The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Reboot2017]

60 days NC complete!

Feels awesome to make it this far without once caving in. No drunk text, no whiny "I miss you, blah, blah, blah" text. I deleted the Instagram app. I allowed myself to look online once but that was it. It's been a solid two months of moving on. I had a weird incident that happened to me the other day. I was leaving this massage place at dusk when I walked by this wax beauty store. I looked through the window and saw this woman standing in a white summer dress with her back faced towards me at the check out counter. She had the same hair style, color, and skin color as my ex with tattoos on her shoulders as well. I had to do a double take to realize it wasn't her, but it was a weird gestalt perceptual experience. Very strong and on the eve of 60 days NC.

I still have zero plates, but I have two HBs that are interested. One of them texts me often and has been trying to get me to meet her places. I've been busy like hell hitting the gym. I've gained 15 pounds of muscle. I don't look depressed anymore and my face doesn't look boney the way I was at 136 pounds.

I bought an electric and acoustic guitar that I practice daily on and attend weekly lessons. When I'm stressed about life, school, work, dating, etc. I pick up the guitar, read tabs, and let go to relax. It's an amazing feeling.

I started/joined the NoFap June challenge to rebuild self-control and goals. As I said in the thread, NoFap isn't giving me mystical wizard powers and could be a "placebo" effect, yet I think the process does help me overall.

So for the guys above or maybe lurking and not posting, do yourself the favor and commit to the 60 day NC challenge. Resist the temptation to reach out and bug her on social media or texting. Let the ex go, heal, move on, and meet new women.

You will never know how your life can move forward and better yourself if you continue to ponder "what if" or pining over the ex.

You never know, you may just find someone better.

Stay NC.

Awesome work resilient... Right behind you though. See you at the finish line.

 

[Reboot2017]

This hurts to write.

After a few months of obsessing over her and trying desperately to move on with my life, I deleted her from the last of the social media I still had. I was so in love with her. She has a new boyfriend and they look so happy and perfect together, doing everything we never did. I just knew I could never heal if I kept checking so I told myself to suck it up and push the button.

But I didn't expect to react like this. It's like a full-on panic attack. I'll never see her perfect, beautiful face again. When I think of her, I still see her as my other half, someone I should have been with forever. And I'll never know what's going on in her life again. She's still so much of a part of me and now I have nothing but memories. All I want to do is see her face and I can't even do that. And I'll never be able to again. It feels like a part of me has been ripped out. I feel pathetic, unlovable, and most of all, alone.

First day man. It will get harder as the week passes and you will continue feeling like crap. If you can do one thing and just one thing, try to hit the gym. If you cannot, give yourself some time to grief. You been struck some serious hard case oneitis there. But like what most of the posters have hinted, you will feel differently after 60 days. Trust the program and depend on your brothers. Welcome to getting your balls back.

 

[Carpathian]

...why care in which way she is thinking about you and with which Intentionen she is going to reach out? That just brings false Hope to the posters here. A second round will get even worse and let you even more fcuked up after the inevitable next breakup.
Do not use NC to get here back. @Carpathian This is not pointed at you, i know we are on the same page here, but the newbies might get things wrong and have false hope.
60 Days NC does also not means that at day 61 you can start texting her again. The goal is that after 60 days you don't even feel the Need to contact her.

Yes of course we are on the same page MrAdditction. Cool. I reiterate that I absolutely DO NOT want to give false hopes to people. Indeed, what I am saying is that no one should be reaching out to exes. It never works second/third/fourth time around. As soon as it ends on the first time round the relationship is lost. This has been the case with me over my life with numerous women and everyone else on this board says that is also their experience. Maybe if you make millions of compromises as a man and hand her the power then you might refloat the relationship for a while. But it is holed under the waterline and will eventually sink.

 

[soulforge]

Yes of course we are on the same page MrAdditction. Cool. I reiterate that I absolutely DO NOT want to give false hopes to people. Indeed, what I am saying is that no one should be reaching out to exes. It never works second/third/fourth time around. As soon as it ends on the first time round the relationship is lost. This has been the case with me over my life with numerous women and everyone else on this board says that is also their experience. Maybe if you make millions of compromises as a man and hand her the power then you might refloat the relationship for a while. But it is holed under the waterline and will eventually sink.

fully agree with this... the second time its very rare to work.. there are cases where it has, but it's usually when considerable time has passed (years) and both parties have had time to grow and mature..

If you broke up because she was toxic, or unreasonable, then considering a 2nd chance will only bring you a bigger disaster.. these toxic types, very rarely change.. so don't even risk it.

I only ever took an ex back once.. after nearly a year apart.. it did not end well

 

[Glassguy]

They are exes for a reason fellas. It didnt work.

Its hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel during and after a breakup with a chick that you were really into and saw it going somewhere. Trust me, it ended for a reason and even if you both attempted to reconcile, the issues that lead to breakups are normally ones that cant be changed and dont go away.

Stop prolonging your misery by feeling like garbage over some chick who in most cases, left you for someone else. Want revenge? Pick yourself up off the floor and go find someone better than she could ever be. Until that time/chick comes along, go smash everything smashable in sight and have fun.

Take if from me, I've been there done that.

Give yourself 2 days to grieve and feel sorry for yourself and then get your game face on and go out and play the game.

 

[Rxnxg]

Today my ex messaged me again, but today I answered. (sorry for that.)

[20:15:45] Her: my bag came (A bag she ordered.)
[20:20:30] Me: Nice ;o
[20:25:15] Her: i hope jsut you don't hate me tho
[20:25:41] Me: Why would I ?
[20:25:56] Her: idk..
[20:26:05] Me: I don't

So far I got no reply, after that she went to play a game.
I kinda feel bad after that...

 

[finality]

Day 3.

I feel better than I did yesterday and that's pretty much all I can ask for.

 

[Glassguy]

Today my ex messaged me again, but today I answered. (sorry for that.)

[20:15:45] Her: my bag came (A bag she ordered.)
[20:20:30] Me: Nice ;o
[20:25:15] Her: i hope jsut you don't hate me tho
[20:25:41] Me: Why would I ?
[20:25:56] Her: idk..
[20:26:05] Me: I don't

So far I got no reply, after that she went to play a game.
I kinda feel bad after that...

Dude take it from me.....she is just sending you pinging text to see if you'll still respond. The "hope you dont hate me" etc is just bullsh!t to see where you're at. It has NOTHING to do with what she is doing or what she wants.

Save yourself a TON of heartache and STOP responding to her ASAP.

She will blow your phone up when you wont respond back. At that point I would say "I have some new things happening and its probably best not to text or talk anymore" and the go RADIO FVCKING SILENT.

Trust me on this. Been there, done that. Dont walk yourself into her traps to see if she can branch swing back to you if what she has lined up doesnt work out.

 

[QuadDeuces]

I had some text contact with my ex a week or so ago.
And it only reminded me that no contact is the way to go.

The rebound girl I've been dating since 2ish months I'm starting to like more and more each day, a constructive girl who supports me in realising my life goals, and allows and appreciates me to live my own life and respects my space if needed. Being around her feels solid and stable, also insane good communication about all kinds of stuff. Yesterday she asked me if I wanted to be her boyfriend, I laughed and said "yikes".

What a breath of fresh air compared to my borderline hysterical destructive ex, who kept me running on adrenaline at the end.

 

[attic]

I had some text contact with my ex a week or so ago.
And it only reminded me that no contact is the way to go.

The rebound girl I've been dating since 2ish months I'm starting to like more and more each day, a constructive girl who supports me in realising my life goals, and allows and appreciates me to live my own life and respects my space if needed. Being around her feels solid and stable, also insane good communication about all kinds of stuff. Yesterday she asked me if I wanted to be her boyfriend, I laughed and said "yikes".

What a breath of fresh air compared to my borderline hysterical destructive ex, who kept me running on adrenaline at the end.

Yes, the contact creates pain.

Day 40NC here. Really struggling. Have her blocked, I know contacting would be painful. Miss her.

Injury been keeping me from running, and my work slowed down. Need to keep busy.

 

[Reboot2017]

Yes, the contact creates pain.

Day 40NC here. Really struggling. Have her blocked, I know contacting would be painful. Miss her.

Injury been keeping me from running, and my work slowed down. Need to keep busy.

Keep it up man... There will be bad days like these but they do not last. You are on the home stretch I think. The darkest hour just before break of dawn. It was like that for me during the 30 - 40 days.

Furthermore, perhaps it easy to see why you miss her. Your other distractions ie running and work are in the skids... Therefore, it is easy to go back to thinking about her. Just a thought, yoga is really awesome for non intense full body workout and you get the additional benefit of being in the midst of an abundance of women... NC or bust.

 

[soulforge]

Keep it up man... There will be bad days like these but they do not last. You are on the home stretch I think. The darkest hour just before break of dawn. It was like that for me during the 30 - 40 days.

Furthermore, perhaps it easy to see why you miss her. Your other distractions ie running and work are in the skids... Therefore, it is easy to go back to thinking about her. Just a thought, yoga is really awesome for non intense full body workout and you get the additional benefit of being in the midst of an abundance of women... NC or bust.

I have the same problem man... just over 4 months of strict NC

was doing great in the gym, to the point, where I would walk down the road and the ladies would pretty obviously stare at me..

the hardcore training was getting me through.. but now given myself a rotator cuff injury, that can take potentially months to heal..

feeling down in the dumps about this.. I will probably lose most of my gains...

just have to pick myself up again, once the shoulder has somewhat healed.. can't le this beat me..

as for the ex.. going back is not even an option!

 

[Reboot2017]

the hardcore training was getting me through.. but now given myself a rotator cuff injury, that can take potentially months to heal..

feeling down in the dumps about this.. I will probably lose most of my gains...

Tough break man. Take solace in muscle memory... And there are other work outs like Legs. Perhaps good time to brush up on Game.

 

[David Stansfield]

61 days NC, here's a frank post about my NC so far....

Ok, so I've done the original poster's challenge of 60 days. How do I feel two months on? Well there have been moments along the way where I've felt good, resolute and strong, and there have been weak moments where I've been very tempted to contact her to see if she was OK (you see, my ex is bipolar and does reach extreme depressive lows). Fortunately I haven't.

She contacted me twice during this period and I ignored both, once about a week in, then about a month in. She sounded very sad about it all both times, and if I'm honest, it did make me feel great for about 3 days before it wore off. It was the validation that I had left a vacuum in her life which I once filled and that she was hurting too, in her case possible more so. I have felt a bit sad that she gave up trying to contact me, but it's understandable given I've ignored her. It must be quite humiliating for a women who used to have you on tap now getting ignored and stone-walled with silence. I suppose they just accept the situation with sadness and carry on.

Am I fully cured? Honestly? No. It hasn't been the magic bullet fix and strangely, I've wanted to contact her quite a lot this last week in particular, but on average I think the intensity of the yearning has become much much less. Most of all I think my thoughts about everything, particularly "us", have become far more balanced and rational.

Sixty days has made me consider her pros and cons more objectively and where things went wrong. So although she can be fvcked up, my NC period has made me reassess things in a clearer light. My ex is a very sweet person and a lot of the blame as to why we aren't together lay in my hands - as I wouldn't commit to something really serious. It was very much on my terms and very much a hedonistic "take it when I wanted it, leave it when I didn't". I think all she wanted was security. Yet my ex was very self absorbed and skewed by her bipolar condition. As is typical of women she wanted to talk about herself, her needs and her woes far more frequently than a balance should be and she could be fickle as fvck. One minute doting, affectionate, sexual as hell, the next distant, illogical or over-thinking some trivial thing I did or didn't do.

I think in my situation I often question whether or not a friendship outweighs complete loss, you see we were very close before hooking up and in many ways I miss that friendship a great deal. But by the opposite token, I think she needs a huge amount of emotional support and becoming that role again is a massive burden, especially if coupled with her being in another guy's castle - i.e. all the hassle and none of the benefits - fvck that. Some might say these thoughts sounds weak, and if it were at the start of NC I would totally agree, but I know this is a far more rational thought now, a lot clearer, logical and consolidated through NC, that I can totally guarantee. Not marred by manipulation or control sullied by the addictive cycle of contact. But for me contacting her again is a double edged sword and in many ways total separation could be the lesser of two evils, so I think I'll stick with NC right now.

So, do I recommend trying to reach 60 days? Yes! I think it's actually quite a cathartic experience and it does rebuild many damaged aspects that you are feeling from the early days of NC. It allows you to focus on you and the repair of you, and also prevents you from becoming a crutch to your ex whilst she looks for other c0ck. You see, a lot of women need male support in their lives (especially in-between relationships) and will manipulate men (often consciously but also I believe unconsciously) to get that. It bolsters their fragile fvcked up emotional egos, knowing someone out there - perhaps other than their significant other - supports them, obsesses about them, considers them the Princess they think they should be or is there at the drop of a hat or with a little girlie voiced flirty request. Unlike men, who are governed by a logical persuasion in the decision making department, woman are slave to emotions and are lost when you remove yourself from that emotional knight in shining armour support role in their life - I truly believe it can send cataclysmic shock waves through their psyche. I'm a firm believer NC can trigger the one thing in their mind that they listen to - their emotions - and they are forced to reflect on what you meant to them in a far more profound way. Through losing you, they finally realise your true value to them. The old saying "you only appreciate someone's worth when they are gone" is as true a statement as you'll ever hear. Yes, NC may not help you and your ex get back together, but your true value to her will finally be palpable, and you'll both realise that through the NC process.

Just my penny's worth. Keep up the NC!

Great forum. Read through 50 pages and had some great inspiration but this post is gold..

 

[Young_Don]

Hey guys, haven't been on here for a while but I'm back.

I broke NC 7 days ago just to tell her happy birthday. I kept it short and sweet "Happy birthday! Hope it's a good one x"

Turns out I jumped the gun and her bday is actually the 7th of next month. She just said she hopes she gets a bday text from me on her actual bday, I said I'll think about it lol and left it at that.

I know some of you will probably be right in saying I shouldn't have bothered in the first place but whatever, I saw no harm in it and what's done is done.

The reason why I'm here is because it's been 3 and a half months since we went our own ways and a couple days ago I found out that she's now in a relationship. It hit me like a truck if I'm being honest.. everytime I wake up I hope that it was just a bad dream but it's not.

Should I send her another bday msg on her bday "Happy actualy birthday xo" or not, and why/why not? I'm leaning towards not saying anything but if I don't then she's going to know it's because im cut about her finding someone new, and if I do then I run the risk of looking like a soft c0ck,

Mentally, I've been out of whack the past few weeks. Dealing with a lot of other crap in my life and not much is going right and this was the last thing I needed.

 

[Rxnxg]

Hey guys, haven't been on here for a while but I'm back.

I broke NC 7 days ago just to tell her happy birthday. I kept it short and sweet "Happy birthday! Hope it's a good one x"

Turns out I jumped the gun and her bday is actually the 7th of next month. She just said she hopes she gets a bday text from me on her actual bday, I said I'll think about it lol and left it at that.

I know some of you will probably be right in saying I shouldn't have bothered in the first place but whatever, I saw no harm in it and what's done is done.

The reason why I'm here is because it's been 3 and a half months since we went our own ways and a couple days ago I found out that she's now in a relationship. It hit me like a truck if I'm being honest.. everytime I wake up I hope that it was just a bad dream but it's not.

Should I send her another bday msg on her bday "Happy actualy birthday xo" or not, and why/why not? I'm leaning towards not saying anything but if I don't then she's going to know it's because im cut about her finding someone new, and if I do then I run the risk of looking like a soft c0ck,

Mentally, I've been out of whack the past few weeks. Dealing with a lot of other crap in my life and not much is going right and this was the last thing I needed.

The closer you get to her the more hurt you are, isn't it?

 

[Young_Don]

The closer you get to her the more hurt you are, isn't it?

To be honest, I haven't stopped hurting. Time hasn't eased any of the pain. Finding out that she moved on this quickly just made me feel 100x worse.

 

[Rxnxg]

To be honest, I haven't stopped hurting. Time hasn't eased any of the pain. Finding out that she moved on this quickly just made me feel 100x worse.

You don't really know if she moved on in my opinion, the fact that she's with someone else could be cause she's still hurt and she's with him to erase the pain, you never know. But the only think and the best you can do it's to try to forget about it, and move on. Anyways I know how you feel, i'm in NC also and seems like my exgf moved on and doesn't give a **** at all.

 

[soulforge]

It's better never to know man...

I blocked and erased my ex from my life completely... even changed my number...

I do not EVER check social media... she may have moved on... or she may not have moved on with another guy at all..

I don't want to know... i just want to get to the place, where i do not care if she is with someone!

 

[finality]

Reached out one last time and was ghosted. Had to see a therapist over this. Going to get back into NLP as my belief system took a major hit.. thought processes are totally scewd. I could use an accountability partner if anyone wants to pm me. I'm in a very dark place.identty has collapsed.

Day 1.