Valentine's Day: Am I the *******?

[Atom Smasher]

Men, here’s another guy who simply must learn the hard way. Nothing we say will change that. Let’s let it run its course. We need to shake the dust from our feet on this one. We tried.

 

[Barrister]

Men, here’s another guy who simply must learn the hard way. Nothing we say will change that. Let’s let it run its course. We need to shake the dust from our feet on this one. We tried.

A month later and posts upon posts of guys trying to help him. Instead of taking that advice he lashes out at other men who have no interest in the woman but do have an interest in helping him since he is part of this community and that is what we do here.

At this point, experience will be the harshest (but the best) teacher for OP.

 

[HaleyBaron]

I'm not surprised. The hardest part of getting away from that thinking is that a lot of guys have trouble leaving it. They don't want to leave the familiarity and the comfort of what they knew and exploring what they don't. Only when he's down and desperate, he may choose the right answer. Or he may double down. Or he might take that one way trip to the sky.

 

[DonJuanjr]

It seems like he's lying to himself about why he wants to see her face to face. I think deep down he's hoping there will be a greater chance of rekindling if she sees him in person.

 

[DonJuanjr]

What this thread illustrates is, the amount of time someone has been on this site does not mean they're someone who you should take advice from.

 

[BPH]

It seems like he's lying to himself about why he wants to see her face to face. I think deep down he's hoping there will be a greater chance of rekindling if she sees him in person.

No, but I really did think about what everybody said about dropping her over a phone call.

So maybe I am doing it for me, because I don't want to drop to the same level as this woman who breaks up over text.

 

[Barrister]

No, but I really did think about what everybody said about dropping her over a phone call.

So maybe I am doing it for me, because I don't want to drop to the same level as this woman who breaks up over text.

The whole problem with your mindset is you thinking there needs to be any closure. You are using integrity as an excuse when, in fact, this woman deserves none at this point. She doesn't deserve a face to face meeting, or a phone call, or a text for that matter. She deserves cold, hard No Contact from you. And that is it.

 

[BPH]

The whole problem with your mindset is you thinking there needs to be any closure. You are using integrity as an excuse when, in fact, this woman deserves none at this point. She doesn't deserve a face to face meeting, or a phone call, or a text for that matter. She deserves cold, hard No Contact from you. And that is it.

I understand that and I agree. I thought about everything long and hard this morning, considering just calling her, saying "hey we're done", then hanging up and deleting her socials.

But like I said, maybe I'm doing it for me. I advocated for the face-to-face thing so I think I should be consistent with myself, even if she doesn't deserve it. Hell, in light of her airing this whole thing out over her Instagram story last night I might make that trip just to walk up her driveway, say "you don't deserve this but I refuse to stoop to ghosting and I believe in taking ownership of your decisions. I was going to sit down and talk about how I felt during all this, but you continue to behave like a child so there's a first time for everything...you said you've never been dumped before. I'm done". Then I'd just leave.

That's how I'm thinking currently.

EDIT: I can't quote somebody on a different page, but to the guy who said time on the forum doesn't equal experience: I don't do relationships, this is all very new to me and I'm not equipped to handle somebody so toxic. I'm good at going up to and meeting and sleeping with random hot women, which is how I met this one. I never give advice on relationships because I simply do not know a successful one.

 

[Barrister]

I understand that and I agree. I thought about everything long and hard this morning, considering just calling her, saying "hey we're done", then hanging up and deleting her socials.

But like I said, maybe I'm doing it for me. I advocated for the face-to-face thing so I think I should be consistent with myself, even if she doesn't deserve it. Hell, in light of her airing this whole thing out over her Instagram story last night I might make that trip just to walk up her driveway, say "you don't deserve this but I refuse to stoop to ghosting and I believe in taking ownership of your decisions. I was going to sit down and talk about how I felt during all this, but you continue to behave like a child so there's a first time for everything...you said you've never been dumped before. I'm done". Then I'd just leave.

That's how I'm thinking currently.

EDIT: I can't quote somebody on a different page, but to the guy who said time on the forum doesn't equal experience: I don't do relationships, this is all very new to me and I'm not equipped to handle somebody so toxic. I'm good at going up to and meeting and sleeping with random hot women, which is how I met this one. I never give advice on relationships because I simply do not know a successful one.

You are wasting your time and breath by going through with this. And you will make yourself look weaker than you already do. You making a special trip is just confirmation that she is in your head - and this won't be lost on her. Your strongest move is No Contact at this point.

 

[HaleyBaron]

Here's my advice: you're the king. In your life, you decide everything. If you're feeling something, you will get it. She has no sway over what you do and say. She is there because you allowed her to be. On your time and on your watch. Women can say they feel like pets to men who think like that, but never listen to a woman to begin with. None of them ever know what they want, which is why we as men exist.

You're free to repeat this in the mirror everyday. Look and keep saying you're the king.

 

[MissouriMark]

Delete, block, ignore, and start the 60 day no contact challenge>>>>>>>NOW!

 

[BPH]

You are wasting your time and breath by going through with this. And you will make yourself look weaker than you already do. You making a special trip is just confirmation that she is in your head - and this won't be lost on her. Your strongest move is No Contact at this point.

Can I ask why it matters what my "strongest" move is if I don't care about what she says/thinks/does after this?

Delete, block, ignore, and start the 60 day no contact challenge>>>>>>>NOW!

That won't be a problem.

 

[Barrister]

Can I ask why it matters what my "strongest" move is if I don't care about what she says/thinks/does after this?

When I say "strongest" I mean the most man-like thing you can do -- aka showing as much of a IDGAF as possible. You don't care about what she says after this? Why do you care now?

The reason it matters is because you pining after this woman is making your SMV take a hit whether you realize it or not. People will remember how you crawled after her for quite some time if you make a spectacle of it. It will affect your ability to get other women -- unless you live in a major city where it doesn't matter.

 

[StacksHitEmUp]

This guy needs to go through it before he understands it. This woman will never have a healthy relationship in her life from what I’ve read. There is no other option for you other than eject. You don’t owe her ****. You do owe yourself your pride, your self-respect, etc. So look after you first and go no contact FOREVER. You’ll probably ignore this anyway and you’ll learn the hard way, like most of us have at one point.

 

[King Lion]

To teach people how to treat you, you do not begin with them, you begin with yourself.

Chill - Let her call or come to you - Nothing will change if you keep doing the same weak-azz sh*t!

What you believe about yourself and how you treat yourself sets the standard for others on how to treat you.

You can't expect to make it in her work world, or have her ever really respect you, if you constantly fail to react accordingly or fall to pieces so easily when faced with adversity!!

Wake da fvck up and read between the lines, Skippy - Use your balls brains and bravado to make her fall back into her place of demure feminine energy so she will know that you are not some weak-as-water dumb cvnt that will take sh*t from a rude b*tch.

Self control and patience will work in your favor if you behave like a MAN with self respect and put a BLAST on her azz and show her she must respect you!!

The Rest Is Up To You

 

[The Diver]

So maybe I am doing it for myself

Yes, but for a different reason you're telling us.
I think you hope to fix it so you won't lose the pot of gold she promises you.
This is the only reason, in my opinion, why you fight for here so hard.
You are trapped in the concept that the tickets for your financial future, financial freedom, as you imagine it, are in her hand, and you can't think or see beyond it.
You know perfectly well what you're doing, and why.
You know very well you're sacrificing your self-respect, your dignity, maybe even your freedom, for your financial dream. And for you, it's a small price to pay to achieve your financial dreams, as she promises you.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Jesus Christ why is this such a bad idea? If you were going to get broken up with wouldn't you rather see the person, have the opportunity to talk to the person, instead of a phone call or a text message?

I'm younger than most of you on here but has that died somewhere along the line here?

It was a terrible situation because that's how she wanted it. There's nothing to talk about. The right way is to cut them off. Self respect first.

 

[BPH]

I thought about what you guys and some of my other friends have said about the situation, I'll start off by saying I didn't drive to visit her.

What I did was record an audio message. A lot of you will probably laugh at that but I decided on this because she can't argue, she can't interrupt, her only option is to listen - she may delete it or not listen to it in its entirety, but at least it allowed me to get everything off my chest and it feels better than a text or phone call.

I'll send it to her before I go to bed later on tonight and I'll block her on everything but my phone when I do this. From that point it's simply no-contact.

Just wanted to provide that update.

 

[Striker_93]

I think we all know you're just going to keep contacting her and dealing with her, it's no secret.

Don't give us any updates unless it's one where you're updating us on how long it's been since you last talked/seen her.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Two problems:

1) You’re seeking “closure”. Closure is something a man must eliminate from his life. Closure always and only feeds fuel to the fire of her abusive tendencies. Seeking closure is sentimentality that only hurts and weakens you.

2) You’re trying to have rational discussions with her. Let me tell you something bro - you are dealing with an irrational creature. You will NEVER get through to her on a rational level. She only feels. She doesn’t think.

What you need to do is take out the trash and move on. But you are in a place where you must learn the hard way. I get it. Most of us learned the hard way in the past. Later once the fire’s out and the smoke clears, you’ll come back to this thread and understand what we have been saying and why we’ve been saying it.