too good looking?

[Don Juanabbe]

Originally posted by Celadus

Does anyone run into a lot of jealous guys? When I'm out in the real world it isn't too bad because most people have matured, but guys my age, especially at this small college, are starting to hate me because of all the women that talk about me.

Celadus - F*ck man, can I ever relate to you with this one. Months ago, I used to hang out at a sportsbar with my friend.

He had befriended all these guys that go there to watch NFL games - they're pretty much regulars, and in there late 30's to 40's. I'm in my early 30's.

Many of these guys took an instant dislike to me, for no reason. My buddy was friends with them, but they treated me like dirt.

It got so bad that it was to the point I was outright told not to sit with them, and when I asked what the problem was, it was because a couple of them basically hated my guts.

Now, these guys are AFC to the hilt, and they hit on the waitresses at this bar relentlessly.

However, for me, I got alot of attention from the waitresses, and they would all come up and talk to me all the time. (I know for a fact that 3 or 4 of them were really into me and I fooled around with one of them.)

Guys pick up on this and they feel threatened. I no longer go into this place. It got to the point where one of them threatened me.

The lone good guy in there group, who is a doctor, and therefore not threatened by me, summed it up for me when I inquired as to why these guys didn't like me: "Because you are too young, and too good looking and you are a threat to them."

Just goes to show you that guys can be just as petty as girls. Sad too, considering these guys couldn't get laid if their lives depended on it.

Don't think it changes in the real world - it doesn't, and guys in their 40's aren't any more mature sometimes than younger guys.

 

[B.Love]

I think I have the same problem

Its like when i'm not looking my best girls hit on me all day,but when I get sharp I don't get hit on. When I first get to know a girl they allways tell me that they thought I was stuck up its crazy I tell you...

 

[slatki]

 

[slatki]

Reliability of the Posts

I do not want to seem rude or anything, but I would feel better if you guys who post these replies and sugestions would also give us a like to your pictures so that we can see that you really are in our position and understand what it is we are talking about.

Also so i know how good looking someone would need to be to get treated the way we are being treated. So I know what the standard for a 10HD (Hot Dude) is.

By the way here is my picture http://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=GSKYAZK&key=UGD

 

[Jeree]

You are right on Dude. Just as good looking girls have trouble getting dates because the guys think them unatainable, so it is with good looking guys. It is a problem. I used to let my beard grow just a couple days and dress down and would get lots of hits but cleaned up and looking sharp I would dive. I learned to be more affable and light hearted. Have fun with their insecurities by sometimes calling them on it. Your shy arn't you ? Yes you are, I can see it in your eyes. You have to take control and lead them to a safe place for them to open up. When they get scared they will shut you down like your dirt. It is a differant kind of burden being handsome but the first step toward solving it is to first to accept the fact that your are. I am not on the prowl any more but I remember it well.

 

[SynTheUnscathed]

SNAP!!!

This post is a straight up EYE OPENER!!

I have always wondered about this.

I am black guy, but I have white guy/italian features. I have the bigger lips of the black race, but with really dark eyebrows, italian nose and facial structure. I don't dress hip hop because that just isnt my style. I dress in a casual, GAP or Express Men style.

And I get hated on ALL THE TIME by hip hop bros.

Also, usually girls never tell me I look good upfront unless it is from another girl who a friend of the girl. Moms and and friends of my mom always tell me how good looking I am. Also, fat/ugly girls have no inhibitions of telling me how fine I am...etc.

Also, its wierd how somedays, I go to the grocery store or mall, and every female is staring, then somedays...NONE...very hard on the self-esteem department.

I modeled before for some editorials, but I didn't like the atmposhere. But, anyways, this info is very much like my current situation.

I have never ever asked a girl out before now.

I have always known 100% that a girl likes me or thinks I am the shizzle before I approach them. And this girl, I just don't know. When I see her she stares at me like no tomorrow, and she makes small talk, but when I try to talk with her and draw her out, she either seems aloof, distracted...etc.

So, frustrating...

Ahwell...

I am gonna post a more recent pic of meself..soon..

Peace,

 

[DJD]

I've had similar issues with the 'too good looking' sort of thing too (e.g., sometimes harder to get good looking women who 'look right' with me; hatas who try to dog me).

My experience and opinion is that most (not all) women tend to size up a man initially based on his 'mate potential' (longer-term), whereas most (not all) men tend to size up a woman initially based on her 'date potential' (shorter-term)... This has actually made me think about what is really working in this type of situation... some explanations for this, most of which are based on the notion that many women look at a man as a potential 'mate' more so than simply as a 'date'...

1. As noted by several others - women too are afraid of rejection - and yes, a lot of attractive women who should be very confident aren't, and many who aren't very attractive seem to be unduly confident
2. Some women mistrust good-looking men because more physically attractive men tend to have more options woman-wise -thus, she might view him as a playa, and thus not true 'mate' material.... especially if the initial contact is in a bar/club setting
3. All things equal, it's generally harder for her to exert power (i.e., have control) over a good-looking man than a less attractive one - better looking men are probably harder to get 'whipped' and find it easier to 'walk away' from an attractive woman than do less attractive males. In other words, a woman's ability to exert sexual power over a male (a power which is typically visual/physical) probably decreases as the male approaches or exceeds her own level of physical attractiveness
4. She may fear more intense competition from other females for an attractive male - I know the reverse of this is true for me with attractive women I've dated.... after a while, having a hottie is sometimes a pain because there's always some guy, somewhere, trying to get into her pants (and if she's hot, believe me - no matter what she says - this is virtually always true!)
5. Dammit - maybe she just wants to be the pretty one! Along these lines, remember this (I've not seen it posted elsewhere on this forum, but I'm new and haven't read anywhere near all of the interesting posts)..... *It's not how she feels about you, it's how you make her feel about herself*.... based on what I've seen, it seems that not many women really want to feel less attractive than or even equally as attractive as the guy they're dating/mating ;-)
6. I think the 'bimbo' stereotype applies much in the same way for males that it does for women .... i.e., the tendency to assume until proven otherwise that a very attractive person probably has some IQ or personality deficiencies...

Ah.. I'll leave it at that...

 

[ImpatientFire]

Damn!!! This is the same problem I have. I'm always told by people that I'm very good looking and then when I go to talk to the hot ladies, they act all weird and stuff. The unattractive ones don't really have a problem telling me how good looking I am. But the good looking ones act all arrogant and ****. I usually hear from her friends or someone that she likes me but by that time it's too late. Most ladies stare at me, but when I make eye contact or say hi to them they act weird. They seem to be okay around average looking guys or ugly ones. Bah! I'm tired of caring what they think tho' so I've decided to move in whether they like it or not. I got this hottie's number yesterday , and I ain't looking back. She wants me to come to her dorm room during the weekend . I also get tons of hatin' from the fellas too. I can't help being good lookin' you bums, I was born that way.

 

[FightingApathy]

Wow.

I would never have thought that above-average looks could make things harder.

Counterintuitive ... to say the least.

Now I just need to feel good about being average-looking

 

[Matt Rogers]

I hear you Fighting Apathy. I only wish I had you guy's "problem".
With good looks and game you guys can get some amazing women whom i could only dream of pulling. Scientific studies consistently show that women choose men of equal attractivenes although obviously there are exceptions (usually involving money and fame).

While I do believe that an average looking guy with game and his life together can end up lookers-8s say, this requires a lot of work on his game, rejections by a lot of good looking girls before he finds the few who dig him, and a bit of old-fashioned luck. We can't change the cards we are dealt with, so despite not having your genetic advantages I am not giving up and believe i will get my pretty girl-but my life would be a helluva lot easier if i was "too good looking"

A good looking guy will get hit on by girls, he will get away with a murder if the girl finds him attractive-is it any coincidence that most good looking guys are AFCs? Some girls may be aloof and all this requires is for you guys to learn to build rapport and not take it personally.

 

[B9]

I had the misfortune of being not particularly attractive until I turned around 19.

Bulking up, losing the glasses, losing the curls and growing a beard as well as my face just maturing changed all that.

My fortune now anywayz, as it is rather clear to me what differences good looks make.

I found that the less attractive girls that used to hit on me completely disappeared from the radar (and even the few attractive ones stopped doing so).

Eye contact in general increased like tenfold. I get eye contact with pretty much any girl around my eye when I pass them on the street. Casual flirting from the more good looking girls (the less attractive ones stopped bothering) increased a whole lot, yet I never get approached nowadays.

When I approach however, the vast majority of women are a whole lot more intimated than they ever were before. I consider that a huge bonus, as it allows me to control the conversation completely and lead it in the direction I want to lead it without much resistance.

I think it also has to do with what kind of look you have. I usually get told that I am 'beautiful' or 'pretty' (believe it or not, girls have a whole range of criterias for initial attraction beyond these), or 'sophisticated'. I reckon that is the kind of look that tends to intimidate, as the approaches have actually disappeared.

btw, the change really was quite dramatic. I ran into an old high school classmate I hadn't seen in about two years about a month ago and despite me approaching her twice she didn't recognise me and tried to tell me she was spoken for.

It wasn't until the third time when I actually asked if she knew who I was she recognised me, saying it was no wonder she couldn't tell who it was as I was 'hot now'.

 

[Matt Rogers]

I would be interested to see before and after pictures B9.

 

[B9]

lol, I'll try and dig someone out. Will scan a few in from a recent event and see if I can find me old high school pictures.

 

[B9]

well, finding old pictures was easier than I thought. here's a bunch.

at 16:

at 17:

at 18 (playing public strip poker at school):

one more from there (yes, he lost all of it)

will try and upload one from last month tomorrow, if I can get a hold of a scanner that actually works.

 

[B9]

sod it, I am not getting close to a scanner that works for at least a couple of days, sohere's a few self portraits I just did. except maybe for the first, I look fecking weird in them though. will upload the other picture once I get near a scanner.

and a few other selfportraits from earlier this year.

 

[Matt Rogers]

Hi B9. Yeah you have a very sophisticated look about you. I am hopeless at judging other man's looks, but u are definitely good looking. Congratulations on your transformation.

 

[Virtú]

I'd still like to be good-looking.

 

[mroriginal]

I know exactly what you guys mean about the being goodlooking and intimidating thing

 

[Oxide]

It's almost as though they just want to look at you and enjoy the fantasy but when you open your mouth and say something its like you interrupted their dream or fantasy and they look irritated.

HOLLY ****. I couldnt put it more perfect.. this is exactly what happens!


It pissed me off, because i start thinking "hey, she looks good, she is checking me out, lets have fun.. i approach and the girl turns into a b1tch!


Whoever solves this gets a nobel prize!


yeah, put your money where your mouth is, let's see your pictures.

http://profiles.myspace.com/users/13737179

 

[mroriginal]

Id post my pics but idont have a scanner Why would i be lying?Its not like im getting paid or getting laid by saying Im goodlooking