The Ultimate Bootcamp

[waldo]

From reading this it sounds like you had a really good first day, then it went downhill afterwards.

I think I'm right in saying your at college/uni?, if this is the case then I'm sure if you just keep up talking to girls in your classes etc then things will get better.

What happened to that Japanese girl?, invite her round for dinner and maybe you'll get better results...

Good luck anyway, the more effort you put into this sort of thing the more you'll get out of it.

 

[Dapper Swindler]

Hey guys. I'm a little drunk right now but I'll try to give the details on today.

I didn't do a single hello, but not because I was pissed over anything, just didn't have an opportunity.

In my first class I made a few comments to some girl I was sitting next to but she wasn't very responsive. I think there should be a rule of three. After three comments and she doesn't reply with more than a few words, then next her.

In my next class I did talk to that Japanese girl. I even asked her to go for a walk to a cafe and she said yes. I think it went well, although on one on one I tend to clam up. I clammed up even more because she isn't perfect with English and I tried not to talk about anything too complicated. Although my experience with foreign girls has been that they can perceive an awkward moment better than it seems.

I walked her back to her dorm room even though she said I didn't have to. I felt like I was being a little needy by doing that. But then she asked if I wanted to eat at the dorm with her and her roommate and I made a smart move by saying I had plans with other friends (which I did). I should have number closed but I didn't. I will the next time I see her. But I don't think much will come of this relationship so there's no point on going oneitis over this.

Tonight I went to the dance club. Or as I call it, "the writhing pit of flesh and failure and shattered confidence". Okay, I don't really call it that, I just made it up now. Anyway, I hate going there because I always get my feelings hurt. It's sort of like real life relationships that work extremely fast. There are approaches, rejections, acceptions, break ups, all in a matter of minutes. Maybe I'll write a post about it, but I'm too drunk now. Anyway, it was overall disappointing but I'd be lying if I said I didn't get a single bite. Although by the time I did the chicks there are so drunk they don't give a **** who comes up behind them.

So here I am. Frustrated, drunk, and lonely. It's very hard leaving "the writhing pit of flesh and failure and shattered confidence" and coming home all alone. I'm tempted to call every female listed on my phone and ask if they want to come over for sex. But some sober part of me is telling me that would be a bad idea.

By the way, I need to thank every single person who posts on this thread. It really means a lot. Even if I don't reply, I do read and seriously consider everything you guys say. So thanks.

 

[SealTeamSix]

I suppose you are univ/college student?

Ok, you are in better situation than me. Believe me, you can find friends .. lots of them in short period time when u are in school.

Join circle/groups. Join dance classes, book club, join anything and everything even if you do not like what they do. Just go. Talk to guys and find out who is interested in going bar or clubbing with you. Its ok they are not into DJing or they are AFC .. Going clubbing with buddies will help you with some confidence.

BTW, I started off my game at clubs. Clubs is the ultimate battle ground for DJing. if you can do in club, u can do it anywhere. So, you will improve drastically fast.

Now, assuming u have a wing or two, when u are at the club, trying to have fun. Do not drink too much. You want to practice approaching without alchole in ur system. Just enjoy the night, talk to people, not just girls, guys too. Loosen your self that way.

Now, when you approach, crack a big smile and say whatever u like .. if she smile you back, YOU ARE IN (any smile will do). From that point, you should think that this is + result reguardless what happens after. But do not walk away from the girl. Make her to leave. Say anything as much as u can. Its only a practice.

Even if she does not smile u back or giving you face .. I still see this as + result. Why? Cuz you approached a girl. that itself shows that you are more confident than 80% other losers in a club. Now, this is where your wing comes handy, whenever something like this happens, tell your wing about it, make fun of it.. trust me on this .. its fun ..

 

[Omega]

Hey, good job on deciding to better yourself. Whta you have to realize is you don't have a chance with these ladies, they have a chance with you.

Your the prize, make them claim it.

 

[Dapper Swindler]

Yes. As I was walking around the city tonight, peeking at all the clubs, I realize again how great it would be to have wingmen. Too bad none of my friends are into going to clubs. They either have girlfriends or don't care to make any effort to get women. The frustrating thing is that all my friends that have girlfriends used to be the guys that never made any effort to get women. So how they got women is obviously from some spiteful magic created only to frustrate me.

I only got 5 hellos today. There just wasn't enough people out. So far, I've been saying hello to women who pass by me outside campus that make some kind of eye contact. I guess I could say hello to them inside places too. I'm going to make myself do 21 tomorrow to complete the exercise.

I'm considering ditching my friends tonight and going to "the writhing pit of flesh and failure and shattered confidence" because at least I have a chance to meet someone as opposed to sitting here in my apartment with dudes. Except I'm afraid if I go I will be frustrated, angry, drunk, and lonely like I was last night. It's easier to just avoid it.

 

[Omega]

Go to a large club alone and sarge by yourself. You must learn indepedance!

 

[thebsharp]

Hey maybe you can post a picture of yourself so we can see what you need to improve on look wise.

 

[Dapper Swindler]

Whoah, I had to dig through a few pages to unearth my bootcamp here. Yes, the first week of bootcamp is taking more than a week. But I did learn a very powerful lesson. I let one bad incident break me down and let it affect everything else in my life, including bootcamp. If I had just let go of the negative experience and continue doing my best then I would have felt better. But instead I just wallowed in pity letting one problem compile into a bunch of other problems. And in the end I'm behind on bootcamp. But at least I'm learning though right?

thebsharp: Thanks for the suggestion. I don't have a decent available picture of myself though. I would take the trouble to get one but I don't think anyone can help too much in that area. I don't think being unnattractive is a problem. My clothes are nice, my hair is always good. The only problem may be that I'm too skinny. But I'm already working on that. Also my appearance might go down because my mannerisms are pretty awkward I think. But that's not something you could tell from a picture. If I happen to find one I'll post it anyway.

So I still have some hellos left before I get to 50. Good thing, I'm anxious to actually talk to these people rather than say hello. Although I don't know how I'll be able since saying hello has been so difficult. Or at least time consuming.

I saw the Japanese girl I had coffee with the other day. She was walking with two other guys so I felt envious and insecure and didn't say hello. Such feelings will inevitably lead to oneitis and my mannerisms toward her will be uncomfortable and awkward.

This is the part of the year when I go to the first meetings of many organizations on campus and quickly realize how ****ty they are. Today I went to Amnesty International. There was only two decent looking girls there. A guy wearing a "vote green party shirt" rambled on about how terrible the death penalty was in Missouri. It was a colossal waste of time. It was only half an hour, but in theory it was three hours. My classes ended at 4 and the meeting was from 6:30 to 7. Two and a half hours isn't enough time for me to go home or do anything else productive, so I had to kill time until then. If this thing was at 4:00 then I could go right after class and not waste my whole night on this thing. Does this make sense to anyone else? Organizations like this just aren't worth my time.

After that I went to the English club. There were actually some cool people there and they talked about events coming up which might actually be interesting. I'll stick with this one.

I still feel awful over Girl A and the dinner thing. I keep trying to convince myself that she is unreasonable and i did everything right. But I can't help but think that maybe she was right to be "offended" by what I did and I am the unreasonable one. Since she flat out rejected me and my foolish attempts to win her over I feel like I want her to like me that much more. It's creating an awkward and uncomfortable feeling that is the same as oneitis. I think if I'll never be able to act natural around her again like I could before I made a move. I guess the lesson here is, never try.

 

[Dapper Swindler]

A few more hellos to go. I plan on doing this exercise again in conjunction with the second week exercise.

Today, I went to class ready to talk to someone. I ended up talking to Amber a little bit. She's not an HB or even a B, but at least I got some practice talking to someone I didn't know very well.

In my next class I talked a little bit with Sayaka. After class I asked her to come to another dinner party which I will be having this Thursday. I'll be inviting 3 people who didn't come to the last one. And let's hope this one doesn't turn out to be a complete disaster.

After class I worked on some hellos. There are people on campus that constantly stop you and bug you a few minutes about being registered to vote. I didn't mind at first, but every day at least 3 people ask me. I guess I still don't really mind, but I'm sure other people are getting irritated by it. Without thinking I started talking to this girl who had asked me about voting. I told her how I thought it must be difficult to talk to strangers who can be rude. She really appreciated that I noticed because she said sometimes people are really rude to her. I think that observation really helped because she seemed really happy to talk to me. We talked for a few minutes. I didn't number close but I'll probably see her again. Her name is Rachel.

Then I did my laundry. I wasn't sure if I would be going to go to Buffalo Wild Wings tonight because I was going to go to a meeting for some other student organization. I missed the meeting location so I didn't go. And there was no BWW either so I stayed home a few hours tonight.

Tomorrow, I will complete the exercise even if it kills me. I need to start thinking of lines to approach people with for the second exercise.

 

[Unforsaken]

Nice job your showing progress. Your not scared to talk to strangers anymore. Keep up the good work.


Also, Next time you see Rachel try to close the deal. When your about to go say "Hey, can I get your #?". If she ask "What for?". Just say "To talk, what else". (also be prepared with piece of paper and pen. You never know who might cross your path that day.)

 

[Dapper Swindler]

Okay, the exercise is completed. The hellos are finished and it feels pretty good. From now one I will say hello to strangers all the time, wherever I'm at. I will try to do 50 every week just from my normal activities, rather than walking back and forth through campus for two hours a day.

I started physically exercising too. My arms hurt now and I can't make them straight until the muscle heals. Does anyone know how I can fix this?

I'm having another dinner party tomorrow. Sayaka is coming this time and my cool friends Aaron and his girlfriend Gina. I'm hoping being around Aaron will bring out the more humorous side of me that seems to get shut away when I'm on one-on-one with Sayaka or any other girl for that matter.

My birthday is next week and I don't really have any plans. The last few years since I've been trying all of this I used to milk my birthday as a social obligation for people to be nice to me and pay attention to me. So I've had big parties and invited everyone I know. Can you guys give me any advice on how to use a birthday to my advantage or should I just have fun and not worry about the potential relationships it could bring in?

 

[Dapper Swindler]

Okay guys, I know you don't owe me anything and there's no reason for you to help me out. However, I think a lot of you are kind enough that if you realized how helpful it was for you to post on this thread then you would do it. It really does help. I actually thought of an idea like bootcamp a long time ago. It was the same idea of performing exercises like those described in bootcamp for the same purposes. But I always failed them. The reason was because I was alone and it was hard to make myself do things like that. But here I feel like I have support and if I fail at these exercises people are going to notice. So I think we should make a deal. I'll start posting on your bootcamp threads, and you post on mine too okay? Okay.

Today I went to class but couldn't find any girls to sit with. In my next I sat with Sayaka. She told me she had a fever and couldn't come to dinner tonight. Big surprise. I was skeptical, although I just said that it was okay. But later I overheard her telling another girl about how she bad she felt, so I guess she was telling the truth. Maybe I am too skeptical of people sometimes.

I went home and asked this girl who is a friend if she would like to take Sayaka's place. She said was busy and I got upset because she always says she's busy and can't spend one hour to eat food which she has to do anyway. I know that's not how I'm supposed to act, but she's supposedly a friend so I can be honest. It's a long story and I don't think I should go into it. I've been upset with her over things like this for a very long time. I even talk about being upset with her on an earlier post in this thread. I really should try not to talk to her anymore if all it does is upset me, destroy my mood and my self-esteem.

I called my friend Chris to come instead. So with no available girls at dinner I was able to just have fun.

No converations today. I let that other girl upset me and I was in a bad mood at the grocery store where I could have been trying to start conversations. At least my arms feel a little better.

 

[Dapper Swindler]

It all seems so hopeless.

Today it became very clear. I complained in an earlier post how the friends I have never make an effort to meet girls, yet eventually after a few years they might end up with one. However, I have never had any girl have any interest in me. There's nothing wrong with me, I'm not a bad looking guy. It used to be a mystery but I think I understand it now. It's because I'm always fvcking miserable. I didn't know I was, but in comparison to other people I must be. I see people always laughing, talking and having a good time. I'd be lying if I'm never like that, I am, for about 10 minutes a week on average. If I'm in an extremely good mood or drunk or something then I act like that. My friends even tell me bewilderedly that I only seem normal when I'm in these really good moods. And it's not like I feel bad all the time. Maybe I do and just can't tell anymore. I try to be friendly, confident, and outgoing. But no matter how hard I try people seem to think that I seem upset.

I don't know what I'm so upset about. Is it just being an AFC? I've always been like this. I've never been able to just act naturally happy. I think it goes way back to my childhood. I used to set unrealistic goals for myself and strive for emmaculate performance. When I didn't meet my goals I became very depressed. I remember seeing a counselor in the third grade because I was so upset about not being the smartest kid in my school or something. I can give many examples of this kind of beating myself up that I've done my entire life.

Tonight is just another example. My friends are people who don't mind if they have nothing to do on a Friday night, they're happy either way. But when I don't, I feel like a failure. Maybe subconsciously I'm upset because I don't feel like I'm doing well enough. I don't even know what my goals are anymore. Sometimes when I drive through a city and see how many houses are lined up, all practically identical, it makes me sad. There are so many people, how can I be special and better than all of them? How can I possibly be happy when I'm there's nothing more than average about me?

I think that's close to what is making me upset, although I'm not sure. And I don't know what to do about it. Am I just too ambitious? It's sad that if I could just be normal, I would have girls liking me without even trying. But at the same time, I think subconsciously I can't stand the thought of being normal.

I'm sorry, I don't think I have explained this very well.

 

[dualman7]

We're all like this. One day you will relaize that in the big picture, a lot of your concerns were invalid. You will be in your late 40's when it all clicks, and by then it will be all too late. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do about it. That's why they call it a mid-life crisis. Or maybe...just maybe, you can learn to live like that today? A lot of the things you seem to concern yourself with 24/7, the few smart ones wouldn't spend 5 minutes per day thinking about.

 

[TurboLover]

Originally posted by Dapper Swindler
Today I went to class but couldn't find any girls to sit with. In my next I sat with Sayaka. She told me she had a fever and couldn't come to dinner tonight. Big surprise. I was skeptical, although I just said that it was okay. But later I overheard her telling another girl about how she bad she felt, so I guess she was telling the truth. Maybe I am too skeptical of people sometimes.

This girl ATTENDED CLASS with a FEVER but couldn't hang out with you and your friends that night. Forget this chick she had no fever and if she did then she rather be at class sick then with you.

Can you honestly say girls were never interested in you. I mean have you asked them all.

I like reading Bootcamp threads, and go through pages looking for yours and a couple of others. So when you post something new I am going to read it.

Next time your out and have no success because you choked, remember that I am going to read about it. So hopefully you will go out and not punk-out and respond with some progress and success.

 

[Dapper Swindler]

WTF?! Success?!?!

After I made that last post I went out dancing again. This girl started dancing with me without hardly any initial contact. I figured she was either a very slutty drunk or she had no idea what she was doing. It turned out to be the latter. This was her first time there, so for once in my life, I was the one who understood the social rules of the place better. We danced a lot and talked outside, and danced some more. She left a few times and I didn't follow, although it was hard not to, but she came back. I think I did good job hiding how interested I was. At one point I was sitting with her and her friends outside and no one was talking or doing anything. I said I was going to go back inside and dance and she didn't come with me. That was hard but I did what I said I was going to do. Before she left I got her number and kissed her goodbye. I would go into more detail about this experience, but the more I think about it, the more oneitis I will get. If I get too excited about this then it's just going to hurt more when it falls apart.

So I will resist and not call her for a few days. I'm just afraid if I wait too long she will forget about me. I think I should wait until Tuesday because Monday is my birthday and that would really look desperate. Maybe I will invite her to have coffee and talk some more, and if we hit it off, plan something bigger later.

 

[Dapper Swindler]

Ugh, I hope someone gives me some advice before I screw this up. Okay, I know that's the wrong attitude to have. Oh well, so I considered this weekend a break from bootcamp and I'm going to start week 2 tomorrow. I went home this weekend to a wedding. I think I did learn a lot about myself by seeing how my relatives act towards other people. They're always so friendly, it's impossible for me to keep up. I just need to work harder on my life and feel better about myself; then I think it will be easier. My birthday is tomorrow, but I don't really have any plans. I think I'd rather have my birthday Friday so I can have a party. I realized I could just tell people my birthday is Friday and no one would know the difference. That means, unless someone warns me against it, I will probably call this girl tomorrow. I think it's time to read some articles about what to do now.

 

[MRomeo99]

First off bud, if I were you I would get Brian Tracy- The Psychology of Achievement tape set. You can usually get it on Ebay for about $20. You should listen to it over and over. Get rid of that stinkin thinkin.

Secondly, you yourself know EXACTLY why the girl A freaked out on you. You described it, you just didn't know that you had. The time before she came to dinner, you were hilarious and had her laughing the whole time. THAT was what she was attracted to.

When you cook dinner for a girl, you're supplicating. You're not being strong. I love to cook too, but I won't do it for girls that I haven't been out on at least 4-5 "dates". Everytime you act nice or needy, you're going to turn that buying temperature down. Not unless you're mack daddy gourmet chef whose Cheesecake makes panties evaporate.

Then you mentioned that you weren't very talkative, and the conversation was kind of stunted. What happened to the funny guy from last time you saw her? THAT was what she was attracted to.

Otherwise, I would say don't expect to be perfect. Just expect to do better today than you did yesterday. A week ago, no girl has EVER expressed interest in you. Two days ago, you're dancing with a girl, get the digits and a kiss. That's progress bro. Relax, have fun, don't worry about results, just have fun.

M

 

[Dapper Swindler]

Originally posted by MRomeo99
First off bud, if I were you I would get Brian Tracy- The Psychology of Achievement tape set. You can usually get it on Ebay for about $20. You should listen to it over and over. Get rid of that stinkin thinkin.

Secondly, you yourself know EXACTLY why the girl A freaked out on you. You described it, you just didn't know that you had. The time before she came to dinner, you were hilarious and had her laughing the whole time. THAT was what she was attracted to.

When you cook dinner for a girl, you're supplicating. You're not being strong. I love to cook too, but I won't do it for girls that I haven't been out on at least 4-5 "dates". Everytime you act nice or needy, you're going to turn that buying temperature down. Not unless you're mack daddy gourmet chef whose Cheesecake makes panties evaporate.

Then you mentioned that you weren't very talkative, and the conversation was kind of stunted. What happened to the funny guy from last time you saw her? THAT was what she was attracted to.

Otherwise, I would say don't expect to be perfect. Just expect to do better today than you did yesterday. A week ago, no girl has EVER expressed interest in you. Two days ago, you're dancing with a girl, get the digits and a kiss. That's progress bro. Relax, have fun, don't worry about results, just have fun.

M

Can you tell more about this Psychology of Achievement? I don't mind dropping $20 but it doesn't have a very long description of it at amazon.com. I already realize I have a bad attitude, I don't see how anything but success will change it.

Actually, I think if you knew all the details about the situation about Girl A, there would be other things that I screwed up on. But rather than analyze it to death anymore, I think it would be best for me to forget about it and move on.

Why did I clam up that night when I was more talkative earlier? I think it's because I put pressure on the situation. I was expecting something from it, I wasn't just trying to have fun. And also I can't help but clam up when I'm one-on-one with someone who isn't a close friend. I guess I need close friends around to feel comfortable. Or in other words, I just need to relax and have fun and stop thinking about what I'm trying to achieve with someone.

It's true, I did achieve some success two days ago. But I feel like all I did was be in the right place at the right time. But then again, I did make the decision to be brave and go out that night (alone) instead of stay home. I did dance with her without either groping her or shying away from the situation. I did talk to her in a friendly, confident way instead of a shy, desperate, and needy way. And I did ask for her number instead of letting her run off. Come to think of it, even though Sayaka cancelled on me, I did get her number this week too. That is two in one week, which is an improvement over zero in all of life before this week. Okay, that is a little bit of an exaggeration.

Thanks for replying.

 

[MRomeo99]

Can you tell more about this Psychology of Achievement? I don't mind dropping $20 but it doesn't have a very long description of it at amazon.com. I already realize I have a bad attitude, I don't see how anything but success will change it.

http://www.briantracy.com/catalog/product.asp?ProductID=27&CategoryID=7

I've had it for ten years, and have listened to it dozens of times. You can pick up a used one on Ebay for about 15-20.

A few other suggestions would be Think and Grow Rich- the 2 CD/Cass condensed version. Have listened to this hundreds of times. About $10 on Ebay.

And The Power of Ambition- Jim Rohn About $25-30 on Ebay.

Actually, I think if you knew all the details about the situation about Girl A, there would be other things that I screwed up on. But rather than analyze it to death anymore, I think it would be best for me to forget about it and move on.

I'm sure you're right. Move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea.

Why did I clam up that night when I was more talkative earlier? I think it's because I put pressure on the situation. I was expecting something from it, I wasn't just trying to have fun. And also I can't help but clam up when I'm one-on-one with someone who isn't a close friend. I guess I need close friends around to feel comfortable. Or in other words, I just need to relax and have fun and stop thinking about what I'm trying to achieve with someone.

You have to find a way to change your frame. I'll tell you what works for me. I am naturally a flirt so it may not be as easy for you. But, what I do is imagine that I have absolutely NO interest in the girl. How would I treat her if she was my little sister. I'd pick on her, have fun. Not get too serious about it, etc. I just try to have fun. I have no goal other than to have fun. If something else happens, so be it. Otherwise, I could care less. I'm sure you've had times when you've had fun with a girl you weren't interested in. Just try to get back in that frame.

It's true, I did achieve some success two days ago. But I feel like all I did was be in the right place at the right time. But then again, I did make the decision to be brave and go out that night (alone) instead of stay home. I did dance with her without either groping her or shying away from the situation. I did talk to her in a friendly, confident way instead of a shy, desperate, and needy way. And I did ask for her number instead of letting her run off. Come to think of it, even though Sayaka cancelled on me, I did get her number this week too. That is two in one week, which is an improvement over zero in all of life before this week. Okay, that is a little bit of an exaggeration.

Don't sell yourself short. Every little bit helps. Maybe it will take you longer than the six weeks, maybe less. No way to tell. You don't have to be perfect, you just have to try. Stop making it life and death. You're still young, you have time. You just have to be a little bit better today than you were yesterday. Two numbers is better than you had before you started your bootcamp. And who knows what next week will bring. Have fun, relax. I see you making huge gains, I'm proud of you. But who gives a sh1t. Be proud of yourself. You're trying, you're growing. That's hard, and more than most people ever do in their life.

Oh, and one other point to some of the earlier posts when you said you're not happy that much. Screw that, just fake it. Just pretend that you're the happiest person on the planet, and you're always in on the joke. If you fake it long enough, you'll eventually start to feel it. Tony Robbins had some good stuff on that in one of his books. Unlimited Power?? I can't remember. Faking emotions and body language is one of the best "fake" things you can do. Because just by pretending you will put yourself in that state.

HTH,

M