The Truth About Confidence

[Nocturnal]

There are dozens of "How To Be Confident" tips in this forum. I'm going to make an attempt to clear this little issue up.

One thing people fail to realize, is that confidence, mystery, being a challenge... it is support. It supports the things that really make a person attractive. You cannot develop these things and be successful without developing other things.

Example: Due to methods well known on www.sosuave.com you are able to create mystery, and you have a great thing going for a few dates.

One day, she calls and you let her get the machine to be a challenge. Well she needs something from you asap so she comes by to get it. She knocks on the door, and finds you playing a game on the internet at 3 PM eating cereal with clothes and papers scattered all over your floor when she thought you were outside doing something important.

Mystery, gone. Challenge, gone. Girl, gone.

However, lets say you had those dates, created mystery, and she comes to your door again. You're just getting home from golfing with your buddies or from a meeting or something similar as you see her at the door. You invite her inside for a moment and she sees that you have a clean place, you're dressed nicely, and on your way to run an errand.

See the difference?

Tell me, what is confidence without personality? What is mystery without something exciting hiding behind those doors? What is being a challenge when there's nothing different about you?

By simply not calling her for 3 days that's great, by being ****y around her, by retaining important information, it will all help.

But it cannot hide the fact that you aren't the great catch she thought.

So what can you do about it?

Think about your average guy who still pulls the chicks. Whats different about him? Is he clean? Is he funny? Is he somewhat busy? Is he polite? Calm? Mature? Friendly? You can be most of those without being excessively ****y, confident, etc.

Try thinking of it this way. You are having a party on Saturday. All week you decorate the outside of the building, the lawn, the invitations, call people. But then they finally show up on the big day and inside the place is small, smells bad, needs to be cleaned, and is falling apart. You have a tiny stereo with 3 or 4 CDs. They show up and find out what this party is really about. And they leave.

Party Over.

My point is not to worry so much about confidence, mystery, being a challenge, ambition etc, but to focus on the things that produce those. Try to improve your sense of humour. Try to be more friendly. Try to improve SOCIAL SKILLS. Big one! Get involved with people, learn how to be a leader. Become comfortable with interacting with other people. Hygiene. Consider if what you are wearing is suitable for you, if it represents what you want people to see you as.

Then comes the confidence. Then mystery is a possibility. Then comes the real challenge.

Then comes the fun.

 

[Anson]

I think that this is a great post, and it's something newbies aren't often informed of (I had to learn this lesson the hard way ).

There is an old DJ clichee that applies to this situation: Being a DJ is not memorizing a bunch of techniques, it's about the mindset. You don't change the way you hit women: You change the way you see life, and the rest happens (almost) naturally. Being a DJ is all about your character, and character is something one must always be ready to improve and evolve.

THIS - what Nocturnal wrote - is really what we SHOULD be talking about to the newbies and others when we talk about "being a DJ is having the right mindset", and this tip should come in handy for those who haven't yet realized this. If you have a bad character, you change your character until you like it.

 

[hardwork]

Praise the Lord

God, thank you for that, Nocturnal.

So many people, it seems, read about mysteriousness, challenge, confidence, and C+F leading to landing the really big fish, and go purely for the physical, outward aspects of said "tactics" (for lack of a better word) as a way of going about things.

WRONG.

As I've tried (in vain) to state before, you can't just skip the building process and expect what you come up with to stand against a stiff breeze. There has to be a core, a strong foundation within you; all this other stuff (chicks included) is just biproduct of that core.

It's been said before, that you can act confident, mysterious, challenging, and ****y, but actually BEING the sum of said "tactics" requires something more than acting ability. (Lack of "support" is what n00bs so often miss; it's why those same n00bs get unduly frustrated with DJing and give up on it.)

Confidence is a way of life, not an act, damn it.

 

[oOh Nasty]

i give this post 5 stars because it is one that shouldn't be missed.

i've read somewhere (i believe Doc Love wrote) that it doesn't matter what you really are...but instead what matters is what she thinks of you. i would disagree with that statement.

i believe alot of us start out as "fake DJ's" when we just start to learn about the "techniques" of Don Juanism. the book seems to give us "rules" and certain "ways" of doing things, such as waiting three days for the girl to call...or ignoring her sometimes to make it seem as if you're too busy to associate with her at the moment. these are very good ideas, but all of us are too conscious that we're doing it. i know alot of you will actually count the days down until it is time for you to call the girl...some of you will make a plan (ie, talk to her on monday, ignore her tuesday and wednesday, talk to her thursday),...and some of you will just constantly bring back the "rules" of DJing back in your head and make sure that you are correctly going about the procedures while pursuing that one girl.

when it comes to True Confidence, i believe that you will rarely have to think about these certain "rules" and everything should just be natural and flow. Don Juanism really isn't a set of "rules," it really is a mindset...but those rules are just there to help you reach that mindset. of course, it's difficult, but once it is a part of your personality and character, true confidence is easy come. for beginners...you may have to think back once in awhile about the "rules," but only because you are still trying to find that right DJ mindset.

now a REAL DJ would rarely have to think about "techniques" and "rules" because his mindset already tells him how everything goes. instead of faking being unavailable, he really is unavailable, because he is out playing ball with his boys. instead of ignoring that girl in the hallway, he really seriously doesn't see her because he's too busy having a conversation with his friends. instead of waiting three nights to call...he calls when he is available to call because he's too busy with other things and is enjoying his life too much to call. he is not "trying" to be funny when talking to that girl, but he really is being funny and laughing because he's having fun talking to the girl instead of stressing himself that he HAS to be a fun person.

for the most part, a real natural dj will have to rarely remember techniques when his confidence is there. there are still exceptions, but most True Conidence is natural and only comes from the True Don Juans.

~1~
oOh Nasty

 

[PEACEDJ]

Essential Sh!t, NICE TIP, this is what we need more of on this board.

 

[White Ninja]

Great fvcking post.

 

[whatsupwiddat]

First off, thank you for wanting my opinion so much.

I like this post because no one has touched on it before. The party analogy was so true.

But I have a tip: edit it while you still can (theres a 2880 minute limit) and put HOW to make your house clean on the inside (basically how to BE the great catch she thinks you are.)

Damn I love this post! For it's sheer originality, I declare: Dario, you know what to do.

 

[Slashco]

In other words, "Don't act like a DJ, be a DJ"? Brilliant and very true.

 

[Page]

Originally posted by Anson


There is an old DJ clichee that applies to this situation: Being a DJ is not memorizing a bunch of techniques, it's about the mindset. You don't change the way you hit women: You change the way you see life, and the rest happens (almost) naturally. Being a DJ is all about your character, and character is something one must always be ready to improve and evolve.

Exactly.

I have learned through years of experience and work that everything about our nature is mindset-based. That is what I based the philosophies in my book on.

 

[dip]

amazing...i wish more posts were like this...good reply nasty

 

[daman01]

You hit it right on the nose. good post

 

[Nocturnal]

bump

 

[jakethasnake]

OMG, Thank you so much, Nocturnal. I cannot express how clearly you've illustrated my problem.


I remember what I was like before I found this site. I was a natural DJ to a limited extent, because I was very outgoing and pleasant toward everyone. Then I found this site, and decided that I might improve my chances if I played it aloof, cold, and with an overall jerki-ness.


WRONG. Oh, how wrong I was.


I've been spending the past year trying repair the damage I had already done.


I was the classical misinformed n00b with misplaced anger.


Before I found this site, the only anger I had in the world was the sort I picked up from MTV and hours and hours of listening to Nirvana and Smashing Pumpkins records. You know the standard 'teenage angst' stuff. But once it became clear to me (thru this site) the games women played with men, my idealistic, inexperienced self was outraged. From then I have started to distrust women to a point where I could never have formed anything meaningful with them. I began to see fault in EVERYTHING that ANY woman I met had. The wrong comment, the wrong timing, the wrong actions... and I would axe her. I wanted to distance myself from women, and hurt them emotionally, even.

And all that time, I thought I was being the consummate DJ, the mack daddy of them all. I lost some friends and many female friends along the way, because I had metamorphosed into an inconsiderate jerk. It didn't have to be that way. Most of my friends weren't AFC geeks or manipulative beeatches. Most were pretty decent, fun people.


This is the mistake many DJs make. They OVER-compensate for their PERCEIVED push-over niceguy tendencies in the past. I don't know about you guys, but I think I was pretty much had a good balance between a considerate guy and a DJ (perhaps a TINY bit too much of a nice guy, but still...), but by trying to hard to be a bad boy, I alienated some people.


My point is that it doesn't have to be that way. Creating this FACADE of nastiness, toughness, and aloofness, is a mis-allocation of valuable personal resources. It is much more useful to work on your speech, your body language, your wit, your physical presentation (body, clothes) than creating a false sense of challenge. Once you KNOW that you're the goods, then it will come so, SO Goddamn naturally that you will be shocked.


Take it from Nocturnal, and especially me. I suggest a very good place to start: start by working out your body to the best it can be. Then buy stylish clothes. Then work from there.


If you guys listen to what he and I have to say, you could potentially save yourselves a lot of inner conflict and turmoil down the road.

 

[jakethasnake]

Btw Nocturnal, if you're only 16 and you're formulating these thoughts without anyone's help, then you'll go far, my young friend. Very far. It's an awesome attitude to have.

You have my thumbs-up, little bro.

 

[Nocturnal]

bump

 

[jmm854]

Great post Nocturnal. Of course, if you play your cards right, she won't have to know where you live for quite some time.

 

[Nocturnal]

thanks for contributing everyone (yes i just want to bump it , i really think its an important concept especially for newbies)

 

[Exod]

You know, one of the things I figured out while reading the DJ Bible is the confident mind-set is not : " I Am Better Than You " by rather: I am Happy as I am and with who I am.

 

[pilot0001]

Mod's-

I think this would be a great one for the bible if not in already.

 

[Nocturnal]

bump