Valentine's Day: Am I the *******?

[BPH]

Lmao and women complain about men treating them like shvt. This is exactly why, as soon as you do anything nice, they start pulling back!!

This is why I don’t normally do relationships. No emotional investment, no drama.

 

[EyeBRollin]

This is why I don’t do relationships. No emotional investment, no drama.

You good with being alone for the rest of your life?

 

[TitusRamsies]

You need to always be at the point where if you had to leave the chick you would be perfectly fine. The minute you have stopped talking to other women, and have becoming emotionally invested in one chick you have already lost the game. I would break up with her. The only way to salvage the relationship is to becoming a different man, a man you can respect. The minute a chick starts tossing the drama yours has sent your way she should be out of your life, or at worst soft nexted. Don't message her for 2 days, absolutely don't cave in. Then after those two days if she contacts you resume your relationship as if nothing happened but have the mindset of you leading the relationship and it's your way or the highway. Things should change. If she doesn't call you hit the dating apps and get your d wet bro.

 

[BPH]

You good with being alone for the rest of your life?

Well every time I think I've found a decent woman and allow them into my life for more than just sex it ends up costing me a lot of time, money, and emotional investment.

I would consider myself having been in 3 serious relationships. The first one was in college, long-distance, she cheated on me, claimed she was raped, then didn't come clean for about 3 months, leaving me in a state of depression for about a month or so. The second I don't think I was as invested as she was and wasn't prepared to settle down. And now I have this dumpster fire; a gorgeous woman who seemed to have such a generous and loving personality that I thought would help me grow financially as a man, and now I have a 32-year old woman who doesn't have the maturity to have a face-to-face conversation who I'm breaking up with over text...

I think I'd want a wife at some point, but the way things are going with the women I've met I don't know how long it would take to find one that's really worth it.

You need to always be at the point where if you had to leave the chick you would be perfectly fine. The minute you have stopped talking to other women, and have becoming emotionally invested in one chick you have already lost the game. I would break up with her. The only way to salvage the relationship is to becoming a different man, a man you can respect. The minute a chick starts tossing the drama yours has sent your way she should be out of your life, or at worst soft nexted. Don't message her for 2 days, absolutely don't cave in. Then after those two days if she contacts you resume your relationship as if nothing happened but have the mindset of you leading the relationship and it's your way or the highway. Things should change. If she doesn't call you hit the dating apps and get your d wet bro.

Oh I'm redownloading the dating apps tonight, whether she comes around or not. I'm not waiting for that.

I haven't blocked her on social media or over the phone or anything because she made me a "promise" when we first started dating when I told her my "red flag" was my financial situation and that I live at home. And because I gave her back her "fire" that's something she claims she would help me with, even now, just not to the same extent...via a job at her firm once I'm licensed and trying to teach me how she daytrades.

She told me that what she does is she "recycles" the men that she's slept with because she doesn't want her number to get too high before she meets her husband. In all likelihood if she's committed to this breakup ****, at some point that'll probably be a decision I'll have to make; whether I wanna settle for being her **** buddy or if I want to deny her that.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I just texted the GF Happy VD!; but she didn't find it very funny.


@BPH why are you gushing your feelings like that. Less = more. Stop doing that sh!t

Follow Sweet Brown's advice dude:

Lmao!!! I like the remix version better tho...

 

[BPH]

No new updates to provide tonight. Will see if anything's different in the morning. Not watching her Snap stories or Insta stories or any of that crap.

Redownload the dating apps and been playing with that.

If anything changes I'll update this, otherwise if anybody has more advice they'd like to impart I'm always happy to read.

Goodnight.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Well, this for starters:


Though I never argue with a woman period. There is simply no need. I challenge anyone to give me one situation that requires argument. Instead you listen to what she says, make your own opinion/decision based on what she says and what YOU think, then you tell her how you feel about it and that's the end of it. There is no more debate/argument/discussion to be had. If you need provide an ultimatum then you do it and you mean and you walk. You didn't walk. Not only did you not walk......

.....you also:


.... and also:


In response to her disrespectful unappreciative attitude, you said:


If a guy punches you in the face, do you respond by saying, "Listen man, I'm not upset or anything, I still really value you as a friend, but I don't like that you punched me in the face" and then engage him in debate about it while he tells you that you are a worthless POS, and all this over a favor you did for him?

You are communicating like a woman, not like a man, and as a result, it turns women off and they start testing you like this.

How to not communicate like a woman 101:
It is ok to explain yourself, but you NEVER re-explain yourself (unless she genuinely doesn't understand and she's asking a respectful follow-up question which is different from a challenge), and YOU are the one to explain yourself in the first place - not in response to any challenge a woman makes to your explanation.

Another way to phrase that is: Never let a woman try to invalidate your beliefs, opinions, boundaries, or desires. A man forms these things on his own and is confident enough to have conviction about them. Your coming here asking us if you are an a-hole tells me right there that you are not confident in your beliefs. This is the root cause of one of your main problems and it causes you to let a woman debate you over the things that you must intrinsically know and trust in yourself. The second you let a woman challenge your beliefs/boundaries, it is game over.

Stop over-engaging and over-communicating. Women want to talk-talk-talk problems to death - men do not. Learn to employ silence and distance, and learn to say, "I've told you how I feel, it's not up for debate, and you can either accept my feelings or not" and if she doesn't, you soft or hard next her based on a number of factors.

Actually be willing to next her for boundary violations.

When a woman is disrespectful, you do NOT shower her with loving affirmations and statements of assurance. You cool things off, employ some silence and distance, and state how you feel, ONCE, and what you will and won't tolerate. You don't say **** like: "I'm not mad" and "I still love you" and "I'm not trying to make it a big deal". That is weak AF and it disgusts women. A girl being b*tchy doesn't deserve you showering her with all this.

@oldmanofthesea has provided us with some real good here. Read this several times and profit from it.

 

[dude99]

Just to provide another update...

Texted back and forth while I'm at work here today. She doesn't really see it from my perspective, isn't conversing respectfully, likely breakup.

We'll see, I never know with this one.

Take control. Then you will always know. There will be no guessing or confusion

For a normal girl , She complies and submits or you give her her walking papers

For any cluster B. You give her her walking papers. No ifs ands or buts.

 

[dude99]

Further update...

Yeah she basically said we should probably break up over text if my ego is this fragile. I told her I'd come up on Friday and have a face to face conversation about it since I respect her enough to not do this **** over text.

She told me not to bother, and I said I'd check in and see if she fells the same way by then, otherwise I'm done talking about this until then.

Whether she changes her mind or comes around is no longer my concern. So we'll see, but yeah it's probably just over.



Look at that timing.

Go 100 % zero contact from here.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Consider this as a breakup

 

[BPH]

One question I do have…

Let’s say she does come around after going no-contact and sees me face to face and apologizes.

What does that conversation look like from my end as far as what you guys think I’d have to tell her needs to change if she wants this relationship to continue?

 

[EyeBRollin]

One question I do have…

Let’s say she does come around after going no-contact and sees me face to face and apologizes.

What does that conversation look like from my end as far as what you guys think I’d have to tell her needs to change if she wants this relationship to continue?

That’s a question you should know the answer to.

You haven’t demanded anything of this woman. It sounds like you don’t even have expectations.

 

[RickTheToad]

 

[BPH]

That’s a question you should know the answer to.

You haven’t demanded anything of this woman. It sounds like you don’t even have expectations.

Well what I'd demand is respect, to be taken seriously, to be treated like a man and her equal rather than somebody subordinate to her because of where she's gotten to in life, at least financially.

What I'm more asking is what is the line between "here's how it's gotta be moving forward for me to stay" versus "this relationship is about what I want and not you"?

 

[EyeBRollin]

What I'm more asking is what is the line between "here's how it's gotta be moving forward for me to stay" versus "this relationship is about what I want and not you"?

You can’t make that demand of her because you haven’t shown you can walk away and mean it. I don’t think she will care at this point.

 

[dude99]

One question I do have…

Let’s say she does come around after going no-contact and sees me face to face and apologizes.

What does that conversation look like from my end as far as what you guys think I’d have to tell her needs to change if she wants this relationship to continue?

Her "i am sorry because of blah blah blah, word salad, word salad and more blah blah blah."
You "ok."
Her " do you forgive me?"
You "no sweat. I didn't give it a second thought."
Her " when can i see you again?"
You" my schedule is really booked. Don't call me. Ill call you and reach out IF I get some free time. Ok? Ok. Bye." Click


Then you move on with your life and go date other women.

 

[dude99]

Well what I'd demand is respect, to be taken seriously, to be treated like a man and her equal rather than somebody subordinate to her because of where she's gotten to in life, at least financially.

What I'm more asking is what is the line between "here's how it's gotta be moving forward for me to stay" versus "this relationship is about what I want and not you"?

Learn this :

You can't demand respect from a person who doesn't respect you. You can only cut them out of your life.

 

[Barrister]

Well what I'd demand is respect, to be taken seriously, to be treated like a man and her equal rather than somebody subordinate to her because of where she's gotten to in life, at least financially.

What I'm more asking is what is the line between "here's how it's gotta be moving forward for me to stay" versus "this relationship is about what I want and not you"?

The problem is your actions show that you are willing to continue to be disrespected. She just broke up over text with you and you then say "well I will still check in with you here in a few days just to be sure this is what you REALLY want." Come on, brother. All you are doing is just feeding her validation at this point while making yourself look like a clown-show. I guarantee she is gloating to her friends about how you are like a sad little puppy dog that keeps checking in with her.

Here is another thing I have come to realize having been in an LTR with a woman who is a couple of years older than me -- they typically always think they wear the pants because you are younger than them. Don't be an in LTR with an older woman unless it is like barely older than you (less than a year).

Move on. You can do better. And stop giving this woman so much satisfaction at your own expense and go NO CONTACT. And do not respond if she reaches out to breadcrumb you.

 

[BPH]

I don't think verbalizing this will gain you the respect you seek. You'll sound like Fredo in Godfather II.

Just say, "let's see how things go." Wipe the slate clean but move forward with your new self-respect. That is, one strike and you walk...also, keep chatting with other girls. But don't verbalize it. She will still test you, so it's up to you whether you have the fortitude to 1) avoid stupid arguments and 2) walk away.

Personally I would just next her now. No need for more conversations/drama.

When you say to keep chatting with other girls, I assume you mean as backups and not cheating, correct? I feel like cheating would only make it worse if we do continue after this.

Learn this :

You can't demand respect from a person who doesn't respect you. You can only cut them out of your life.

The problem is your actions show that you are willing to continue to be disrespected. She just broke up over text with you and you then say "well I will still check in with you here in a few days just to be sure this is what you REALLY want." Come on, brother. All you are doing is just feeding her validation at this point while making yourself look like a clown-show. I guarantee she is gloating to her friends about how you are like a sad little puppy dog that keeps checking in with her.

Here is another thing I have come to realize having been in an LTR with a woman who is a couple of years older than me -- they typically always think they wear the pants because you are younger than them. Don't be an in LTR with an older woman unless it is like barely older than you (less than a year).

Move on. You can do better. And stop giving this woman so much satisfaction at your own expense and go NO CONTACT. And do not respond if she reaches out to breadcrumb you.

I'm gonna quote the two of you at the same time because I thought the best advice here would be to go no-contact unless she was willing to be face-to-face with me and apologize. Is that no longer the suggestion?

She DID reach out to me last night while I was asleep. I'm sure most of you are familiar with Snapchat. It shows your "streak" of talking to a particular person at least once a day, and ours has been pretty long since it was how she liked to communicate a lot when we were dating. She snapped me because she "wasn't ready to let that go just yet", so to her this is like the "last line to cross" I'd assume.

I was thinking about answering her with something along the lines of "aside from this response, next time we talk is in person or not at all", since that was the advice I'd been getting up to this point right? Ghost her, if she comes around have her do it in person instead of this over-the-phone bull****.

Has that changed now or something?

 

[BPH]

You can’t make that demand of her because you haven’t shown you can walk away and mean it. I don’t think she will care at this point.

Forgot to quote you in that reply. I've walked away and meant it twice so far in this 6-month relationship we've been in. Both times she came around, apologized, etc.

You may be right that I'm not doing the best job of walking away NOW, but I'm not sure what you mean about her not caring at this point. Like that she won't believe that I'm willing to walk away this time if she doesn't show me more respect?