Ugly situation

[darkstarrr]

I'm on to you bro. What you're doing is what KX taught me is called processing. You're not necesarily looking for advice per se but for listening ears to validate what you are going through is terrible and painful.

You are going to do what you probably would have done anyways regardless of whether or not you joined this board. I know that because I've been there and done that before.

Know that this relationshit of yours is going to end one way or another. Also know that if you do not follow the people's advice on here about using the Shock and Awe method to ending this - and instead choosing to engage her - you will begin to regret not choosing the wiser path only when you begin to get over this broad, which could be anywhere from 6 months to a year from now.

Originally you said you would do it within a week. Now you say you will do it within a few weeks. Man, I understand your pain - especially with the trip coming up.

Whatever happens and whatever you do I wish you the best of luck and I'm sorry that you are faced with this experience and these decisions.

I am predicting based on experience that what you will do next is blame yourself, thinking you were not good enough to keep her from straying. You will look inward. You will begin to walk on egg shells trying to cater to her. You will assume the roll of entertainer trying to pelase her every desire, thinking that by keeping her entertained you will be good enough etc and she will stop. That's where you will be sucked into the matrix of becomming a true AFC. I really hope you find the strength to listen to everyone's advice and box her **** up instead of engaging her.

PS - I am not suggesting anything just a funny idea. I wonder what would happen if say her passport were to mysteriously disappear and she wasn't able to go on her trip and ALSO you boxed her **** up and kicked her a$$ out at a convenient time?

 

[darkstarrr]

Hey neighbor. I thought about your situation a little more today. Although I will not advise you to do anything other than to agree with what the other senior members have suggested, I will say this:

There is absolutely no doubt in my mind - that if I was ever in a LTR with a woman whom I lived with, who I not only found out was cheating on me but who was also about to go on a trip overseas with another guy who has been seeding in her - that I would be hell bent on making that mother fucking passport of hers disappear. Gonzo.

I would be sipping lemonade and nibbling on bird seeds (the sunflower variety) twittling the shells off my finger tips like Jim Carey in Ace Ventura 1 - as I daydreamt about a precious opportunity to sabotage her develish vacation with the other guy.

I would never ever bring it up that I knew about the other guy. I would never ever admit to the passport, in fact I would flip out, too when she flips out and I would help turn the entire apartment and both cars upside down trying to find it. Over the course of the weeks to follow I would turn into a hard ass. Aloof with my feelings and stone cold at times, in such a way as to make sure it caught her off gaurd. Soon she would get the idea in her head that I might want out of the relationship and she would forget all about her little friend.

If I didn't have the balls to box her shit up and send her ass packing you better believe I would put my own little twist on the situation to make it seem a little more worth while at least.

 

[Mr. Me]

It depends of the woman. Women are not all the same.

True, that women, people, are unique individuals. However, in this respect, all people are the same: they all have the same common human behaviors. It's part of the human condition.

I agree that confrontation doesn't go anywhere, most of time. But in this case I think that Lolita_luv has a lot of things in his heart (I talk like a woman) that he needs to expulse and to say to her. No matter if she doesn't understand. This man has to talk to her.

If she may not understand, what's the point in communicating. Might as well speak French to an Italian.

You're talking about his need to vent perhaps. In that case, he can scream in the shower, cry into his pillow, shout out loud in his car, he can write long letters and get all his pain out - BUT none of that has to be presented to her.

She doesn't care.
Talking to her won't make her care any more then she already doesn't.

That is not right, because people make mistake, but can learn about that, and will change.

Yes, that can happen. But that's not the case here.

She probably cheated on him at the beginning of their relationship, she's most likely cheating on him now. No change.

Change, when it does happen, happens because the person WANTS to change. Not because someone else wants it. Then real change comes slowly, precariously. It has to be practiced over and over again, consistently, over lots of time, and under ordeal, because it's easy to say "I've changed!" out of a sincere desire to change, but when the going gets tough, the old behaviors are the easiest to fall back on. And that's why people have relapses and setbacks when trying to change their ways.

Like you said, he has the proof. he is in his advantage. When he will show her the printing, how could she lie again?

She really can't, not in the face of proof. So predictably, because as I said, human behavior is common, she'll then attempt to discredit the information ("Oh that? We were JOKING around about sex!" or "It was just a fantasy. I was so hurt by you that this made me feel better... I know I shouldn't have done it but I never really meant any of it")

Or she may go on the offense: "Where did you get that? You've been spying on me? Reading my emails? That's MY PRIVATE STUFF! How dare you log into my account and read my emails! You violated my privacy, you sunovab1tch!"

Or flip the blame on him: "I felt you didn't love me anymore, that you were cheating on me again, I felt hurt, I'm so confused by you... then with Mr. CoWorker... things just happened... "

Or pretend to be regretful: "I'm soooo sorry! I'm SOOOOO SORRY!!! [sobs in your arms, holds you for dear life, tears streaming from her eyes, her body shaking, you feel terrible, badly, and the makeup sex is so incredible]

But you think you're going to get: "You're right. I'm a cheat. Man, you caught me dead to rights! Okay. Tell ya what. I'll change. [makes a grunting noise]. Okay! I've changed! It won't happen again. I love you. Hey, let's go for pizza... I'm in the mood for something Italian!"

 

[Lollita_Luvr]

well its all been solved and resolved. i spoke with my GF about the whole thing and turns out that she was testing to see what that guy would type to me during that sex chat cos she lied to that guy about her being on line and said it was me instead! she was trying to see what that guy would write about her to me... so she tricked him into it. and then she saw what kind of a prick he is. so she has stopped being friends with him after she realised what a bastard and two faced a$$hole he is.

i also confronted him in the bar and asked how many times he ****ed her my GF, he said none and after getting all ****ty when i told him to **** off and mind his own business. he is also the type to brag to everyone about fukking girls! which he didnt do!

so anyway she is did not cheat on me, she swore on her parents lives that nothing happened as much as that guy wanted it! she is now not friends with him anymore and thats it.

i also saw private face book msges from her female friends saying that its crazy that I thought that anything happened between my GF and that guy.

so lucky i didnt jump into any quick conclusions and as far moving her out etc.

so majority of u were wrong. hence why French guys approach was awesome.

All done and out with.

In the end she is not a *****, I know her, she would not do this, its just not in her nature, she despises cheaters and had to take a long time to forgive me when i was a cheating PUA.

So just take all advice with a grain of salt.. .everyone on the net is an "expert"...

 

[jophil28]

well its all been solved and resolved. i spoke with my GF about the whole thing and turns out that she was testing to see what that guy would type to me during that sex chat cos she lied to that guy about her being on line and said it was me instead! she was trying to see what that guy would write about her to me... so she tricked him into it. and then she saw what kind of a prick he is. so she has stopped being friends with him after she realised what a bastard and two faced a$$hole he is.

This situation of yours is worse that I thought.
Her "explanation" is about the lamest crap that I have ever heard from a woman.. and I have heard them lie sixteen ways from sunday.

Dude, because you are eager and willing to buy her lies, you are beyond our help.
Marry her before she gets away...she is a real catch.

 

[darkstarrr]

lately she has been talking about this guy at work slightly older guy.

anyway i have noticed that my GF has been spending a lot of time chatting to him, both online and catching up for work drinks and even went away on a trip with his friends together (believe me I was pissed off). she was away for 3 days and came back later on like everything was cool. after this i told her to stay away from him since then and she agreed!

i thought all was innocent till i found some chat conversations between him and my missus on her PC. the chats started off as playful but progressed into him saying how he is looking forward to going away on a trip with my missus for 1 week to Rome (my missus is Italian). she told me that she and her aunty is going together, NO ONE else is coming. so she lied to me.

the last straw broke when i saw their chat talking about having sex and how they both enjoyed it! so she is clearly cheating on me with this shmuck!

well its all been solved and resolved. i spoke with my GF about the whole thing and turns out that she was testing to see what that guy would type to me during that sex chat cos she lied to that guy about her being on line and said it was me instead! she was trying to see what that guy would write about her to me... so she tricked him into it. and then she saw what kind of a prick he is. so she has stopped being friends with him after she realised what a bastard and two faced a$$hole he is.

This situation of yours is worse that I thought.
Her "explanation" is about the lamest crap that I have ever heard from a woman.. and I have heard them lie sixteen ways from sunday.

Dude, because you are eager and willing to buy her lies, you are beyond our help.
Marry her before she gets away...she is a real catch.

Back to the passport.

I would have a ceremony with it. Bring it into the woods (if I was in the heart of the city like you, one of those out door bbq's would do fine). I would meditate as the thing burned (slow burn is key because this gives you time to----> During that process I would close my eyes and let any and all thoughts flow through my mind like a little river with water flowing across; just let the thougts flow in and and out. Don't focus on anything too long. I would take super deep breaths all the while (making sure not to breath in the fumes) and then when I heard the crackling stop from the fire I would open my eyes and let out a roar like a wild banchee.

I believe I would feel at least a little better at that point; closer to acceptance of the truth after having taken that first step to putting the whole thing behind me.

Sounds like you need some you time.

Over and out.

 

[Tazman]

So just take all advice with a grain of salt.. .everyone on the net is an "expert"...

The explanation she gave you was sufficient enough to cover ALL the details (lies) you told us about and that you're now going to completely ignore out of desperation and this is your conclusion?

Wow...

 

[vitor]

hahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahaa you are so DUMB...

well its all been solved and resolved. i spoke with my GF about the whole thing and turns out that she was testing to see what that guy would type to me during that sex chat cos she lied to that guy about her being on line and said it was me instead! she was trying to see what that guy would write about her to me... so she tricked him into it. and then she saw what kind of a prick he is. so she has stopped being friends with him after she realised what a bastard and two faced a$$hole he is.


Right, so she baited this guy into having a sex chat to see what he would do.. Hmm mmmmm

i also confronted him in the bar and asked how many times he ****ed her my GF, he said none and after getting all ****ty when i told him to **** off and mind his own business. he is also the type to brag to everyone about fukking girls! which he didnt do!

She probally called him and asked him to say nothing and help her till she gets back from Italy and can move out..

so anyway she is did not cheat on me, she swore on her parents lives that nothing happened as much as that guy wanted it! she is now not friends with him anymore and thats it.

i also saw private face book msges from her female friends saying that its crazy that I thought that anything happened between my GF and that guy.

so lucky i didnt jump into any quick conclusions and as far moving her out etc.

so majority of u were wrong. hence why French guys approach was awesome.

All done and out with.

In the end she is not a *****, I know her, she would not do this, its just not in her nature, she despises cheaters and had to take a long time to forgive me when i was a cheating PUA.

So just take all advice with a grain of salt.. .everyone on the net is an "expert"...


I give this realtionship another 6 months or so, and now that you had told her you checked her emails, etc check her passwords in a month or so, if she changes them she is cheating again..

If you were confronted like this by your girlfriend and needed to stay together what would you say to stay together? Probally the same thing.


I am happy you are happy about the Situation but when 1 + 1 = 3, something does not add up

 

[hover411]

talk about being blinded by the p_ssy.......

all your evidence is trumped by her explanation of "i was acting like you to see what he would write..." LOL

sheesh

 

[DJDamage]

well its all been solved and resolved. i spoke with my GF about the whole thing and turns out that she was testing to see what that guy would type to me during that sex chat cos she lied to that guy about her being on line and said it was me instead! she was trying to see what that guy would write about her to me... so she tricked him into it. and then she saw what kind of a prick he is. so she has stopped being friends with him after she realised what a bastard and two faced a$$hole he is.

hmmm its funny how only when you confronted her that she was willing to reveal this information to you. After all you did tell her to stay away from him when she agreed, yet she continued to chat to him online.

Remember what you wrote here:

the last straw broke when i saw their chat talking about having sex and how they both enjoyed it!so she is clearly cheating on me with this shmuck! he also confessed to her having more women on the side and she is OK with that and he seems to be the one who wants to end this affair,but she still says she wants to "keep in touch" with him.

So let me get this straight: She is saying that she has "lied to him" by saying that "it was you" which by itself is a lie. Looks like there is a whole lot of lying going on here. This is a clear sign right there that prove's your woman can be dishonest and manipulative.

i also confronted him in the bar and asked how many times he ****ed her my GF, he said none and after getting all ****ty when i told him to **** off and mind his own business. he is also the type to brag to everyone about fukking girls! which he didnt do!

What ever happen to believing your girlfriend words huh?! Looks like you had to do a little more detective work here. And of coarse he will say the truth having being confronted by a potential violent stalker such as yourself .

so anyway she is did not cheat on me, she swore on her parents lives that nothing happened as much as that guy wanted it! she is now not friends with him anymore and thats it.

You do realise that when people go to court and place their hand on the bible and then lie, do not get burned on the spot?!

i also saw private face book msges from her female friends saying that its crazy that I thought that anything happened between my GF and that guy. .

haha you had to do more digging, for a guy that is so sure about his g/f not cheating you sure are not leaving any stone unturned.

By the way, her girlfriends probably don't know jack sh1t what's going on.

so lucky i didnt jump into any quick conclusions and as far moving her out etc.

so majority of u were wrong. hence why French guys approach was awesome

All done and out with. .

Funny it seems like it was you that was jumping from one conclusion to the next, and your only evidence seems to be her words and her lover... I mean her "friend's words.

In the end she is not a *****, I know her, she would not do this, its just not in her nature, she despises cheaters and had to take a long time to forgive me when i was a cheating PUA.

She never forgave you for cheating and never will. The reality is that you don't know your woman very well.

I think your post just proved as to why women get away with murder.

 

[librito]

this is another proven example that emotion will always beat common sense when someone falls "in love".....jajajaj. what a joke.

 

[Jeffst1980]

well its all been solved and resolved. i spoke with my GF about the whole thing and turns out that she was testing to see what that guy would type to me during that sex chat cos she lied to that guy about her being on line and said it was me instead! she was trying to see what that guy would write about her to me... so she tricked him into it. and then she saw what kind of a prick he is. so she has stopped being friends with him after she realised what a bastard and two faced a$$hole he is.

i also confronted him in the bar and asked how many times he ****ed her my GF, he said none and after getting all ****ty when i told him to **** off and mind his own business. he is also the type to brag to everyone about fukking girls! which he didnt do!

so anyway she is did not cheat on me, she swore on her parents lives that nothing happened as much as that guy wanted it! she is now not friends with him anymore and thats it.

i also saw private face book msges from her female friends saying that its crazy that I thought that anything happened between my GF and that guy.

so lucky i didnt jump into any quick conclusions and as far moving her out etc.

so majority of u were wrong. hence why French guys approach was awesome.

All done and out with.

In the end she is not a *****, I know her, she would not do this, its just not in her nature, she despises cheaters and had to take a long time to forgive me when i was a cheating PUA.

So just take all advice with a grain of salt.. .everyone on the net is an "expert"...

?????

WTF?

So let me get this straight: She went online pretending to be YOU, and then had a sex chat with some guy to see what he would write to YOU??

That doesn't even BEGIN to make sense. You said you saw a chat in which they directly addressed having sex and how much they enjoyed it.

Did YOU sleep with the guy?? Why would he write that to YOU?


Listen man, bottom line: It's kind of lousy to go on a board like this looking for advice about ending a relationship that you are "100% committed" to ending and then turn around and deride the "experts" giving you advice. All the advice you received was valid, given the circumstances that were presented to us. Moreover, to think that so many of us took time out of our lives to help you with your problem and received nothing but smug arrogance in return is pretty sickening.

Maybe all of us ARE wrong and it IS some extremely bizarre misunderstanding in which your girlfriend decided to pose as you and talk about you having sex with a guy that had a crush on HER (??? again, wtf?). If that's the case, I'm happy for you because dealing with a cheating girlfriend is one of the worst experiences to have to go through. Just don't come here soliciting advice unless you really want it.

 

[vitor]

Can you go into detail on the sex chat. I am confused.

1.

 

[librito]

guys leave lollita alone,,,he is totally right in this situation and all of you are big time wrong...
now I get it,
this is whats happening,,,,,,lollita is bisexual, and the guy who's fvcking his wife is bisexual. his wife is only trying to hook the two of them up so she can have a threesome with them....jajajaj....


never understimate the power of the pvssy.

 

[vitor]

He probally will not show up here anymore. Ignorance is Bliss gentleman.. No one wants to admit their kid is ugly , their girlfriend is cheating or their **** stinks.

 

[Mr. Me]

Like I wrote about french guy, "I hope he doesn't listen to this pure nonsense you've posted. Guys like him are in vulnerable situations where they really want to hear what they wish to hear and will disregard everything else that's valid for the hope, the dream, the fantasy, of making their relationship work out"

And true to form, Lollita_Luvr writes: "so majority of u were wrong. hence why French guys approach was awesome."

Again proving that though people are different, human behavior is a common denominator and very predictable.

There's so much off with her explanation that you just have to really feel bad for LL for being foolish enough to buy into it and ignore the hard evidence he has and what's going to most likely happen to him down the road.

>> i spoke with my GF about the whole thing and turns out that she was testing to see what that guy would type to me during that sex chat cos she lied to that guy about her being on line and said it was me instead! she was trying to see what that guy would write about her to me >>

Sure, LL, it's normal for people to initiate sex chats with coworkers, and for the purpose of seeing what that person would say to yet a third party.

Fact is, if there was nothing that could be said, there'd be no need to find out what may be being said. Does that make sense? Not that I believe her reason, but that there shouldn't be a reason. I mean, I don't have to wonder what my colleagues are claiming about me sexually, since there's no foundation for them to allege anything regarding that.

An innocent person doesn't try to prove their innocence. An innocent person typically reacts by being horrified and hurt that they're even suspected. The guilty person is far more likelier to try and prove innocence, in order to convince you that they're not guilty.

All you've managed to do, LL, is to give both of them the heads up that you were on to them. Now they'll collaborate better to keep you in the dark and be much more careful to cover their tracks. Good going! Brace yourself for the bomb dropping.

 

[NewMan]

Some good advice here.

The bottom line though - LL will not break it off with her. He knows deep down inside he should - but he's being to emotional.

This will ontinue for another couple of months until the resentment builds to much.

So, LL, you all cool with her going to Italy with her new "Friend"?

 

[speed dawg]

everyone on the net is an "expert"...

Good grief dude you are hard headed. I look forward to your desperate "What should I do???////" post in the next 3 months or so.

 

[Nutz]

Doing anything else but the above is only cushioning the fall for her. Don't think any longer about the situation by letting doubts creep into your head. Like if you talk it out and tell her to leave maybe she will scream and beg and you will feel like a man in control. No. 10 years from now you will look back and wish you did what Zulu said, so why not just do it now? Do it and you are in for a treat with her reaction. Do it during a time when she's not around. Then ignore her. Don't let her talk about anything with you until at least 5 days pass.

Good luck and I will be popping corn also awaiting your post with confirmation.

Edit: I'll send you $50 on paypal to help with the moving/movers costs and inconvenience if you do what Zulu said.

Agreed in full. Dump that cheating ***** and don't be polite about it. Let her know she's to blame and any emotional strife she's hit with is well deserved. Change the locks, call the police if she tries to get back in, and don't be nice about it. Make a scene. Drag her through the mud. It's the only way to really get it through to women like her that SHE is in the wrong.

 

[Reyaj]

ROTFL what a $#*( AFC!!!

As harsh as it sounds this guy deserves what comes to him now. Some people have to learn the hard way. Lucky for you life gives you multiple chances to learn from a mistake.