The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[LiveYourDream]

Moral of the story boys is don't go back to your ex. Fix yourself and start lining up options. It's almost a year since she dumped me. It was the best thing that has ever happened to me.

@dustmuffin You have been on here actively working to improve yourself and actively engaging new women continually. It's been great to see you go at full it force, the way you have, rather than be someone who just posts about the possibilities. It's inspiring. You seem to be enjoying yourself more than ever. You certainly deserve it. As for your ex, she can forever dream about reconciliation with you. You are a new man. You deserve better and you know it. Super happy for you!

 

[Asmodeus]

Been on this forum for a few months but never opened this thread up... Cannot relate.
But despite that... I can say one thing. That we only truly find ourselves when we feel that we are lost.
It has been said that people look to relationships for completion... They see their perfect counterpart in another. Like a jigsaw puzzle you believe that they are the missing piece to your life to complete it. So in a way, it is like as if the other person has a part of you. It is abstract but from what I can see in this threat it appears to be very logical.
But in the loss of it, that would mean that one feels as if they lose a part of themselves. In which, maybe I can understand. You would seek out what you lost... Trying to find yourself... Your desire pushes you to find it back in her again, a desire to return to it... But you realize you cannot.
But this is how we grow stronger and how we gain perspective. The only way to truly be complete is to find it in yourself. To realize that no matter what happens in life and where it takes you, no matter how the road in which you walk twists and bends, and no matter what sights you see along the way... That it always was just you. Then you become the master of your own destiny.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

Been on this forum for a few months but never opened this thread up... Cannot relate.
But despite that... I can say one thing. That we only truly find ourselves when we feel that we are lost.
It has been said that people look to relationships for completion... They see their perfect counterpart in another. Like a jigsaw puzzle you believe that they are the missing piece to your life to complete it. So in a way, it is like as if the other person has a part of you. It is abstract but from what I can see in this threat it appears to be very logical.
But in the loss of it, that would mean that one feels as if they lose a part of themselves. In which, maybe I can understand. You would seek out what you lost... Trying to find yourself... Your desire pushes you to find it back in her again, a desire to return to it... But you realize you cannot.
But this is how we grow stronger and how we gain perspective. The only way to truly be complete is to find it in yourself. To realize that no matter what happens in life and where it takes you, no matter how the road in which you walk twists and bends, and no matter what sights you see along the way... That it always was just you. Then you become the master of your own destiny.

It was this thread that brought me here lol.
Yes Asmodeus...when you spend 5 years with someone, your ego becomes something that includes that person, so when you get dumped, you ilterally "die", you can't be yourself anymore...You are left with your realself at the nude, and your old ego is useless all of a sudden.

 

[Asmodeus]

It was this thread that brought me here lol.
Yes Asmodeus...when you spend 5 years with someone, your ego becomes something that includes that person, so when you get dumped, you ilterally "die", you can't be yourself anymore...You are left with your realself at the nude, and your old ego is useless all of a sudden.

And look at what you have become now...
You have improved, advanced, and become more than what you were before... Perhaps you have become even more than what you were when you were with "her".

Your death was a rebirth.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

And look at what you have become now...
You have improved, advanced, and become more than what you were before... Perhaps you have become even more than what you were when you were with "her".

Your death was a rebirth.

Of course. You realize your ego was nothing but a mask, and a shield that protected you from the pain of being alone in this world...that is what neediness is, you are not alone anymore, you have HER. But when you realize your loneliness, you gain freedom, and you can take it or search for another shield. And if you take you might as well decide to use it for greatness, becoming a DonJuan...or you can just say "**** it" and go the MGOTOW route, or the YaReally route. I'm not saying the later is worse...but it is more boring.

 

[Fireballs]

Feeling good tonight..mostly because I'm just home from my date which went really well considering I've been out of the game for a few years. I was relaxed, smooth, confident, spiked her emotions and kiss closed her.. it just all seemed to come naturally. It also helps when the girl has a good sense of humour and banter...

 

[finality]

Day 14 of NC. Also day 22 of NoFap.

Hope everyone is doing well.

 

[Tictac]

Day 14 of NC. Also day 22 of NoFap.

Hope everyone is doing well.

When you forget to count the days, you'll be most of the way there.

Carry on!

 

[Carpathian]

Guys, I also posted this in the BPD thread. However, I also put it here because I think it is relevant. Apologies if that is not good forum etiquette, I am new here!

I am day 53 into 100% NC from my ex. We are the same age 48 - both fit and attractive. We were loving and committed and had a great time whilst we were together for two years. However, during those two years we had two break ups of a month each time. She started to get distant both times a week before the dumping for no reason I could see - completely out of the blue. I'm very aware of my actions and if I fvcked up I would say here guys, but I didn't. I loved her kids and mom. Her and her kids loved me and my kids and family. Everything superb and wonderful. I was helpful, kind, affectionate and generous to her. I was not a doormat. We had great sex, orgasms, BJ’s etc to the very end but she just bailed out of the relationship completely out of the blue when things were perfect. No explanations. Just dumped. After some time apart she’d apologize crying, telling me she was silly how could she let a man of my quality just go like that. Begged for forgiveness. Eventually, after she promised to change, we gravitated back together and things were great again.

She did this a third time end of April. Text dumped me again AS A 48 YEAR OLD!!!!! Not the maturity to discuss it with me. I told her to fvck off and leave me alone and I threw some of the romantic cards she had given me back though her letterbox in tears. I wrote her an email two days after, explaining my position (in the absence of getting an opportunity to put my thoughts forward) but she emailed back saying she will not read it and she would appreciate no further contact. I told her that was rich coming from her after it was HER who kept reaching out to me!

So 53 days in. She lives a mile from me and I have seen her a couple of times at a distance and it put me back for the day. She has not reached out to me and I am sure as heck not going to reach out to her. Yet, I feel somehow she will do so eventually. She knows how good I was to her, she told me that so many times. Her son texted me the other night saying he saw me out running and hoped I didn’t think he blanked me (I never saw him!) because he and his wife and daughter liked me a lot he said. He said nothing else than that just some chit chat about biking. He sees his mother (my ex) two or three times a week as they are very close. Could they be putting out feelers I wonder? Did my ex put him up to it to try and steadily break the ice?

Don’t mean to sound silly but I am confident, I am good looking, have a successful career, make a lot of money I am fit and look good and I am not desperate. I have been dating other women though not hooked up with any as yet even though a few of them fancied me big time. I confess to still having very strong feelings towards my ex, despite the treatment at the hands of her; I've never known things to be so good when they were UP. We were just so amazing.

She was prescribed Prozac for depression by her doctor but never took it last year. Makes me think she has Borderline PD - it seems to fit - the sudden changes in behavior.

Anyway, these issues are live and well with people who are older. I will never reach out to her. If she contacts me I would listen objectively to what she says.

What do you guys think? Encourage me or kick some sense into me!!! Thanks for reading. Bless you all brothers.

 

[dustmuffin]

Run away stay nc. It's what is best for you

 

[finality]

Day 16 of NC. The first couple weeks my ex was on my mind 95% of the time, even if I was in bed with another women. Yesterday was the first day that I had periods where I totally forgot about her. It was only an hour here and an hour there but it was refreshing. Feeling good today too.

I'm also on day 24 of NoFap. I've never had a problem with women but NoFap has increased my confidence greatly. NoFap might honestly be the single most beneficial thing I've done in my life in terms of self improvement. Instead of watching porn and getting that easy dopamine fix I'm looking at different ways to improve my life. I'm actually thinking about starting my own business.

With all that said I'm not going to get overconfident. I'm not even close to out of the woods yet but I'm on the right path.

 

[Carpathian]

@finality
The feelings come and go man. As in my post above (53 days) I was in a right state for the first couple of weeks, just like everyone else is. Then a few so-so weeks. I then went for three weeks brilliantly, she hardly crossed my mind. But this week, after her son - who I was extremely friendly with and I went biking with a lot - texted me, it has set me back and I have been obsessing about it her the last two days. Him and his mum and me had some great times together and it has been on my mind.

 

[alex_in24]

38 NC DAY / 62 days since break up

Guys, guys, guys...

Honestly i dont feel a need to write here anymore, but i feel an obligation to tell you what i've been up to the past week or so, since i havent wrote here that long..

Don't know where to start..the past 5 days, i was in Budva, Montenegro with friends... I won't describe how i spent my time there since i don't have so much happy and awesome words in my vocabulary, so i'm just gonna leave that to fvcking awesome time of my life.

Bla bla bla, last night i got home, and started talking with my mother about what i've done, about the parties, girls and everything i've been up to. She was listening me, and didnt interrupt me not even once. And when i stopped talking she told me : " You really seem extraordinary happy, i have never seen you like this. Sorry to tell you this but, when u were in a relationship with ur ex, u never really felt this way, since i am ur mother and i can see what is going on in ur life. Sorry that i mentioned her, but i really believe now that u are over her in every way. And as i am telling u this thing, u seem indifferent to her since ur not nervous and not yelling at me to stop talking about her. " And at this point, after a good week or so..i remembered that i had an ex girlfriend and i just laughed.

Guys, believe me when i tell u this. I didn't think of her NOT EVEN ONCE! And i feel so happy, so full with emotions, so alive that i simply cant explain that. And yes, after fvcking soooo much chicks these past 2 months, i AM SO FVCKING ****Y, OVERCONFIDENT, ARROGANT BASTARD who is admired by all people, not just girls.

And yeah, u know what was my nickname in Budva ?? Don Juan, and I didnt even tell them to call me like that.

 

[LiveYourDream]

@alex_in24 Enjoy the high!
Remember, If you find yourself not so high, at some point, don't judge it. Remember that fluctuation is part of the ride. Goal = Stay centered regardless.

@finality, I am aware that you are in new territory. How are you doing? It's a party weekend for many, do you have good strategies in place to enjoy the long weekend AND maintain your NC streak?

 

[finality]

@finality, I am aware that you are in new territory. How are you doing? It's a party weekend for many, do you have good strategies in place to enjoy the long weekend AND maintain your NC streak?

my ex is dead

 

[LiveYourDream]

my ex is dead

Literally? or To you?

 

[finality]

Literally? or To you?

Is there a difference?

 

[alex_in24]

Is there a difference?

Wow. Astonishing answer, bravo !

 

[alex_in24]

This morning i had a dream about my ex...i woke up and checked my phone, guess what ?
She was stalking my instagram profile and accidentally liked one of my pics. She unliked it later. I maintained frame, laughed a lil bit and continued with my life, no reaction from me whatsoever

 

[CuddleJunkie]

Is there a difference?

I got a hard-on. You've changed a lot man, congratulations.

This morning i had a dream about my ex...i woke up and checked my phone, guess what ?
She was stalking my instagram profile and accidentally liked one of my pics. She unliked it later. I maintained frame, laughed a lil bit and continued with my life, no reaction from me whatsoever

This is normal, I still get one once in a full-moon ( ). Good on you for mantaining the frame,keep on pushing.