Harry Wilmington
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 19, 2012
- Messages
- 1,201
- Reaction score
- 204
Hey guys:
I decided to make this post stating the seemingly obvious because, as of late, I've been reading post after post of different guys having the same exact problem. Most of them read like this:
"So, I got a girl's number the other day. Soon as I got home, I started texting her/calling her. She responded back, and we messaged for a few hours. Then, the next day, I wanted to try building some rapport with her to get her to like me. So, I spent another day texting/messaging/calling her. Blah blah blah, now it's day 5 of me messaging her, and I hinted that I wanted to take her out/hinted that she should come over to my place, and she said she was busy/she stopped answering my text/she said she just sees me as a friend. What do I do?"
And when I read these things, the first thing I think to myself is my famous mantra:
TEXTING KILLS RELATIONSHIPS.
Now, I've said that on these boards in various posts time and time again. But y'know what? The more I think about it, the more I realize that texting isn't entirely the problem.
Whoa whoa there, slow down, pro-texting crowd, I haven't come over to your side just yet!
What the main problem is, is that people are using texting - and the phone in general - as a means to try and get to know a girl, when what they should REALLY be doing is using the phone to SET UP AN IN-PERSON DATE. Because, at the end of the day, no matter how much you text, call, FB message, or send smoke signals to a woman... the most effective way to get a girl to increase her interest in you is by (a) spending time with her, and then (b) leaving her alone between dates.
So, why are all these guys constantly tripping up on the phone? It's because they've been brainwashed into believing that, in order to attract a woman, they have to constantly be in front of her face and/or talking to her. Oh, that, and they fear that if they aren't doing these things that another guy - either new or a beta orbiter - is going to come along and distract her from thinking about him. Logically, in a guy's head, if he is in constant contact with her - and she's accepting of his non-stop conversation - each time talks to her is helping him to increase her like for him.
And yet - as has been proven on these boards in numerous posts time and time again - this is far from the case. In reality, the more these guys hit her up day after day talking about any and everything under the sun - but not asking her out - the LESS attracted many of these girls become. Why?
BECAUSE THE REASON SHE GAVE YOU THE NUMBER IN THE FIRST PLACE WAS IN THE HOPES YOU'D ASK HER OUT, NOT BECOME HER PHONE "PEN PAL!"
And when you spend days at a time messaging a girl without having the BALLZ to slip in a "Oh hey, I'd love to take you out - let's go to x-place, are you free (day 1) or (day 2)?" Her subconscious begins to realize that you aren't a bold man that goes after what he wants, but rather a scared little boy who is waiting for her to suggest a date, which only causes whatever panties she had that got wet when she first met you to dry up faster than a lake during a California drought! (Sorry - just got back from Catalina Island where I saw what used to be a lake and is now just dry grassland. Really though - it's a great analogy if you ever see the "lake" in question...)
Your best chance at getting any new girl to agree to go out with you is near the very beginning, when you're still somewhat of a stranger and she doesn't know much about you. The sooner you ask her out, the more likely she is to put you in the "potential lover" category; the longer you wait to ask her out, the more likely she is to put you in the "too much of a good friend to mess this up by becoming lovers" category. So, make sure to drill the title of this post into your head:
THE PHONE SHOULD ONLY BE USED TO SET UP DATES
THE PHONE SHOULD ONLY BE USED TO SET UP DATES
THE PHONE SHOULD ONLY BE USED TO SET UP DATES
THE PHONE SHOULD ONLY BE USED TO SET UP DATES
THE PHONE SHOULD ONLY BE USED TO SET UP DATES
THE PHONE SHOULD ONLY BE USED TO SET UP DATES
THE PHONE SHOULD ONLY BE USED TO SET UP DATES
THE PHONE SHOULD ONLY BE USED TO SET UP DATES
THE PHONE SHOULD ONLY BE USED TO SET UP DATES
THE PHONE SHOULD ONLY BE USED TO SET UP DATES
THE PHONE SHOULD ONLY BE USED TO SET UP DATES
"But Harry," you ask, "don't I need to build up rapport with her BEFORE I ask her on a date???"
In short: F-----------K NO!
Seriously: I've had girls I've met online, at parties, amongst friends, etc. where I was able to either ask for - and GET - the date on that first meeting, or where I'd get the number, go home, wait 4 days, then hit her up (via a phone call - yes, even with some of the younger girls I've dated they still answer MY calls if they're wanting to hear from me) and, during that FIRST call, ask her out. And the reason it works is because (a) the FIRST meeting you have with a woman is the one where you've built the correct rapport (as is evident by the fact that she gave you the number); and (b) WOMEN WANT TO GO OUT ON DATES, NOT SPEND ALL DAY TEXTING ON THE PHONE.
Lastly, to the pro-texting crowd: yes, I'm fully aware of the belief many of you have that texting is "the only way women like to talk today." However, assuming that's true - which I don't - that's still not the #1 method of conversation she wants to use to get to know you. The best way is ALWAYS going to be in-person, so if you are of the belief that texting a girl is the better way to get a date, fine - use it for that purpose ONLY, then get off the friggin' phone!
Anyway... hope this helps! Now... listen to my podcasts and order my stuff!! (LoL)
I decided to make this post stating the seemingly obvious because, as of late, I've been reading post after post of different guys having the same exact problem. Most of them read like this:
"So, I got a girl's number the other day. Soon as I got home, I started texting her/calling her. She responded back, and we messaged for a few hours. Then, the next day, I wanted to try building some rapport with her to get her to like me. So, I spent another day texting/messaging/calling her. Blah blah blah, now it's day 5 of me messaging her, and I hinted that I wanted to take her out/hinted that she should come over to my place, and she said she was busy/she stopped answering my text/she said she just sees me as a friend. What do I do?"
And when I read these things, the first thing I think to myself is my famous mantra:
TEXTING KILLS RELATIONSHIPS.
Now, I've said that on these boards in various posts time and time again. But y'know what? The more I think about it, the more I realize that texting isn't entirely the problem.
Whoa whoa there, slow down, pro-texting crowd, I haven't come over to your side just yet!
What the main problem is, is that people are using texting - and the phone in general - as a means to try and get to know a girl, when what they should REALLY be doing is using the phone to SET UP AN IN-PERSON DATE. Because, at the end of the day, no matter how much you text, call, FB message, or send smoke signals to a woman... the most effective way to get a girl to increase her interest in you is by (a) spending time with her, and then (b) leaving her alone between dates.
So, why are all these guys constantly tripping up on the phone? It's because they've been brainwashed into believing that, in order to attract a woman, they have to constantly be in front of her face and/or talking to her. Oh, that, and they fear that if they aren't doing these things that another guy - either new or a beta orbiter - is going to come along and distract her from thinking about him. Logically, in a guy's head, if he is in constant contact with her - and she's accepting of his non-stop conversation - each time talks to her is helping him to increase her like for him.
And yet - as has been proven on these boards in numerous posts time and time again - this is far from the case. In reality, the more these guys hit her up day after day talking about any and everything under the sun - but not asking her out - the LESS attracted many of these girls become. Why?
BECAUSE THE REASON SHE GAVE YOU THE NUMBER IN THE FIRST PLACE WAS IN THE HOPES YOU'D ASK HER OUT, NOT BECOME HER PHONE "PEN PAL!"
And when you spend days at a time messaging a girl without having the BALLZ to slip in a "Oh hey, I'd love to take you out - let's go to x-place, are you free (day 1) or (day 2)?" Her subconscious begins to realize that you aren't a bold man that goes after what he wants, but rather a scared little boy who is waiting for her to suggest a date, which only causes whatever panties she had that got wet when she first met you to dry up faster than a lake during a California drought! (Sorry - just got back from Catalina Island where I saw what used to be a lake and is now just dry grassland. Really though - it's a great analogy if you ever see the "lake" in question...)
Your best chance at getting any new girl to agree to go out with you is near the very beginning, when you're still somewhat of a stranger and she doesn't know much about you. The sooner you ask her out, the more likely she is to put you in the "potential lover" category; the longer you wait to ask her out, the more likely she is to put you in the "too much of a good friend to mess this up by becoming lovers" category. So, make sure to drill the title of this post into your head:
THE PHONE SHOULD ONLY BE USED TO SET UP DATES
THE PHONE SHOULD ONLY BE USED TO SET UP DATES
THE PHONE SHOULD ONLY BE USED TO SET UP DATES
THE PHONE SHOULD ONLY BE USED TO SET UP DATES
THE PHONE SHOULD ONLY BE USED TO SET UP DATES
THE PHONE SHOULD ONLY BE USED TO SET UP DATES
THE PHONE SHOULD ONLY BE USED TO SET UP DATES
THE PHONE SHOULD ONLY BE USED TO SET UP DATES
THE PHONE SHOULD ONLY BE USED TO SET UP DATES
THE PHONE SHOULD ONLY BE USED TO SET UP DATES
THE PHONE SHOULD ONLY BE USED TO SET UP DATES
"But Harry," you ask, "don't I need to build up rapport with her BEFORE I ask her on a date???"
In short: F-----------K NO!
Seriously: I've had girls I've met online, at parties, amongst friends, etc. where I was able to either ask for - and GET - the date on that first meeting, or where I'd get the number, go home, wait 4 days, then hit her up (via a phone call - yes, even with some of the younger girls I've dated they still answer MY calls if they're wanting to hear from me) and, during that FIRST call, ask her out. And the reason it works is because (a) the FIRST meeting you have with a woman is the one where you've built the correct rapport (as is evident by the fact that she gave you the number); and (b) WOMEN WANT TO GO OUT ON DATES, NOT SPEND ALL DAY TEXTING ON THE PHONE.
Lastly, to the pro-texting crowd: yes, I'm fully aware of the belief many of you have that texting is "the only way women like to talk today." However, assuming that's true - which I don't - that's still not the #1 method of conversation she wants to use to get to know you. The best way is ALWAYS going to be in-person, so if you are of the belief that texting a girl is the better way to get a date, fine - use it for that purpose ONLY, then get off the friggin' phone!
Anyway... hope this helps! Now... listen to my podcasts and order my stuff!! (LoL)