The reason that makes a serious relationship unbearable to me are the continuous tasks

[DonJuanjr]

I don't have relationship experience, so if this is obvious you'll forgive me. Couldn't one just re-frame "I'm fine with you doing it, if it's bothering you. Otherwise I'm not bothered by it and will tend to it when it bothers me."

 

[Fruitbat]

Standard SoSuave response:

“I would NEVER allow any woman to act like that, she would be out the door the moment she asked me to bring her hairbrush upstairs. You’ve revealed you’re a low quality man and only have yourself to blame”

my actual response:

Yes, women have evolved basically to want men to solve their issues. Thing is, you get plenty in return. I mean, if women had a huge laundry list of sechsual things which I had to shave my balls for etc that would kind of be a drag. Yes, you may get lumbered with some annoying jobs as a man in a LTR but you can decide your lines. If it gets too much for me I just ask “don’t you have legs/eyes?” and often that stops it. However, I will be fine taking the rubbish out, killing the mice we have. I do all the physical housework tasks which take some effort (I’m 6 3 and my wife is a delicate 5 foot and 95lb - some household tasks are really hard work for her but easy for me) but she cooks all my kids food and does a lot of other stuff. Just draw the line.

one thing is certain: they will test how much they can get you doing. Women don’t have a “fairness” chip and most I’ve been with are inherently lazy.

the other thing is they are NEVER satisfied and that’s the other really annoying thing. It doesn’t matter what you make or do, they will always scroll social media enough to find someone doing better and then feel thoroughly depressed that they can’t spend their entire life being waited on hand and foot being fed grapes.

my wife can be super lazy and I get a lot of BS work like going to the shops etc but to be fair she puts a lot of effort into things which make our sechs life very satisfying for me. This takes quite a bit of effort on her part so I’d rather a lady who works hard to satisfy me but delegates me some crap work, than a lady who does equal share but then won’t be bothered to be a feminine woman when I want it.

It would be nice to have both but I think it’s rare.

 

[Westminster]

Sounds like shyte tests to me...

I remember reading an article where dude said to ALWAYS end the relationship after max a year,and 6 months if you're a black dude...

These are the types of men who sent your woman back after a short stint. She won't ever get the chance to become as annoying as described in the OP. When she does she gets replaced, period.

The problem starts when a man feels like he's unable or unwilling to replace her!!!

Its simply impossible to keep frame infinitely. And yes ,women are ruthless. Like a window, a small crack will become a huge hole sooner or later.

Once the nagging starts,its over . If you want to you can play the game tho..now you're in a TOXIC relationship where anything goes..

Let's not forget that this behaviour always is combined with the occasional love bombing. Push push push pull , rinse and repeat...

Why only 6 months if you're Black but a year otherwise?

 

[Bible_Belt]

It's a woman's utmost duty to keep her man happy. If she can't she needs to go. Bible says it best:

In the current societal structure, this includes girlfriends too.

The famous Bible quote actually tells each spouse to submit to each other.

And I dont mean this toward you, but rather the rest of the people here...Men marry their mothers. It would seem useful as a therapeutic device to compare any woman who has wronged you to your mother.

 

[Manure Spherian]

Mine is an insensitive b1tch, honestly, and that explains a lot of my relationships.

Are you married to her?

 

[CyrusTheGreat]

The famous Bible quote actually tells each spouse to submit to each other.

No, it doesn't. It commands women to obey their husbands and men to love their wives. Here is the exact quote:

Ephesians 5:22-33 MEV

Wives, be submissive to your own husbands as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head and Savior of the church, which is His body. But as the church submits to Christ, so also let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it, that He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, and that He might present to Himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish. In this way men ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord cares for the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.

How many wives/long-term girlfriends that lived under your roof for at least 3 years have you experienced?

None myself. I have a handfuls of Muslim middle eastern friends however, whom their wives worship the ground their husbands walk on.

This has made me thinking that the main problem of men in the west is their deviation from religions, which if you think about it is the most stupid thing western men have done since religions such as Christianity and Islam provide a strong framework for men in dealing with women and clearly set the duties of women in regards to their husbands.

Back to your question, after seeing my Muslim friends, I will not settle for less than that, even if that means I'll be single forever.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

But what really makes them unbearable to me are the tasks they feel the need to assign wheter is to get an object in the room they can get themselves, close the curtain, throw away the trash on demand, check for something and so on.

The average man generally says "later" which means your demand has no priority and I dont want to interrupt what I'm doing for it.

I have seen/experienced this too many times. They just can't help themselves and cannot fking sit still like kids.
I would argue this is part of the of the concept of "Betatization through 1000 concessions".

Its the "Yes dear" thing.

Most men are too weak to say no or "Do it yourself" and refuse to do it - sort of a relationship never ending mini shyte test because if you cave in then you let her take lead which will eventually lead to her resentment of you.

 

[Manure Spherian]

Who are the men who ignore these red flags and marry them?

Those who can’t rectify the situation, are desperate, and/or believe that such restlessness is a quirk they have to deal with.

 

[Manure Spherian]

If we expect the women to stop running wild in the streets and acting like wh0res then men will need to stop chasing after them.

For all their complaining, men feed feminism and wh0redom.

 

[Westminster]

The thing that is interesting to me is why someone would marry someone who acts like that. I mean, most of those things will reveal themselves in the first six months of the relationship. Who are the men who ignore these red flags and marry them?

I think it varies a bit. They can emerge more slowly and amplify over time, especially if a woman becomes influenced by family, 'friends' or others who stir trouble and promote dissatisfaction. Women are often more easily influenced by outsiders and expectations change over time.

Plus men are often blind to red flags early in the relationship. It's easy to be distracted. I know I was.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Standard SoSuave response:

“I would NEVER allow any woman to act like that, she would be out the door the moment she asked me to bring her hairbrush upstairs. You’ve revealed you’re a low quality man and only have yourself to blame”

my actual response:

Yes, women have evolved basically to want men to solve their issues. Thing is, you get plenty in return. I mean, if women had a huge laundry list of sechsual things which I had to shave my balls for etc that would kind of be a drag. Yes, you may get lumbered with some annoying jobs as a man in a LTR but you can decide your lines. If it gets too much for me I just ask “don’t you have legs/eyes?” and often that stops it. However, I will be fine taking the rubbish out, killing the mice we have. I do all the physical housework tasks which take some effort (I’m 6 3 and my wife is a delicate 5 foot and 95lb - some household tasks are really hard work for her but easy for me) but she cooks all my kids food and does a lot of other stuff. Just draw the line.

one thing is certain: they will test how much they can get you doing. Women don’t have a “fairness” chip and most I’ve been with are inherently lazy.

the other thing is they are NEVER satisfied and that’s the other really annoying thing. It doesn’t matter what you make or do, they will always scroll social media enough to find someone doing better and then feel thoroughly depressed that they can’t spend their entire life being waited on hand and foot being fed grapes.

my wife can be super lazy and I get a lot of BS work like going to the shops etc but to be fair she puts a lot of effort into things which make our sechs life very satisfying for me. This takes quite a bit of effort on her part so I’d rather a lady who works hard to satisfy me but delegates me some crap work, than a lady who does equal share but then won’t be bothered to be a feminine woman when I want it.

It would be nice to have both but I think it’s rare.

That's actually where a lot of men fail eventually...trying to solve all women's problems.

We are hardwired to "fix" things and when it comes to women and they have issues we try to help them "fix" them.

However, many times the woman doesn't want your help to fix it, she just wants to feel secure that she can communicate those issues with you and you just listen to her.

I've learned that many times just listening and saying something like "yeah, that must be a really tough position to be in. What do you think you'll do?" and then she will say what she plans on doing and then you can offer your opinion and then leave it up to her to fix.

She will respect a man far more if you listen and let her fix her own issues than trying to fix them for her. That's one of the areas that leads to slowly losing her respect over time if it happens often enough.

Sounds weird but it really isn't when you step back and think about it.

 

[In2theGame]

I have been living with my girlfriend for the past 5 months. We have good times but I have to agree with OP, they can neither be still or shut the fvck up.

I love my girlfriend but the nagging and or sometimes stupid little (unnecessary) arguments are taking a toll on me in that I'm starting to think about life without her.

It may sound extreme but to give an example, I brought an amazon package up to our apartment and put it on the kitchen counter. She freaks out and says the entire counter is dirty now and that I'm not the one that cleans anything, etc.

I literally saw it as no big deal, just spray down and wipe the counter. Simple as that.

Another thing that's started to get my blood pressure up is that she asks me a question that I have to think about (it's just how I process things) and she'll continue to pressure an answer out of me, saying "Why Aren't You saying anything!!??"

If I was in my 20's, maybe even early 30's, I would have snapped by now but since I'm 40, I'm a lot more laid back and just want peace and relaxation. However, I feel like I'm getting to the point of being pushed to the end of my line and lash out and break up with her.

Before her, I was a big playboy and ladies man, so while she's nagging at me or acting out, I'm immediately start thinking in my mind, I could easily replace this Woman.

Like I said, I do love her and its the ONLY reason why I still try to make things work out and be understanding and supportive etc. if it weren't for that, I would of kicked her to the curb harder than Messi can kick a soccer ball.

 

[Westminster]

I have been living with my girlfriend for the past 5 months. We have good times but I have to agree with OP, they can neither be still or shut the fvck up.

I love my girlfriend but the nagging and or sometimes stupid little (unnecessary) arguments are taking a toll on me in that I'm starting to think about life without her.

It may sound extreme but to give an example, I brought an amazon package up to our apartment and put it on the kitchen counter. She freaks out and says the entire counter is dirty now and that I'm not the one that cleans anything, etc.

I literally saw it as no big deal, just spray down and wipe the counter. Simple as that.

Another thing that's started to get my blood pressure up is that she asks me a question that I have to think about (it's just how I process things) and she'll continue to pressure an answer out of me, saying "Why Aren't You saying anything!!??"

If I was in my 20's, maybe even early 30's, I would have snapped by now but since I'm 40, I'm a lot more laid back and just want peace and relaxation. However, I feel like I'm getting to the point of being pushed to the end of my line and lash out and break up with her.

Before her, I was a big playboy and ladies man, so while she's nagging at me or acting out, I'm immediately start thinking in my mind, I could easily replace this Woman.

Like I said, I do love her and its the ONLY reason why I still try to make things work out and be understanding and supportive etc. if it weren't for that, I would of kicked her to the curb harder than Messi can kick a soccer ball.

She's like this five months in? Then unfortunately it's ony going to get worse, bro.

 

[Fortune_favors_the_bold]

Guys I went to the bank and asked for a mortgage but they kept insisting about me giving proofs of my assets while expecting a monthly payment.


--Sosuave average replies in 2024--

"Thats because your frame is weak, the analyst was too comfortable to make such requests"

"You have to step up your game bro"

"The problem is not the bank but you, when I was a teenager I went there with no shirt and got a 0% rate mortage easily, I didnt even paid it btw and won in the court when they sued me"

 

[MatureDJ]

Very good thread on an important but overlooked topic, which is often the source of great tension between men and women.

Men want - and, in my view, need - downtime but most women resent that and seem to want to load a guy up with jobs (meaningful or otherwise) as soon as they see a man 'doing nothing'. This is something I resent because listening to music, watching TV, drinking tea, etc. is actually doing something. It's called relaxing - and it's very good for you.

Males and females are different psychologically and physiologically, which means we have different needs and habits. Look at the animal kingdom, it's just the same. The lion rests most of the day while lioness busys herself. He springs into action when he wants or needs to.

A woman shoud respect a man's space and it's a red flag if they don't.

I think this is because the natural jobs for the sexes are: for women, doting all day on a young children, foraging for berries, preparing meals, etc, while for men, throwing a bunch of spears at the enemy within a few minutes, and hoping not to get by the enemy's spears.

 

[MatureDJ]

Yes!

That’s exactly why my marriage greatly improved with two children. If a woman’s energy is not put into child raising and homemaking (and my wife is awesome at both) she will seek to take over a man’s life and thoughts. Hence I refer to “boyfriend-girlfriend” relationships as clown marriage with man as entertainer, court jester, and pet. (Yes, I know, not all of them.)

In the beginning, I almost stopped dating wife to be because of constant plan making.

This is also exactly why if I were a single man today, knowing what I know now, I’d be firmly against “boyfriend and girlfriend” and “LTR,” as I’ve repeatedly said in previous posts. I’d seek a wife or a woman who acts as wife if no government recognition was involved.

I agree. The best thing for a man to do with his new women is to have her devoted to his child, and don't let her get any freedom until she's nearing The Wall.

And I also agree that men have to JesterMax in this dystopian age.

Jestermaxx

Jestermaxx or jestermaxxing is a term used in the incel community, most commonly to denote a man acting in an entertaining, amusing, histrionic or dramatic manner...

incels.wiki

 

[MatureDJ]

I know from the experiences of other men how difficult that was for them, but that's because you're talking 'frame'. I internalised an IDGAF attitude when I was sixteen and almost killed myself, so after aborting that, I prioritised myself and my personal opinion over everybody else's. I made a turnaround when I was 23 after almost getting stabbed to death and mellowed out a bit, but not on my ethics. So I have no problem negotiating and compromising in order to work together, but I had strong boundaries.
I married a Christian virgin girl ten years younger (23 while I was 33) and we were together for over sixteen years.
My divorce came a year after I became severely ill and my wife couldn't handle the emotional pressures I had shielded her from and allowed negative girlfriends talk her into divorcing me and 'starting a new life'. She since seems to have regretted her decision ("I wasn't in my right mind"), but I'm glad I got to see her true nature. I'm happier now than in the last years of my marriage, I have three lovers on rotation and none of them gets to go exclusive with me, but they understand and they don't mind sharing me.


Before I married my wife, she knew I never had a problem juggling 2-3 girlfriends, openly polyamorous and non-exclusive. I never needed to use 'dread game' because my wife knew I was 'good with women'. Still, I sensed a lot of bitterness from her how easily I picked up my life post-divorce while she went through 4-5 'new life partners' in the span of a 18 months. I know she's less happy than she expected to be (she often claims to be in 'survival mode'), but IDGAF as she brought this on herself. Meanwhile I got better and while I still have chronic pain issues, I have no trouble finding women to share my bed and enjoy my company without the urge to re-marry. I'm perfectly fine with living alone with my teenage kids and I'm not going exclusive with anyone, so if they choose to be with me, they know they have to share. My ex-wife has a hard time living alone and gets from one relationship into the other, although her current relationship has been going on for over a year now. She still tries to get me to act like her husband sometimes, but that time is over. I don't have a 'frame', but I always preferred to be alone over being in a bad relationship, so when my wife wanted to divorce, I was only concerned with protecting the kids (6y + 9y at the time) to make sure they wouldn't suffer from the divorce.

Your experiences have been so different than mine that we might as well be on separate planets.

 

[MatureDJ]

How many wives/long-term girlfriends that lived under your roof for at least 3 years have you experienced?

 

[Bible_Belt]

Are you married to her?

No, it doesn't. It commands women to obey their husbands and men to love their wives. Here is the exact quote

You're quoting 5:22. 5:21 says "submit to each other."

I tried to upload a pic of the Zondervan footnotes to those verses, but sosuave says my attachment size is too large.

 

[MatureDJ]

Can relate 100%. My wife has a six sense in which she can tell that I’m trying to relax. If it’s not mindless tasks that she can do herself, it’s what I call the “royal we.“ Like, “we should pull the weeds in the courtyard”, “we should paint these baseboards”, “we need gas in the car…” Countless tasks she can do while I’m away at work. Last doctor visit showed I had elevated blood pressure and she says you need to relax more. As I’m trying to relax and read a book, she suggests a task that “needs“ to be done, lol. Can you STFU so I can relax?

I totally get the “entertaining“ vibe as well. They can’t just be with themselves in silence. Can’t have a relaxing weekend without going out or doing something. I think social media has poured gas on this fire with all the FOMO and envy from seeing what other people are doing. What I recognize with the women in my social circle is that none of them have any hobbies. Nothing to entertain themselves other than eating and drinking. All the husbands get out and enjoy some kind of hobby.

One solution I have found for this is to go outside and ”work” on said suggested tasks. Like cleaning the yard. Clean the yard while watching the game in the garage and sipping a cold beer. Enjoy the peaceful sounds of a 2-stroke engine and take your time. You’re doing the suggested task but to your liking.

Do you have a life insurance policy? I think a lot of women get this way since their men are probably worth more to them deal than alive.