The Truth About Confidence

[TDOT]

I need to say something on this subject. It's something I saw in a quick tip on the website. I cannot remember where. But at any rate, I think that it really makes sense. Then I have a question on this that I hope a more experienced DJ can help with.

This is my first post here. Therefore I'd like to introduce myself.
My name is TDOT. It used to be TNICE (twice as nice as the next guy), but my master DJ friend decided I needed a hotter newer nick. And I totally agree with him. I am new to the game, but learning quickly due to the help of this wonderful website and the
"hands on" coaching of a natural DJ who has taken me under his wing.

Anyway, the following was said, not exactly in these words:

"Confidence is important, but what is more important is that
confidence is reflected. Whether or not one feels confident at the moment, you had better become an expert at faking it. As long as you look confident, that is what really matters."

I would like to get your thoughts on that thinking.
Also I heard the following also said here.

It has to do with the order in which confidence occurs.

I heard it said that it
1) you act confident then
2) you will feel confident then
3) you will look confident finally
4) you will truly be confident

Do you think it really happens in that order?

TDOT

 

[Mr. Mystery II]

TDot said:
"I heard it said that it
1) you act confident then
2) you will feel confident then
3) you will look confident finally
4) you will truly be confident

Do you think it really happens in that order?"

No, that is the wrong order.

Faking confidence only belittles your self-esteem. Self-esteem is the essence of confidence. Confidence is knowing, loving and being comfortable with who you are. When you are all three of those things rejection won't bother you, there won't be a need for any tricks or any need for tactics, you just naturally won't be bothered if anyone doesn't love who you are, you don't need validation because YOU love who you are.

The two things that have helped me the most are:

1) Action, not fearing failure.

2) Reading two unbeleivable books: Emerson's Essay "Self-Reliance", and Maxwell Maltz's "Psycho Cybernetics"

Take those two steps and you'll be on your way to a great life, with or without women, but it will be YOUR choice to include them or not.

Mr. Mystery

 

[DJBen]

Despite not really going down town with a mate of mine from college for TWO YEARS, I thought 'nah, screw it, I'll get him to come clubbing with us!'. He's generally the class fool, and can make anyone laugh.

He doesnt care what people think - anyone. He was talking to girls at the bar *in the first pub* like he'd known them for months. When he had a few drinks, and people were starting to kick into gear, he owned the place.

I think confidence comes from true freedom, which comes from breaking through any fear you have - be it cold approaches, sex, dancing - whatever. Keep doing it, and you'll learn it isnt scary. The more rejections you get, the less you give a damn, the more appealing you become.

The biggest factor to being a 'DJ' is getting out there and LIVING life. When you start out, it feels good to do it with a few mates/at college... then you're at home in the evening and you turn all AFC. Dont do this, go out and meet new people. Go to peoples houses and parties - throw yourself into this 'cool guy's' world and see it for yourself. If you dont, you may well find yourself saying 'I cant stop being AFC!!!' or 'This DJ stuff is crap, what do I come here for?'

 

[Nocturnal]

bump

 

[Nocturnal]

again

 

[S0LID]

Lie, it's easier.

 

[huge_guy_pimpin]

Originally posted by Nocturnal
sting, you cant possibly mean to say that there are only extremes, that is that you're either happy or you aren't?

i don't think absolute happiness is possible (at least not on this planet), given that humans almost always want more. they set their current lifestyle as the standard to them, and the standard is never seen as the best. did bill gates ever stop trying to make money? does anyone? he certainly has enough money already, why does he still bother to work and try to earn more? it's a challenge. a million dollars might seem like a lot to some people, but then again what is a few hundred million to a billionaire?

now, material things might be an exception in some ways, but emotionally people are always left wanting more. thus it can be said that one of the reasons humans evolved to the point they are at is because of the desire to want more, and to be better/important. competition. did we stop at simply using basic tools such as knives and spears to hunt? no, there were bows, and eventually guns (despite the fact that i think they were invented for fighting purposes originally).

no matter how happy someone is, if they're human, they aren't going to have complacency as you put it.

why do elder people seem so complacent? because they feel they have passed their prime, they have reached the top and now are moving away from it, even if they are going downhill. when you're unable to progress, thats when the desire to become better fades.

theoretically, you would be correct. however, you really have to think "is anyone really truly happy"??

are u posing this question because u believe no one is? that would be shallow.

 

[Iguana]

Hey dude...

Nocturnal let me tell you something.

This is the greatest post I've ever read on this site.

And I've been here for a while. Really, this is the most helpful and TRUE advice I've read so far. It is not as inspirational as Pook's posts (you really feel cool after reading Pook's posts) but it is the most important one. At least for newbies and DJ wanna be's like me. I've always faked confidence, my life has been the same since the last 2 years, I spent all 2004 reading this sh1t and didn't improve AT ALL.

Dude you opened my eyes, I really need to do something about my life.

I mean, I can act mysterious, I can be ****y & funny, I can be fun, etc. That will atract the woman for sure. But for a long term relationship it's useless.

My social life sucks, too. I'm usually a ver happy person, but I hardly improve myself. I improved a lot at the beggining when I was an AFC and then discovered DYD, but since then, I'm almost the same person.

Thanks man. I must change my life. I must change myself.

I'm about to read Part 2.

Thanks

Edit: I always thought the DJ Bible wasn't THAT great, I usually search for 5 stars threads. BTW, how are threads rated? How can I rate a thread?

Iguana
Peace & Metal

 

[Nocturnal]

Thanks for the kind words Iguana (and everyone else for that matter). I'm glad people have learned to accept this idea with such wide open arms.

By the way, you can rate the thread at the bottom right of the screen.

 

[CLDell]

Great post Nocturnal, crystal clear and I apply that mentality every morning. Works great.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Originally posted by Nocturnal
There are dozens of "How To Be Confident" tips in this forum. I'm going to make an attempt to clear this little issue up.

One thing people fail to realize, is that confidence, mystery, being a challenge... it is support. It supports the things that really make a person attractive. You cannot develop these things and be successful without developing other things.

Tell me, what is confidence without personality?

Good point. I don't get too much excited with people that say "personality is everything" or "confidence is everything".

It's not black or white. Most of the times it's a mix of different things. We have or lack a little of each quality, funniness, charm, confidence, etc.

I think the true Dj is a person with most of these qualities developed.

 

[blue17]

hehe I remember reading this post a while ago and it kind of creeped in my sub conscious. I almost refuse to use 'tactics' if it goes against my original mindset.

For instance....you enjoy being around this girl but she isn't being that friendly to you. You have said hi/given her attention a few times....but she isn't reciprocating very much. You decide to ignore her because...

A) You feel that by ignoring her she will miss the attention and she'll want to talk to you...

or...

B) She doesn't deserve your attention anymore as she obviously isn't reciprocating back so no point in wasting your time...move on...

The first option is just a 'tactic' to get her attention whereas the second choice is a mindset and the correct way to go about it. What I started noticing is that when I started to think with this attitude, I was doing a lot of the 'tactics' without even realizing it...which is the way it should be. It should come naturally not forced. And ya btw good thread

 

[comote]

Originally posted by Slashco
In other words, "Don't act like a DJ, be a DJ"? Brilliant and very true.

I was thinking the exact same thing

 

[Nocturnal]

just bumping a few posts up so they dont get lost

 

[sstype]

Nocturnal, great post man. I hope those who read this will really take charge of their lives. Work out, eat right, stay organized, have your shyt together. Girls want a ROCK. They want to know that a man has the ability to take them by the hand and guide them. That is true confidence from the guys perspective.

From the girls, it is plain sexy...

Good luck to everyone here

 

[Nocturnal]

 

[theNEWDJ]

"Try to improve SOCIAL SKILLS".... what do you mean by try to improve social skills, like hang out more and try to fit in more

 

[Nocturnal]

Originally posted by theNEWDJ
"Try to improve SOCIAL SKILLS".... what do you mean by try to improve social skills, like hang out more and try to fit in more

Kind of... basically be mindful of how you interact with other people, and think about what you could be doing to become a better conversationalist, etc.

 

[Nocturnal]

bump

 

[Iguana]

Hey!!!

I want to recomment a book for building TRUE confidence:

The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey

Believe me, that book is the Bible of Self-Improvement. It focuses on character and not personality, meaning a change from the inside and really who you are and your values rather than techniques and quick fixes.

You can find it at Limewire or Emule. I printed it, it's a must read for anyone interested in improving his/her life.

Iguana
Peace & Metal