The Phone Should Only Be Used To Set Up Dates

[Harry Wilmington]

Hey guys:

I decided to make this post stating the seemingly obvious because, as of late, I've been reading post after post of different guys having the same exact problem. Most of them read like this:

"So, I got a girl's number the other day. Soon as I got home, I started texting her/calling her. She responded back, and we messaged for a few hours. Then, the next day, I wanted to try building some rapport with her to get her to like me. So, I spent another day texting/messaging/calling her. Blah blah blah, now it's day 5 of me messaging her, and I hinted that I wanted to take her out/hinted that she should come over to my place, and she said she was busy/she stopped answering my text/she said she just sees me as a friend. What do I do?"

And when I read these things, the first thing I think to myself is my famous mantra:

TEXTING KILLS RELATIONSHIPS.

Now, I've said that on these boards in various posts time and time again. But y'know what? The more I think about it, the more I realize that texting isn't entirely the problem.

Whoa whoa there, slow down, pro-texting crowd, I haven't come over to your side just yet!

What the main problem is, is that people are using texting - and the phone in general - as a means to try and get to know a girl, when what they should REALLY be doing is using the phone to SET UP AN IN-PERSON DATE. Because, at the end of the day, no matter how much you text, call, FB message, or send smoke signals to a woman... the most effective way to get a girl to increase her interest in you is by (a) spending time with her, and then (b) leaving her alone between dates.

So, why are all these guys constantly tripping up on the phone? It's because they've been brainwashed into believing that, in order to attract a woman, they have to constantly be in front of her face and/or talking to her. Oh, that, and they fear that if they aren't doing these things that another guy - either new or a beta orbiter - is going to come along and distract her from thinking about him. Logically, in a guy's head, if he is in constant contact with her - and she's accepting of his non-stop conversation - each time talks to her is helping him to increase her like for him.

And yet - as has been proven on these boards in numerous posts time and time again - this is far from the case. In reality, the more these guys hit her up day after day talking about any and everything under the sun - but not asking her out - the LESS attracted many of these girls become. Why?

BECAUSE THE REASON SHE GAVE YOU THE NUMBER IN THE FIRST PLACE WAS IN THE HOPES YOU'D ASK HER OUT, NOT BECOME HER PHONE "PEN PAL!"

And when you spend days at a time messaging a girl without having the BALLZ to slip in a "Oh hey, I'd love to take you out - let's go to x-place, are you free (day 1) or (day 2)?" Her subconscious begins to realize that you aren't a bold man that goes after what he wants, but rather a scared little boy who is waiting for her to suggest a date, which only causes whatever panties she had that got wet when she first met you to dry up faster than a lake during a California drought! (Sorry - just got back from Catalina Island where I saw what used to be a lake and is now just dry grassland. Really though - it's a great analogy if you ever see the "lake" in question...)

Your best chance at getting any new girl to agree to go out with you is near the very beginning, when you're still somewhat of a stranger and she doesn't know much about you. The sooner you ask her out, the more likely she is to put you in the "potential lover" category; the longer you wait to ask her out, the more likely she is to put you in the "too much of a good friend to mess this up by becoming lovers" category. So, make sure to drill the title of this post into your head:

THE PHONE SHOULD ONLY BE USED TO SET UP DATES
THE PHONE SHOULD ONLY BE USED TO SET UP DATES
THE PHONE SHOULD ONLY BE USED TO SET UP DATES
THE PHONE SHOULD ONLY BE USED TO SET UP DATES
THE PHONE SHOULD ONLY BE USED TO SET UP DATES
THE PHONE SHOULD ONLY BE USED TO SET UP DATES
THE PHONE SHOULD ONLY BE USED TO SET UP DATES
THE PHONE SHOULD ONLY BE USED TO SET UP DATES
THE PHONE SHOULD ONLY BE USED TO SET UP DATES
THE PHONE SHOULD ONLY BE USED TO SET UP DATES
THE PHONE SHOULD ONLY BE USED TO SET UP DATES

"But Harry," you ask, "don't I need to build up rapport with her BEFORE I ask her on a date???"

In short: F-----------K NO!

Seriously: I've had girls I've met online, at parties, amongst friends, etc. where I was able to either ask for - and GET - the date on that first meeting, or where I'd get the number, go home, wait 4 days, then hit her up (via a phone call - yes, even with some of the younger girls I've dated they still answer MY calls if they're wanting to hear from me) and, during that FIRST call, ask her out. And the reason it works is because (a) the FIRST meeting you have with a woman is the one where you've built the correct rapport (as is evident by the fact that she gave you the number); and (b) WOMEN WANT TO GO OUT ON DATES, NOT SPEND ALL DAY TEXTING ON THE PHONE.

Lastly, to the pro-texting crowd: yes, I'm fully aware of the belief many of you have that texting is "the only way women like to talk today." However, assuming that's true - which I don't - that's still not the #1 method of conversation she wants to use to get to know you. The best way is ALWAYS going to be in-person, so if you are of the belief that texting a girl is the better way to get a date, fine - use it for that purpose ONLY, then get off the friggin' phone!

Anyway... hope this helps! Now... listen to my podcasts and order my stuff!! (LoL)

 

[Stugots26]

Even though he's not pro-text, you must spread some reputation around before giving it to Harry again.

Guys fall too easily under the "illusion of action." They have to do something to get a woman to like them.

Women don't fall in love with you when you're around. They fall in love with you in your absence. It's a negative feedback loop. They're thinking about you in your absence, and their hamsters rationalize it by the fact that they must really like you.

I prefer texts for setting up dates so that both parties have it in writing and there's no miscommunication. Of course, I am an attorney.

 

[Trump]

I don't know about that bro. If the other guy is constantly texting her,

"I like to get to know you."
"I miss you."
"Wish you were here with me."

And all that stuff, she will fall in love with him faster than a guy who is aloof and just picks up the phone. They like sweet words in writing and will get emotionally attached.

If you text her "hey, would you like to go xxx on xxx", you have it in writing that you want to do something with her. If you phone, she may not pick up, you may have to leave a message, you will get nervous she's with another guy, etc.

Also if I phone and she misses my call, I got to wait by the phone until she returns it. Then I have to text her explaining WHY I called if she misses my call. It's ridiculous.

I NEVER phone now.

 

[VladPatton]

I don't know about that bro. If the other guy is constantly texting her,

"I like to get to know you."
"I miss you."
"Wish you were here with me."

And all that stuff, she will fall in love with him faster than a guy who is aloof and just picks up the phone. They like sweet words in writing and will get emotionally attached.

If you text her "hey, would you like to go xxx on xxx", you have it in writing that you want to do something with her. If you phone, she may not pick up, you may have to leave a message, you will get nervous she's with another guy, etc.

Also if phone and she misses my call, I got to wait by the phone until she returns it. Then I have to text her explaining WHY I called if she misses my call. It's ridiculous.

I NEVER phone now.

This is a very valid response. Have you heard girls trying to talk on the phone lately? They freeze, they mumble, are nervous, and their thoughts can't come quick enough because texting became the norm. It's like you just phoned someone in an ESL class. And that's IF they even pick up. Yeah, it sux, but this is just the current situation of communicating.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

I don't know about that bro. If the other guy is constantly texting her,

"I like to get to know you."
"I miss you."
"Wish you were here with me."

And all that stuff, she will fall in love with him faster than a guy who is aloof and just picks up the phone. They like sweet words in writing and will get emotionally attached.

If you text her "hey, would you like to go xxx on xxx", you have it in writing that you want to do something with her. If you phone, she may not pick up, you may have to leave a message, you will get nervous she's with another guy, etc.

Also if phone and she misses my call, I got to wait by the phone until she returns it. Then I have to text her explaining WHY I called if she misses my call. It's ridiculous.

I NEVER phone now.

Assuming she is more attracted to the guy consistently chatting her up via text, then yes. If not, that's just a daily bombardment of validation from that guy who "just doesn't get it...ughh!" and the indifferent dude will be the one who has her constantly saying "I hate when he ignores me!!! Ughhh!! God, he drives me kughh-ray-ZEEE!! Love him!! Double ughhh!!"

 

[Vulpine]

Thanks for the post, Harry.

Phone/e-mail/text = doesn't have the nuts to interact face-to-face.

Women need men with nuts, not vaginas.

In-person interaction is action: inter-action.

Texty games, e-mails, phone talks, it's all just word spam in a virtual reality.

Words are a woman's strength, action is a man's strength.

Don't try to beat women at their game: play yours, instead.

 

[Peña]

Blah, phone hasn't hurt my game any.

 

[LMFAO]

Yes the phone is there for setting up dates that's the ultimate goal of it, but there are many issues revolving around that, it's not that simple.

You may need to pass the sh!t test she throws at you, you may need to send her value adding texts, you may need to ignore her or punish her for bad behaviour, you need to put forward the right logistics and solve any issues around that. It's not always straight forward. The really hot girls will not make it that easy, especially for a day 2, even if there is some attraction to you. You need to know how to play the game and stand out. It's not always a simple matter of just asking her "when are you free this week?".

Also if you want more out of the date you can pre-screen for possibilities of sex or whatever you're looking to get out of it, and base the logistics of the date on her answers. You can also sexualise the conversation pre-date after arranging it and it does and can work on many occasions to warm her up and excite her of the possibilities. Also some (many) girls are a waste of time and don't deserve a date with you, you need to know how to filter them and not waste your time if you have 10 other girls to go out with and more important things to do.

There are books devoted to it. The best pickup guys like from RSD and Corey Wayne dedicate a lot of their material to it, and for good reason.

 

[Peña]

A good con artist makes his person feel comfortable. It works with women too to seduce them feeling comfortable with you before a date..

 

[Jaylan]

This ish again?

Text game has helped me dates, has gotten me laid, and has helped girls to really fall for me. Communication is communication.

Texting is helpful for someone who doesnt see his chick often and isnt much of a phone talker. I see my current gal once a week...and maybe twice in 10 days. Never really more than that. We are both busy people, hence we text a fair bit some days so we stay in contact and know whats going on with one another.

Ive done the same with other women Ive seen more casually. Theres nothing wrong with it. If a guy knows how to communicate well, texting is another skill in the back pocket. All in all, I setup my dates, but I still get some decent convo going in texts before the date, depending on the girl.

If our text convos flow and we arent too busy to chat...then I keep talking. If shes less of a texter and we dont have text vibe...I wait for in-person meanings. Its all simple.

 

[Newby 15]

Anyway... hope this helps! Now... listen to my podcasts and order my stuff!! (LoL)

I hope nobody listens and orders your stuff LOL

 

[Vulpine]

I don't know about that bro. If the other guy is constantly texting her,

"I like to get to know you."
"I miss you."
"Wish you were here with me."

And all that stuff, she will fall in love with him faster than a guy who is aloof and just picks up the phone. They like sweet words in writing and will get emotionally attached.

If you text her "hey, would you like to go xxx on xxx", you have it in writing that you want to do something with her. If you phone, she may not pick up, you may have to leave a message, you will get nervous she's with another guy, etc.

Also if phone and she misses my call, I got to wait by the phone until she returns it. Then I have to text her explaining WHY I called if she misses my call. It's ridiculous.

I NEVER phone now.

Wow. Talk about a perfect example of an AFC mindset. I have to this, and I must that, but if I this, then she that, and I might whatever. The speculation is so far from a DJ attitude...

It's ridiculous.

I want to grab you by the neck and shake the tits off you!

Instead of being a man, and qualifying women accordingly, the above demonstrates "give them what I think my mommy said they want"... it's pedastalizing, supplicating, scarcity mentality, and outcome dependency all in one post. It's AFC group-think rationalizing.

You call, leave a message, she doesn't return the message, she's not interested. Period.

To make the point, let me ask: Do you texty types have text conversations with your male friends?

If you don't text your bros, but text women, clearly your head is wrong. That, or you might want to consult with your doctor regarding being a woman trapped in a man's body.

The dude's "I miss you" texts make him look too available and too needy/clingy. No texts from you makes you busy and mysterious: she'll spend more time wondering about the unavailable non-douchebag than the readily available, run-of-the-mill, douchebag.

I mean, really, who the ƒuck goes out of their way to be a woman to get women? Who does what women do to prove they're a man? The logic is so flimsy as to why people text women, it's obnoxious.

This is a very valid response. Have you heard girls trying to talk on the phone lately? They freeze, they mumble, are nervous, and their thoughts can't come quick enough because texting became the norm. It's like you just phoned someone in an ESL class. And that's IF they even pick up. Yeah, it sux, but this is just the current situation of communicating.

You put them on the spot. Once you call, they don't have time to consult with their friends/Cosmo.com/the magic 8 ball/horoscope to come up with a response. When they realize they are vulnerable to your masculine actions, perhaps their püssy starts lubricating and they are distracted from the conversation?

I know exactly the "Uh... um... buh..." you mean. I know it's her shock that I'm the real deal, not some half-sack hiding behind a screen.

"Oh, wow, he called? I thought for sure he was a texty type!"
*insert tingles here*
"Uh... um... buh..."

First calls are awkward for both. You seem to be advocating "playing a game that women are more comfortable playing". Is that really what you find appropriate? Playing women's games that they prefer to play?

Stay in your comfort zones, then.

 

[Trump]

I want to grab you by the neck and shake the tits off you!

Instead of being a man, and qualifying women accordingly, the above demonstrates "give them what I think my mommy said they want"... it's pedastalizing, supplicating, scarcity mentality, and outcome dependency all in one post. It's AFC group-think rationalizing.

You call, leave a message, she doesn't return the message, she's not interested. Period.

What are going to say in the message? "Call me back?" Why should she call you back? Did your aunt just die or did you just win the lottery or do want to have sex with her?

Plus, she may not get the message, she lost her phone, she left the phone in car. By the time she phones you back, you are doing something else. Then you are playing phone tag for 2 days when you want to take her on a simple coffee date.

Text you have in writing and proof. You don't have to wait by the phone until she gets back to you.

To make the point, let me ask: Do you texty types have text conversations with your male friends?

If you don't text your bros, but text women, clearly your head is wrong. That, or you might want to consult with your doctor regarding being a woman trapped in a man's body.

I don't understand what you are saying here.

The dude's "I miss you" texts make him look too available and too needy/clingy. No texts from you makes you busy and mysterious: she'll spend more time wondering about the unavailable non-douchebag than the readily available, run-of-the-mill, douchebag.

I mean, really, who the ƒuck goes out of their way to be a woman to get women? Who does what women do to prove they're a man? The logic is so flimsy as to why people text women, it's obnoxious.

It's not about being clingy or available or too needy or AFC, it's about making them fall in love with you. If she gets all bent out of shape over a simple "I miss you's" then she's an idiot.

Honesty, sometimes this site makes me feel like we should beat the girl to death to make them fall in love with us. As long as you are not spending money on her, who cares? Yes you can sit back be mysterious and act all busy and pretentious like James Bond, but you are still not making the connection.

You put them on the spot. Once you call, they don't have time to consult with their friends/Cosmo.com/the magic 8 ball/horoscope to come up with a response. When they realize they are vulnerable to your masculine actions, perhaps their püssy starts lubricating and they are distracted from the conversation?

I know exactly the "Uh... um... buh..." you mean. I know it's her shock that I'm the real deal, not some half-sack hiding behind a screen.

"Oh, wow, he called? I thought for sure he was a texty type!"
*insert tingles here*
"Uh... um... buh..."

First calls are awkward for both. You seem to be advocating "playing a game that women are more comfortable playing". Is that really what you find appropriate? Playing women's games that they prefer to play?

Stay in your comfort zones, then.

It's not game playing. You are trying to CONNECT with them. Just don't spend money on them.

Unless you are a major hollywood superstar, and even then, I don't think any girl would drop everything they are doing that second to go out with you. They have to check their schedule and get back to you. No one drops anything for anyone these days.

 

[Dhoulmagus]

All these old ass guys on this board need to get with the times. Texting is now essential with girls these days. I ******* hate getting phone calls because I have to stop whatever I am doing and focus on that. Texting is so much easier and modern. Yes you can kill your game with texting and you can as in person too. Plan ahead dates are for people that only have a home phone anyway. Unless you are Brad Pitt, they will most likely forget or flake.

 

[LMFAO]

Phone vs text is not a black and white issue. Pickup artists themselves differ on this. RSD Todd suggests to call her up to set up the date. He does give the pros and cons of it, one con of it is that it can make you look less valuable as you are investing time in the girl even if it is 5-10 minutes. The guy from Girls Chase says that girls barely talk on the phone anymore and he nearly always just uses text. I mainly just use text for first couple of dates, on a rare occasion I would call. A number of girls I called recently just don't pick up and didn't seem to want to talk on the phone. Phoning can certainly help with the vibe sometimes however.

 

[In2theGame]

All the teachings of the OP are Corey Wayne's teachings. I like him and agree with many things he says but i dont take it as gospel. Every Woman will text nowadays and in my experience if a girl really likes you, It doesnt matter if you text, Call or even morse code, They will be open to seeing you again. I do agree with not texting too much or being too pushy which yes, will come off as "needy/clingy" but as long as you do it a bit here and there... She will be down for you.

 

[pyros]

IT DOES NOT REALLY MATTER WHAT YOU DO AS LONG AS SHE IS INTO YOU.

Ok, if you constantly text her or constantly call her then it would annoy her and make her IL go down, but if you like to send her a text from time to time, or call her just because you wanna ask her how she's doing is fine as long as she likes you/is interested in you.

No need to overthink it this much OP.

I think that 60% of this DJ stuff is actually useless and makes more harm than good. Guys should just focus on scanning which girls are into them and which girls are not. If you find the ones that like you, you just need to follow a few steps to 'make it happen' and keep in mind a few tips to not screw it up.

No need to overanalyse everything and have huge DJ knowledge. The problem with this stuff is that its hidden objective is to make you think that you're gonna get ANY GIRL if you do everything perfect, which is totally false, and is the main cause of confusion and bitterness of many guys here.

 

[SmooveMooves]

Lol. Yeah you try and keep a girl in this day an age under 36 around only texting to set up dates .

I agree with you though, don't be texting that faggöt ****. And don't text her all day and night like one of her girlfriends.

However, not texting at all... Nope, not gonna work.

Occasional conversation here and there, a lil joke once in a while. You're good money. 2:1 ratio all that good stuff.

Textings a tool. Don't be a fool. Learn to use it.

 

[Vulpine]

What are going to say in the message? "Call me back?" Why should she call you back? Did your aunt just die or did you just win the lottery or do want to have sex with her?

Uh... your game is so weak that you can't leave a phone message? No wonder you advocate texting. You're confidence is so lacking that you actually ask "why would she call you back"? I can tell you why women call ME back: I'm hot like eating jalapeños while getting head in a sauna.™ But, I can see why they wouldn't call YOU back. You don't leave a message. ...because you don't call.
...because you text.
...because you're a püssy.
...and women don't call back püssies they don't want to date.

Don't get p¡ssy, I'm just putting it to you straight.

Text you have in writing and proof. You don't have to wait by the phone until she gets back to you.

What, are you going to take her to court if she's not interested? What do you need "in writing" and "proof" for? Moreover, if you are waiting by a phone...
guess what: you don't have to, regardless of whether you left a message or not.

I don't understand what you are saying here.

If you don't text guys, but text chicks, you're chasing them. You are changing your behavior to accommodate women: you are trying to become what you think THEY want instead of becoming what YOU want. That's backwards from where your head should be. You should qualify women, not qualify yourself to women. Your actions are incongruent, and women smell this weakness a long way off.

It's not game playing. You are trying to CONNECT with them.

It is game playing: you CONNECT with them in real time, face-to-face, penis-to-vagina. Otherwise, it's all just words that are easily forgotten.
____

All these old ass guys on this board need to get with the times.

I'm completely down with technology. In fact, did you know they have this thing called an "ignore list". Totally. It's a list thing where you put ƒuckwit kids who have no clue about attraction dynamics when you don't care to see their tripe cluttering up threads. It works great.

Texting is now essential with girls these days.

Yes, it does now seem essential to text if you are a girl. If you are a man, however, it's optional.

Texting is so much easier and modern.

Yes, texting IS so much easier than face-to-face game. And, the modern trend of the Japanese carrying around dolls and referring to them as their "girlfriend" is a modern thing, but you don't hear it touted as "good" simply because it's modern. Your statement is like saying "a fresh stick in the eye is better than an old pair of safety glasses". A "new bad" is still bad. Which is better, an old Porsche, or a new Yugo?

Plan ahead dates are for people that only have a home phone anyway.

By ahead, you mean, in the future? Wait...

So...

You're telling me that the only people that can have dates in the future are those with a home phone?

How, exactly, does that make texting better than a phone call, again? I'm missing the connection. The way it reads, you're advocating getting rid of your cell phone? I...

...nevermind.
*clickety, click, click*

 

[Peña]

Uh... your game is so weak that you can't leave a phone message? No wonder you advocate texting. You're confidence is so lacking that you actually ask "why would she call you back"? I can tell you why women call ME back: I'm hot like eating jalapeños while getting head in a sauna.™ But, I can see why they wouldn't call YOU back. You don't leave a message. ...because you don't call.
...because you text.
...because you're a püssy.
...and women don't call back püssies they don't want to date.

Don't get p¡ssy, I'm just putting it to you straight.

What, are you going to take her to court if she's not interested? What do you need "in writing" and "proof" for? Moreover, if you are waiting by a phone...
guess what: you don't have to, regardless of whether you left a message or not.


If you don't text guys, but text chicks, you're chasing them. You are changing your behavior to accommodate women: you are trying to become what you think THEY want instead of becoming what YOU want. That's backwards from where your head should be. You should qualify women, not qualify yourself to women. Your actions are incongruent, and women smell this weakness a long way off.


It is game playing: you CONNECT with them in real time, face-to-face, penis-to-vagina. Otherwise, it's all just words that are easily forgotten.
____

I'm completely down with technology. In fact, did you know they have this thing called an "ignore list". Totally. It's a list thing where you put ƒuckwit kids who have no clue about attraction dynamics when you don't care to see their tripe cluttering up threads. It works great.


Yes, it does now seem essential to text if you are a girl. If you are a man, however, it's optional.

Yes, texting IS so much easier than face-to-face game. And, the modern trend of the Japanese carrying around dolls and referring to them as their "girlfriend" is a modern thing, but you don't hear it touted as "good" simply because it's modern. Your statement is like saying "a fresh stick in the eye is better than an old pair of safety glasses". A "new bad" is still bad. Which is better, an old Porsche, or a new Yugo?



By ahead, you mean, in the future? Wait...

So...

You're telling me that the only people that can have dates in the future are those with a home phone?

How, exactly, does that make texting better than a phone call, again? I'm missing the connection. The way it reads, you're advocating getting rid of your cell phone? I...

...nevermind.
*clickety, click, click*

Do you think a chick is going to get bored of a guy she wants to screw? Would a girl lose interest over Brad Pitt if he was using the phone?