URGENT. About to break "no contact" with possible BPD ex.

[Jaylan]

Don't get me wrong. I am all about positivity. It's one thing I do stress in a lot of the advice I give. But on these boards I can sometimes ramble and go on with a close introspection of myself. A lot of things I admit on these boards, I would never share to my friends in real life.

Thats the benefit of anonymity I guess.

I actually live a pretty awesome life. I really have nothing to complain about. I'm known for my wild and careless escapades, and people usually come to me when they want a good time. But you are right, I am unhappy. But it's the same kind of unhappiness as everyone else felt when they first got "unplugged" to the Matrix. Just imagine being told something over and over sense birth, and anyone and everyone enforces this same belief. The belief that woman are angels. They won't cheat on you. That there ARE "good girls" out there, you just got to find them. When you get unplugged, your realize that is all total bullsh!t.

I used to be VERY pessimistic about women and relationships. I thought everyone, men and women, cheated, lied, and had a disregard for others feelings when it came to romantic relationships. But then I noticed something. Because of my past heartbreak from a couple exes, it made me overlook good relationships and traits in people, and overly focus on the negative things I saw people do.

I would look up divorce and cheating statistics. I would look at polls to see how much people lied or betrayed their friends or romantic partner. All the while ignoring the good examples of love and friendship I saw around me. I could hear 5 good stories about years long relationships, and one story of cheating would negate all that and make me think everyone was evil. I think this is how you are as well. You take more notice to the negative than the positive, due to your present outlook at love and life. Which is shaped by your past hurt.

So YES, some men and women ARE angels. And YES some of them ARE devils. Its a person to person thing. I have friends who are or would be great to their loved ones. And I know folks who are selfish and only think about themselves. I also know that some people will cheat and lie. And some people who will not. Me for instance.

I never have nor ever will cheat. I have been given opportunities and refuse to. Its easier to just dump a chick, and if I love someone I wont hurt them by betraying their trust. Even if Kim K and Megan Fox where propositioning me at once Id decline. Real talk, im mad faithful. When I am in a relationship a switch goes off to other women.

And when it comes to my friends, im super loyal always. Bro b4 hos. Honor above puzzy, which is also why I dont fux with girls who are taken.



It's not just me. There are 25-50 year old men acknowledging the same thing. So you can't even blame it on age. In fact, most of the most useful knowledge I ever learned was from observing older men. Taking browses through the Mature Man forum, or the fact that I work with older guys 8 hours a day 5 days a week. The same men who "fell in love", and watched their whole world crumble. They had their house, kids, and half of their belongings raped from them. You can call me "doom and gloom", I call it being a realist.

I just feel its more common in the teenager to early 20s age group to be AS jaded as you are. I see it more with that group then with older guys. Thing is, everyones world crumbles at some point due to heartbreak. We all go through it at a young age usually, some older. But you learn from it and learn to be a better judge of character and how to figure out what you want in a mate.

Id say I did not know who I was until I was about 23. Now I know exactly what I expect from myself, my family, my friends, and prospective love interests. Sure realistically all the bad things you mentioned could happen. But realistically you could still marry and live with your spouse into old age. Or just not marry and have great friends around you into old age.

I figure, if a guy like me exists who is empathetic, analytical, and loyal , then obviously there are others out there like me.


I'm not trying to come off offensive or trying to be a d!ck, I'm just explaining myself. This is how I see the world, and there is no changing that. I'm proud of my scars, thus my name. I took them and ran with them. I look at them everyday and they simply remind me of where I've been and who I've become. They have made me stronger. You may see it as being "emotional", I see it as me maturing and progressing, perhaps even more rapidly than you. Reality is something a lot of people can't handle, thus the phrase "Ignorance is bliss."

Nah I dont think you are being a d!ck at all. You are explaining your beliefs and I understand them. Hell I used to not ever want to get married because I was so afraid of wasting my life on something that may fall apart horribly. Now I think I may not ever get married and have kids because I want to screw around and goof off my whole life. I have a different mindset now.

However, I wouldnt say being so negative is necessarily being realistic and thus youre maturing rapidly. Alternatively I think any outlook that is too fairy tale or too doom and gloom are equally unrealistic. You have to see both sides of it all and just take life day by day without all that extra emotion. It can weigh ya down.

Be proud of your scars, for they make us who we all are, but also be proud of your successes in various avenues of life as well. They make us who we are too.


-Scars

In bold dude.

 

[Scars]

Not everyone is of course, but there is some truth to it. It is easy to do a lot of the things this site preaches and become a narcissist. There's a huge difference for example when you're not responding to a text a pretty girl sent you because you're genuinely busy or not responding to make her want you. A lot of people do the latter. This is gameplaying. This is manipulative behaviour and it is something designed to create psychological addiction in the other person. It will work with disordered girls or girls with low self esteem, but ultimately it will always lead to dysfunctional relationships as both people will resort to gameplaying.

So yeah, what you get is pretty much your own fault.

@Scars: that also means that you will end up with the ones who cheat, because you got them with a gimmick that only works on girls who are low quality mentally to begin with.

Alex: The problem is, it's not a gimmick. Perhaps it was in the beginning, but now after taking a close introspective look at myself, I think deep down I LIKE girls who are fvcked up. I like to be in control. Anyone who encounters me daily on the outside could tell you this. Girls with self-esteem issues are easy to manipulate. You could turn it around and say that I have self-esteem issues myself, maybe I do. I love the girls that I can't actually love, if that makes any sense at all. I always manage to get the girls who fall in love with me, I mean REALLY in love with me, like going out of their way for me, sending me money, buying me things, taking ME out to dinner, cooking, cleaning my house, driving me home from places even when I'm all wasted, they just absolutely love me, yet, I really don't want anything to do with them. I treat them like sh!t. It's not that their ugly or anything, I just don't like them. I get turned off by their clinglyness. All I'm trying to say is, it's really not a game or a gimmick. It's just become my attitude. The girls I actually could fall in love with and are good for me are generally girls that I don't even try to get. I don't want to call it intimidation, but when it comes down to it, it's just a matter of not wanting to get close to someone just to get hurt again. Fvcked up girls put the distance between FOR you, because you know the honeymoon stage is only temporary, but that's the sh!t I live for.

To be honest, I am perfectly content with being a bachelor for the rest of my life. Marriage just seems like a huge headache anyway. I still don't see myself as bitter at all, I'm just simply a realist. Some of my view points might seem dark to the untrained eye, but they're the truth.

-Scars