The TRUTH About "Spinning Plates" (The Good and the BAD)

[Harry Wilmington]

I've been on these boards on and off for a looooooong time, and there are several ideals that are repeated ad nausea on here.

One of the major points made on almost every post - particularly the ones where guys have one-i-tis - is that a guy should be "spinning plates;" i.e. going after multiple girls at one time so as not to obsess over any one of them in particular and cause them to run for the hills.

In theory, spinning plates is supposed to help a guy improve his game with women, and to an extent, it does. However, in analyzing my own experience with doing this, I have realized that there are good and bad things that can result from the spinning plates experience.

First, I'll point out some of the good stuff:

1. Spinning plates causes you to become indifferent to the dating outcome. When you're chasing after just ONE girl, it's easy for you to put pressure on yourself to have to MAKE it work. If you don't, there's a chance you may not find someone else to date you - at least that's what your brain convinces you to believe.

Juggling 5 or 6 girls, though, makes you care a LOT less about whether a girl leaves you. If one drops off, oh well - still got 4 more you can get action from, so it's all good!

2. Spinning plates allows you to realize that you CAN, in fact, attract women. And for former AFCs, this is a HUGE necessary boost their ego needs so they can be confident in attracting the women they REALLY want to date.

Even if they start out by messing around with some 5s or 6s, just having a few of them on the team can make them bold enough to try and holler at an 8 or 9. Again, if he doesn't get them, so what - he's still got some 5 or 6s in his stable. However, if he DOES catch that 8 or 9, now he's able to say he not only attracts women, but ATTRACTIVE ones to boot!

3. Spinning plates teaches you that you really don't have to jump through extra hoops to keep a girl interested. If you're dating 5 girls, you really don't want to spend a lot of money. However, because of your "take me as I am or leave it" attitude, you end up finding out that this attitude will keep them around longer than your money ever could have.

I remember a couple of years ago when I banged 3 different chicks in the course of one week. I didn't have to take any of them out, compliment them, or text them back and forth on the phone. All I did was invite them over (or go to their place), talk with them for a little bit, then BOOM - it was straight to ScrewTown! And all I kept thinking to myself was "Wow - sex and no dates?!? Why the heck was I trying to take chicks out before?!?"
--

Okay, so you've read the above and thought to yourself: "All that sounds great, so what could be BAD about spinning plates?!"

What I've learned is, spinning plates is meant to be used as a development tool. If you get into the practice of spinning plates for too long, though, some very negative things can start to develop...

1. Spinning plates places you in the mindset that you can't hold onto a woman long-term. After all, the reason you're spinning plates in the first place is to protect your heart and mind in the event that one, or even all, of them become disinterested in you.

So what happens? As soon as you get one woman, you start worrying about when she'll leave you, or see that you're "not really good enough for her." And so you go out and find another woman - whew! Now you have two of them... but what if BOTH decide to leave you? Time to go find a third one to juggle...

And so the cycle continues. And despite how many women you're juggling at one time, you're never completely confident that you've captured any of their hearts. Quite sad, really...

2. Spinning plates put you in the mode of always, looking for the "bigger, better" deal. After a few years of spinning plates, I started meeting QUALITY women - lawyers, scientists, teachers, or just girls who had a nice giving personality - and I'd find that I still wasn't satisfied. Not because they were necessarily doing anything WRONG, but because once I knew I had them, I had trained myself to start looking for the next girl.

And it sucked because these girls would be REALLY into me - I mean, willing to do just about anything I asked them to - and I would still be in "hunt" mode. I would continue going to parties and flirt with other women, and could justify doing so because, in my head, the girl who thought we were developing into something was, to me, "just another plate I was spinning."

3. Spinning plates now allows you to become comfortable with cheating on your girlfriend/spouse later on. It may seemed far fetched, but think about it: how many of the plates you're spinning actually KNOW that you're dating/sleeping with other girls when you're not with her? (Some of you will say "I tell all of them;" bravo for your honesty, but most of the guys on this board are not like this. Especially if they're former AFCs, they're not trying to LOSE women by telling them they're sleeping with others.)

It allows you to practice hiding your various affairs. And it puts you in the practice of always having more than one girl to get with. So, when you finally DO find that one that you think could be "the one..." regardless of how much you love her and want to be with her, you'll STILL find yourself wanting to see if you "still have it" and are able to have other girls find you attractive.
---

So why do we advocate "spinning plates" so hard on these boards? Here's what I've figured out:

We advise guys to spin plates so they won't be so obsessed over one particular girl. And that's fine. However, the ultimate GOAL of spinning plates is so that a guy will build up his confidence and believe that he IS a prize to be won, and that he should be indifferent to his outcomes with women - either they will like him and stay, or not like him and leave; and if they leave, so what because he can always get another one.

Now, spinning multiple plates does have the proof aspect of this last statement on its side. However, a guy should desire getting to the point where, if things between him and a girl aren't going well, he is able to walk away and be fine... even if he doesn't have any other plates spinning.

That's what most guys' problem is. They feel they need to spin plates out of some kind of fear of pain should the girl they desire most leave them. They are too attached to the outcome. They need to get to a point where they can date just ONE girl, and realize that if she leaves he's going to be okay because he's confident he can get another one, even if it takes a while.

Spinning plates does this; however, once you've become confident in your ability to attract women, you should consider dating just ONE girl at a time. You CAN, in fact, be a guy who's not needy, not always calling/texting a girl, not obsessing over her, etc. while dating just ONE girl. AND, when you DO finally meet "the one" (for those of you who still believe in this concept - I know I do), you won't have to fight your inner self's desire to continue trying to get other women due to years of training yourself not to have self control over doing so.

Hope this helps!

 

[Aristippus]

Here's a quote from another topic that is relevant to what you were discussing......

I hear people on here say "spin plates". They're talking about having many women. I say do something better than juggling women. Be passionate about life. Enjoy the simple pleasures. Enjoy your friends. Enjoy your interests. Enjoy goofing off. Enjoy pursuing your professional goals. Enjoy your family. Enjoy physical activity. Enjoy reading. Enjoy being with people. Enjoy your alone time. Enjoy new experiences. Enjoy old experiences. Enjoy the peace of mind of not dealing with drama.

Enjoy being friends with women. Enjoy kissing women. Enjoy going home with them. Or enjoy when you weed one out who isn't worth your time. If you only get a hug, enjoy it. If you get a kiss, enjoy it. Make your standards for behavior for yourself and for others high. Worship these standards as if they were living gods. Be a man of your word. Be a good man and expect nothing less than a good woman (or women). Let THESE things be your so-called "plates". Then women will have very little power over you. You already have dozens of things that you enjoy. And dozens that are important to you. THESE are the real "plates".

Spin them over and over until you get dizzy. And keep spinning them. Then when a woman says "I can't hang out tonight." You can honestly say "That's fine. We'll do it another time.". But maybe on the inside of your head you're saying "COOL! Now I can go watch that movie I've been wanting to see!" or "Great! Now I can go visit my friend and we can go out and have a few drinks!" Or "Great! Now I can hang out here and read or meditate.". Now you're in a place where every possible outcome leads to success because the definition of success has changed completely, according to YOUR wishes.

 

[backbreaker]

I know for a fa ct that you have never spun plates, beucase none of the 3 negatives are true in real life.

1. Spinning plates places you in the mindset that you can't hold onto a woman long-term.

the 2 longest relationships i have ever had.. a year and about 3 months and my wife of 4 years, spent a combined 11 months as plates.

spinning plates has nothing to do with thinking you can hold on to a woman long term, it just gurantees you that you don't hold on to a woman for the simple fact that you can't get another. it guarantees you that the one you decide tod ate, is actually worth holding on to.

2. Spinning plates put you in the mode of always, looking for the "bigger, better" deal. After a few years of spinning plates, I started meeting QUALITY women - lawyers, scientists, teachers, or just girls who had a nice giving personality - and I'd find that I still wasn't satisfied. Not because they were necessarily doing anything WRONG, but because once I knew I had them, I had trained myself to start looking for the next girl.

being a doctor or a lawyer does not make a woman a quality woman.. you are still very much in AFC mode. you are using things that the media tells you that you should use to quality a woman's character.. thinking a woman lawyer is a better catch is straight out of feminism 101 play book.

i've plate spun a few lawyers, they are ****ty beucse they have to argue about everything,t hey work ****ty hours and they are all on the marriage fast track. **** that.

and who says a woman has to do anything wrong for you not to like them? sometimes you dont' mesh.

3. Spinning plates now allows you to become comfortable with cheating on your girlfriend/spouse later on. It may seemed far fetched, but think about it:

i rest my case lol. you re god damn right it's far fetched beucase you pulled it from the planet neptune.

you have no ****ing clue what you are talking about. if you plate spun a woman right and you decided to give up the life style to date her after 3-4 months.. why would i want to cheat on her/ if i was done ****ing other women i would not have dated her in the first place. ovbiusly i like the girl enough to stop doing the **** i was doing and give her a fair shot

i havce been with my now wife for what.. 4 years and some months.. i can honestly say the thought to cheat on her, while we were actually exclusive then engaged then married, has never crossed my mind once. nor did it when i was dating the to the other girl i was dating for over a year.



take the theory somewhere else. i hate to be so blunt but guys blabbering about **** they don't do is what ruins this site.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

I know for a fact that you have never spun plates,

Hold up, pause.

Look, I don't care if you disagree with anything I say on this site, but I do take offense at you questioning the things I've experienced as far as it pertains to dating. Bottom line, I'm not a keyboard jockey who is secretly on here giving advice while not ever going out on actual dates, having actual girlfriends, spinning actual plates or anything like that.

Anything I dole out is based on my experiences dating, a point I usually tend to express prior to or somewhere during the postings. So, just because it's not something you experienced during your dating tenure doesn't mean it isn't something that others who go through the spinning plates process won't experience.

I like your rebuttles on here because they give me different avenues of thought to think of things from and/or a different perspective. But again, I do NOT like being disrespected or being told I'm not doing the ish I type about. Real talk, my dad died when I was young, before he could start giving me dating tips, and I went through YEARS of getting bad dating advice from women AND men who didn't know what they were talking about - and it sucked.

The LAST thing I'd want to do on this site is give out advice or opinions that would harm a guy in his dating journey, which is why I ONLY respond to and/or put up post based on things I've actually done that worked for ME, in hopes that it may work for someone else. Next time, at least ASK me if I've experienced this stuff before making assumptions that I'm just on here spewing out the first thing that comes to my head.

 

[Trump]

Here's a quote from another topic that is relevant to what you were discussing....

Originally Posted by Aristippus

I hear people on here say "spin plates". They're talking about having many women. I say do something better than juggling women. Be passionate about life. Enjoy the simple pleasures. Enjoy your friends. Enjoy your interests. Enjoy goofing off. Enjoy pursuing your professional goals. Enjoy your family. Enjoy physical activity. Enjoy reading. Enjoy being with people. Enjoy your alone time. Enjoy new experiences. Enjoy old experiences. Enjoy the peace of mind of not dealing with drama.

Enjoy being friends with women. Enjoy kissing women. Enjoy going home with them. Or enjoy when you weed one out who isn't worth your time. If you only get a hug, enjoy it. If you get a kiss, enjoy it. Make your standards for behavior for yourself and for others high. Worship these standards as if they were living gods. Be a man of your word. Be a good man and expect nothing less than a good woman (or women). Let THESE things be your so-called "plates". Then women will have very little power over you. You already have dozens of things that you enjoy. And dozens that are important to you. THESE are the real "plates".

Spin them over and over until you get dizzy. And keep spinning them. Then when a woman says "I can't hang out tonight." You can honestly say "That's fine. We'll do it another time.". But maybe on the inside of your head you're saying "COOL! Now I can go watch that movie I've been wanting to see!" or "Great! Now I can go visit my friend and we can go out and have a few drinks!" Or "Great! Now I can hang out here and read or meditate.". Now you're in a place where every possible outcome leads to success because the definition of success has changed completely, according to YOUR wishes.

I don't know bro, if you are always enjoying everything the girl may think you are a little bit crazy or high all the time. You can like some things, but I always get suspicious when girls laugh too much or smile too much, you think they have an ulterior motive.

If a girl said "I can't hang out tonight" I would be angry. She either a) got a better offer b) bf came back in town c) she's using me for an ego. I wouldn't be "great, I can go hang with my buddy now." You act like this they will think you are off the wall.

I think getting respect is more important than enjoying everything. When girls respect you, they know you are not kidding and are a straight shooter.

 

[pete101]

I've been on these boards on and off for a looooooong time, and there are several ideals that are repeated ad nausea on here.

One of the major points made on almost every post - particularly the ones where guys have one-i-tis - is that a guy should be "spinning plates;" i.e. going after multiple girls at one time so as not to obsess over any one of them in particular and cause them to run for the hills.

In theory, spinning plates is supposed to help a guy improve his game with women, and to an extent, it does. However, in analyzing my own experience with doing this, I have realized that there are good and bad things that can result from the spinning plates experience.

First, I'll point out some of the good stuff:

1. Spinning plates causes you to become indifferent to the dating outcome. When you're chasing after just ONE girl, it's easy for you to put pressure on yourself to have to MAKE it work. If you don't, there's a chance you may not find someone else to date you - at least that's what your brain convinces you to believe.

Juggling 5 or 6 girls, though, makes you care a LOT less about whether a girl leaves you. If one drops off, oh well - still got 4 more you can get action from, so it's all good!

2. Spinning plates allows you to realize that you CAN, in fact, attract women. And for former AFCs, this is a HUGE necessary boost their ego needs so they can be confident in attracting the women they REALLY want to date.

Even if they start out by messing around with some 5s or 6s, just having a few of them on the team can make them bold enough to try and holler at an 8 or 9. Again, if he doesn't get them, so what - he's still got some 5 or 6s in his stable. However, if he DOES catch that 8 or 9, now he's able to say he not only attracts women, but ATTRACTIVE ones to boot!

3. Spinning plates teaches you that you really don't have to jump through extra hoops to keep a girl interested. If you're dating 5 girls, you really don't want to spend a lot of money. However, because of your "take me as I am or leave it" attitude, you end up finding out that this attitude will keep them around longer than your money ever could have.

I remember a couple of years ago when I banged 3 different chicks in the course of one week. I didn't have to take any of them out, compliment them, or text them back and forth on the phone. All I did was invite them over (or go to their place), talk with them for a little bit, then BOOM - it was straight to ScrewTown! And all I kept thinking to myself was "Wow - sex and no dates?!? Why the heck was I trying to take chicks out before?!?"
--

Okay, so you've read the above and thought to yourself: "All that sounds great, so what could be BAD about spinning plates?!"

What I've learned is, spinning plates is meant to be used as a development tool. If you get into the practice of spinning plates for too long, though, some very negative things can start to develop...

1. Spinning plates places you in the mindset that you can't hold onto a woman long-term. After all, the reason you're spinning plates in the first place is to protect your heart and mind in the event that one, or even all, of them become disinterested in you.

So what happens? As soon as you get one woman, you start worrying about when she'll leave you, or see that you're "not really good enough for her." And so you go out and find another woman - whew! Now you have two of them... but what if BOTH decide to leave you? Time to go find a third one to juggle...

And so the cycle continues. And despite how many women you're juggling at one time, you're never completely confident that you've captured any of their hearts. Quite sad, really...

2. Spinning plates put you in the mode of always, looking for the "bigger, better" deal. After a few years of spinning plates, I started meeting QUALITY women - lawyers, scientists, teachers, or just girls who had a nice giving personality - and I'd find that I still wasn't satisfied. Not because they were necessarily doing anything WRONG, but because once I knew I had them, I had trained myself to start looking for the next girl.

And it sucked because these girls would be REALLY into me - I mean, willing to do just about anything I asked them to - and I would still be in "hunt" mode. I would continue going to parties and flirt with other women, and could justify doing so because, in my head, the girl who thought we were developing into something was, to me, "just another plate I was spinning."

3. Spinning plates now allows you to become comfortable with cheating on your girlfriend/spouse later on. It may seemed far fetched, but think about it: how many of the plates you're spinning actually KNOW that you're dating/sleeping with other girls when you're not with her? (Some of you will say "I tell all of them;" bravo for your honesty, but most of the guys on this board are not like this. Especially if they're former AFCs, they're not trying to LOSE women by telling them they're sleeping with others.)

It allows you to practice hiding your various affairs. And it puts you in the practice of always having more than one girl to get with. So, when you finally DO find that one that you think could be "the one..." regardless of how much you love her and want to be with her, you'll STILL find yourself wanting to see if you "still have it" and are able to have other girls find you attractive.
---

So why do we advocate "spinning plates" so hard on these boards? Here's what I've figured out:

We advise guys to spin plates so they won't be so obsessed over one particular girl. And that's fine. However, the ultimate GOAL of spinning plates is so that a guy will build up his confidence and believe that he IS a prize to be won, and that he should be indifferent to his outcomes with women - either they will like him and stay, or not like him and leave; and if they leave, so what because he can always get another one.

Now, spinning multiple plates does have the proof aspect of this last statement on its side. However, a guy should desire getting to the point where, if things between him and a girl aren't going well, he is able to walk away and be fine... even if he doesn't have any other plates spinning.

That's what most guys' problem is. They feel they need to spin plates out of some kind of fear of pain should the girl they desire most leave them. They are too attached to the outcome. They need to get to a point where they can date just ONE girl, and realize that if she leaves he's going to be okay because he's confident he can get another one, even if it takes a while.

Spinning plates does this; however, once you've become confident in your ability to attract women, you should consider dating just ONE girl at a time. You CAN, in fact, be a guy who's not needy, not always calling/texting a girl, not obsessing over her, etc. while dating just ONE girl. AND, when you DO finally meet "the one" (for those of you who still believe in this concept - I know I do), you won't have to fight your inner self's desire to continue trying to get other women due to years of training yourself not to have self control over doing so.

Hope this helps!

i agree with you but you make 1 assumption which all struggling afc's like myself have is that you assume we can spin other plates as in get other plates easily and readily?

for a lot of us it's really difficult getting numbers which then turn into dates which then turn into plates.. heck some of us go months and months before going on a 1st date let alone getting numbers.

so it's not as easy as it sounds.. we get oneitis because we dont have other plates.. and because we can't get other plates we have oneitis.

i only average 1 number every 2 weekends and that's assuming they'll even meet up with me for a date so it's not as if it's easy to get plates or dates. it's been like this for the past year, though i'm seeing steady improvement i.e. more numbers they rarely turn into dates.

 

[Aristippus]

To Trump:

Here's a response so you understand what I mean.

"if you are always enjoying everything the girl may think you are a little bit crazy or high all the time. You can like some things, but I always get suspicious when girls laugh too much or smile too much, you think they have an ulterior motive."


**** Enjoying the pleasures in life and quickly walking away from unpleasant situations that are a waste of your time doesn't mean you walk around with a perma-grin on your face like the guy from the Enzyte commercials. It simply means you enjoy the simple pleasures as well as the things you are passionate about. No permanent grin necessary.


If a girl said "I can't hang out tonight" I would be angry.

**** I'm only interested in women who are interested in me. So it is to my advantage that a woman who isn't worth my time display low-interest behavior AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. Now I can spend my time doing something I like to do or spending time with people I like to spend time with instead of wasting it on a woman with low interest.

I can understand being angry if she cancels at the last minute and seems unapologetic or stands you up or has no respect for your time. At that point, you feel good and pissed for a moment or two and then you say "Good riddance!" and move on, spending your time doing what YOU want. At that point you can be thankful that you just weeded out a woman with low interest.

"She either a) got a better offer b) bf came back in town c) she's using me for an ego."

****Whether she feels she got a better offer or not, or whether she WAS (past tense) using you for an ego boost is irrelevant. The only thing that is relevant is that she has low interest and she won't be wasting any more of your time. Her "using you for an ego boost" will be very short-lived. The idea is that you weed out women who are a waste of time QUICKLY. Let the other guys spend weeks and months (in some cases even YEARS) pining away at a woman who is uninterested in them sexually. Let her use THEM for favors and the ego boost. You can spend your time indulging YOURSELF or pursuing YOUR dreams, and if you choose to be generous with your time and resources, do something nice for a friend or your brother or your mom or dad.

"I think getting respect is more important than enjoying everything. When girls respect you, they know you are not kidding and are a straight shooter."

****You can have self-respect and enjoy life. Will all women respect you? No. You respect yourself enough to not waste your time. You simply avoid these women or if you're briefly forced into dealing with them, you don't tolerate their disrespectful behavior. You have this attitude and you MEAN it. Then you simply forget about them and go about doing what you want. There's no need to stew over it.

Some people live in hell. LET THEM LIVE IN HELL! But refuse to let them drag you into their hell with them! They will suffer the consequences of their own internal hell and of their own actions. Let them. You just go about living and enjoying your life, pursuing your dream and only invite the people (women included) that will actually add something to your life.

 

[backbreaker]

Honestly, I don't think there are any negatives to spinning plates. Thinking negatively about spinning is like thinking negatively about a college degree. You've got all these subjects you can study in college...and you take classes in each subject to figure out what it is you want to learn and what's best for you. At the end of it, after much deliberation and scrutinization, you found the subject you love and got a degree (good woman) out of it. This is where I think you're a little off. You use plate spinning as a way to protect your heart...whereas the real purpose of spinning, at least for me, is to screen. It doesn't hurt that you have a lot of secks at your disposal in the process...

Your negative points #1 and 3 I don't really agree with. Spinning plates has nothing to do with your ability to hold onto a woman long term. In fact, it has the opposite effect. I once had a plate stick around for like 2 years...completely into me. She would bring up exclusivity all the time and I would always refute because she wasn't a good match. But it still taught me that i CAN keep women around. Also, both my ex gfs were plates prior to LTR. As for #3, well, if you are using plates like I think you should (for screening), then the fact that you dropped casual secks with lots of women for committed secks with 1, kinda breaks down your whole premise.

As for #2, is that really such a bad thing? All it means is you just didn't find the right girl for you and you started to feel bad about just "sleeping" with someone. If you get into that mode then cut them loose. But I contend, if she's cool just sleeping with you and casually dating, who's it hurting? If you are feeling bad about casually dating someone then they aren't gf material. Also, BB is right by saying a job/money/superficial things don't make a quality woman. But I think you knew that one already, just improper usage of words.

I'd also add:

Spinning plates teaches you how to manage a woman. This ties into your indifference theme. Trying to manage multiple women at one time is a very good learning experience. You may start out spinning 2 terrible, AW plates that fizzle out after like 1 month. Then you'll get a rotation of 1 decent chick and 1 terrible, AW plate. You'll drop the AW because you found now have a much better option in the first girl. Then another decent plate or two will come along, and now you're managing 3 decent women. Then that fizzles out after 3 months because one girl wasn't into casual secks and one got a boyfriend. You'll have one decent one left, and then a better girl comes along. You hang on to the old one, but manage more with the better girl. You may get clingy on her and she drops you in a hot second because you don't know what you're doing yet, so you're back to the decent girl.

--> that was an awful lot of text, but you get the point. You constantly up your game and eventually you will have a rotation of good women + probably one or two jumpoffs....and then EVENTUALLY you meet that one woman who was good but proved herself to be LTR material. Then you drop the girls and stick to her. To me, THAT's how spinning plates works. People may disagree with it, but it's how it's worked for me in the past.

very good post. I agree more than anything spinning plates is a screening process and not only does it allow for you to find out how to manage women/look for things that you know are red flags, it also protects you from committing to a woman beucase of scarcity.

i like the college degree analogy as well

 

[Renegade357]

I'm not a big fan of spinning plates more than past the initial stages of dating. For example if I'm totally single I'll keep my options open but if I really like a particular girl I'll pursue her exclusively. I'm open to the possibility that I could do better if I did spin plates. Unfortunately I don't think I have the stomach, time or willingness to blast money on multiple women at the same time. Who knows, maybe I'll change my ways someday.

 

[yuppaz]

I agree that it is good to do it at first to find out that you are capable of dating the women you want and that they find you attractive.

I've also been caught in the mental trap of "I can always do better" and "It's ok to cheat, because they probably are"... but at the end of the day I would find they were NOT cheating / seeing other people and they were very much into me and were just being honest and good people and I HAD turned into the @sshole.

I think it's important to get over your irrational fears and weaknesses, spinning plates after a while is a way to ensure that you aren't alone and MAYBE you do it because you are soooo afraid of being alone! So if it turns out to be a fear, FACE THAT F*CKER DOWN! That same line of thinking (fear of loneliness or rejection) ALWAYS cuts short the possibility of a solid honest connection with a good person that could be very good for you. How can you REALLY give things a chance to grow with a great girl for you if you always keep one in your back pocket, always giving yourself an out in case things get a little uncomfortable.... I don't think you can!

I think that manning up here is to accept the possibility that you may get close to someone you like, and there is a larger investment there which brings more emotional risks then if you are actively dating multiple women. Yup, you may break up with the girl at some point and be alone. It sucks, but it's supposed to suck for a while, but if you know your a great catch it's pretty easy to meet someone new later anyway.

It also means that if it turns out you were wrong about the girl and she isn't the right one for you, that you have to break up with her as quickly and compassionately as possible.

I also don't know many girls I would consider great quality that would be ok with me sleeping with other girls while I was with them. If they were ok with it, I wouldn't respect them very much anyway. So if you really are looking for something more substantial, take a look at YOUR actions as well. Besides which, screening seriously for someone good for you for a longer term is VERY different then screening for A$$ that is ready now. I could care way less about her character if I just want to f*ck her...

 

[macallik]

Okay, great post. I've been dealing with some issues in my life lately so I can definitely relate.

First off, I think we are mixing up definitions. Spinning plates, as defined on SS is having options, not fvcking multiple chicks. Spinning plates is supposed to remind you that you are a catch and deserve to be treated properly. If you have 4 girls that want to fvck you, then you are less likely to put up with bullsh!t from the one girl that is fvcking you. If you read the posts in the archives, Rollo makes this distinction on numerous occasions.

For clarity's sake though, I will refer to spinning plates as you have it listed in this post. Here are my two cents:

1. Spinning plates causes you to become indifferent to the dating outcome. When you're chasing after just ONE girl, it's easy for you to put pressure on yourself to have to MAKE it work. If you don't, there's a chance you may not find someone else to date you - at least that's what your brain convinces you to believe.

Juggling 5 or 6 girls, though, makes you care a LOT less about whether a girl leaves you. If one drops off, oh well - still got 4 more you can get action from, so it's all good!

- Being indifferent to the dating outcome is an advantage but only in certain circumstances imo. If you hope to one day be in a marriage ('if' being the operative word) then practicing being completely detached in your dating life is going to ensure that you have great difficulties when you find someone you truly love.

When dating, you need to look internally to figure out where you are fvcking up and what you can do better. This is where spinning plates can be a double-edged sword though: on the one hand, you have a lot of opportunities to do this if you have a few girls in rotation each week. On the other hand though, it is hard to reflect on what you are doing right when there is always a new girl that will love you as much as the old chick hates you.

2. Spinning plates allows you to realize that you CAN, in fact, attract women.

I agree. This is a benefit

3. Spinning plates teaches you that you really don't have to jump through extra hoops to keep a girl interested.

This is a great thing and a bad thing. This is like getting ready to run a marathon by running the 100m dash repeatedly. If you want long term relationships (which you state that you do, later on) then you need to be practicing a skillset that you will use in long term relationships. Learning how to get a girl interested with minimal effort is not going to give you a skillset that you can use in a fulfilling long term relationship

What I've learned is, spinning plates is meant to be used as a development tool. If you get into the practice of spinning plates for too long, though, some very negative things can start to develop...

It is a development tool... You just have to always remember what skills you want to be developing... Is it the ability to fvck a girl fast? To keep her 'interested' with minimal effort? Or is it to continue to have fun and do new things time and time again? Is it the ability to communicate and learn from her and teach her new things at the same time? It doesn't matter how long you fvck around before you get married, what matters is what you practiced prior to getting married.

1. Spinning plates places you in the mindset that you can't hold onto a woman long-term.

This is where you have to figure out why you are spinning plates. The plate spinning above comes from a place of insecurity and so it is likely to be hollow and fleeting

And so the cycle continues. And despite how many women you're juggling at one time, you're never completely confident that you've captured any of their hearts. Quite sad, really...

Again... this is a a self-fulfilling prophecy. You put in minimal effort in terms of emotions so that you don't get hurt and then wonder why women never commit to you.

2. Spinning plates put you in the mode of always, looking for the "bigger, better" deal. After a few years of spinning plates, I started meeting QUALITY women - lawyers, scientists, teachers, or just girls who had a nice giving personality - and I'd find that I still wasn't satisfied. Not because they were necessarily doing anything WRONG, but because once I knew I had them, I had trained myself to start looking for the next girl.

This is hard as fvck, I agree. There have been many times where I go out with a plate in public, and I find it hard to have fun because I start thinking, "If I wasn't with this plate, I could have XYZ".

Basically though, you can't have your cake and eat it too. If you want to spin plates (read: date multiple chicks) and be non-commital, you have to come to grips with the fact that a lot of women hang around for a while but they will eventually seek something more concrete.

Hindsight is 20/20. I always regret the quality girls I didn't commit to when I am going through a rough patch or surrounded by low quality females. However, when I get a high quality female, the thrill of the chase disappears because I know I have her. We can't regret that we don't commit to females if we had no intentions to do so when we had the opportunity.

3. Spinning plates now allows you to become comfortable with cheating on your girlfriend/spouse later on.

---
I disagree. I don't verbally tell my plates that I am seeing other women but I let them know that I am not interested in an exclusive relationship. Whether they imagine me spending my weekends waiting for them to call is on them.

At the end of the day, having a lot of plates is like having a lot of money. If you aren't mentally ready for it, it will make you even more insecure and you will get caught up in the game.

We advise guys to spin plates so they won't be so obsessed over one particular girl. And that's fine. However, the ultimate GOAL of spinning plates is so that a guy will build up his confidence and believe that he IS a prize to be won, and that he should be indifferent to his outcomes with women - either they will like him and stay, or not like him and leave; and if they leave, so what because he can always get another one.

This definition doesn't allow for personal improvement. To me, spinning plates is about getting tons of variation at and experience that you can learn from. You aren't learning from a mistake if you cause a woman to leave and your first thought is "I'll just replace her". If you do this, you will have trouble in relationships, guaranteed. Of course, as someone who spins plates, I know damn well that every girl is not going to stick around, and it isn't all my fault... but I have to reach that conclusion through reflection, I can't just replace her with some new tits and ass.

Spinning plates does this; however, once you've become confident in your ability to attract women, you should consider dating just ONE girl at a time. You CAN, in fact, be a guy who's not needy, not always calling/texting a girl, not obsessing over her, etc. while dating just ONE girl. AND, when you DO finally meet "the one" (for those of you who still believe in this concept - I know I do), you won't have to fight your inner self's desire to continue trying to get other women due to years of training yourself not to have self control over doing so.

Agree 100%

The thing I want to just reiterate is that people interested in marriage should view spinning plates as a way to get experience in finding the one so that you can keep her. Spinning plates isn't about fvcking as many girls as possible with as little emotional involvement as possible. it is about get mass amounts of hands-on experience and knowledge so that you are ready for whatever when you fall for someone and want to keep them in your life.

 

[asa_don]

I know for a fa ct that you have never spun plates, beucase none of the 3 negatives are true in real life.



the 2 longest relationships i have ever had.. a year and about 3 months and my wife of 4 years, spent a combined 11 months as plates.

spinning plates has nothing to do with thinking you can hold on to a woman long term, it just gurantees you that you don't hold on to a woman for the simple fact that you can't get another. it guarantees you that the one you decide tod ate, is actually worth holding on to.

being a doctor or a lawyer does not make a woman a quality woman.. you are still very much in AFC mode. you are using things that the media tells you that you should use to quality a woman's character.. thinking a woman lawyer is a better catch is straight out of feminism 101 play book.

i've plate spun a few lawyers, they are ****ty beucse they have to argue about everything,t hey work ****ty hours and they are all on the marriage fast track. **** that.

and who says a woman has to do anything wrong for you not to like them? sometimes you dont' mesh.

i rest my case lol. you re god damn right it's far fetched beucase you pulled it from the planet neptune.

you have no ****ing clue what you are talking about. if you plate spun a woman right and you decided to give up the life style to date her after 3-4 months.. why would i want to cheat on her/ if i was done ****ing other women i would not have dated her in the first place. ovbiusly i like the girl enough to stop doing the **** i was doing and give her a fair shot

i havce been with my now wife for what.. 4 years and some months.. i can honestly say the thought to cheat on her, while we were actually exclusive then engaged then married, has never crossed my mind once. nor did it when i was dating the to the other girl i was dating for over a year.



take the theory somewhere else. i hate to be so blunt but guys blabbering about **** they don't do is what ruins this site.

i agree with backbreaker, theres nothing bad about spinning plates, this stuff is crazy. spinning plates is all about getting all the girls you can, after you get that one girl you want to be with you won't cheat on her. not every guy who has spun plates is going to cheat

women are always looking for "the bigger better deal" too, they will leave their man without a care in the world when they think they have a better catch.

if some guy can upgrade to a better girl, why not? thats what having options is all about. why settle for something less?

 

[Eph]

Your pain points, the "bad" that "just comes with spinning plates", stems from your own insecurities. It has nothing to do with spinning plates. Its good to tell the AFCs, the betas, the guys with oneitis that come here to spin plates, but it does not fix the real issue. It's like getting a disease to go into remission. The symptoms are gone, but the problem still remains. So, when we tell a "patient" to go spin plates, all we are doing is putting their "disease" in remission.

So, they go out, get a few numbers, and have a few plates to choose from. It increases their confidence, they stop wearing their hearts on their sleeves, they get all of the benefits of it. But their insecurities still lurk within them. You have to fix the problem at the source.

If you still worry about women leaving you, cheating on you, or anything that is out of your control constantly, you haven't stopped the problem. All you have done is try to hide it. Before we tell guys to spin plates, we should address their insecurities. They need to work on inner game, before they work on outer game.

What good is being able to have any woman in the world if you still can't stop worrying about her leaving you, or cheating on you? What use is it if you are paranoid about things out of your control?

Spinning plates is good for all of the above reasons, but constantly "looking for the bigger, better deal", "thinking you can't hold on to a woman long term", and being "ok with cheating on spouse" are not effects of it. They are insecurities that you had even before you started to spin plates.

 

[Trump]

That's what most guys' problem is. They feel they need to spin plates out of some kind of fear of pain should the girl they desire most leave them. They are too attached to the outcome. They need to get to a point where they can date just ONE girl, and realize that if she leaves he's going to be okay because he's confident he can get another one, even if it takes a while.

I remember a couple of years ago when I banged 3 different chicks in the course of one week. I didn't have to take any of them out, compliment them, or text them back and forth on the phone. All I did was invite them over (or go to their place), talk with them for a little bit, then BOOM - it was straight to ScrewTown! And all I kept thinking to myself was "Wow - sex and no dates?!? Why the heck was I trying to take chicks out before?!?"

Bro I don't know how you have so much sex in 24 hours with girls ripping your clothes off in the street, and then all your advice on here is all lovey-dovey.

YOU HAVE TO spin plates. If you don't and get attached to one girl, the moment she starts being difficult and putting you down, you will try to defend and justify yourself to her and she will CRUSH YOU. Yet, the moment she feels you can have sex another women within 2 min of any disrespect from her, is the moment she'll never leave. How will she feel this? By you spinning plates. The only downside to spinning is it takes effort and costs money, and not letting them finding out about each other. Even if they do find out and you have the money, its not a big deal.

99% of the problems guys have on here with women is due to them not spinning plates. EVERYONE would know exactly what to do if they had another good looking girl lined up across the hall.

 

[Pardner]

1. Spinning plates places you in the mindset that you can't hold onto a woman long-term. After all, the reason you're spinning plates in the first place is to protect your heart and mind in the event that one, or even all, of them become disinterested in you.

So what happens? As soon as you get one woman, you start worrying about when she'll leave you, or see that you're "not really good enough for her." And so you go out and find another woman - whew! Now you have two of them... but what if BOTH decide to leave you? Time to go find a third one to juggle...

And so the cycle continues. And despite how many women you're juggling at one time, you're never completely confident that you've captured any of their hearts. Quite sad, really...

2. Spinning plates put you in the mode of always, looking for the "bigger, better" deal. After a few years of spinning plates, I started meeting QUALITY women - lawyers, scientists, teachers, or just girls who had a nice giving personality - and I'd find that I still wasn't satisfied. Not because they were necessarily doing anything WRONG, but because once I knew I had them, I had trained myself to start looking for the next girl.

And it sucked because these girls would be REALLY into me - I mean, willing to do just about anything I asked them to - and I would still be in "hunt" mode. I would continue going to parties and flirt with other women, and could justify doing so because, in my head, the girl who thought we were developing into something was, to me, "just another plate I was spinning."

3. Spinning plates now allows you to become comfortable with cheating on your girlfriend/spouse later on. It may seemed far fetched, but think about it: how many of the plates you're spinning actually KNOW that you're dating/sleeping with other girls when you're not with her? (Some of you will say "I tell all of them;" bravo for your honesty, but most of the guys on this board are not like this. Especially if they're former AFCs, they're not trying to LOSE women by telling them they're sleeping with others.)

It allows you to practice hiding your various affairs. And it puts you in the practice of always having more than one girl to get with. So, when you finally DO find that one that you think could be "the one..." regardless of how much you love her and want to be with her, you'll STILL find yourself wanting to see if you "still have it" and are able to have other girls find you attractive.

I'm not understanding where you're coming from with this. I spin plates because I like having sex with lots of different women not because I'm worried about losing a girlfriend, obsessed over 1 girl, cheating, looking for a better deal. I think this is coming for you own issues of insecurity because nobody I know feels that way about spinning plates. How are lawyers, scientists, teachers quality women? They might have a good job title but their over all quality depends on who they are as a person.

 

[Don-Kong]

Questioning someone else's experience is a must. But we learn from their previous posts and how long they've been in the game. OP has over 800 and is age 32. I don't seriously believe he's taking his time to big-up his online status. However, this is why field reports and journals can be effective learning tools for everyone. It evidences the mistakes and successes and we can feel confident that the suggestions/advice is field tested.

We're not talking about skills here to be learnt. We are talking about a theory of potentialities or possibilities to be aware of.

I span plates over a decade ago and have not been bothered about it since being in LTR's.

Now, the motivation has changed. And surely it is about what we want.
I know that I don't want anything serious right now. I want lots of sex, lots of fun, lots of good times with women and to increase my social skills.

If I were to be spinning plates for other reasons then it would bring my morals in to play. If I wanted to 'settle down' and really find a partner, then I would reevaluate the situation.

It all boils down to what you want, which will be different to someone else. A 20 year old spinning plates will be doing it for perhaps a different reason than someone who is 35.
Think I'm stating the obvious here, but seems worth noting.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Wow, this post is 2 years old, so I'm quite surprised to see it in the top tier of post all of a sudden. Good, good times!

Anyway... the OP I put up 2 years ago is still the way I feel today. As Don-Kong put it, I don't come on here just to key-jockey all day about things I haven't done or experienced. I do tell plenty of stories on here about things that have worked for me based on actual incidents. The reason I don't come on here with journals and things is because I date with the intent of making a woman my girlfriend; as a result, I've been in relationships the last few years that have lasted varying amounts of time, but when I'm in them I'm not trying to date other people. I could easily give examples all day about things I do to keep the woman I'm dating satisfied, but most people on here are still at the stage where they're trying to GET a girlfriend in the first place.

In reference to my ideals about "spinning plates," I still stand by those statements. And heck, I don't even have to try that hard to prove they're valid ideas: the divorce rate in this country, combined with the percentage of married people who cheat on their spouse (yes, I do research at times before posting on these boards - here's one on cheating percentages HERE), is partially the result of being in the habit of constantly pursuing other women even if you already have one. That's why I made it a point to point out that, as helpful as spinning plates can be to make a guy become less detached to the outcome he has with a woman, it can also be detrimental to his love life later if he's not careful.

But, as always, I'm sure plenty of people on these boards will disagree, and that's fine. I find that most people resist ideas at first because they're not used to it being "their truth." I'm 32 and have felt the positive and negative results of spinning plates, as have others I both know personally and have heard from via the various emails guys send me from my show. So, at the very least, I know the validity and consequences arising from spinning plates even if other guys on these boards have yet to feel them. And, if they're fortunate, they never will.

 

[DonGorgon]

bottom line:

Your girlfriend or wife is usually some other mens plate...

 

[Stagger Lee]

bottom line:

Your girlfriend or wife is usually some other mens plate...

Yep or maybe you don't even have a girlfriend, wife or fvck buddy because they're some other top 20% male's plate.

 

[Zarky]

What I've learned is, spinning plates is meant to be used as a development tool.

A "development tool" for what? To find a wife? Bahahaahah!!!

1. Spinning plates places you in the mindset that you can't hold onto a woman long-term. After all, the reason you're spinning plates in the first place is to protect your heart and mind in the event that one, or even all, of them become disinterested in you.

No my friend, the reason I date multiple women is because I like variety. When one of my girls dumps me, it's just as bad whether I have lots of chicks or none. I've been in situations where I was crying in the arms of one of my girls after another one had dumped me. Of course I had to make something up about why I was crying

I've been multi-dating for a decade now. It's because I like variety. Not because of "fear of being dumped." I have three MLTRs right now and I banged all of them yesterday. The last one finally went on the pill so I came inside her and the other two in one day. It was great. I can't come three times in one day with one chick. The Coolidge Effect is real.

And so the cycle continues. And despite how many women you're juggling at one time, you're never completely confident that you've captured any of their hearts. Quite sad, really...

That sounds like your own personal problem. See a shrink.

2. Spinning plates put you in the mode of always, looking for the "bigger, better" deal. After a few years of spinning plates, I started meeting QUALITY women - lawyers,

First, I've dated more than a few lawyers. They are not anywhere near "quality" women. Every lawyer I ever met was either a complete psycho or a complete argumentative ballbuster.

I would continue going to parties and flirt with other women, and could justify doing so because, in my head, the girl who thought we were developing into something was, to me, "just another plate I was spinning."

Yeah that's called being a man. Alphas are always on the lookout for fresh 'tang.

3. Spinning plates now allows you to become comfortable with cheating on your girlfriend/spouse later on.

I will be dating multiple women until I'm f*cking dead or totally incapacitated. "Cheating" is sadly a necessity in order to accomplish this feat in our monogamous society. Boo f*cking hoo.

So, when you finally DO find that one that you think could be "the one..."

Ah ha, OP! You're a beta at heart. Still -- way down deep -- you want a loving, devoted, monogamous, lifelong marriage with a "quality" woman. Well get in your DeLorean because those days are over.

That's what most guys' problem is. They feel they need to spin plates out of some kind of fear of pain should the girl they desire most leave them. They are too attached to the outcome. They need to get to a point where they can date just ONE girl

What's the obsession with this "one girl" sh*t?

you should consider dating just ONE girl at a time.

Um, no thanks. Why would I eat the same meal for dinner every night? I want lots of different p*ssies in my life.

AND, when you DO finally meet "the one" (for those of you who still believe in this concept - I know I do),

That's because you're a beta.

EDIT:

Sorry I responded to a necro-thread. Didn't see the date of the OP.