed. I am a social being, and enjoy being in the company of other humans, and even animals.

Embracing all this is looking within and liking what I do. Embracing this is to become the man of my dreams. Embracing this is to live with authentic confidence. And I can embrace these in a heartbeat if I can delete society’s programming of me in a heartbeat.

Bringing more FUN into my life

Fun is such an important word for the remainder of this journal. Not being any fun is based on caring too much on what other people think.

Boredom is my enemy. Fun is to explore the unknown, to wild and weird activities, trust my imagination more, being extrovert and careless and carefree and imperfect.

I need to bring more fun into my life. Everything needs to be a game in my mind. Like a kid again, I want to be fascinated with everything. To be in touch with the human in me. To be social and error prone. Because PERFECT IS BORING.

Life changing journal

To make this a life changing journal again, I need to focus on three things: Kill all hesitancy, start/continue to add value to myself, avoid perfection and focus on FUN.

 

[Violent V]

The beginning of the end of this journal

Fighting my insecurities, becoming more secure and worthy within, transforming into a valuable person who behaves in a positive, extrovert and carefree way. The man of my dreams.

As i have repeatedly stated here before, AA and general hesitancy in life is rooted deeply to my insecurities and unworthiness as a person.

Externally, i am trying to achieve and do all the things i've always wanted to achieve, learn and do in order to start liking and loving who i am much more/becoming the man i have always wanted to be. Violent V within the next year will be the following:

-An athlete (at least in terms of physique and body- resembling sprinters),
-an amatuer boxer,
-a passionate shodan shotokan martial artist,
-a skilled and enthuastic salsa dancer,
-an able musician (lol at least able to play the guitar! Why not join/make a band as well?),
-a translator (fluent in Spanish),
-a semi-pro footballer,
-a Buddhist(!)
-a London socialite and diner,
-a PUA- no, a DON JUAN (my definition is just someone who is meeting and dating desired new women frequently and being friends with those that i got one with really well with).

Its a big wide world out there. There is so much to learn, so much to do, so many places to go, and such little time. A year to become all of the above.

One thought motivates me more than anything and everything else: stepping out of the mediocrity. I want to be the one in my extended family, my community, my mother country, who made it and succeeeded. The one who everyone, close and distant family, will recognise, talk about and be proud of. The example. The role model. While they live their lives as nothing, i constantly improved and changed. I succeeded and grew. I touched lives. I will be mourned when i pass away.

All of the above fit under one umbrella that is pretty much the biggest value in my life: BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR AND LIVING MY LIFE TO THE FULLEST.

I do understand that until i am in a financial position to quit my office job and being free, start travelling and following my dreams, i don't think i can ever achieve the inner true happiness and fulfillment i so desire and seek. I envy all the travellers i meet in London.

One girl i was talking to last night, a HOT young Australian girl at a bar, has been in London for 2 months now. I originally started it out as a pick up, but in the end i was just fascinated with what she was doing with her life. She is working here part time, has a flat in C London, and plans on moving on to Europe when she has experienced the city. I was jealous and told her.

The thought of being young, fit physically and happy and loving within, out there working and travelling, meeting new people and friends every night, experiencing new cities and cultures, it is the DREAM for me. I care nothing for the ferrari's, the trophy girlfriends, the big muscles, the profits, the spinning of plates....

(What will spinning plates and being a PUA bring for me in the end? Night after night, girl after girl, sex after sex. Yes, it sounds great for anyone who was or is a AFC, but then what? Your time is spent spinning your plates, doing your sets, 'gaming' a girl, overcompensating after years of inaction and hesitancy... okay so what then? Where then?)

I will quit this job in a year with financial security in the bank, and begin my adventure. But that is then. This is now. I can still be more outgoing and social outside of my work hours, and i will be. I want to drive around in that black car, i want to wear those clothes on those occasions. I have not even socialised my own area properly: Hounslow and Uxbridge. And before i set off my travels, i must first become all that i can be and want be as a man.

Thank you sosuave. Thank you Pook. Thank you Fingerz. Thank you DJ Bible. Thank you posters, here, on the board. Because i would not be where i am now, and won't be where i will be in the future, without any of your contributions.

 

[Violent V]

While i invest my time developing into the man i've always wanted to be and proud of, there is one skill which i really need to develop that requires consistency through out the day- cold approaching and social skills. Especially around desired women.

This is where this journal can become of some use again. I aim to start talking to and being rejected by any girl i find attractive during my days and report it here. Girls that i will most likely never see again in my entire life, unless i choose to...

The aim of this relentless approaching is not to find a date, close numbers or a girlfriend. If anything, i am actually looking to fail/get rejections. I even tell them, "if you want to date, take my number. I am interested, but i'll leave it to you to call me and see when i am free."

I say relentless and i mean it. Whats the point in approaching one in the face of fear when you won't approach the other? How is that going to help overcoming the hesitancy? This is going to be a life-long habit i am trying to develop.

Crash, burn, and learn. Easy sets, hard sets, awkward sets. Everyone single one is an opportunity for me to fail, learn and gain experience from that set, in that situation, with that sort of personality. An opportunity for me to to hold longer frames, experiement openrs, closes, topics, states, improve my listening and conversation skills. My purpose is to improve and grow myself. She is just a stepping stone to that skill.

The more i approach, the more i learn, the better i get, the easier it becomes for me, the less i care.

The first one in the day is always the hardest, then it gets easier. She is a warm up, the first of many so it won't matter at the end of the day what she thought, or did. What matters is i have set myself up for the day in regards to approaching. Infact, the girl i am approaching is just a stepping stone to making it easier for me to approach the next one.

If i hesitate, i stay in the circle. Stepout of the comfort zone and act, and I break free.

Its hard to remember all of the above when in the heat of the moment you see that HB you like and feel the anxiety. I generally think of one line which pushes me over to talk:

Pose again (like you always used to do), or approach, close and learn.

I am being held accountable here from now on, so please critic me if i am slacking or not approaching, as i will also report my flakes as well.

V

 

[Violent V]

Hardly any opportunities today. THe only ones came when i took my little brother to the supermarket to buy him a treat. Saw a HB7 maybe who i think i could have talked to. She looked in my direction a few times, but i did not act.

Actually there was one other opportunity. As i was driving slowly in traffic, a HB7-8 was walking by her own same direction on other side of pavement. Maybe could have done some conversation practice then as well.

Tomorrow should be better...

 

[Violent V]

end of 2009

end of 2008

Its NYE and i am staying indoors for the night. Tonight i feel is time to reflect. A new year means a fresh start.

Its 9 months since the first post, and i have made progress. Buts its very slow, and inconsistent. Change is hard, and the sort of improvement i am trying to make is inner game, which is certainly not an overnight thing.

This time next year i will be so far from where i am now...

2009 will be a year to remember i feel. Hopefully this journal will show it all: from the first post where i was in a depressed omega state, to this time next year being an alpha male, a fearless social butterfly, in great shape and with a great future set-up.

+ Get down to 13 stone. 5 morning RUNS a day, followed by more RUNNING and WEIGHTS in the evening.

The gym was closed by the time i got to the door, which was a real shame as i really had to fight some lack of motivation to get myself to the front door. My diet was very bad today. I will make today my day off, and get back on track tomorrow.

+Bootcamp week THREE and FOUR. Cold appraoch 20 girls, talk and number close at least 10 of them. Kill that desperation i have when talking/trying to talk to women. Xmas bootcamp.

A poor month in general. Change is hard yes, but if i really wanted to cold approach 20 girls, if i really was hungry for it, then i have to admit i had more than enough opportunities to do it. Its going to take a lot of effort and determination to get over this hurdle.

But i believe once i am over, the rest gets easy. I will be taking drastic action in January 2009.

+Get used to the idea of changing pictures and movies in my mind to ones that help me be more resourceful rather than in fear. Become a more positive, resourceful person. Work on my voice- its to high-pitched and submissive!

Its clear that to make any meaningful change to how my mind works then it will take much more than a month or two. Implementing a positive, resourceful mindset to an unconcious level means completely over-riding how my mind has been working for the last 10 years.

+Keep saving up. Clearly set out my ambitions and things i want to do in my life time. How i want to invest my time and money. Start looking into how i will fund my law course, possible firms etc. Start learning Spanish. Settle on what tattoo i want to get.

I will really try and push on with this in 2009. One of my priorityies has always been to get my own place, and hopefully by march, a year since i set the plan, i will be able to afford to make it a reality.

As end of 2009 approaches, I remembered the post above last year and have made some time to come back to this journal and measure how far i have come.

Its NYE and I have numerous requests by numerous people on where and who to party the night away with. At the moment i am leaning towards a work-party thing as there is a hot girl at work who is going who it has become obvious on the last few work night outs is very keen on me.

But the important thing is to have fun and not sacrifice my time chasing any girl. So maybe i will take other options instead just reinforce that in my head.

Its 1 year 9 months since the first post, and though it doesn't feel like much, I have made good, if not remarkable progress. I am very far from being the man of my dreams- in fact i am still more close to the man i was when i started this journal, but the change and results i have seen this year are encouraging indeed. The sort of improvement i am still trying to make is inner game though, and i that is still work in progress.

This time next year i WILL much further from where i am now...

2010 is going to be an even better year to remember. I am not yet an 'alpha male', a fearless social butterfly, or even in great great shape, but i am closer to it than i was last year.

+ Get down to 13 stone. 5 morning RUNS a day, followed by more RUNNING and WEIGHTS in the evening.

What's changed since i set this goal last year? For starters i stopped weighing myself a long time ago. Instead I judge by the mirror. I also learnt earlier in the year that its not about will-powering cardio and weights into my day. The sort of change required is lifestyle.

x5 morning runs turned into x3 HIIT sessions a week. When I felt the damage on my knees, I settled for x6 sports a week. Namely boxing, soccer, squash, shotokan and salsa. I've been committed to that since. The next step in 2010 is intensifying my work rate during these sessions and pushing my body output to the max.

Also in 2010 i hope to fine-tune my diet. I am now counting my grams and calories etc., and have added supplements into my diet too.

Finally i started keeping a journal in the health forum of this website. That has been a HUGE help, especially the feedback.

+Bootcamp week THREE and FOUR. Cold appraoch 20 girls, talk and number close at least 10 of them. Kill that desperation i have when talking/trying to talk to women. Xmas bootcamp.

In the last few months of this year, my relationship with women has really transformed. Suddenly loads of women were seeing me as an attractive sexual guy, and on my part, i really learnt how to escalate myself from potential friend to love interest straight away.

These last few months I have had more girls in my life- friends and interests- than i can ever remember having.

The biggest change is that i ain't acting like no nice guy friend any more, and am actually a lot more confident in myself as a sexual guy.

Some examples that stand out:

Some milf giving me her room number literally seconds after i went up and introduced myself and asked for her room when i was staying at a hostel. I did not action as i forgot about her that night too busy having fun...

Dancing with one hot lady-in-red on the dancefloor, taking her off it and then making out full on hands-under tight skirt. She offered i go over hers, i declined as i wanted to stay with my boys at the club.

Seeing a hot ass target with fat friend, invite them to party with me, isolate her immediately, and she is there for the taking lol

Hot girl from work i like but thought i was in friend zone. So on a night out, isolate and kino her to the point where we are holding hands, kissing cheeks and grinding frequently. The only thing we didn't do was and make out. Perhaps because it would be awkward? Watch this space. She is backing off and acting disinterested now, i assume she thinks she is coming across as too easy... also she has learnt i have recently got myself a girlfriend, so laying low...

That's been pretty much the norm since September.

I also don't think it is a coincidence that the results came about the same time as i started growing my hair- before then i always went for the short buzz cut look. Since my mullet started to grow, so did the interest lol.

But i note most have been night games. Its day games, cold approaching i need to work on and master. I am much more comfortable around girls and genuinely give less of a fcuk, but cold approaching is a problem. And the only solution is doing it, so here's to 2010, the year of COLD APPROACHES, NUMBER CLOSING AND DATES!

+Keep saving up. Clearly set out my ambitions and things i want to do in my life time. How i want to invest my time and money. Start looking into how i will fund my law course, possible firms etc. Start learning Spanish. Settle on what tattoo i want to get.

Since i wrote that the idea of law has been thrown out of the window, I am learning Spanish and another language to boot, and know what tattoo i am getting. I will splash out on one in reward for getting in great shape. My budget and plans for 2010 are set: travelling & Walking the earth!

I have set the month, the date. I have also learnt that my life is not written in some book, and that plans and ambitions WILL change as a result of fine-tuning. You don't know what's coming up around the corner. Next month i could have a new job for all i know.

I am now taking it one day at a time. The plans are there, but they are just plans. Nothing is set in stone.

I hope to keep this journal updated in 2010. I have not been here the last few months simply because i haven't felt the need to. I was creating results and had no need to come here and rant about my failings.

But here is not the place to rant either. This journal in 2010 will detail my success, not record my whines and complaints about the difficulties of actual change.

 

[Violent V]

Something I have taken note of so far this year is the number of women I have come across- even the most mediocre of women- who seem to put themselves on the pedestal and act like they are a princess or something…

Seriously if you don’t from the first few minutes of an introduction make it clear you are THE GOODS/you are a have any degree of self-respect, they will absolutely walk over you (or me to be precise).

It is not what you say that makes it clear to them either. It is in your body language, your tone of voice, your behaviour.

And even when this is established, they still from time to time throw out some form of disrespect at you as if it is some sort of test. As if they are trying to catch you out, as if they want to see if you really don’t take their sh!t, or any sh!t at all.

I write all this down not because I have mastered it now, but because I have been at the end of a few of these a couple of times and am learning from it.

But the answers to her self-respect tests are not ones I want to fake or play out either. There is a reason why she is testing me- testing me naturally and instinctively. And I want to answer it naturally and instinctively. The self-respect that answers her tests must be real, not put-on.

So, as always, before I obtain the lifestyle and women of my dreams, I must first become the man of my dreams.

V

 

[Violent V]

Violent V- being the prize, the goods, the man of my dreams.

If this is has already been noted in other posts, then great. But now its coming from me, because its importance has overwhelmed me.

Social dynamics- with men and women.

In the canteen is where all the workers head at lunch to eat and break from their work. Here in such a highly social environment, is where social dynamics can be fully appreciated. The hot women strut while the pua's determine their next move. The afcs just go for whats being served, while the directors consider whether they want it or not.

Subconsciously, everyone is positioning everyone else and themselves in some sort of hierarchy, some sort of position in the gathering. The directors consider workers inferior mainly because they are in terms of employment and income. And the workers play the role of inferior anyway. Amogst themselves, the pua workers look down on the afc workers (who look down on themselves anyway), the fat women workers s****** at the hot, feminine workers. and the hot ones are judging which one of the pua's is the coolest.

Enter V. Everyone in the room notices his entrance, because people are greeting him, and is responding back loud and clear, with assurance in his voice. In his trail he is leaving pleased and humoured people.
There is a strong swagger in his purposeful steps, and relaxed, broad shoulders carrying his high head. His physique and clean clothing point to an athletic, immaculate person. He is not entering silently. He is being greeted and spoken to by everyone.

While the pua's are positioning themselves to talk to the hot girl, she is positioning herself to gain V's attention. V walks past without a look, and straight over to the food being served. The directors find time to greet him by his first name, 'Violent'.

Violent V is the show, and everyone else is the audience. The pua's don't greet him or talk to him, and never have. He is a 'threat'. The women talk about him. The hotter they are, the more nervous they seem to be. There are some who do not like him. But everyone RESPECTS him.

Because Violent V, more than anything else, respects himself. His behaviour implies he has achieved, that he is the goods, the prize, and this is reflected in how he has sculpted his physique, how immaculate and well he is dressed, how fearless he is socially, and how little he is lost in his own thoughts and ego.

To simplify this more and make it more relevant, the fact is either you are the prize or she is the prize. From the moment you are in each others proximity, the roles and characters between you and her are established in both minds- hers more so. You are worthy or unworthy. She is worthy or unworthy. You are a love interest or a friend. You are the goods or she is the goods. Ultimately, you are alpha, or you are not alpha.

Too many mediocre women are stuck up from too many sexual advances off too many AFC's. This is a society that presents the female as the prize. The fat or ugly girl already thinks she is the princess through TV and cinema. And that's before we even consider the HB's who are hot and know it.

The easy way to love interest and respect is to learn about how to come across as though you think and treat yourself as the prize. The hard way is to actually become it.

Too many men want quick fixes and are unwilling to work hard to get what they want because of technology, fear and laziness. Violent V set aside the remote control and the joystick, and headed down to the gym with his pal 4 evenings a week. Violent V swapped the couch for something else- the boxing ring, the foreign language classroom, and the dance studio. V went out looking for hesitancy and negative thinking, and n the face of it acted in a positive mindset. V swapped 'The Sopranos' for social interaction. V swapped COD4 for comedy. V swapped isolation for social interactions.

V's body is a reflection of hard work, strength and healthy lifestyle. V's class is an indication of his financial security, and a reflection of his wealth and growth mindset.

But most importantly of all, V did whatever it took for him to look at himself in the mirror and admire what he saw. V did whatever it took so that every second alive was a delight, not a frustration. Before anyone else was greeting V in the canteen, V was already happy in his own company.

This is what makes V the real prize. What makes him the show. What gains him respect and love.

And no matter how much jewellery and make up she wears, and how much male attention she gathers and feeds her ego, in the presence of the TRUE prize, she an all the other men will feel unworthy, nervous and attracted either with love and respect. She will give up sex for your attention, commit her femininity to keep you with her.

So work on yourself, number 1, first and only. Invest your time and become the ultimate man of your dreams. When you are the prize, she becomes the contestant.

V