URGENT. About to break "no contact" with possible BPD ex.

[Yuma]

I'm realizing now that my ex - whom I've talked about a couple of times - is most likely suffering from female borderline personality disorder. A friend of mine tipped me off to it, and I did some reading over the last few days - I swear to god, it was like reading an outline of our relationship, down to incredibly specific events.


But, long story short, I have to email her about something important.

What do I say? How do I say it in a way that trigger her negative emotions?

 

[CantTouchMyStyle]

What in the world is so important that you have to email her?

Did you inflect her with AIDS, Hep-C or gonorrhea?

Unless it is life threatening you have no business emailing this girl. And you're not a Psychiatrist and reading an outline of borderline personality disorder does not mean your ex suffered from it.

Many here love to point out that they were involved w/ a bi-polar or a chick with a personality disorder. Very few of these girls actually were bi-polar or had a personality disorder.

 

[Yuma]

Yeah, I get that. But, just trust that she and I do have an agreement about something and I do have to email her.

And notice that I said "possible BPD". Obvs I'm not a doctor. I'm a cook. But, out of the several long ass articles and studies and websites and etc. that I read, there's a lot that fits the profile. It isn't just a blind guess.


So, do you at least have any advice on how to get back in touch smoothly? Or no?

 

[disgustipated]

Startin to sound like a Steven Seagal movie.

 

[crazyboy]

its amaze me that only 10 percent has bpd but almost everyone ex on here got it. who cares just send the email

 

[Single4Life]

its amaze me that only 10 percent has bpd but almost everyone ex on here got it. who cares just send the email

I was with my ex-fiance for 5 years.

Psychiatrist diagnosed her with severe depression and cluster B borderline personality disorder about 1 month before we stopped talking and split up. Psychiatrist recommended she take medication, but she was refusing.


So yeah, it's a lot more ****ing common than you think. No need for dumbass remarks like that, it only serves to make other posters feel worse about their breakup, especially since you have no idea about their personal issues.

So basically, shut the **** up and be constructive.

 

[AlexDP]

its amaze me that only 10 percent has bpd but almost everyone ex on here got it. who cares just send the email

It's not that amazing. This is a forum where people basically learn to pick up girls. BPD girls are easily picked up as they have far more partners than other girls. Statistics say that 5% of all (young) women qualify as borderlines. They easily have 10 times as many partners as other girls. Doesn't take a genius to figure out many men will be confronted with one sooner or later.

 

[bigneil]

its amaze me that only 10 percent has bpd but almost everyone ex on here got it. who cares just send the email

Exactly. It takes extreme behavior to be a "disorder". I think 3 out of 4 cases here are probably not really BPD but low interest. As it stands, normal female behavior certainly qualifies as a disorder.

Statistics say that 5% of all (young) women qualify as borderlines. They easily have 10 times as many partners as other girls. Doesn't take a genius to figure out many men will be confronted with one sooner or later.

Yes but 5% is still 5% - it's not 50% just because they slept around with 10 guys. Only 5% of us can have a BPD girl at one time (or maybe 2 or 3 if she's that easy). Yet 95% of people here seem to think they have dated BPD. I only dated 1 BPD woman in 20 years of dating. Granted, she did send me straight to this site. BPD certainly exists and nobody explains it better than AlexDP, but it's often being used as a crutch here on SS.

 

[Johnnyventana]

If you want to trigger her negative emotions, tell her you love her.

 

[Single4Life]

Exactly. It takes extreme behavior to be a "disorder". I think 3 out of 4 cases here are probably not really BPD but low interest. As it stands, normal female behavior certainly qualifies as a disorder.


Yes but 5% is still 5% - it's not 50% just because they slept around with 10 guys. Only 5% of us can have a BPD girl at one time (or maybe 2 or 3 if she's that easy). Yet 95% of people here seem to think they have dated BPD. I only dated 1 BPD woman in 20 years of dating. Granted, she did send me straight to this site. BPD certainly exists and nobody explains it better than AlexDP, but it's often being used as a crutch here on SS.

5% of the gen population.

NOT 5% of forum posters, who may or may not be misrepresented by certain factions. Learn 2 math

 

[Scars]

It's not that amazing. This is a forum where people basically learn to pick up girls. BPD girls are easily picked up as they have far more partners than other girls. Statistics say that 5% of all (young) women qualify as borderlines. They easily have 10 times as many partners as other girls. Doesn't take a genius to figure out many men will be confronted with one sooner or later.

Not only that but I have come to the conclusion that many of the men on this site are prone to being attracted to these monsters. Nobody replied to my "Narcissists get all the girls thread" but I brought up some very good points, and wouldn't you agree at least %50 of the men on this site could be considered "narcissistic"? There's a reason we are attracted to these types, as they are attracted to us. You may not want to admit it, but most of the guys here are insecure. They need to have sex with girls to get validation and feel "wanted". We're just as bad as these girls sometimes. We all came here for different reasons originally, but we all still came to improve our game and learn how to seduce woman. We weren't happy with our game and we seeked to improve it. We wanted to feel wanted, we wanted sex, we wanted validation. We are the guys these girls specifically hone in on. That's why I pretty much accepted this "fate". I'm going to play by the same dirty rules. A lot of guys wanna come in here and brag about how awesome their girl is, but then months later their attitude changes, they start asking for help more, and then you see a break up thread and everything that girl ever did wrong is exposed to us. I'm not saying this is applied to everyone, but there definitely is a reason why so many guys here are posting about BPD.

-Scars

 

[Yuma]

Thanks, Scars and AlexDP.

Scars - I've often had the same opinion of this site. I know that I'm on medication for PTSD and anxiety, and based on the research I've been doing, trying to educate myself and grow more as a man to understand what's been going on after being confused for so long, it makes sense I would be attracted to "one of those" girls.

Deep down, she's a good girl. And just because "a true DJ never goes back to an ex", that doesn't mean I wouldn't stand by her while she gets better if she makes the conscious effort to get better. I never came to this site in order to learn how to be a pick-up artist. Is that an added bonus? Yes, of course, it is. It's a great bonus, too - this site got me laid a couple of times.

But, I came to this site first, years ago (under a different name) to learn how to pick up the pieces after a crushing break-up with a girl I found out was a junkie. But, things got better and I didn't need the site anymore. So, I deleted the account. But, now that I'm definitely struggling with some very serious - even medical - things, I've come back. And I'll be here for a while.

The women are great. Totally a plus. But, it's about being a man. Not just a "DJ", but a man. And a man does the right thing, no matter how difficult or hard it may be. And a man stands by those he cares about who need help. It isn't an AFC trait. It's the right thing.

 

[Scars]

Was the PTSD a result of dating/breaking up with your BPD ex? I think a lot of guys here can fall in that category.

Not to be a d!ck, but I hate how a lot of people are accusing us of "diagnosing every girl as borderline" just as much as they hate us doing it. But the truth is, there are so many girls running rampant with this disorder. I'd be willing to be that %5 statistic earlier is actually inaccurate. I believe it to be a lot higher.

You must consider the times we live in now. Look at how society is. We have media that encourages woman to be entitled to their slvttyness. Divorce rates are sky high, which means children are growing up with one parent or the other. This is how dysfunctional personality disorders are created. I'd be willing to bet a lot of men on this site grew up with only one parent. Probably just their mother. It may not be the case for everyone, but it's definitely one of my theories. I think a lot of us are the same here, and whether we want to admit it or not, we generally seek girls that we know are bad for us. Then we cry about how woman are so terrible on these boards. I know I'm guilty of it.

Children are growing up in dysfunctional families these days. Both men and woman's ideas of "love" are twisted because they grew up watching their parents fight, or cheat on each other. We are producing narcissists and borderlines every single day and not even realizing it.

This forum is just a giant cesspool of narcissists and male borderlines.

I can admit it to myself. Can you?

-Scars

 

[bigneil]

BPD does cause PSTD, as I learned the hard way.

I'm happy to say that my next gf was completely anti-BPD and she puts the previous one to shame by virtue of her 100% affectionate, attentive and sexual nature. So much so that I concluded it is impossible to ever get my BPD to act as she does. As Carlos Xuma said "the key to getting her back is to move on - it's at least 10 times easier to start a new, better relationship than to repair your old, broken one".

However, I almost feel as though I don't deserve such a woman. That's the power BPD women have - they really lower your self-esteem to the point where you think you deserve them.

She's taller than my ex. She's prettier than my ex. She loves me more than my ex. God I miss my ex.

 

[Yuma]

My PTSD comes from an abusive childhood and an alcoholic father. Breaking up with the BPD - mixed with everything else that was going on - pushed me over the edge into the extreme. Professional help was definitely needed. I'm so thankful I got it.

The 5% is actually incorrect. From its epidemiology - the general public in the US - only up to 3% are diagnosed. Of course, with BPD cases, it's extremely hard to diagnose and some shrinks won't even do it depending on the circumstance. So, if we look at the 300mil pop in the US, that means that there are only 90mil diagnosed cases of BPD. 75%, that's 3:1, are women:men. And most male BPD cases are kin to high anxiety disorders such as Antisocial Anxiety or Narcissism. If you divide that 90mil by the 50 states, there are at least 1.8mil diagnosed cases per state.

Now, consider how much people in the US travel. It's a past time. People matriculate from state to state, from state to country, country to state, etc. 2% for the general population, 3% for the US.

We're bound to run into it at some point. It's pretty much just multi-variable math.


And, yes, I completely agree that this site is built for people struggling with anxiety and other hangups. I can completely admit that I have an anxiety problem, and a severe stress disorder. But, I'm handling it.

I've slept with eleven women. Had a lot more non-intercourse hook-ups. I don't define my life by the sex I have, which seems to be the way some people here look at themselves. I define my life by how much progress I make and the people I surround myself with. Also, by the people I help. Which is why I have no problem with having a BPD ex, nor do I have a problem admitting that I would help her (she's in therapy, but I don't know what she's been told or how she's been treated; also, female BPD's in therapy tend to be impervious to treatment based on which stage of the disorder they show at any given time, be it "waif, hermit, witch, or queen" and whether they "act out" or "act in"). But, Cluster B is a real thing, regardless of what people here think.

Once you experience it, and decide whether to leave or stay, you'll know what people go through.

 

[bigneil]

Well Yuma regardless of my theory of whether so many girls really have BPD, that is moot as you are reacting as if she does. It's a serious thing to deal with and many of us know what you are going through. People only have so much capacity to handle hardship. It's like a dual-shock bottoming out in a pothole at the bottom of a hill.

Be prepared. It took me 4 months to get over my BPD ex. You might even lose the will to live. But always remember, if she found out you took your life she'd secretly enjoy the fact that you cared that much. She'd tell the next 2 guys she has a 3-way with what a sap you were. She's not worth it.

Also remember: a great percentage of women you love will return later - once you truly no longer care.

 

[Yuma]

I'm working on moving past, but keeping myself open to the possibility of sticking by this girl when she needs the help. So, I'll do my best to make myself available to the possibility.

It's also important, bigneil, to understand the difference between those who "act out" and "act in", specifically determined by which of the four stages their displaying at any given time.

I'm moving on. Banged a couple of chicks in the last few days, but I am interested in continuing my support for her. And I just need to find a way to get myself back into the "split white" from her "split black" way of thinking. It's possible, but it's a long journey. I'm keeping a record, which I was told to do, of times I communicate her after the "split black", and what she does with it.

It's not that I want her back, but I do love the girl for who she is. So, if she's open to re-engaging, I'll give her a fair shot, depending on where she is with her treatment and which stage she's exhibiting during that eventual chat.

She's returning to the area in the next couple of days, so we'll be in touch before then. At the very least, she needs to confirm the information that I sent her in that email. So, I'll try to build conversation past that and subtly arrange a meet.

Any thoughts on that?

 

[snowdog]

Startin to sound like a Steven Seagal movie.

ROFL ROFL ROFL

 

[Z Man]

..

It's not that I want her back, but I do love the girl for who she is. So, if she's open to re-engaging, I'll give her a fair shot, depending on where she is with her treatment and which stage she's exhibiting during that eventual chat.

She's returning to the area in the next couple of days, so we'll be in touch before then. At the very least, she needs to confirm the information that I sent her in that email. So, I'll try to build conversation past that and subtly arrange a meet.

Any thoughts on that?

You gotta ask yourself if you really love HER, or your own personality she reflected back on you and the good times you had with her, when you could do no wrong?

I would say keep your contact with her to a minimum, get the info you need, and any of your personal property back if she still has any of it. Then stay "no contact". It will take a while, and she will beg for your attention, but she will eventually find another guy to leach attention from.

 

[Yuma]

That is something I'm in the process of sorting out. I still have residual feelings left over from the relationship, and I know I'm not willing to dive head first back into one with her unless she's undergoing some sort of cemented treatment. Again, once I sort my own feelings out, I'll have a better answer. But, for right now, the best I can tell you is that I still love her. And that despite her negative actions and mood swings, and her splitting black my person, she's told me she still has feelings for me. Of course, that's probably just depending on the moment.

The contact will be minimum, definitely. I don't want to set her off again, nor do I want the split to become permanent, which it can.