The Ultimate Bootcamp

[dj2l8]

NO INTEREST!

Hey Dapps,

Keep up the good work kid. Nice job at the club...sounds like it went smooth as butter. You even kiss closed AND got the number. Give yourself some credit.

I think MRomeo's idea of "pretending to have NO INTEREST in the girl" is a good mindset. It definitely will take the pressure off. I"m going to try it myself...I've tried the 'dissociation' thing but that really takes some discipline and practice.
But seriously, good call romeo...we can act flirtly etc...even think flirtly, but in our guts we don't need em.

Nice post.

 

[Recluce]

Originally posted by SealTeamSix
I honestly think that saying random hi's and hello's to strangers are totally idiotic.

I know shy guys have problem saying stuff, but if people give u odd look when u say this random hi's, would your confidence go up?

Plus, I would not try to force the EC. Really, EC will happens automatically as conversations goes.. as long as ur conversation is stimulating. Unless you are stunning looking, chix won't EC you. Why would they? Thats where your personality kicks in. When you charm her, make her giggle, get her into ur reality, she will EC you.



Good Luck.

i disagree with the whole EC thing. im not trying to brag but i have trouble with people making eye contact with me because my good looks are intimidating. (one of my friends is a model for abercrombie and he is trying to talk me into starting a modeling cereer, but i just think of the movie zoolander and remind myself why i dont want to do that

 

[Dapper Swindler]

Recluse, you said you disagreed with the EC thing and instead of explaining why, you only explained why it was bad for you because you're so good looking etc. Okay, just because you preface statements that say you are not bragging doesn't mean you aren't.

Today I didn't talk to anyone. I just haven't been in the mood lately. Last night, while I was working 1-4, an HB came and worked with me. Usually I work alone in this lab, but they just hired her. I wasn't in the mood to try to talk to her. I was feeling really sick and tired and couldn't make the effort. That may have been a valid excuse last night but today I was feeling okay but still didn't make any efforts. I justified it by saying that since it's my birthday I can have the day off. But it feels like my motivation is running dry.

Sayaka actually called me today. It was the first time we spoke on the phone. She wanted to say happy birthday. It was surprising since I don't even remember telling her that it was today. I should ask her to do something tomorrow, but again I don't feel very motivated right now. Ugh, it's also time to call Angela tomorrow (waited 5 days like reccomended).

 

[Dapper Swindler]

I hate dating services!

Yeah, I've had terrible experiences with these things in the past. Always turned out badly. I don't expect to ever meet anyone cool using an internet dating thing. However, it is terrific practice to meet with strangers and work on my conversation skills. And maybe I will at least establish some new connections. So here is the profile that I wrote, you guys tell me if you think this is good for me. I tried to be C&F as well as myself.

I signed up looking for an adventure! So whether you're a deranged lunatic or just an adventurous gal, I'm looking to meet you! I'm a student at this University for just a little longer and I don't want to waste my time with boring stuff anymore.

I'm often trying to be funny, so I want to meet someone with a sense of humor who can at least tell when I'm joking (so we don't get into colossal misunderstandings!) Also, if your not intelligent enough to find the grammatical error in this sentence, we probably won't get along. Please be adventurous (no, "adventurous" is not another word for sexual) and carefree. What is "carefree"? For example, don't say you can't stay out late on a Friday night because you have a test on Monday (this will necessitate an eye roll!)

So what about me? Here it is quick now: MU student, majoring in English, Computer Science, International Studies, like animals, like dancing, like stand-up comedy, favorite movie "Groundhog Day", favorite president William Howard Taft, like food that begins with the letter "r", blah blah blah blah, you can find out all this stuff when you meet me!

 

[MrCode]

Hey Dapper,

Regarding the boot camp, you are doing really good man. I mean seriously compare years of your life of not doing sh*t and all of a sudden you have two numbers within a week! Why? You tried!

It is almost pitiful how much success any guy can have with women if he just tries. Sure he may have setbacks and at first he'll screw up a lot of things, but as he learns he'll get better and better. Before he knows it he barely has to try anymore because the women start coming to him! I know it sounds like a pipe dream to you now, but this can (and does) happen!

I'm now going to critique your profile, and I hope you will realize this is all constructive and don't take it personally

I signed up looking for an adventure! So whether you're a deranged lunatic or just an adventurous gal, I'm looking to meet you! I'm a student at this University for just a little longer and I don't want to waste my time with boring stuff anymore.

The first sentence is OK, but the second one really makes you sound desperate, like you'll take any girl, even a deranged lunatic. You would do better by showing you are more picky, not willing to take anything you can get. The last sentence is sort of ironic in that it is a very boring sentence talking about how you are sick of dealing with boring stuff.

I'm often trying to be funny, so I want to meet someone with a sense of humor who can at least tell when I'm joking (so we don't get into colossal misunderstandings!)

Often trying to be funny? That does not sound very confident. So we don't get into colossal misunderstandings? That sounds like you are afraid of confrontation, again not very confident or manly. I would word it more like "I'm a funny guy, so if you don't have a sense of humor or are easily offended you probably won't like me much!"

Also, if your not intelligent enough to find the grammatical error in this sentence, we probably won't get along.

This is a little better, but I would say almost over the top in arrogance without much humor (****y without funny.) I consider myself a decent writer and do not see any glaring errors, so I think you are approaching "English major super geekdom" territory here. It would actually be really clever and funny to put a really glaring error that most people could see.

Please be adventurous (no, "adventurous" is not another word for sexual) and carefree. What is "carefree"? For example, don't say you can't stay out late on a Friday night because you have a test on Monday (this will necessitate an eye roll!)

This isn't too bad, but the last sentence is more about flakiness, not about being "carefree." You might be better off saying "I can only respect people who tell it like it is, so don't even waste my time if you are the kind of girl who says you can't stay out late on a Friday night because you have a test on Monday." Also I'd suggest dropping the eye roll comment.

So what about me? Here it is quick now: MU student, majoring in English, Computer Science, International Studies, like animals, like dancing, like stand-up comedy, favorite movie "Groundhog Day", favorite president William Howard Taft, like food that begins with the letter "r", blah blah blah blah, you can find out all this stuff when you meet me!

This isn't too bad, though it is a bit of a run-on sentence.

The more of a mystery you are, the better off you'll be, so it is good you aren't waxing poetic about yourself.

 

[MRomeo99]

Yo Dap!

Check out my post on Internet dating.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=59212

I think that will give you a few hints. Test, test, and test some more.

HTH,

M

 

[Dapper Swindler]

ARGH! I am having a bad day! I make it to class 10 minutes late and talk to no one. In my next class I try to talk to Sayaka but have nothing interesting to say. I ask her to go for a walk with me after class and she reluctantly agrees. We walked to the campus park and stayed a while. I had nothing interesting to say. I don't know if I'm too nervous to think of stuff or I'm afraid of saying something in English that she won't understand or what. But I don't think she was having a very good time. Then I finally try to do this conversation thing. I tried so hard but could not find it in me to just start talking to someone. This is a hundred times harder than saying hello to someone passing by. Next I find out I'm in trouble for something I did at work and I have to come in and talk to my boss about it tomorrow. Then I call some of my friends to invite over to my party on Friday and they say they can't make it.

I am supposed to call Angela today. But I'm feeling bad about myself and not confident at all. I have it in my mind that if I just never call her than I can always remember my experience with her as a good one. But if I call her it will probably turn out bad and I'll be left with just another bad experience to hurt my self-esteem. I know I have entirely the wrong attitude about this too. I should just meet her, have fun, and whatever happens happens right?

I'll get back to you guys about your comments on my profile. Thanks for responding. By the way, the error in that sentence was that I used "your" instead of "you're".

 

[kel]

Hey, I IMed you this afternoon and just wanted to say hey on the forums. The stuff the other guy said about the profile is true. But its a great start.

Keep your head up, and do whatever it takes to stay positive!

The same way a religious man will turn to his book when things go bad, to find strength, inspiration and clarity, so must you. Read the DJ Bible whenever you need a boost. You'll eventually not need it anymore, once you internalize it all.

But that is a long way away. You've got a long road of progress ahead of you, and it won't be easy. But just compare the feeling now, this feeling of hope since you know what needs to happen in order for you to succeed, to the feeling of blind confusion before.

You're on your way. The journey of a thousand miles really does begin with a single step.

 

[Matt Rogers]

Hi Dapper Swindler. I really admire what you are doing. The hardest stage in a DJs life is when he is just beginning and doesn't have the confidence that past successes give him. Expect a lot of rejections, failures and disappointments along the way, but know that you are learning more from these failures than you ever could from this website. And know that with each rejection you are getting closer to your first big success! Besides two numbers in two weeks is good going!! Wanna bet how many you will have by end of the year?

My belief is the secret to confidence is forgetting your rejections having extracted the valuable lessons and remembering with pride each of your successes. Also act confident (smile, pretend you don't give a damn) and you will start to become confident.

I recommend you stick to Action Dates where your fun self can emerge without the pressure of a dinner date. I am not much of a talker either so I make sure I do stuff with girls.

 

[Dapper Swindler]

The day picked up after I posted that message.

Kel helped me out with some things and I felt less hopeless.

I ran into a couple friends and talked and that improved my mood. Then I was walking around and ran into another Japanese girl named Yu. Yu is in charge of the Japanese Conversation Club that I go to. We had a really good conversation. She asked if I was going to the JCC's movie thing this Friday and I said no because I was having a birthday party. Then she told me that her birthday is this Sunday. We decided that the party on Friday should be for both of us and she and the JCC will come over after the movie.

Then I walked around and said hello to people, which is still easy for me. I was very afraid to call Angela but when I worked up the nerve she didn't answer.

I said hello to some more people and this girl was looking at me so I said hello. Then she said that she knew me but I didn't know who she was. Turns out she is a girl from a group counseling thing that I was doing last year, but I can barely remember her. By the way, does not remembering someone like that make me more liked or less liked? We sat and talked for a while and had a great conversation. At one point she asked what I was up to and I said I was going to a meeting at 7:00. She pointed out it was 6:59 so I had to leave. But it was at a good point in the conversation and I would probably not see her again, so I had to ask for her number so we could "talk again later". She gave it to me. I don't know if I will call it. I have a suspicion that she has a boyfriend but didn't have a chance to tell me because we were talking about other things. And the way I asked for her number was so natural that it would have been awkward to tell me she has a boyfriend at that point.

Then I go to this meeting and run into this girl from my class on the way. I say hello to her and it turns out she was going to the same meeting. I never talked to this girl in my class because I'm always busy working on Sayaka in that class. So I find out her name is Kristin and I had another great conversation with her! This meeting was about joining some kind of coed service fraternity and neither of us had been there before. And we both went there alone so we kind of had a special connection. I know what it's like to go to campus organizations by myself and not know anyone there. This service thing seems very involving and the dues are pretty expensive. But I told her I would probably stick with it and I think that made her decide to do so too.

Angela called me back but I didn't answer because I was in the meeting. I called her again on the way home but again she didn't answer. I'll try again tomorrow, and if she doesn't answer I will leave a message.

So this was a pretty good day, I made a lot of progress. Even though I didn't start one conversation with a stranger. Maybe you guys can help me with my thought process.

I see: A girl sitting at a table eating.
I think: I can't bother her, she's eating, that would be rude. What am I supposed to do, just go up and introduce myself? That's crazy, I can't do that.

I see: A girl sitting at a table studying.
I think: I can't bother someone when they're studying! They're here to study, not be harassed by strangers. And what would I say? Hello, nice to meet you? It would be completely unnatural and she would wonder why the heck someone I am talking to her.

I see: A girl sitting at a table, doing nothing.
I think: She must be waiting for someone else. I can't bother her, what would I say? Just sit down and start chatting? That's crazy, I can't do that!

I see: A guy reading a newspaper
I think: I can't just go up to him and ask "Hey, anything good in there?" He will think I'm trying to flirt with him or something. It would come across totally unnatural and he would wonder why I was talking to him.

I see: A girl looking at magazines in the bookstore
I think: I can't go talk to her. She is going to wonder why the heck I am talking to her. She'll think I'm crazy!

I can't help but put myself in their shoes and think about what I would think if someone started talking to me like that. I would think they're crazy or they wanted something from me.

 

[Matt Rogers]

Good work, Dapper. If you get given a number call it. You will find that knowing the truth is far more liberating then constantly worrying whether she likes you. Wait a few days, call her, and ask her out on a date. With Angela leave it a few days before calling her. Try calling her on a Sunday evening-that is when I phone girls, and usually catch them.

Re your special situations:

Situation 1: Just go up and say "Mind if I join you?" Unless she is a total ***** she will have to say yes. Then you just say something like "Hi. I'm Dapper Swindler" If she ignores you-then so what, but there is a chance she will respond positively then you are off!

In a library just try and catch her eye and smile (if she is really studying no point, but she prob wants the distraction). If she returns the smile, just go up to her and say "Whatya studying? Or my fave "Does that book have pictures? (always gets a laugh)

Forget the guy-you don't want to pick up guys- and I agree it does sound gay.

 

[MrCode]

Dapper, remember not to project your own beliefs and feelings on other people. Not everyone immediately assumes a stranger talking to them is crazy or wants something. If you are friendly and genuine about it and are a good conversationalist, most people will enjoy it.

While it is certainly good to talk to dateable girls in the Boot Camp Week 2, the point is to just talk to anyone to get over your fear of approaching and talking to strangers. That includes talking to men. As long as you don't come on to them overtly, guys aren't going to think you are some gay guy hitting on them.

From now on assume strangers are really lonely and desperately want to be talked to. The funny thing, as you go through the boot camp you will notice yourself becoming the kind of person who likes talking to strangers, and you will no longer assume they want something if they initiated it. It is all just about being a friendly, fun person.

 

[OldNumb3r7]

Hey Dap,

Alot of those though processes would be exactly whats going through my mind. Very entertaining journal. Ill read this and maybe learn a thing or two.

 

[Dapper Swindler]

I think what we're supposed to do is realize that even if a person thinks we are crazy for talking to them, that is not something that can hurt us. So they might tell you, "Get lost creep!" So what? How does that harm you? Words don't do anything.

At least that's the right attitude, although I still haven't achieved it.

Today I talked to a girl named Allison a little in one of my classes. I've talked to her before. We mostly just talked about the class. I saw her sitting alone after class and I should have sat down with her and talked some more. Another regret I have to live with.

I end up not talking to anyone in my other classes. I just choose the wrong time and place to sit down and am often surrounded by empty chairs. Maybe I do this subconsciously.

EDIT: Another dumb thing I did today. I started talking to the guy who asks me every day if I'm registered to vote on campus. The conversation was lacking and I asked if she knew Rachel (the girl I met who I had a nice convo with who does the voting registration thing). And I asked him to tell her hello from me, he even wrote that down. It will look pretty pathetic when/if this guy tells her that some dude named Dapper Swindler that she barely talked to 5 minutes over a week ago was asking about her. Oh well.
EDIT: Also while I was talking to this dude I said I was interested in doing volunteer work for them and got a phone number to call. I would get to harass strangers on campus and tell them not to vote for Bush and they get to tell me to fu ck off. What better way to build an immunity to rejection. Do you guys think I should try to do this?

The Japanese Conversation Club was awful. This "friend" of mine was there and I despise him like sin. He always acts like an obnoxious spoiled brat attention *****. He won't ever shut up. He constantly spews out the most asinine shi t he can think of. And I know he loves hanging out with asian girls because they aren't quite familiar with English enough to realize that he's a complete fool. I just sat there most of the time and thought about how much I hate him. Obviously, I am bitter. It's a long story. Instead of bit ching about it, how about I just stop talking to him and consider dropping this club?

Afterwards I did call Angela again and she answered this time. I haven't felt that nervous calling a girl since middle school. I had met her briefly several days ago and can barely remember what she looks like. It was sort of an awkward call. She seemed happy to hear from me but disinterested at the same time, it's hard to explain. But I think I know what it is. It is what I had always feared, this girl is just not very bright. I don't know how I feel about that. She said that we should do something this weekend. So I took that as enough incentive to invite her to the club tomorrow for the office party. She gets in free and it's bottomless cup for $5. She said she definitely wants to go. I can't help but have expectations for what will happen tomorrow night. Drunk + dumb + dancing seems like a good combination of elements for someone trying to get laid. I don't think that's what I'm looking for at this point (of course it is, why do I still lie to myself?), but having expectations like that is a very bad idea. Here's hoping I keep it cool.

 

[kel]

Great to hear how it all went! However it goes with Angela, so it goes! If you end up both having a great time and then f*cking like bunnies, then great. But no matter what, you still won. You met her, got her number, called her, got a date with her. That's better than you were doing before, man.

Dont worry about your bastard friend at the JCC thing. Girls can see through that; have faith in them. Its really easy to see he NEEDS the attention. While he's trying to be the center of attention, you can sit back and just be the chill dude. DONT SULK. You gotta LOVE that he's working his ass off while you're quietly superior to him. Get the idea of the attitude? Dont focus too much on one girl, dont' try to entertain EVeRYONE at once. The attitude you're going for here is the party host attitude, even if its not your party! You chat with everyone, but not for too long cuz you've got to "make the rounds", ya know? This shows that you're social, like talking to everyone, etc. And it'll make the ladies (and guys) compete for your attention. The other dude is GIVING everyone HIS attention, so he's just a clown to them.

Get the big picture here? I imagine you do Great work on the boot camp, mate! Keep up the good work. You're doin awesome!

--Kel

 

[Dapper Swindler]

Eh, I guess the date was okay, but I feel crummy it didn't go better. Today I woke up late and decided to skip my first class. I was a little late to my second class and only said hello to Sayaka and Kristin. Sayaka is probably sick of me bothering her anyway.

I went home to clean my apartment and get dinner ready. I started looking for showtimes for Shuan of the Dead because I have invited about twenty people to see it tomorrow before the party. Turns out it is only out in limited release and is nowhere to be found where I live or even in this part of the state. How fu cking stupid is that? Advertise for a movie for two months and then not allow people to see it? Now I have to call everyone back and tell them we're not seeing it. I wish I could think of something else fun to do.

So I walk to Angela's dorm to pick her up. Guys, I don't know what's going on with her. I could barely get her to talk all night. She is either extremely shy, extremely dumb, or extremely boring, or maybe a mix of the three. When she did talk she was so quiet I had to keep asking her to repeat herself and she never had anything interesting to say. She hardly ever smiled or even looked at me. I kept trying to ask her questions about stuff to get her talking but they never went anywhere. I couldn't figure out how to respond to her because she was totally devoid of any body language. She told me at the beginning that she couldn't stay out too late because she had to go to do homework and she couldn't miss her 8:00 class the next day because she had used all her absences already. I was hoping she would have so much fun that she would change her mind. She did stay almost until midnight but then I took her home. She did dance a while with me before she left. That's when I realized she also has no idea how to dance either. I couldn't get her to do anything other than the knee grinding thing.

I did catch another guy say something to her while I was getting us drinks. It made me think that any cool guy could sweep in and snatch up any chick this timid. So why can't I? I'm not sure if her shyness of whatever makes her easier to pick up on or harder because you can't read how she's feeling.

I took her home but didn't kiss her or anything. She said she had a good time but I really have no idea if she did or not. I can't read how she's feeling at all. Maybe she had the best time of her life or the worst, I have no idea.

I actually went back to the club after I took her home, but didn't have any luck with meeting anyone else. I might have had more fun if I had just went alone, drank a lot, and tried to dance with some other girl. I wouldn't mind seeing Angela again but I have no idea when to make a move because I can't read her.

EDIT: I wonder, do I like Angela or do I just want her to like me? I don't see much about her that I really admire but I still want to see her again, but is that just because I want to get her to like me? Or, are there any girl that I genuinely like, or just girls that I want to like me? I can't really think of any girls that have qualities that I like about them. I honestly can't tell the difference, if there even is one.

 

[Dapper Swindler]

Need A Fresh Start

I guess I've really dug myself into a hole. I'm being dragged down by too much stuff on my mind. I never really did have a party on Friday. People stopped by but no one stayed long and it never really took off. That's alright though, it was stressing me out having to convince people to come over. There are relationships with people that have left a sour taste. I did something regrettable this weekend that is really crushing my mood. I miss being an AFC with a blank slate and a clean mind, now I'm an AFC with a sour and troubled mind. I don't know how else to describe it. I wrote about earlier how the main reason girls aren't attracted to me is because I am subconsciously always in a bad mood and it affects everything about me. Now, situations have made it even a conscious bad mood. There are opportunities all around me but I can't even say hello anymore, much less talk to people. I'm not in a good mood, I'm not confident at all, I don't want to try. And those missed opportunities just make it all worse.

So I'm going to try to just cut out all these thoughts that are burdening me. I'm going to forgive myself for anything I've done wrong and cut out relationships that are only causing me distress. This is easier said than done; does anyone know any techniques for cleaning your mind of negative thoughts?

I'm going to try it anyway. Then tomorrow will be a new day and full of new opportunities. I'll do things right and post about them here. Goodnight.

 

[duke007]

Don't lose hope now, you've come too far that. Everyone has their off days. The moment you do a good approach or get a number all the negative feelings will be erased.

And I would forget about Angela. I met a girl like this earlier in the year and I kept her dangling a bit for the wrong reasons. I justified it by thinking she'd "improve" in time but of course that didn't happen. I think I ended up hurting her

duke007

 

[nokio]

Dapper.......

Hey man,

I used to be very shy and didn't have a lot of confidence.
The one thing I would suggest that you do is keep plowing
ahead and do something that one of the guys suggested earlier
in the beginning of the posts I've read. Just walk up to any woman that you're attracted to and ask her if she's single......
a lot of them will get "Deer in Traffic" eyes and give you an
honest answer. If she says yes ask her "what are you up to?"
(translates as: "what are you doing") Then tell her, "Hey I got to get going, but can I keep in contact with you.... What's your #"...
If she's giving you a hard time say "Do you use email? (It will throw her off) Then ask for her email address and say "No harm in that"... (I personally ask for the email with girls who have boyfriends!!) I get a kick out of possibly taking another guy's girl....

Do this 10 to 15 times a day and watch the results man!!!

 

[evolvingnerd]

wow dapper
you've truly inspired me
i read through the entire post and i reckon u've come miles ahead in a matter of no time
congrats

just please stick with it, cause it also gives some of us hope