The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Glassguy]

Update- Its been nearly 10 months since the breakup with my ex (we were engaged and the wedding was planned and for the most part paid for by her parents at the time of the break up).

She started texting me and sending me letters a month and a half ago. I shut it down.

She texted me Sunday night saying that she found some stuff of mine at her house. One particular thing was a Christmas ornament that my daughter got me last year for Christmas that says "My dad, my hero". I wanted it back.

She offered to "bring it by one evening this week". I told her that wasnt a good idea, since my daughter would be home, but I could swing by and get it one of the 2 evenings this week that I didnt already have plans. I then elected to tell her to just meet me at a gas station and I would get it from her.

Met last night, I was all smiles and I had 2 chicks blowing my phone up the entire 5 minutes that I met with her. She tried the small talk, the "how have you been?", "you look good", etc etc. I didnt bite.

I was confident, all smiles and most importantly, friendly in a civil way. The look on her face was one of "how in the hell are you doing so well after our breakup".

Long story short, told her after a few minutes that I had plans and had to run and took off.

I wrote all of that to say this: I was devastated after the breakup. I was devastated because I let myself become vulnerable to someone that took advantage of it. I slowly but surely became beta like during the tail end of the relationship and she thought the grass was greener on the other side. It is not.

I have been spinning plates and have gotten a tremendous amount of pvssy since the break up. Its a carousel of 3-4 plates.

Bottom line: when you think you are crushed over your situational break up, work on yourself and spin as many plates as possible. Dont give ANY low interest women the time of day. Make them chase you after you give them a nibble of the bait.

Go find more options and you will be surprised how fast you will see that you probably dodged a bullet in the long run!

Oh yeah, I felt like a million bucks driving away from her last night while talking to a new plate on my cell.

 

[Roober]

Update- Its been nearly 10 months since the breakup with my ex (we were engaged and the wedding was planned and for the most part paid for by her parents at the time of the break up).

She started texting me and sending me letters a month and a half ago. I shut it down.

She texted me Sunday night saying that she found some stuff of mine at her house. One particular thing was a Christmas ornament that my daughter got me last year for Christmas that says "My dad, my hero". I wanted it back.

She offered to "bring it by one evening this week". I told her that wasnt a good idea, since my daughter would be home, but I could swing by and get it one of the 2 evenings this week that I didnt already have plans. I then elected to tell her to just meet me at a gas station and I would get it from her.

Met last night, I was all smiles and I had 2 chicks blowing my phone up the entire 5 minutes that I met with her. She tried the small talk, the "how have you been?", "you look good", etc etc. I didnt bite.

I was confident, all smiles and most importantly, friendly in a civil way. The look on her face was one of "how in the hell are you doing so well after our breakup".

Long story short, told her after a few minutes that I had plans and had to run and took off.

I wrote all of that to say this: I was devastated after the breakup. I was devastated because I let myself become vulnerable to someone that took advantage of it. I slowly but surely became beta like during the tail end of the relationship and she thought the grass was greener on the other side. It is not.

I have been spinning plates and have gotten a tremendous amount of pvssy since the break up. Its a carousel of 3-4 plates.

Bottom line: when you think you are crushed over your situational break up, work on yourself and spin as many plates as possible. Dont give ANY low interest women the time of day. Make them chase you after you give them a nibble of the bait.

Go find more options and you will be surprised how fast you will see that you probably dodged a bullet in the long run!

Oh yeah, I felt like a million bucks driving away from her last night while talking to a new plate on my cell.

That's inspirational! Is this the first time she reached out?

 

[Glassguy]

That's inspirational! Is this the first time she reached out?

No. Following the break up she was wishy washy, hot and cold, etc. She would text me every now and then (maybe once a week) when she had not heard from me to see if I would still make the bobber bounce on the water. She owed me repayment for thousands of dollars we had shared on the purchase of new furniture. She eventually finished repaying me in August. So there was contact between us regarding that, although I kept it "business only".

She reached out hard on Oct 6th. Texted "regardless of what our status is, today will always be our anniversary and the day you gave me the ring of my dreams".

I responded back, very casually, with: "Its nice to hear from you. I hope all is well. I understand you were not ready to get married and that is completely ok. You have actually opened my eyes as well, so thank you. I hope your family is all doing well".

She then began to prode me through text and sent me a 7 page hand written letter. I shut it down.

She realizes that the security, friendship and bond that she and I had cant be found around every corner.

I have realized (again) that pvssy is around every corner and its a challenge that I like (and up for) to go get it. I have also realized that she made the water muddy so to speak, and there are unresolved problems on her end, not mine, that will not be repairable any time soon. We are not connected in any way via social media. She gets bits and pieces of what is going on in my life through mutual friends and thats all she deserves.

BTW she is 26 and I am 39. Its sad that she finally realizes what she gave up and what she got in the trade but its reality. Somewhere soon after the break up I flipped the light switch and went full blown spinning plates and I have been fine with that. Its all about me now and that has been working well.

 

[Darrenez]

OK so she's now again sent me a question mark. I'm still not responding and won't. I've done 90 days no contact so I'm sure I can handle 30 days at least with someone I've only been with 4 months. Why is she still contacting me? Saying sorry?

 

[Roober]

OK so she's now again sent me a question mark. I'm still not responding and won't. I've done 90 days no contact so I'm sure I can handle 30 days at least with someone I've only been with 4 months. Why is she still contacting me? Saying sorry?

ignore ignore ignore. Remember, she wanted to be friends!

 

[Darrenez]

You know, what you guys are saying is spot on.. I only just said earlier that she offered me nothing in comparison to what I did for her in this relationship. And I always felt that I wasn't her priorty. In regards to no contact and ignoring her what message does this send out to her?

 

[Roober]

You know, what you guys are saying is spot on.. I only just said earlier that she offered me nothing in comparison to what I did for her in this relationship. And I always felt that I wasn't her priorty. In regards to no contact and ignoring her what message does this send out to her?

Does the message matter? no!

It basically says that you are not tolerating her crap. Some guys will send a final text of "You want to be single and I respect that. Good luck!" Sounds like that may drive her mad because it makes her question her decision and later realize what she did.

You just can't forget that ... if she is willing to dump you once, she will be willing to do it again. You need to work on yourself... like most of us do when we get here.

 

[Darrenez]

Thank you Roober. Already train 5 times a week and in good shape so will train even harder and start spinning plates like I was before I met her.

 

[Darrenez]

Again she has messaged me saying you obviously don't want to talk to me anymore so I'll leave you alone. Take care... Well I guess that's the end of her messaging and calling me lol. No contact not broken.

 

[Darrenez]

Sorry for the updates but this is the place to do it.. Another message from her saying she misses me.. Even though a couple of hours ago she said she will leave me alone.. Still no contact. How can she all of sudden miss me when we argued like mad yesterday and she wanted to be single? So confused lol.

 

[Roober]

Sorry for the updates but this is the place to do it.. Another message from her saying she misses me.. Even though a couple of hours ago she said she will leave me alone.. Still no contact. How can she all of sudden miss me when we argued like mad yesterday and she wanted to be single? So confused lol.

Ignore her! The point of no contact is to work on yourself. When a woman says "I want to be single", one of two things happened. She doesn't want to be with you, or she has another guy lined up...

It will taper off... You are in the driver's seat now

 

[Roober]

Day 23
Well, not long since my last update, but I had a bit of a moment last night. On our last conversation, she said "I don't even know what you see in me, I don't do anything for you, I don't make your life better in any way." At the time, this was probably her way of trying to get me to dump her. As I have thought about it, she really has nothing to offer. She is a single mom who cares more about herself, still mooches off her parents at 29, crappy diet and picky eater, zero hobbies, heavy selfie and social media user, no hobbies or interests AT ALL, limited musical interests, and the list goes on. The only thing she has to offer any man is what is between her legs, and even that was only above average...

This 4th week seems to be breaking down those rose-colored glasses. I guess that is why everywhere on the internet says no contact for MINIMUM of 30 days.

 

[Darrenez]

The thing is, I do wanna see her for sex not a relationship anymore. But I'm not going to break no contact for this to happen however in a way it seems like it a game all this ignore her messages,calls etc when I do want to f$£k her. Trust me I wouldn't be the weak man I was towards the end of the relationship, I'd be the alpha male that I usually am without actually giving 2 f$%ks about her.

 

[Carpathian]

Again she has messaged me saying you obviously don't want to talk to me anymore so I'll leave you alone. Take care... Well I guess that's the end of her messaging and calling me lol. No contact not broken.

They always say that, and continue to text. See it as a sign that you have her perplexed and thinking of you and she is not used to it. She's used to you chasing her and you're having none of it. Good for you dude. I read your previous posts. Many of us - me included - have been too nice, too generous, too easy, too available, too willing to drop other things to be with her, thinking we were doing the right thing. We weren't, we were doing the WRONG thing. Women do not like these behaviors in a man. They see you as a pvssy and are repulsed by it.

 

[Carpathian]

The thing is, I do wanna see her for sex not a relationship anymore. But I'm not going to break no contact for this to happen however in a way it seems like it a game all this ignore her messages,calls etc when I do want to f$£k her. Trust me I wouldn't be the weak man I was towards the end of the relationship, I'd be the alpha male that I usually am without actually giving 2 f$%ks about her.

It is not a game and do not think that it is. You are removing yourself from the situation of being with her. She dumped you or gave you the LJBF speech. Fvck that. Why should you be in contact with someone who chose to finish with you? Why should you want to carry on communicating with her? It is not a game at all.

 

[Darrenez]

I broke contact with a simple message stating unless she wants to try and work on things between us with a view to get back together , please don't contact me anymore...I don't even feel bad for breaking no contact. She states she misses me which I know is just breadcrumbs but trust me for a cold hearted woman like her that must have been fairly hard to do. However I'm not expecting a reply now but I put it on the plate for her. Number deleted, no contact resumes again. Its not a game, i understand that but at the same time I really doubt the above message is going to affect the no contact i have done since yesterday.

 

[Firestar786]

8 days
Finally got my arse out of depression mode and have hit the gym and started dieting.
Usually takes me a week to do this and last 2-3 months .

 

[shane247]

First of all, i want to thank all the guys on the forum, especially the ones who bothered to reply to some of my threads i started before. I still think i have much to learn so i don´t reply much on this forum because i think there are people who can give better advice. Anyway, i see lot of people having problems with no contact and messages they receive, after applying this rule, from their exes. Instead of advice, ill share my recent experience so maybe someone can find some similarities and react in different way than i did. First, i must mention how i found this site. Girl of 7 year LTR dumped me, i didnt see it coming, i was devastated, i begged. Then i found this site, went no contact and after approximately 2 months i really started feeling better and improving myself. And to mention, i never had any contact with her again ( this happened circa 5-6 years ago) . So from my personal experience this is the way to heal, the only way (as many on this site suggests). GO NO CONTACT AND NEVER LOOK BACK. After enjoying my single life, i ended up in another LTR of 3 yrs and this girl is everything i wished for. Submissive, nagging kept at minimum, financially independent, we moved in after 1.5 year and she stopped clubbing and all that stuff. I thought to myself, that´s it. This is wife material. But as i invested in relationship, i stopped investing in me. Stopped with gym, took some jobs that were really bad, also started isolating from others ( yeah, i ****ed up). Depression and phobias came into my life, to the point that i got agoraphobic. So i decided i should get some professional help. Was in hospital for 2 months. During that time, GF was there for me, but at the end of my staying at hospital, i could sense from our phone calls that something wasnt right. I really started working on my recovery and left hospital earlier than they suggested, but it was too late. When i got home, she was somehow distant and after a while, i got all the classic lines (need space, love you but don´t like you, LJBF). She moved out and i knew that was it ( i changed for worse and she couldnt stand that anymore so she found someone new, although she didnt want to admit, they never do). Again NO CONTACT. But this time it was harder, i was fresh out of battle with depression and i lost almost all of my friends during depression phase. I was in bed for days but somehow got myself up. Started saving money from summer job so i could move to another city. Started going out, socializing. After two months of NO CONTACT i got msg from her (still angry at you, you hurt my feelings, but i love you in some way). I was just starting to feel better so i continued NO CONTACT. After a while she started calling, and after a full week of calls i gave in (my ego got the best of me, BIG MISTAKE). We agreed to meet up and soon after, she started showing up at my work, crying, begging to take her back, telling me she was hurt during this 2 months and she wanted to call me all the time. I was telling her that im sure something else didnt work out and thats why she came back to me. She was denying it all the time. So i thought, ill use her as ****buddy till i move out of town (BIG MISTAKE no.2, it was to early). Feelings started to surface again and i started spending more and more time at her place. And then i found out that, during our break up, she was going out with someone else. I also got proof that he stayed at her place during night. Her explanation : she was so mad at me that she did it on purpose, she went with him to her place but didnt had anything with him, he even left her unused condom That was it, i moved to another town soon after that and never contacted her again. She send few angry messages after a while and got one last msg from me : that it was over, im seeing someone else and she should also move on and never contact me again. So where am i now? Moved from a birthplace which was a small town to a capital city of my state. If i could get a sense of abundance somewhere, this is the place. Started working on myself again. If i didnt break my NO CONTACT, i would avoid all the drama (this is short version, i had another post with another problem which was linked to this ex) and i would be way ahead on my healing process and personal progress. But just because i thought she was "the one", she was different, i thought i would give her another chance. Everyone situation is different but, as you read/heard that before, second chances rarely work. So never be someones back up, realize your mistakes in relationship and move on. Good luck, stay strong and sorry for long post and bad english.

 

[Roober]

First of all, i want to thank all the guys on the forum, especially the ones who bothered to reply to some of my threads i started before. I still think i have much to learn so i don´t reply much on this forum because i think there are people who can give better advice. Anyway, i see lot of people having problems with no contact and messages they receive, after applying this rule, from their exes. Instead of advice, ill share my recent experience so maybe someone can find some similarities and react in different way than i did. First, i must mention how i found this site. Girl of 7 year LTR dumped me, i didnt see it coming, i was devastated, i begged. Then i found this site, went no contact and after approximately 2 months i really started feeling better and improving myself. And to mention, i never had any contact with her again ( this happened circa 5-6 years ago) . So from my personal experience this is the way to heal, the only way (as many on this site suggests). GO NO CONTACT AND NEVER LOOK BACK. After enjoying my single life, i ended up in another LTR of 3 yrs and this girl is everything i wished for. Submissive, nagging kept at minimum, financially independent, we moved in after 1.5 year and she stopped clubbing and all that stuff. I thought to myself, that´s it. This is wife material. But as i invested in relationship, i stopped investing in me. Stopped with gym, took some jobs that were really bad, also started isolating from others ( yeah, i ****ed up). Depression and phobias came into my life, to the point that i got agoraphobic. So i decided i should get some professional help. Was in hospital for 2 months. During that time, GF was there for me, but at the end of my staying at hospital, i could sense from our phone calls that something wasnt right. I really started working on my recovery and left hospital earlier than they suggested, but it was too late. When i got home, she was somehow distant and after a while, i got all the classic lines (need space, love you but don´t like you, LJBF). She moved out and i knew that was it ( i changed for worse and she couldnt stand that anymore so she found someone new, although she didnt want to admit, they never do). Again NO CONTACT. But this time it was harder, i was fresh out of battle with depression and i lost almost all of my friends during depression phase. I was in bed for days but somehow got myself up. Started saving money from summer job so i could move to another city. Started going out, socializing. After two months of NO CONTACT i got msg from her (still angry at you, you hurt my feelings, but i love you in some way). I was just starting to feel better so i continued NO CONTACT. After a while she started calling, and after a full week of calls i gave in (my ego got the best of me, BIG MISTAKE). We agreed to meet up and soon after, she started showing up at my work, crying, begging to take her back, telling me she was hurt during this 2 months and she wanted to call me all the time. I was telling her that im sure something else didnt work out and thats why she came back to me. She was denying it all the time. So i thought, ill use her as ****buddy till i move out of town (BIG MISTAKE no.2, it was to early). Feelings started to surface again and i started spending more and more time at her place. And then i found out that, during our break up, she was going out with someone else. I also got proof that he stayed at her place during night. Her explanation : she was so mad at me that she did it on purpose, she went with him to her place but didnt had anything with him, he even left her unused condom That was it, i moved to another town soon after that and never contacted her again. She send few angry messages after a while and got one last msg from me : that it was over, im seeing someone else and she should also move on and never contact me again. So where am i now? Moved from a birthplace which was a small town to a capital city of my state. If i could get a sense of abundance somewhere, this is the place. Started working on myself again. If i didnt break my NO CONTACT, i would avoid all the drama (this is short version, i had another post with another problem which was linked to this ex) and i would be way ahead on my healing process and personal progress. But just because i thought she was "the one", she was different, i thought i would give her another chance. Everyone situation is different but, as you read/heard that before, second chances rarely work. So never be someones back up, realize your mistakes in relationship and move on. Good luck, stay strong and sorry for long post and bad english.

Good stuff Shane! Goes to show how you really have to change your life otherwise AFC is like a disease of complacency. How long between first and second LTR? Maybe you didn't work on yourself enough? I am beginning to think that working on ourselves takes much longer than a couple months. Maybe 1-2 years... or more...

 

[Carpathian]

Good stuff Shane! Goes to show how you really have to change your life otherwise AFC is like a disease of complacency. How long between first and second LTR? Maybe you didn't work on yourself enough? I am beginning to think that working on ourselves takes much longer than a couple months. Maybe 1-2 years... or more...

... takes a lifetime. You never stop working on yourself. In appearance, skills, health, education, career, home, women.... Everything. To do otherwise is just settling. A woman should be an addition to your life that makes life sweeter, not the definition of your life.