The Ultimate Bootcamp

[Dapper Swindler]

MoveYourAss Hang on, there is a difference between whining and trying to take an objective look at the situation to come up with an idea. I know this because I've done a lot of both in my life. I am at a point, as I often come to every few weeks, where I'm not sure what I could do now to change the situation. So I'm using my energy thinking about it instead of doing anything, because I have to think about what can be done. If you have any specific suggestions I'll listen to them. But I can't change my situation with action until I figure out what should be done. And, I couldn't find your thread about becoming a social coward by accident.


thebsharp Ideally, not giving a sh!t would work. But how can I change how I feel? I could stop DOING sh!t, but I don't think that would help. I do think part of the problem is that I'm trying too hard. But how will I ever get results if I don't try?

Sometimes there is conflicting information.

"Take charge of the situation."
"Live every day like its your last."
"The biggest risk you can take with your life is to take no risks at all"

OR

"Don't try so hard"
"Have fun and don't care about what happens"
"Do what makes you happy"

I understand how both are true. It is a kind of paradox.

Anyway, I don't think I've started a very inspirational thread here. But maybe someone who has the same difficulties I have will find it useful.

Sunday Saturday I tried my best to come up with a new plan. I decided that trying to change my negativity with finding some kind of success is not going to work. I may never have any kind of success while I have this negativity. Paradox. But I thought of some ways to change my mentality.

Exercise: I've tried this before, but I'm willing to try again. What have I got to lose other than the feeling of not being in incredible physical pain? Oh well, I'll give it a shot.

Affirmations: It sounds silly, I don't see how it will work. But the guy on "Psychology of Achievement" thought they were pretty effective. This is not far from hypnosis, but I'll try anything. So now I'm spending a lot of time writing these.

Work: I don't need looming tests and papers to burden my mind. I want to take care of these things as soon as they come up so I won't have to worry about them.

Accomplishments: I use to have talents and hobbies. The more I try to succeed with women the more I lose interest in hobbies. I think I should take more time to being successful in this.

Any other ideas?:

Today I went to church. Don't ask me why. It couldn't hurt anything at least. Then I had to go to the library to research my senior essay. I spent all day there. I guess I feel better about getting some work done. Tonight I ran 3 miles as the "exercise" part. I plan on doing this 5 times a week. Needless to say it was not fun. But I'll try anything at this point, no matter how hard it is.

 

[bossdog]

dapper you need a confidence boost. I suggest you start working out and bettering yourself. Get some new clothes.

Act more alpha. Imagine james bond or brad pit. walk with your chin up. Slow down your movements. If you act like your the **** people will belive your the ****.

make sure you smile. and be ****y and playful.

 

[Dapper Swindler]

Originally posted by bossdog
dapper you need a confidence boost. I suggest you start working out and bettering yourself. Get some new clothes.

Act more alpha. Imagine james bond or brad pit. walk with your chin up. Slow down your movements. If you act like your the **** people will belive your the ****.

make sure you smile. and be ****y and playful.

I agree. But as you can see I've already started working out, I hope that will help. Any other advice on how to better myself exactly? It hasn't been very long since I last got some new clothes but I'll try to do that again if it will help.

Your other suggestion is what is called "pretending". I have been thinking about trying this lately. Instead of trying to figure out how I should act I will try to figure out how an alpha would act and just pretend I am that person. This might work, although it's been mentioned that sometimes this act can be seen through. I'll try it though.

 

[MoveYourAss...]

no offense intended, BUT a kick in the a$$...

it's not a thread, it's one of the articles on www.sosuave.com.
I kinda know your situation, and I have been like this more than 30 years. I really feel strong (slow=baby steps) progress through the BC. Just hang on. And read the article.

Pretending is not that bad, since you get a higher chance of getting a HI etc. back, wich will actually increase your REAL confidence.

Good luck,
MoveYourA$$.. and your brain will follow

 

[To_mek]

I suggest looking for time line therapy. You can do it on your own but you have to spend some time "google'ing". Very effective for boosting your confidence. It makes you feel good about your past, and future as well. Also you csn check for "Tad James" (thera are some interesting files on emule).
Also, I recommend going to the bookstore and buying a good book of social psychology. I know some Polish titles so I can't give you exact ones here...

 

[bossdog]

Originally posted by Dapper Swindler

Your other suggestion is what is called "pretending". I have been thinking about trying this lately. Instead of trying to figure out how I should act I will try to figure out how an alpha would act and just pretend I am that person. This might work, although it's been mentioned that sometimes this act can be seen through. I'll try it though.

Fake it till you make it. What other choice do you have. lol.

 

[Dapper Swindler]

Monday. Didn't really talk to anyone much. But I did a little. And today it at least felt like it wouldn't be that hard if I had made an effort.

After class I ran home to eat and get ready for shopping, and work. Didn't waste any time.

I went to an English club meeting, and here is where I had another realization. Questions were asked about certain issues in the club and I tried to make a suggestion. It felt like my suggestions were dismissed quickly and that sucked. But then I thought that maybe it's not that people think I have bad ideas, they just aren't hearing them right. If I mumble a suggestion then people won't think I'm very enthusiastic about it and will hardly consider it. Especially if I don't try to explain my idea then they won't try to understand it either. Or maybe I'm wrong. It says somewhere in the DJBible to not be afraid to be wrong. It's obvious that I need to just be more enthusiastic and aggressive.

After the meeting, I went to get a hair cut. The problem was that I needed some new ideas with my hair and I don't have any idea what looks good. I wanted to get someone's advice. Instead of just mumbling that I didn't know what I wanted and it was up to them, instead I carefully and confidently explained that I don't have a strong feeling about what I want and I came to get some advice. I wasn't afraid to look stupid because I don't know anything about hairstyles, I strongly admitted that I didn't know and I had come for advice. This worked out better, and I got some good advice.

Then I went shopping for clothes at the mall. I only had an hour and that wasn't enough time for me to feel okay about dropping a load of cash anywhere, so I didn't buy anything. I don't know about clothes either. I sort of have ideas about what looks good but I would rather have an expert tell me what looks good on me. However this is what happens:

Salesperson: Can I help you?
Me: Yes, I want to buy some new clothes but I don't have very mature tates in fashion. Can you help me?
Salesperson: What do you like?
Me: I like what looks good on me. But I don't know what that is.
Salesperson: Here are some clothes, they are popular. Do you like these?
Me: I don't know if I like them or not. I don't know what I like. I like what people will think I look good in. I just need advice in figuring out what that is.
Salesperson: What kind of clothes do you like?
Me: I don't know, I don't have any sense of fashion. I need someone who does to tell me!
Salesperson: We have jeans. Which jeans do you like?
Me: *murders*

It's probably frustrating for both of us. Some of you might say that I should make a decision myself, but I think if I'm going to drop $80 on a shirt I'd better make damn sure it is going to make me look good. If only one of those queer-eyed fellows from the tv could go shopping with me. How did any of you acquire mature fashion senses? Wouldn't there have to be some kind of validation that you made the right decision?

I still managed to squeeze in another 3 mile run before work. It was hard. Very hard. Don't make me get out the thesaurus in order to articulate just how hard it was, just believe me.
Thanks for reading.

 

[thebsharp]

No offence but people arnt intrested in how you got your haircut man, start talkin to girls please!

 

[Dapper Swindler]

Originally posted by thebsharp
No offence but people arnt intrested in how you got your haircut man, start talkin to girls please!

Alright alright. I was just talking about things like that to show how I was trying to improve my confidence. But bsharp wants to hear about me talking to girls. Okay this one is for you.

Kristen: I mentioned her before. I ran into her today and we chatted for a bit. We have a test tomorrow and I suggested that we study together. I was really busy today and we weren't sure when we would be free so I just said I would call her later. So I number closed on accident. I think it was a little premature. She mentioned to me that her name was Kristen after I got her number. She thought I didn't know, I guess she doesn't feel like she knows me very well. Anyway, when I asked for her phone number I was overcome with a dreadful feeling. It wasn't that she would say no. It was that I didn't want to start on the road to another defeat, like with Angela. I will call her, we will hang out a little, then she will go cold and disinterested and I will wish I never got her number in the first place and my self-esteem will go even lower.

Alison: I mentioned her before too. I told her that I saw her at a church I went to on Sunday. (what was I doing at church? I'll try anything remember) We talked about that for a while. She seems nice.

Chelsie: I don't think many would say she is absolutely beautiful, but she has some kind of psychosexual hold over me. Not to mention, everytime I see her she is always very open and flirty for some reason. Maybe that is just her way. She does have a "Thai boyfriend" so I guess she is just that way. I might as well keep talking to her, no harm can be done.

Kristen said she would get off work at 5:30 and we could study then but I said I would be busy around that time and I should call her. What the fvck was I thinking?! I declined to study with an hb to go to the stupid Japanese Conversation Club? That was stupid. I called Kristen around 7:00 to tell her that I didn't have much time to study tonight (which would have been good because it would make me seem important) but we could call each other if we had any questions. She didn't answer. Now I have zero reason to call her. I will have to try to improve relations with her in class and maybe a reason will come up. I hardly know this person.

Back to the JCC. I did talk to a few girls there a little. I didn't feel anxious at all, I sort of felt like I was good enough to talk to them, like I was important. But there is this guy in the club who zeros in on a Japanese girl and proceeds to mac his little heart out. It was a different girl last week. He looks so AFC doing it. I guess native girls are too much of a challenge so he blows his load over Japanese girls who can't recognize an AFC as well. Of course I know exactly what he's doing so well because it was what I was planning. I don't know if this guy is succeeding or not, maybe he has the right idea. But to me, he looks pretty desperate.

Also, I've been looking at guys today. Hot guys! Total dreamboats! Seriously, I'm looking at them and trying to figure out what makes them attractive. There is some intangible quality of confidence that I have trouble defining. I guess it comes from within. Although I am getting ideas on what kinds of clothes to buy. They seem to have slim fitting clothes, and that's what someone had explained in another thread. However, don't you need a good body to wear slim fitting clothes? I think I like the look where you wear a short sleeve shirt and then a long sleeve shirt under it. Just seems cool for some reason.

Working out has really been paying off. It is so satisfying to see undeniable progress in at least one thing that I do. I don't know if I look any different, but I seem to be three times as strong as I was a few weeks ago, if that's possible. Whey protein is my girlfriend.

 

[Dapper Swindler]

Deleted

 

[Matt Rogers]

Relax.

Screwing Kristen around isn't really good manners. If you said you would study with her, study with her. By the way in my experience study dates are just that-study. If you want a girls' number don't try and come up with excuses just ask for it-that is a mistake I usually make and it ends me up in friendszone.

Forget about Angela. Just because one girl messed you around doesn't mean all will. Put it down to experience and forget about it.

Regarding clothes, it is really not that difficult and you don't need to dress like a male model to get by. Check out some of the threads on this site. And don't waste lots of money on clothes.

 

[thebsharp]

You are making the same mistake am making rightnow, once you have a few target you stop looking for new ones. DONT DO THAT! it seems that all your problems resolves around these girls, if you had many other targets, you wouldn even care about the little details about how she says this or says that.

What i suggest you do is continuing the bootcamp, seems like you are TOTALLY loosing track of that, this thread isnt even about the bootcamp anymore but an endless rambling about random things you did that doent contribute to anything.

 

[Dapper Swindler]

Originally posted by thebsharp
You are making the same mistake am making rightnow, once you have a few target you stop looking for new ones. DONT DO THAT! it seems that all your problems resolves around these girls, if you had many other targets, you wouldn even care about the little details about how she says this or says that.

What i suggest you do is continuing the bootcamp, seems like you are TOTALLY loosing track of that, this thread isnt even about the bootcamp anymore but an endless rambling about random things you did that doent contribute to anything.

I know of the problem about revolving around one girl, but I guess three isn't enough. The correct number is as many as possible, the more the better.

As far as this not being about bootcamp anymore, I think you are right. But I wouldn't say it doesn't contribute to anything. It contributes to me to be able to monitor my progress. And it contributes to me when people give me advice. And it may contribute to someone else if another person like me exists. The things I discuss is very important to those three things and isn't just rambling.

However, I do admit that even though it is important, this forum is not the place for it. Therefore, I am ending this thread here and moving my progress journal to a livejournal account. You can all still read what's going on in my life and comment on it. Just go here

http://www.livejournal.com/users/dapper_swindler/

About bootcamp, I think there is a lot of work I have to do and
I am gearing up for another bootcamp. I may start it again in a few days now. But when I start it, it will begin on my livejournal and not here. I will only make a thread about it here if I make it into the third week. That way, if I back out in the second week again it won't be another wasted thread on this forum.

 

[flippinfreak]

BHump, for anybody that wants a good read...