The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)
- Thread starter Daydream Engineer
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niceguytoalphamale
Master Don Juan
when I met my bpd ex I was a completely nice guy, once she gave me the flick I seem to be
a much different person now its strange... I almost feel wiser/harder, I also don't grovel or
chase her anymore I guess this is becoming ''a man''
a much different person now its strange... I almost feel wiser/harder, I also don't grovel or
chase her anymore I guess this is becoming ''a man''
Carpathian
Senior Don Juan
You didn't need to send her that text dude. The content of what you said there was implicit in you previously being in NC. The NC gave you far more power than you think but you wobbled under the illusion of wanting to do something to get some control of the situation. What you did is like phoning someone to say "don't phone me any more". You should have said that when you first broke up or when she gave you the LJBF speech. She knows exactly what she is doing. If she wanted to be with you she would call you. So await that call (assuming you want to). It will almost certainly come but by then you may have moved on. Same happened to me.
What's done is done. Learn for the next time!
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Roober
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Reminds me of the first 5 minutes of swingers...
MIKE So it's almost a retroactive decision. So I could, like, let's say, forget about her and when she comes back make like I just pretended to forget about her.
ROB Right...or more likely the opposite.
MIKE Right... Wait, what do you mean?
ROB I mean first you'll pretend not to care, not call - whatever, and then, eventually, you really won't care.
MIKE Unless she comes back first.
ROB Ah, see, that's the thing. Somehow they don't come back until you really don't care anymore.
Good motivation for no contact! It's like you eventually realize you don't need her or even want her.
i had to go NC on a bpd ex recently.
she really made a mess of it all, became a game to her.
and my reaction to it all was beta. not like sappy beta but still weak in my book.
haven't seen this chick in months, came outta first nc and she made attempts but i was busy. then went cold again. went on for months and was still contacting me. I thought shed come back around but nope.
im in the 40s I think somewhere but this is my second time going nc on her.
last convo we had she fz me the second time. told me shes with a new dude.
didn't think id ever hear from her again.
few weeks and then I get a text. no shot at me replying now. shed have to jump thru hoops of fire to get to me now and do a total 180.
but ive come to the realization its totally over. im spinning plates and i mean ive been. but this one was tough to let go of.
she really made a mess of it all, became a game to her.
and my reaction to it all was beta. not like sappy beta but still weak in my book.
haven't seen this chick in months, came outta first nc and she made attempts but i was busy. then went cold again. went on for months and was still contacting me. I thought shed come back around but nope.
im in the 40s I think somewhere but this is my second time going nc on her.
last convo we had she fz me the second time. told me shes with a new dude.
didn't think id ever hear from her again.
few weeks and then I get a text. no shot at me replying now. shed have to jump thru hoops of fire to get to me now and do a total 180.
but ive come to the realization its totally over. im spinning plates and i mean ive been. but this one was tough to let go of.
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Glassguy
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When people ask on here "Will my ex contact me again?", the answer, so long as there was not something major happened that ended the relationship (Cheating, drugs, etc) is almost always "yes".
They will normally call you, text you, fb message, etc. What they dont realize is that as a man, our "shelf life" of being confused, irrational and other things after a break up is very small. Its accelerated and we go through it hard and fast, but we as men arent THAT confused for long.
Our eyes wonder, we get the swag back, start spinning plates, and realize there is pvssy out there to be had all over. Some men take a few days, some take a couple of months. I've always been fond of the "It takes getting under one to get over one" mentality. The longer the relationship that ended, and the better it was, the longer it can take to free yourself from it.
That's when it happens. When the ex feels that you have slipped off and not in your grasp, they throw you a nibble. What they dont understand is that you checked out after the first few weeks or 2 months. They are too late, as they should be, because as confident men we realized EXACTLY what they did. They took time to check out other options, see if the grass was greener on the other side, etc. It failed. So they come back with just enough of communication (most of the time unclear of their intentions) to see if we still take the bait.
My 2 hard break ups were a divorce and an engagement after the divorce that we broke off. It can be very tough. Just last week, after 9 months, she reached out (My ex wife reached out at one point right before our divorce was final also). So I met with my ex fiance to get something back that belonged to me (met at public place). She was chirpy and interested in how I was, dropping hints, etc.
I had no interest. That ship sailed long ago when I got tired of trying to piece it together with her.
Moral of the story, if you have confidence and arent a faggot and have the balls to smile and walk away like they did YOU a favor by breaking up, they WILL eventually come back around.
The secret ingredient is that by the time the do come around, you should see them completely differently.....actually indifferent in general, because you should be so busy spinning plates and working on the next chick you want to fvck that she doesnt matter to you.
Thank you Carpathian and Glassguy.
When we met I was messaging 4 other women at the same time. So I was very confident,not really too bothered if it worked out with her or not. Thing is, she knows I'm confident with women/social situations, handsome (maybe being big headed but thought I'd add that) plus I weight train 4-5 times a week,have a healthy diet so for a 35 year old I'm in very good shape physically. I also own my own place/car so she should know I'm a good catch. Maybe I put her on a pedestal compared to her ex who cheated on her.
However saying all of the above...The last month or so I definetly have acted needy and different from how I was when we first met. Kind of felt I liked her more than she liked me. This was until Tuesday when we had a massive argument and I told her some home truths. So with what I have mentioned above, I'm guessing she will see the light and decide she wants to contact me.
When we met I was messaging 4 other women at the same time. So I was very confident,not really too bothered if it worked out with her or not. Thing is, she knows I'm confident with women/social situations, handsome (maybe being big headed but thought I'd add that) plus I weight train 4-5 times a week,have a healthy diet so for a 35 year old I'm in very good shape physically. I also own my own place/car so she should know I'm a good catch. Maybe I put her on a pedestal compared to her ex who cheated on her.
However saying all of the above...The last month or so I definetly have acted needy and different from how I was when we first met. Kind of felt I liked her more than she liked me. This was until Tuesday when we had a massive argument and I told her some home truths. So with what I have mentioned above, I'm guessing she will see the light and decide she wants to contact me.
niceguytoalphamale
Master Don Juan
it's true guys one day you wake up and something has changed...
oh and spotting a psycho becomes a 6th sense.. alarm bells ring as soon as some
females open there mouths...I feel sorry for the next girl who dumps me.. ''kick back crack a can and spin them plates"
Carpathian
Senior Don Juan
They're all good qualities dude. Keep at it.
Don't beat yourself up about getting needy; it is human nature to chase and feel small and needy when someone who you have a close attachment to is pulling away. Just don't be like that again.You have learned the lesson (so have I btw) so you are better equipped for next time. Remember, just let them go if that's how they feel and you say "I'm sorry you feel that way but reach out if you change your mind" and then go 100% NC with the almost 99% certainty that as long as you don't chase them, they will be back. It is their nature, all women are the same.
So day 4 of NC. I've been messaging quite a few women off tinder and one beauty is coming over tonight which should be fun!..Went out Saturday evening but being an idiot I didn't drink so I was so wooden it was pointless going out! Annoyingly I could have gotten with someone Saturday but as I said I was wooden..Going out does help you when you see hotter girls than you're ex thats for sure.
Glassguy
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The thing is, your ex was whatever she was in your eyes because of the attachment. At first its easy for the other chicks to not stack up.
As you are in NC with your ex, the attachment (and attraction) will slowly fade. My ex fiance was beautiful in my eyes while we were together, once we broke up she has drifted back to just another good looking chick.
Hang in there. It takes 17 days of doing something consistently for it to become a habit. Dont give in and break NC.
Roober
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Maybe more for some... I still think about my ex all the time. Just constantly replaying how I could have corrected my needy ways...
Glassguy
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Well, realize that you cant. You can only change it for the future.
Keep them guessing, be a mystery, be scarce. When you are with a chick be confident, assertive, engaged and confident. When you leave her, go back to being scarce and mysterious until you meet up again.
Its like a drug for them when you do that. They learn they can only get it when they are around you, because you're not going to text them 20 times a day. It makes them want to see you and then when you're with them they are high interest.
Roober
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It sucks royally, but you have to consider it a blessing in disguise. Something was broken in the relationship and she was not willing to fix it, that is on her conscious now.
After more time without her, you will begin to see her for what she really is. Like you, I haven't heard a peep and that is probably what bugs me the most. I am at about 4 weeks.
5chm1dd1
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Actually, I don't care what's on her mind.
I already see her for what she is, a 17 y.o. Girl without a clue about life or anything else.
My head doesn't want her back anymore, already since 2-3 weeks, but my heart is somewhat still attached to her and the memories.
Guess it just takes some more time and work on myself to get rid of that.
Most important thing is to stay strong in the NC. At least like that, you can get your balls back and ultimately come out on top.
Good tips Glassguy, I need to remember that for my next relationship. Funnily enough I was like that at first with my ex. Not texting her much, she even asked me to text her more lol...
I won't break contact with her no worries on that front, done 90plus days before. However, I'd be lying if I didn't want her to message me. I'd just be interested to see if she does reach out. I played the perfect bf apart from being needy/insecure the last month of so..literally I reckon I'm the best she had in every department however obviously she either found someone else/wanted time apart...Well now I have become confident again messaging numerous women and going out again and its only day 6. Wish I hadn't have sent that message stating do not contact me unless you want to give things another go..kind of didn't need to send it haha. Oh well
I won't break contact with her no worries on that front, done 90plus days before. However, I'd be lying if I didn't want her to message me. I'd just be interested to see if she does reach out. I played the perfect bf apart from being needy/insecure the last month of so..literally I reckon I'm the best she had in every department however obviously she either found someone else/wanted time apart...Well now I have become confident again messaging numerous women and going out again and its only day 6. Wish I hadn't have sent that message stating do not contact me unless you want to give things another go..kind of didn't need to send it haha. Oh well
mrgoodstuff
Master Don Juan
True. If she knows how to get to your house, she can show up, knock on the door and give you some pvssy.
Glassguy
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You just need more options.....trust me.....and you when she does text you in a month or four you will feel differently about it. Almost a sick to your stomach feeling when you see her send you that text.....
Even then, I would respond. If I did, it would be something very CIVIL and a quick "good to hear from you, I am really busy right now with so many things going on.....I'll ttyl". Then go silent.
Roober
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Day 28
I know I am going to get flamed, but I looked at her Snapchat again. It made me laugh because she looks depressed, maybe regretting her decision? It was a video singing some stupid song with a caption "I love meeeee (emojis)". I could be completely wrong here, but everything I saw two weeks ago and yesterday is all about loving herself. It is like she is trying to tell everyone else she loves herself, when I think she really knows she doesn't. Who shares things with everyone like "I am so purrrrdy" and "I love me"?
Anyway had a date last night that went great, got another girl blowing up my phone in text, so feeling good... great actually... opportunities there to get numbers, just not asking... working up to that. Very productive at work too!
I know I am going to get flamed, but I looked at her Snapchat again. It made me laugh because she looks depressed, maybe regretting her decision? It was a video singing some stupid song with a caption "I love meeeee (emojis)". I could be completely wrong here, but everything I saw two weeks ago and yesterday is all about loving herself. It is like she is trying to tell everyone else she loves herself, when I think she really knows she doesn't. Who shares things with everyone like "I am so purrrrdy" and "I love me"?
Anyway had a date last night that went great, got another girl blowing up my phone in text, so feeling good... great actually... opportunities there to get numbers, just not asking... working up to that. Very productive at work too!
