V's life-changing self-improvement, Boot Camp et al Journal

[Violent V]

Hey guys many thanks for the comments. I am on a roll at the moment. I guess the key is to keep it rolling, i.e. consistency.

+ Get down to 13 stone. 5 morning RUNS a day, followed by more RUNNING and WEIGHTS in the evening.

Focus is one Healthy living and eating.

The big push continues. Another great day on the exercise front, and while i cheated once or twice diet/calorie counting, its been great as well.

Once again, my focus is on making the ACTION i am taking CONSISTANT. Its required to write about maintaining my diet and exercise everyday at the moment. But when it becomes an essential part of my lifestyle, then i can come on here every week or day and report, and it will simply be a given that i had been to the gym and maintained my disciplined diet.

+Bootcamp week THREE and FOUR. Cold appraoch girls, talk and number close. Kill that desperation i have when talking/trying to talk to women.

Focus is on being the most confident, fearless and social person i can be/am.

I really need to get the basics right first regarding the girls. At the moment i am not even maintaining eye contact, or simply greeting them.

+Get used to the idea of changing pictures and movies in my mind to ones that help me be more resourceful rather than in fear. Become a more posotive, resourceful person. Work on my voice- its to high-pitched and submissive!

Focus is on ME. What i want and think.

This book i am reading is absolutely immense, and i am only on chapter 2! It taught me today that pain and fear are as a result of my ego i.e. too much thinking. Ego is a mind made persona i think up and maintain based on a percieved past and future. Fear raises because my ego percieves a a future where i will fail, or be in danger etc. Instead i must be conscious and fully present in the NOW in order to stop thinking, and simply act. This will eliminate my fear. My ego.

+Keep saving up. Clearly set out my ambitions and things i want to do in my life time. How i want to invest my time and money. Start looking into how i will fund my law course, possible firms etc. Start learning Spanish. Settle on what tattoo i want to get.

There was a time when i looked into shop windows, especially family run-businesses, and it made me angry. Fathers, mothers, sons daughters, having put in so much of their effort, time and money into their new business, their empty shops, and just sitting their watching their day past by without a single customer walk in. Such talent and human life wasted. I wished i could lend them a hand. Give them a place to succeeed in this world. Fight the big businesses dominating local communities and depriving local businesses of money and support. It saddened me.

Today i realised many people deserve to be exactly where they are. Again, if most people cannot help themselves learn and grow, then how can i? The solution is to look in yourself. And i simply cannot save everybody, especially if they can't fend for themselves.

No wonder the people at the top pretty much look down on others. Those people can't do nothing for self. They are still dreaming. They want to know HOW to get rich, rather than start their own plan, or look into themselves.

Onwards and upwards people.

 

[Violent V]

+ Get down to 13 stone. 5 morning RUNS a day, followed by more RUNNING and WEIGHTS in the evening.

Focus is one Healthy living and eating.

Isn't it great to be single? I am really investing my free time in becoming the man of my dreams rather than watching some stupid movie with a girl in her room or w/e.

Wow, I have resisted a lot of setbacks, urges and temptations today. I stuck to fruit this morning despite the cravings of the bakery. Limited myself to the tuna sandwich + vegs lunch despite a fantastic selection from the canteen, and this evening stuck to salad on the way home, and i am currently eating my chicken and veg.

I had to fight a lack of motivation to get myself to the gym tonight, but once i got in there was no looking back. I trained with a new friend who i'm getting along with very well, and must have burned a good deal of calories.

Tomorrow was set to be my day off, but i am pushing myself with my new mate and signed up for spinning classes. Saturday will be my day off.

Next week- my last week of the month, i will really try and push my diet and training to another level. I will have lost half a stone by the end of the week, and want to reach my goal of 13 stone by Saturday next week.

Heres a good article i read and printed out today:

http://www.runnersworld.co.uk/news/article.asp?UAN=3798

+Bootcamp week THREE and FOUR. Cold appraoch girls, talk and number close. Kill that desperation i have when talking/trying to talk to women.

Focus is on being the most confident, fearless and social person i can be/am.

I talked to a lot of new people in the gym today, and the way to the gym on the bus. I feel great, and more and more comfeotable, open and confident every day.

Its not as good with the girls yet though. You know when your looking good when you notice practically every girl glancing at you, or quickly looking away when you look at them. But i struggled to even hold eye contact most of the time, or looked away like i wasn't interested.

My focus on this area is not as good as it should be, because so much of my energy and thoughts are with healthy eating and living, and trying to appreciate the moment i am in. I am sure i will pick it up again soon, starting tomorrow.

+Get used to the idea of changing pictures and movies in my mind to ones that help me be more resourceful rather than in fear. Become a more posotive, resourceful person. Work on my voice- its to high-pitched and submissive!

Focus is on ME. What i want and think.

My whole goal on this part of my life will change come next month. It is no longer about changing HOW i think, but to cut thinking as a habit COMPLETELY.

I must learn to appreciate the very moment i am in, the NOW, rather than keep thinking of the future or the past, or what he or she thinks, or what i should do or have done etc. The three second rule needs to be applied to my life completely. This is the true road to enlightenment, to being that naturally carefree, joyful and fearless person. By not thinking, by not reacting, but ACTING instinctively.

I will quote a very hard hitting paragraph from POWER OF NOW if you have not read it yet:

"As long as the egoic mind is running your life, you cannot truly be at ease: you cannot be at peace or fulfilled except for breif intervals when you obtained what you wanted, when a craving has just been fulfilled. Since the ego is a derived sense of self, it needs to identify with external things. It needs to be both defended and fed constantly. The most common ego identifications have to do with possessions, the work you do, social status and recognition, knowledge and education, physical appearance, special abilities, relationships, personal and family history, belief systems and often also political, nationalistic, religious and other collective identifications.

None of these is actually you."

+Keep saving up. Clearly set out my ambitions and things i want to do in my life time. How i want to invest my time and money. Start looking into how i will fund my law course, possible firms etc. Start learning Spanish. Settle on what tattoo i want to get.

Me and my work mate agreed to do parachuting together sometime in the summer. Thats one of the top 5 things i've always wanted to do in life.

I spoke today with an older work colleague today who was once a travaller in the same respect i wish to be. He said at my age I should be working my way around the world.

I told him to understand my struggle: leave this secure job and environment, and its prospects and potential of working my way up the company ladder and earning a very high salary for my passion and inner callling to work my way around the world. As most likely a poor english teacher, or barman, but see the world and in a year or two have more memeories and experience than the average man would have gained in his whole lifetime. What would he do?

And then my bus stop came.

 

[Violent V]

DonS your words and advice as always hit the spot.

It is absolutely true, I am simply not making the effort, pushing myself with regards to the ladies at the moment. I am adding unneccessary pressure on my self by believeing every girl is the opportunity for a pick up, so i end up cowarding out of eye contact and conversating in an attempt to not look desperate, when it must actually be the impression i am giving away.

I told myself i am taking baby steps for now. I shouldn't be focusing on whether they are checking me out or not, but by simply having fun and improving my conversating skills and experience.

'You should be able to do 20 short approaches in one week very easily.

Hold eye contact and smile. They smile back; you introduce youself; chit chat and move on. Come on now; you've got to force yourself to do this. This is fun! It is a blast to meet and share energy with really cool people. And just remember that if a girl acts cold or *****y after smiling at you, it has nothing to do with you, it is her displaying her ugly, insecure ego. Feel sorry for her and move on.'

I've wrote this down on my POD and will read it tomorrow morning alongside my goals just to remind myself.

Thanks again. Take care bro.

 

[Violent V]

Final week

Last week before the end of January. One final push to really be further than where i was almost two months ago.

+ Get down to 13 stone. 5 morning RUNS a day, followed by more RUNNING and WEIGHTS in the evening.

Focus is one Healthy living and eating.

Saturday was my day off. But it extended into Sunday as well... Very inactive and unhealthy weekend.

I checked the gym scales on Friday and was down to 13.5 stones, but checked the scales at home and im atill stuck on 14? NOt sure which one is faulty one...

My countdown to 31st January begins tomorrow. Its going to be one big final push to the next level. Cheating will be cut completely and i am looking for a fully effective workout sessions in the gym.

I think Wednesday will be my day off as i won't be going gym because i am going Chelsea game after work. Unless i decide to party at the weekend.


+Bootcamp week THREE and FOUR. Cold appraoch girls, talk and number close. Kill that desperation i have when talking/trying to talk to women.

Focus is on being the most confident, fearless and social person i can be/am.

Got talking to this HB Saturday night. She told me how she likes her man to take charge, and believes in gender roles. Some how it got onto her career and how she is studying for law. I told her shes in it for the money and nobody as a kid passionately wanted to be a lawyer, and that she won't be able to hold it down at home with such a demanding, long hours job? She said some shlt like 'yes it is my passion, i like to be intellectually stimulated' and 'yes i can be a lawyer, work the long hours and hold down the home and family.'

I was pssed, and as a result not feeling desperate or thinking too much. When i am pssed, i no longer have a big problem with girls. I am reckless, spontanious and perhaps fearless.

What this shows is that i am not really broken, and i don't need to be fixed. If there is a solution, then it is completely accessible inside of me? If i can behave and feel this way i want to when pssed, then surely i can do it completely? Surey i can be more reckless and fearless today?

Perhaps the fact that i make it such a big problem in my mind makes it a self-fullfilling prophecy in reality? What if there was no problem? What if my self image was that of a fearless, carefree person? The battle appears to be with myself rather than with the women.

+Get used to the idea of changing pictures and movies in my mind to ones that help me be more resourceful rather than in fear. Become a more posotive, resourceful person. Work on my voice- its to high-pitched and submissive!

Focus is on ME. What i want and think.

+Keep saving up. Clearly set out my ambitions and things i want to do in my life time. How i want to invest my time and money. Start looking into how i will fund my law course, possible firms etc. Start learning Spanish. Settle on what tattoo i want to get.

3 holidays for this year are really starting to become firm reality. Two weekend breaks to two east european countries, and last night i signed up for a two week holiday with some mates to Thailand; all sometime this year. There was a sugestion by another friend for a holiday to Egypt this time next year, and if it isn't taken acted upon by him, i will work on it to make it a reality.

I thought today of what Pook was saying regarding skills. It was something like people think that life gets harder as we got older. But it should be that life gets easier as we get older. Smart men invest their time and money earning the skills now, and get to relax and have have fun later.

Perhaps i need to be a little bit more realistic? Packing up now and travelling the world for a few years would require a lot of my time and money being SPENT. Then i get bored and come back here an old man, no skills or qualifications for a good job, and most likely some hungry children to feed.

Perhaps i should bide my time, work and earn/invest some money now, study and good subject and gain the right qualifications for the time being, and then when i can afford to, pack up and travel the world an educated man with financial security.

I have a rough plan in my head for the the next five years. Study law part time for four years while working and progressing for my company, then taking unpaid leave for a year travelling, and come back ready to start my new job as a lawyer for a firm. Its only a guide, but it sounds realistic.

 

[Violent V]

"If you're studying how to be an alpha, you're blind being led by the blind.

If you've ever changed anything about yourself to 'become more alpha', you're blind being led by the blind.

If you walk into a room and are actively thinking about anything related to 'alpha', you're blind being led by the blind.

If you're reading this post and coming up with a bunch of mental retorts on why I'm wrong and how ANYONE can become alpha by believing it and blah blah blah, you're blind being led by the blind.


If you know you've changed and become a better man for all the years of a$$ kicking you've recieved in the school of REAL LIFE LESSONS...you just may be an alpha.

If you litterally cherish every moment of pain, hardship, failure, rejection, hurt, broken heartedness and loss....you just may be an alpha.

If you can truly say that you'd have no problem being publicly humble, gracious, polite and respectful towards other men while beautiful women watched...there's a very good chance you're alpha. If, however, you ever stand around other men feeling like you constantly have to prove your dominance, then you are definately NOT alpha and there's a very, very good chance you never will be.


Those who ARE alpha will understand the truth of what I'm writing. THose who aren't will argue - probably because they have something to prove to themselves."

...

 

[Violent V]

End of December & January Part 1

I have grown as a person enormously these last two months, and thus will need two parts/nights in order to get down what i have learned and what direction i will going from this month onwards. This is part 1.

+Target weight of 10 stone. Currently 14 stone. Less fat, more muscle.

-How? Exercise: Morning runs/cardio before Work 5 times a week. Evenings consist of Weights, football, weights, salsa, weights, martial arts.
Diet: Decide a set amount of calories to eat everyday for the week depending on where my calroie maintanence level is. My current target is not to go over 2500 cals a day. All my food will now be coming from a good source, i.e. protein: raw meat, fat: nuts, fish oil, carbs: brown carbs and vegs.

+The women/becoming a social butterfly/Alpha. Target is to eventually become as good with women/strangers as some of the great people who have been contributing to this thread. Currently, i have not really ever dated a women before. Eventually, i will be making friends with people i have just like they were long lost brothers, and sleeping with strange beautiful women on the day i meet them like some of you folks!

-How? Firstly to become comfertable enough around strangers and women to simply have fun rather than sweating so much over what i say and how i come across. As you can see, it ultimately all comes down to me. I will give bootcamp another shot, starting tonight.

+Key to the goal above i.e. outer game, is my inner game. Target: Be at peace in myself and become positive and assertive unconciously. Become more confident in myself, increase my self esteem and self worth.

-How? A lot of this will come down to how much i am achieving my goals and growing in life. But the other half is down to how i think and how my mind processes and works. This half requires 'brain training/exercise': changing my self image, instinctively becoming positive and more at peace by not thinking so damn much! Its training i will be doing every morning and afternoon.

+To move out, get a place of my own, set out a plan for my career and what my dreams and goals are. ake responsibility for my life and its direction.

-How? First to save up enough to move out and live on my own. My current job brings in the money, and there are great opportunities to move up, but its not somewhere i want to be in three years time. I'd like to start working in the city in a couple of years, and am considering law, and eventually coming back to my area and giving back to the community that raised me.

I will assess my progress at the end of each month, and set new targets for the following month.

Here is a conclusion of the progress i made this month towards these aims. Let me address the goal first, followed by other notes:

+ Get down to 13 stone. 5 morning RUNS a day, followed by more RUNNING and WEIGHTS in the evening.

I am now under 14 stone. I touched 13.5 at one point, but could not maintain the diet consistency, and thus gym desire i had showed to get me up to the point in the final week.

So what have i learned from this? That CONSISTENCY is the key word behind this goal now. And its not really regarding gym work, or actually getting there anymore. Its my diet.

I have been to the gym more times this month than at any point in my life. But I must start fine tuning my diet, and being more consistent and disciplined. I have learnt that if i look after my diet, the gym will look after itself.

This months goal is:

Hit 13 stone. Disciplined and strict on the diet. Get myself in the gym 5 mornings a week now that i have a car. And 6 evenings of either gym or football a week.

+Bootcamp week THREE and FOUR. Cold appraoch girls, talk and number close. Kill that desperation i have when talking/trying to talk to women.

No progress whatsoever regarding cold approaching, number closing etc. But this is because i have waged a new war. Here me out:

I understand now this goal is so much more than about approaching women, number closing etc, talking to strangers, making new friends.

My focus is all wrong, and has been since i started this journal. Approaching women fearlessly, talking to others without a hint of anxiety are simply small parts of the wider results, of the bigger picture. I am focusing on one or two parts of the painting and trying to perfect it.

What of the other parts? Perhaps i will be a with women in a few months time. But i will be a sheep in a wolf's clothing. Then what about the anxiety i will face when i meet a celebrity? A meathead? Shall i take another year focusing on getting over anxiety with them?

The aim of this goal was always really about becoming my authentic, confident self. That inner child, self. Carefree, decisive, fearless, present, social, fun by nature. (The funny thing is every post, i would suggest some of these these traits might aid me in approaching/number closing women!)

The more spiritual rewards are more DOING, more action, more humour, more positivity, more decisive, less stressing, and becoming in awe and amazement of life and everything around you.

Approaching women, behaving more charasmatic and confident, and talking to strangers anxious-free are the most physical and obvious parts of finding my authentic self. I did for so long (and i am sure the majority if people in the world and on this website would and do) consider it the most rewarding as we are living in a consumerist, materialistic world.

For months i have focused on these rewards as if they are the holy grail. As if by becoming good at these two, then everything else will fall into place. I have tried to follow a boot camp. I have set goals and targets.

Having money will not make you happy. Having those new jeans will not make you complete. Being able to approach and number close girls will not make me the great social, confident Violent V.

I said at the start i want to become who i am when i am pissed. I never realised that it is who i really, actually am as a person, deep down behind all the insecurities, the ego, the flawed mind made image i have created and associated myself with because of too much thinking. It is so clear now. When i am pssed, there is no thinking. Just action. Just doing. The mind-made insecurities come down. The mind-made 'problems' vanish. There is no mind-made ego, no Violent V based on whatever image my mind has created for me. No relation to the painful past, no anxiety, no problems. No salvation in the future. It is all about NOW, the present moment.

Problems approaching women in the past is simply a perception. It is not a reality. Being concerned with the consequences of approaching her right now has created a fear of the percieved future. The problem is not the fear. It is being concerned in the first place.

This is a battle against my mind, my thinking. The sort of things i envision being able to do, the person I am aspiring to be in the overall goal is already inside of me. It shows itself on drunk nights out. I can hear its whispering voice during the day, when my mind is clogged up with unneccessary thinking and a fictious ego.

As i have come to understand as the month has gone on, it is no longer about how many number closes i can make, how many people i can talk to, or how tough and resistant i can become against my fears. It not even about about 'trying' to become fearless, social and confident.

It is simply about being the authentic me. Focusing on what i want, what i need, what i feel. It is about the NOW. Learning to give in to the present moment without endless thinking and reacting. Now is in the only moment i have control of. I must grasp it. Then i WILL BE the man of my dreams, fearless, social, fun, carefree, and perhaps even an alpha, a leader, instead of 'trying' to be.

 

[Violent V]

Part 2

i haven't been here or on the computer in ages. That is a good thing?

+Get used to the idea of changing pictures and movies in my mind to ones that help me be more resourceful rather than in fear. Become a more posotive, resourceful person. Work on my voice- its to high-pitched and submissive!

Inner game is the key, most important goal of all four ones i listed originally. Much of what i wrote in the goal two above could be repeated here. It is no longer about changing how i think, how i face the emotion called fear, how i convert negativity into positivity.

The key to being joyful, at peace and feeling ALIVE is to be present in the very moment i am in; not to have one mind in the percieved past and one in the percieved future. If i can master this everything else will fall into place.

Fear comes about from too much thinking. When one is about to jump out of the plane to parachute, the one who thinks about it at that moment become gripped in fear. The others just dive out. Similarly with approaching, the three second rule addressess the problem of 'thinking'. Experience plays a key part in becoming more present ni the face of that fear i.e. gradually more fearless and less uncomfortable. The willingness to crash and burn.

But it does not address the core problem: THINKING a.k.a. not being present in the very moment you are in. This is the difference between real alpha's and potential ones. Adapibility. The willingness to explore the unknown at that very moment. Being present, joyful, reckless and fearless at all times in all situations.

At the moment i am occasionally being present and by default falling back into the thinking and analysing everything, calculating and planning my next sentance, move, reaction, body language, all blueprinted on what image, problems and solutions my mind has created about 'me'.

+Keep saving up. Clearly set out my ambitions and things i want to do in my life time. How i want to invest my time and money. Start looking into how i will fund my law course, possible firms etc. Start learning Spanish. Settle on what tattoo i want to get.

I have made a rough plan of what i want to achieve in the next year or two, and what i want to be doing.

To consider packing it all up and go back pack travelling and working around the world is something which i feel will regret big time. I am working for a very good company, in a very good team, and have the potential for a very secure future. And considering the current climate, i would be crazy to walk away from it all?

But i also feel a great regret not travelling while i am still young and free of burdens such as kids, wifes and girlfriends, mortgages etc.

I have not really touched my guitar, spanish learning books and cds, and gone to salsa lessons at all this last two months. MOstly due to laziness, so thats something i need to pick up on this month.

 

[Violent V]

Start of Feb to March

From now Until March 17th:

Hit 13 stone. FOCUS ON HEALHY LIVING AND EATING. Calorie counting: Disciplined and strict on the diet. Cardio 6 days a week. CONSISTENCY.

Contine to practice being in the present moment. The NOW. Focus is on ME. WHAT I WANT, FEEL, BELIEVE. More Concious, Free, More alive, natural, More Reckless, playful, More ME. Greet everyone in my proximity.

Continue saving up. Start working on achieving the goals and targets i have set to accomplish. Actually start learning Spanish, Guitar, and Salsa.

I say March 17th becuase i am going on holiday to NY on that day for a week!

Sweet!

 

[rushing dude 123]

Dude nice work, good to c ur inner game is very strong now. Something i admire about u, u don't only focus on the game u focus on other parts of ur life, seems to b getting succesful has well, May wanna take up those salsa lessons this month though , make a plan tonight how, u won't regret it lol. But yeh i personally don't like drinking alcohol, but who u really r is when ur pissed to and extent, i feel people should need to stuff there selfs with 10 pints of stella to become this, it should b natural. if u can do it without licquor courage, then i feel that makes u obviouslly the better man, seeing u got the advantage of being, but to a certain extent rational to, in which u won't harm urself.

I got similar goal for weight thing though, i am about same weight has u now, but hoping to change it in muscle. Also don't push urself to hard with it though, have nice healthy eating workout recover, workout recover. Don't want ya to b ripped to shreds.

Later dude.

 

[Violent V]

hey dude

I'll be checking on your progress. If your same weight as me it gives us a good competition to see how far we can get in the same time period! I will be checking your progress with interest and encouragement.

The point you made about making it natural is spot on. I want to be like that without having to get pssed. Just letting go, stop caring, planning, thinking and JUST DO IT. Stop considering what time it maybe, what others could think, or what the 'consequences' of my action maybe.

My 9-5 office job is part of the problem, and i know i can't go on for longer than a year doing the same thing every day. Just as long as i have enough to feed myself and help me get by is fine by me- then money is not an issue.

Hit 13 stone. FOCUS ON HEALTHY LIVING AND EATING. Calorie counting: Disciplined and strict on the diet. Cardio 6 days a week. CONSISTENCY.

This next three weeks will be important for me. I am really aiming for some consistency regarding gym work and healthy eating.

Continue to practice being in the present moment. The NOW. Focus is on ME. WHAT I WANT, FEEL, BELIEVE. More Conscious, Free, More alive, natural, More Reckless, playful, More ME. Greet everyone in my proximity.

When i don't approach a girl i don't get upset because i didn't get to tag that ass. Its cos i rejected myself. I could not go after what i wanted, what i liked. Someone else's possible opinion was more important than mine. I did not act.

Just scanning through the board here and seeing questions/titles like 'should i chew gum'? 'What haircut'? 'Here are my rules of the game' I sometimes think i am on the wrong board.

People here are only interested in getting laid, and are making it some sort of a puzzle at that. The truth is there really aren't any rules. My brother is getting laid left right and center at the moment and he has never even looked at seduction stuff.

First you must become the perfect man, and then think about the perfect woman, perfect kids, perfect life or whatever. By focusing on becoming the best person you can be, almost everything else WILL fall into place, no question.

Continue saving up. Start working on achieving the goals and targets i have set to accomplish. Actually start learning Spanish, Guitar, and Salsa.

 

[Violent V]

hey dude

I'll be checking on your progress. If your same weight as me it gives us a good competition to see how far we can get in the same time period! I will be checking your progress with interest and encouragement.

The point you made about making it natural is spot on. I want to be like that without having to get pssed. Just letting go, stop caring, planning, thinking and JUST DO IT. Stop considering what time it maybe, what others could think, or what the 'consequences' of my action maybe.

My 9-5 office job is part of the problem, and i know i can't go on for longer than a year doing the same thing every day. Just as long as i have enough to feed myself and help me get by is fine by me- then money is not an issue.

Hit 13 stone. FOCUS ON HEALTHY LIVING AND EATING. Calorie counting: Disciplined and strict on the diet. Cardio 6 days a week. CONSISTENCY.

This next three weeks will be important for me. I am really aiming for some consistency regarding gym work and healthy eating.

Continue to practice being in the present moment. The NOW. Focus is on ME. WHAT I WANT, FEEL, BELIEVE. More Conscious, Free, More alive, natural, More Reckless, playful, More ME. Greet everyone in my proximity.

When i don't approach a girl i don't get upset because i didn't get to tag that ass. Its cos i rejected myself. I could not go after what i wanted, what i liked. Someone else's possible opinion was more important than mine. I did not act.

Just scanning through the board here and seeing questions/titles like 'should i chew gum'? 'What haircut'? 'Here are my rules of the game' I sometimes think i am on the wrong board.

People here are only interested in getting laid, and are making it some sort of a puzzle at that. The truth is there really aren't any rules. My brother is getting laid left right and center at the moment and he has never even looked at seduction stuff.

First you must become the perfect man, and then think about the perfect woman, perfect kids, perfect life or whatever. By focusing on becoming the best person you can be, almost everything else WILL fall into place, no question.

Continue saving up. Start working on achieving the goals and targets i have set to accomplish. Actually start learning Spanish, Guitar, and Salsa.

 

[Violent V]

Hit 13 stone. FOCUS ON HEALTHY LIVING AND EATING. Calorie counting: Disciplined and strict on the diet. Cardio 6 days a week. CONSISTENCY.

Great few days in terms of diet and gym. Very disciplined diet apart from the odd chocolate piece and one bagel tonight. My muscles are aching, and i am burning those calories in the gym!

I have set myself a goal of gym every night for the next 2 weeks. Saturday coming up will be my day off. I go on holiday in 2 weeks time, so i am getting myself in there as much as possible now.

Continue to practice being in the present moment. The NOW. Focus is on ME. WHAT I WANT, FEEL, BELIEVE. More Conscious, Free, More alive, natural, More Reckless, playful, More ME. Greet everyone in my proximity.

I have a long way to go before i naturally stop caring about what others may think or react about me, especially when it comes to work mates. But i am making progress. My main problem is i am picking who i am going to be free, playful and natural around, and its usually people i can look down on. NIce guys, fat girls, old people.

One technique is to start believing in your own mind that you are better than everyone else. That you are on another level.

Either way, regardless of person, time or situation, the aim is to be the natural me always. My attention into the present moment is divided and in bursts. But i'll keep at it until it become default.

Continue saving up. Start working on achieving the goals and targets i have set to accomplish. Actually start learning Spanish, Guitar, and Salsa.

My colleague, 26 now, told me he imagined a few years earlier he would be in his dream job, with a fiancee, a mortgage on a house, and settled. Instead, he is in as much a dilemma as i am.

I need to make decisions pretty soon about what direction i am going in the next few years. Before me lies many options regarding how i use my time and the money i will have saved up, and i don't want to live in regret:

Accomodation:
-Stay at home, saving up even more money.
or
-Move out, get myself a dog and become independent and self-reliant, but at the expense of a half my wage going towards rent. This option could rule out a lot of the options below.

Current employer:
-Stay with the current company i am with and progress upwards internally. If i do, then it would have to be in European branch, with the opportunity to work for the company abroad.

Other career option:
-Start a four year law course, blowing my saving on £14,000 fees. Of course at the end of it all you come out with a very well paid job as a lawyer, respectable and secure.
or
-Start my own business, where the real money is to be made!
or
-Pack it all up, and go travelling around the world for a good few years. Maybe as an english teacher? Paris, Spain, Italy, Tokyo, Beijing are all calling!

Career break:
My heart is pretty much set on taking a 9 month career break in a 1 year and half's time to go travelling. Thats the plan.
Travelling options include:
all of USA,
one of Spain, France, China, Japan, or Italy learning the language,
or all of Europe.

Decisions, decision, decisions!

 

[The Bat]

Hit 13 stone. FOCUS ON HEALTHY LIVING AND EATING. Calorie counting: Disciplined and strict on the diet. Cardio 6 days a week. CONSISTENCY.

Great few days in terms of diet and gym. Very disciplined diet apart from the odd chocolate piece and one bagel tonight. My muscles are aching, and i am burning those calories in the gym!

I have set myself a goal of gym every night for the next 2 weeks. Saturday coming up will be my day off. I go on holiday in 2 weeks time, so i am getting myself in there as much as possible now.

Good.

Remember that you can still workout if you are on vacation.

How? By running, sprinting, push ups, sit ups, doing pull ups on tree branches, and whatever else that your creative mind comes up with.

Continue to practice being in the present moment. The NOW. Focus is on ME. WHAT I WANT, FEEL, BELIEVE. More Conscious, Free, More alive, natural, More Reckless, playful, More ME. Greet everyone in my proximity.

I have a long way to go before i naturally stop caring about what others may think or react about me, especially when it comes to work mates. But i am making progress. My main problem is i am picking who i am going to be free, playful and natural around, and its usually people i can look down on. NIce guys, fat girls, old people.

One technique is to start believing in your own mind that you are better than everyone else. That you are on another level.

Either way, regardless of person, time or situation, the aim is to be the natural me always. My attention into the present moment is divided and in bursts. But i'll keep at it until it become default.

I do have to warn you here. Thinking that you are "superior" to everyone else will accomplish the opposite of what you are trying to do here.

The only person you need to compare to is your past self. Are you better today than who you were yesterday?

Continue saving up. Start working on achieving the goals and targets i have set to accomplish. Actually start learning Spanish, Guitar, and Salsa.

My colleague, 26 now, told me he imagined a few years earlier he would be in his dream job, with a fiancee, a mortgage on a house, and settled. Instead, he is in as much a dilemma as i am.

I need to make decisions pretty soon about what direction i am going in the next few years. Before me lies many options regarding how i use my time and the money i will have saved up, and i don't want to live in regret:

Accomodation:
-Stay at home, saving up even more money.
or
-Move out, get myself a dog and become independent and self-reliant, but at the expense of a half my wage going towards rent. This option could rule out a lot of the options below.

Current employer:
-Stay with the current company i am with and progress upwards internally. If i do, then it would have to be in European branch, with the opportunity to work for the company abroad.

Other career option:
-Start a four year law course, blowing my saving on £14,000 fees. Of course at the end of it all you come out with a very well paid job as a lawyer, respectable and secure.
or
-Start my own business, where the real money is to be made!
or
-Pack it all up, and go travelling around the world for a good few years. Maybe as an english teacher? Paris, Spain, Italy, Tokyo, Beijing are all calling!

Career break:
My heart is pretty much set on taking a 9 month career break in a 1 year and half's time to go travelling. Thats the plan.
Travelling options include:
all of USA,
one of Spain, France, China, Japan, or Italy learning the language,
or all of Europe.

Decisions, decision, decisions!

Nice to see that you can think about your options objectively and weight the pros and cons. Another sign of progress.

But keep in mind that, as a Man, when you make a decision, you must be ready to face the music should your decision turn sour or things go the way you didn't intended them to.

Good work, man. Keep us updated.

 

[Violent V]

Hey Bat, thanks for the advice, really really appreciate the feedback. I will respnd to your feedback below

Hit 13 stone. FOCUS ON HEALTHY LIVING AND EATING. Calorie counting: Disciplined and strict on the diet. Cardio 6 days a week. CONSISTENCY

I plan on do a couple of early morning jogging around Central Park and the blocks while i am there. I do think i will be letting go really for the week regarding calorie counting and enjoy myself though.

Another good workout today. No weights, but a good deal of cardio. Regarding eating, i had 5 oranges for breakfast, a tuna brown bread sandwich for lunch, and small portion of chicken, potatoes and veg for dinner. In between i had one chocolate brownie, and one bagel- which i could afford as i am no where near breaking my calorie limit.

Continue to practice being in the present moment. The NOW. Focus is on ME. WHAT I WANT, FEEL, BELIEVE. More Conscious, Free, More alive, natural, More Reckless, playful, More ME. Greet everyone in my proximity.

-Thinking about being superior- Its a technique I've have noticed that many others use to stop caring what others will think of them. But not me. My idea of opening up and being naturally me around EVERYONE is based on a love of life- the good, the bad, the miracle around us. A fascination in everyone, their stories, their backgrounds, their experiences. No more thinking. Just intense presence in this very moment I am in.

Around impressionable people- such as HBs, meatheads and confident guys- i tend to go in a shell because their opinions of me becomes of value in my mind. They are on the pedestal, they seem to live on a higher level. Basically i am thinking too much and living off my ego. And i think this is the root of the problem. My fear of approaching HBs was only part of the problem- this is why i have dvierted my attention.

Around fat girls, ugly ones, nice guys, afcs, just guys in general, i perhaps see myself as better than them- no pedestal, no threat to my ego, and as a result do not care of their opinion. This in turn allows my personality and natural me to shine through. In many ways these people end up looking upto me instead because of this.

Doing sets approaching women gets rid fear fast as that person gets used to approaching, and begins thinking less and less about percieved consequences of an approach. This means the death of the ego in this area, but not completely out of the mind in other areas.

By cutting out the thinking completely, i kill the ego that lives off the 'painful' past and salvation in the future. I become free of my mind. I become natural, at ease, intensely present, positive, energetic again, loving. I become the real, authentic me and act acording to my wants and desires- regardless of others opinions or the consequences of my actions. I eat when i am hungry. I stop when i am full. I sleep when i am sleepy, not at a certain time. I approach when i like. I get bored easily. I get distracted easily. I get excited easily. I just do things.

It shines through when i get pssed. It reminds me of the state a kid is in- time is simply irrelevant, boredom is hell.

Continue saving up. Start working on achieving the goals and targets i have set to accomplish. Actually start learning Spanish, Guitar, and Salsa.

Bat, another great point. Before i make the decision, i must weigh up the options. But whatever decision i make, i stand by it- no regrets, just hindsight. Other possible roads must not matter by then, because i will be wakling along this path already- with no turning back!

Peace

 

[The Bat]

-Thinking about being superior- Its a technique I've have noticed that many others use to stop caring what others will think of them. But not me. My idea of opening up and being naturally me around EVERYONE is based on a love of life- the good, the bad, the miracle around us. A fascination in everyone, their stories, their backgrounds, their experiences. No more thinking. Just intense presence in this very moment I am in.

Around impressionable people- such as HBs, meatheads and confident guys- i tend to go in a shell because their opinions of me becomes of value in my mind. They are on the pedestal, they seem to live on a higher level. Basically i am thinking too much and living off my ego. And i think this is the root of the problem. My fear of approaching HBs was only part of the problem- this is why i have dvierted my attention.

Around fat girls, ugly ones, nice guys, afcs, just guys in general, i perhaps see myself as better than them- no pedestal, no threat to my ego, and as a result do not care of their opinion. This in turn allows my personality and natural me to shine through. In many ways these people end up looking upto me instead because of this.

Doing sets approaching women gets rid fear fast as that person gets used to approaching, and begins thinking less and less about percieved consequences of an approach. This means the death of the ego in this area, but not completely out of the mind in other areas.

By cutting out the thinking completely, i kill the ego that lives off the 'painful' past and salvation in the future. I become free of my mind. I become natural, at ease, intensely present, positive, energetic again, loving. I become the real, authentic me and act acording to my wants and desires- regardless of others opinions or the consequences of my actions. I eat when i am hungry. I stop when i am full. I sleep when i am sleepy, not at a certain time. I approach when i like. I get bored easily. I get distracted easily. I get excited easily. I just do things.

It shines through when i get pssed. It reminds me of the state a kid is in- time is simply irrelevant, boredom is hell.

Perfect.

Now that I think about it, I went through this type of phase a lot too. Majority of us suffered from low self-esteem and low self-worth. One of the ways to break through this and realize our own potential and value is to go to another extreme and start thinking we are better than everyone. In time, we will calibrate ourselves and find a nice medium where the self-esteem and the ego is at a healthy state.

It's kinda like nice guy vs. jerk dilemma. Nice guys get so tired of their chumpish ways that they go to another extreme and start acting like jerks. In time, they connect their jerkish ways with nice guy ways and find a sweet spot that we call here a "DJ".

Central Park? Are you in NYC?

 

[Violent V]

Great day!

Hit 13 stone. FOCUS ON HEALTHY LIVING AND EATING. Calorie counting: Disciplined and strict on the diet. Cardio 6 days a week. CONSISTENCY

Yesterday not so good. The diet was fine, but i couldn't drag myself to the gym.

Today however was the best day i think since i started here i think. No snacking, no cheats. Nothing. 5 apples in the morning. One sandwich lunch. 2l water, and 1.5 litres of green tea(!), and chicken and veg evening.

To top it off, i had the most intense training session i can remember in a long while. By the time we finished our game (soccer/football), my shirt was dripping wet. And it was pretty cold outside!

If i can keep up this up, i'll be doing great this time in 2 weeks, time.

Bat, I asked throughout the day myself that question of 'Am I better today than who I was yesterday', and it worked like an absolute treat. I fely reinvigorated socially, and very disciplined in my diet/exercise. Its amazing how the right questions refocus your attention. This one made me think about achieving today, not tomorrow or sometime in the future.

Yeah i'll be in NYC. Early early early morning jogs around Central Park or my local blocks in Midtown Center! Actually looking forward to seeing the city calm for once atd dawn!

Continue to practice being in the present moment. The NOW. Focus is on ME. WHAT I WANT, FEEL, BELIEVE. More Conscious, Free, More alive, natural, More Reckless, playful, More ME. Greet everyone in my proximity.

Before i turned 18 i was a bit of a nice guy afc, although not extremely. The insecurities. It felt horrible. After 18, i decided to be a bit of a jerk, but again not that extreme. It felt good- it was successful with girls, but i also felt fake and unnatural. It was not who i really was. 'Do this when i she does that'. 'Say this when she says that.' I got tired of keeping it up. The fake confidence. The calculated reactions. The planned actions. I began to let go of it.

A few years later and here i am. Much wiser having been through both extremes. Being submissive is bad. But also being aggressive is just as wrong. Why can't i just be myself?

Social conditioning means this is no overnight thing. Like many people, i am strongly identified by my self-image. Around a particular group of people, such as HBs, Jerks, Aggressive people, even my own Dad, my self image is of an submissive, unharmful and uncontraversial guy. Around another group, those with lower self esteems, i am completely unreserved. I think the key to just being ME, to just letting go, is to destroy the self image completely.

Self image > Ego > Thinking.

Continue saving up. Start working on achieving the goals and targets i have set to accomplish. Actually start learning Spanish, Guitar, and Salsa.

The idea of law is distant. I do not plan to spend the time i have left on this planed left sitting in an office on a computer or paperwork, for long hours every weekday, do regular weekend work, and then die with a whimper.

No. I was not born to work 9-7, watch tv, and die. I refuse to dedicate my life being a minor cog in another man's dream to get rich. My soul is stronger than that. My ambitions are bigger than that. I have my own dreams, my own castle to reach. If my desire is great, others will choose to become cogs for me instead.

My regrets on my deathbed looking back will not be, i wish i had that car, or i wish earned that much money.

It will be 'why did i not make the most of my time here? What did i do with my precious seconds?'

'Why did i not smile more? Why did i not love life more?'

'Why did i not explore the unkown? Confront those mind made fears?' 'Why did it hold me back?'

I already feel my life ticking away in my current office job. I cannot dothis for another 40 years.

I have to search deeper. Something that makes me excited to get up in the mornings and do. A passion. A love. A purpose.

PEACE

 

[Violent V]

Wow its been exactly a month since i last posted!

A LOT of stuffs happened since i here last. I went down to 13 stone, went back up again to 14.5, and then dropped a stone again in one week. The only way is down from here on baby!

I've been to New York City and back, and fell in love with it. Pretty much know Manhatten like the back of my hand now, and know i'll be living there in the future, hopefully working at the UN!

Also got to know a lot of girls while there. Got along with a few of them really well. I also pulled out of many approaches, which angered me even more because i knew i would never cross that girls in that foreign country again in my life, some of them bordering on HB10s.

Its pretty much set in stone as well that i will be moving out this month if possible. Have my own place, and be able to start doing my own things. I'm yet to decide whether to move in with a friend or on my own. Any advice anyone?

I am also aware how little i know and have explored home, London. This is something i really plan to do this year. I hope to move into a flat in central London as soon as i have better income, but for now, somewhere in west London will do.

I've also started keeping a diary of my days, and write in it 3 times a day: morning, lunch, evening. This helps keep me focused and disciplined

My goals for what will be a very successful month!:

Morning runs 3/4 times a week, followed by more cardio and weights in the evening. CONSISTENCY. Continue my calorie counting, and focus on healthy eating.

Real weight loss is a long term thing, but to not be moving down on the scales since the start of year is unacceptable. The problem is consistency and perseverance. I need to stick to my schedule in the face if little motivation, instead of resorting to 'i'll do it tomorrow/next week'. I've been saying that for the last 5 years. It is time to push on to the next level.

Continue to focus on me. Keep getting used to saying and doing what i want more. Prioritise my thoughts, feelings and opinions above all others: become more assertive.

My general problem has always been that i am an afc/nice guy deep down. I am too reserved, calculating, thinking, concerned what others might say or think, whether i will offend or upset anyone, and generally been a submissive person, particularly to those that are more arrogant, aggressive or just confident in themselves, be it HBs or just guys.

Making changes here would be life changing. I am going to get used to going for or taking what i want more. Stop calculating and start being reckless. Stop being reserved and start being carefree.

The focus must be on me. What i want, think, believe. How does my body feel within? Are my muscles tense? What about my mood? etc.

A lot of problems will be solved just by focusing on this: that fear approaching, the tone of my voice, even what i am doing with my life eg.g. career, or where i am living.

Invest my time. Act on goals. Improve my skills. Grow every day.

There are a lot of things i've always wanted to do or learn. It is time to start doing them rather than wishing to do them one day. I hope to be learning or investing my time into something every evening. I will always be busy, and have a life to live, rather than wasting time on the internet or infront of a tv.

Peace!

 

[Violent V]

God damn how long has it been? Over a month?

Sorry readers, but i am actually busy doing stuff now instead of being on the internet all the time! And i am only getting busier!I've grown incredibly since the last time i was here.

Gym and body: I am now going to the gym most mornings and evenings. My body is really starting to take shape! If anything, i could be a little more consistant, so thats what i am focusing on. But there is still a long wway to go.

I am also back in the football team, which is great considering i wasn't even getting reserve games this time last year.

Inner game: Still a long way to go, but definite improvement. I am much more confident now in my opinion. I am considering myself worthy, and this will only keep improving the more i continue to get what i want out of life. I have no problems now speaking my mind to other people i may or may not know very well. Making fun out of things. Loosening up and being more relaxed and carefree.

The great focus i am on now is to stop looking for women/other people's approval or attention indefinetely. Its still a bad, frequent habit of mine to seek the slightest hint of interest ANY woman might show for me. I walk past someone in the street and i find myself trying to catch them perhaps, maybe checking me out. Or i will try to influence their interest by *pretending* I am not interested and that they are not worthy of my attention; I will act as if they do not even exist as i walk past them. In truth i must come across desperate, needy, insecure and shallow.

In truth it is a reflection of my own self-esteem. That i am that concerned about the interest of some pedestrian i have never or ever will see again says alot about what my unconcious priorities are.

So slowly but surely i am working on getting that focus off other people's opinions and onto my own. What do i think. What is my opinion? It is a realization that nothing externally or physically will make me complete. That i am already complete. I am already the prize, the gift. My essence, my soul, my energy, I am in tune with life, and that makes me feel complete. At peace. Energetic and enthusiastic.

I should not need no ipod, iphone, a trophy partner, frequent sex, any jewellery, any designer clothes, some nice car, excessive amount of money, any particular lifestyle or profession, any particular hairstyle, any supposed alligance to a sports team or flag or nation or religion or political idea, no association with certain people, no particular attitude or belief to adopt, no favorite 'artist', even a name, to make me feel more secure, more complete, more alive, more worthy. I require no image, no persona, no 'self'.

I repeat and imagine the above to myself every day, and its benefits are incredible. I simply am who i am beyond name and class. I am in tune with my soul. When i speak to someone, i interact with them beyond words. I feel their presence, their energy, their soul, their being. I look at them in amazement at how incredible it is to be alive! It is amazing. I look at a tree and admire the reason it grows upwards. The notice the wide leaves, and the brances growing out upwards in order to reach for the sun. Its incredible! I look around me and everything i see has some sort of essence, some sort of life. Even this desk. This keyboard. Its purpose. Its shape. The logic behind how it is layed out.

This is actually how i feel now. Any thoughts of being a some high earning lawyer have been banished to the realm of forgotten. I plan on touring the far ends of the world teaching the English language on cheap pay in a couple of years time. But while i save up in London, i will be getting the most out of this incredible city, what it has to offer. The city and me are one for the time being.

I will be moving out in a couple of weeks hopefully. I plan on not wasting a single day of my life. Every moment is filled with joy, pleasure. In glory. It feels right. It is hard to explain how i am going bout or feeling in life at the moment. Every breath i take i am conscious of. Every time my chest expands with oxygen, i feel the energy it generates.

Oh and the women? I am flirting madly now with more girls than i can every remember. Every night equals me and some girl(s) touching, whispering, stroking, playing, dancing.

What i have noticed though, is that i am unable to take things any further. We do everything except the kiss, and leaving togther for her or my place. What can i do to push it on to the last step? How do you go in for the kiss, how do you close the sale?

Any advice would be much appreciated if you got this far! Will try and post again soon, maybe next time more structured!

 

[Violent V]

If there has been a lack of activity here, it is because there is a significant increase in activity in my real world.

But i hope to kick start this journal again and update regularly. Having just read through my first few posts here almost a year ago, i can truely measure how much of a changed man i have become. A gradual shift from insecurity, talk and negativity, towards focus, action and optimism.

I would beat myself up, rant in my post for endless paragraphs.

Today i am secure with or without a friend or 'comrade', i have some money in the bank, my own place, and most importantly for me, a lot more peace and confidence in myself.

I hope to keep strengthening these points for the remainder of 2009, but also target on some other points I have been lacking:

a) being more reckless. A lot less thinking, having more fun.
b) A much larger, varied social life.
c) A much greater effort and spent on my body and physique.

a) This has always always been a key idea since i started this journal in March 2008. To live fearless of consequences. To allow my authentic self shine through and dictate me.

It would certainly help in my interactions with other people- be it HB girls (i would act and talk naturally and unashamedly as a man, and make my intentions known straight away) or strangers/'friends' (give my opinion unreservedly without fear of offense).

But mainly because it feels so good. It is like a weight off your shoulders when you act, speak behave- not in complete disregard of other's opinions- but with a 100% complete focus on YOU.

b) While i have now got things to do during my spare time, i would like to vary it a lot more. It mainly just consists of football with the same group of people most evening at the same place.

I would like to make friends a lot easier and join them in what they can offer me on a certain evenings. I want to vary my evenings from just football, to some karate, salsa, guitar practice, and then onto anything or anywhere new.

Whatever people can offer me. Something new to do every few weeks. This would mean and help expand my social circle vastly. Making friends with someone, then making friends with their friends, and then their friends, and so on.

And not just activities and sport. I would like to go to different pubs, bars or house parties every weekend. Make friends with some new people there, and go along with them to another party, pub or bar the following weekend, and meet new people etc.

Or date new girls every weekend before moving on.

A social butterfly in the truest sense.

c)Whereas before i would kick myself because i couldn't shift down to 13 stone, now i judge my progress by how i look in the mirror only.

I am at the moment completely unsatisfied with what i am looking at, and have been for some time. If i can shed this excess weight, and start sculpting my muscles, it would increase my confidence 300%. I have just joined a brand new gym recently, one much more convenient, and have researched thoroughly on how to go about losing weight in the gym. I plan on working out x5 mornings a week, but will not be unhappy if i only touch x3.

What i also understand now is that my diet is only as good as i want it to be. I have a choice. I can either play victim to circumstances, or refuse swets, chocolates and junk food in general, and pick the option that would aid my gym workouts.

Lastly, i no longer ask myself where do i want to be in 5, 2 or 1 years time. I ask myself every morning and evening, where do i want to be tomorrow?

I will update regularly again. Heres to a successful 6 months. A successful weekend.

 

[The Bat]

God damn dude, your progress is truly inspiring. Your ability to introspect and look at things in such an upbeat, positive manner definitely sends good vibes to whoever has been following your progress.

Keep it up, my friend!