The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Asmodeus]

I could stand to use a little encouragement people.

Next Saturday is my birthday. That will be one year NC to the day. We had a falling out late last May and things tapered off shortly after. I got a final text right at midnight on that night even though we weren't getting along. Two weeks later when I attempted contact again - ghost. Nothing since.

Of course I've gone on with my life, and it's a lot less dramatic. Though birthdays were pretty special to us. The lack of closure of these BPD relationships hit you like a bad urge on certain days that you know you'll be, or should be, very much on their mind. A few months ago I created a thread on here explaining I'd be dreaming of her a lot lately. It's only gotten more frequent, not to mention more vivid and more sad. Each and every time.

Like to think when I get past my birthday, that's one full calendar year without a word. I would have cycled through every variation of a special day we once had and been out the other side, and that it could only get easier from there.

Blue... You have already shown yourself to be a rather wise individual in this forum. Don't just believe me, 128 other people have appreciated your contributions and your thoughts. That being said, I am sure if you were advising yourself you would tell yourself that you are better than her, and can do much better. You would tell yourself that you likely aready know this to be a fact, it is just the withdrawl and that old familiar pain that is getting to you.

You have already gone through almost one whole calendar year... One year where you were independent and defining yourself, recreating yourself. Those memories are the past, and the past is just that. But the present, is a present... Wrapped in a little bow for us to enjoy. Why live in the past with her when you have all the oppritunity of what you have now?
Happy fvcking birthday!

 

[dustmuffin]

I could stand to use a little encouragement people.

Next Saturday is my birthday. That will be one year NC to the day. We had a falling out late last May and things tapered off shortly after. I got a final text right at midnight on that night even though we weren't getting along. Two weeks later when I attempted contact again - ghost. Nothing since.

Of course I've gone on with my life, and it's a lot less dramatic. Though birthdays were pretty special to us. The lack of closure of these BPD relationships hit you like a bad urge on certain days that you know you'll be, or should be, very much on their mind. A few months ago I created a thread on here explaining I'd be dreaming of her a lot lately. It's only gotten more frequent, not to mention more vivid and more sad. Each and every time.

Like to think when I get past my birthday, that's one full calendar year without a word. I would have cycled through every variation of a special day we once had and been out the other side, and that it could only get easier from there.

All I can say is it will pass. You will feel pain for a short while. You are better off without her. Everyday is a special day when you don't need her for validation.

More time will heal you. She isn't a special snowflake. She is a damaged woman that brought you down. I have had dreams like you...It will pass...I have thought like you...It will pass....Everything will pass......Stay strong....

 

[Fireballs]

Haven't felt the need to post here lately and haven't been keeping track of days but I got a text from her Mum & Dad yesterday. A few days after things ended she did mention her Dad wanted to call me just to wish me well I guess.. I wasn't going to respond but I felt I should as they were really good to me and I guess it shows some class from me in doing so.

Anyway here's what they wrote..

''Hi Fireballs, tried ringing a few times but I guess you're out at sea working. Our ______ trip was great, love your work place. - Best wishes for the future, _____ & ______.

I responded..

''Hi _____ & ______, glad you enjoyed your trip - it's a great part of the world. Wishing you guys all the best and thankyou for welcoming me into your family. Fireballs.''


I'm guessing they'll show her what I wrote.. Anyway it kinda made me feel ****ty last night but all good..

 

[BlueAlpha1]

Blue... You have already shown yourself to be a rather wise individual in this forum. Don't just believe me, 128 other people have appreciated your contributions and your thoughts. That being said, I am sure if you were advising yourself you would tell yourself that you are better than her, and can do much better. You would tell yourself that you likely aready know this to be a fact, it is just the withdrawl and that old familiar pain that is getting to you.

You have already gone through almost one whole calendar year... One year where you were independent and defining yourself, recreating yourself. Those memories are the past, and the past is just that. But the present, is a present... Wrapped in a little bow for us to enjoy. Why live in the past with her when you have all the oppritunity of what you have now?
Happy fvcking birthday!

Thank you dude

 

[BlueAlpha1]

All I can say is it will pass. You will feel pain for a short while. You are better off without her. Everyday is a special day when you don't need her for validation.

More time will heal you. She isn't a special snowflake. She is a damaged woman that brought you down. I have had dreams like you...It will pass...I have thought like you...It will pass....Everything will pass......Stay strong....

Very unsettling how long the dreams have gone on. Only getting more lucid and depressing even after a year.

It truly serves me no purpose to wonder whether she will be crying over my pictures or wishing me death by a thousand white hot knives on my day. But one thing she the won't do is forget. We made each other's bdays a priority. But these damn dreams keep bringing this back to the surface. It should have passed long ago.

Not to worry though. I made a commitment not to reply if any contact is made. If it is, I promise to come here for support.

 

[alex_in24]

Very unsettling how long the dreams have gone on. Only getting more lucid and depressing even after a year.

It truly serves me no purpose to wonder whether she will be crying over my pictures or wishing me death by a thousand white hot knives on my day. But one thing she the won't do is forget. We made each other's bdays a priority. But these damn dreams keep bringing this back to the surface. It should have passed long ago.

Not to worry though. I made a commitment not to reply if any contact is made. If it is, I promise to come here for support.

Buddy, u lasted a year without contact. A year without her, a year where u focused on only developing yourself. I am sure that the bday is triggering your emotions and the dreams are consequences from those emotions and thoughts. In the past, she was there for you for your bday, but now shes gone. You feel some kind of loss and hopelessness. And that's normal believe me. But is sucks. It sucks so hard, that u dont even want to go to sleep so u dont dream of her. U said that u made the bdays a special thing. She will think about u all day on ur bday, but u shouldnt feel satisfaction from that. Even if she writes u, which i assume she will, i think that u shouldnt contact her, since ur emotions are still strong even after a year of NC. Shes gone man. Shes past. And u are present. This post u are reading, this is present. And right now, there is no space or place inside ur soul and heart for her. Feel free to ask for any support.

 

[alex_in24]

NC DAY 45 i think..

I've just seen my ex pass by, while i was with my female friend sitting in the coffee bar. My ex doesnt know about this friend, so she might have assumed that the friend was actually a plate of mine. We had eye to eye contact with my ex, and i played it in the most alpha way that i could imagine. While sitting face to face with my friend, i turned my head right and saw my ex. Just winked at her, and turned my head back face to face at my friend and continued talking.

Suck on that !!!

 

[LiveYourDream]

NC DAY 45 i think..

I've just seen my ex pass by, while i was with my female friend sitting in the coffee bar. My ex doesnt know about this friend, so she might have assumed that the friend was actually a plate of mine. We had eye to eye contact with my ex, and i played it in the most alpha way that i could imagine. While sitting face to face with my friend, i turned my head right and saw my ex. Just winked at her, and turned my head back face to face at my friend and continued talking.

Suck on that !!!

She will NEVER forget that moment and that wink!

 

[BlueAlpha1]

NC DAY 45 i think..

I've just seen my ex pass by, while i was with my female friend sitting in the coffee bar. My ex doesnt know about this friend, so she might have assumed that the friend was actually a plate of mine. We had eye to eye contact with my ex, and i played it in the most alpha way that i could imagine. While sitting face to face with my friend, i turned my head right and saw my ex. Just winked at her, and turned my head back face to face at my friend and continued talking.

Suck on that !!!

I've fantasized about that scenario myself

 

[LiveYourDream]

NC DAY 45 i think..

I've just seen my ex pass by, while i was with my female friend sitting in the coffee bar. My ex doesnt know about this friend, so she might have assumed that the friend was actually a plate of mine. We had eye to eye contact with my ex, and i played it in the most alpha way that i could imagine. While sitting face to face with my friend, i turned my head right and saw my ex. Just winked at her, and turned my head back face to face at my friend and continued talking.

Suck on that !!!

You played it amazingly!!! Great job!!!

I am curious...

Beyond all the perfect alpha moves... What did it feel like for you inside yourself? Was it hard to see her? Did you feel emotional? Did you feel clearly done with her? Did you still have mixed feelings inside? Were those feelings of missing her still present in you? Did you have any desire to acknowledge or connect with more than you did? Do you feel more complete with her now or less? How do you feel now that some time has passed? What are your plans with her moving forward?

 

[Glassguy]

I havent been on here in a couple weeks so I have no idea what day I am on with no contact.

I have a staggered picture shelf that she got me and she has a house full of brand new furniture she still owes me $1200 for (we split the cost and she paid me back a large part of it before we broke up).

Got a text from her a couple weeks ago telling me she will send me $100 a month (her $70K a year salary and thats all she can swing) so I tell her "Just send me that every month and please dont make me remind you about it because I dont want to contact you again and want zero ties to you going forward).

Then she asked me for the picture shelf back...that she got me 2 yrs ago. So I told her I'd drop it off at her door sometime.

Passed her on the road a week later and I just got a sick feeling in my stomach that told me that I didnt even want to see the sight of her face again.

So I think I am cured. I would guess I am on day 47 or something like that. I dont count her texting me about the money she owes me because I was sort of an ass about it and treated it like a business deal only. Been dating a chick consistently for the past 3 weeks. Great convo and great sex...I dont even think of my ex anymore without a blunt reminder from something.

 

[alex_in24]

You played it amazingly!!! Great job!!!

I am curious...

Beyond all the perfect alpha moves... What did it feel like for you inside yourself? Was it hard to see her? Did you feel emotional? Did you feel clearly done with her? Did you still have mixed feelings inside? Were those feelings of missing her still present in you? Did you have any desire to acknowledge or connect with more than you did? Do you feel more complete with her now or less? How do you feel now that some time has passed? What are your plans with her moving forward?

Hm...i got that rush of adrenaline in my veins and chest the moment i saw her. But i knew what to do, stayed focused and calm, gave her a wink and turned my head back and continued talking with my friend. As u know me, from my previous posts and our honest conversation, i am going to tell u the truth now, not gonna lie.

Firstly i want to describe my ex. She looks miserable. Looks like she gained some weight. She looks depressed, not happy, and i sense some kind of anxiety in her. Her outfit was catastrophic, as usual, nothing new here. Hmm, she looks very desperate, emotionless. I am not trying to make her look bad here on this forum, but this is my perspective of view, since i've known her for 2 years. And she looks lifeless.

Now me..As i said i felt a rush of adrenaline in me. Since i've applied stoicism in the past 2 months in every aspect and situation that has occurred, i was basically trained for this moment. Remained centered, remained stoic, gave her a wink, and continued with my conversation. And this is the crazy part here. Not a minute has passed, and i forgot about her. As i am sitting now on my desktop computer and writing this, i try to dig deep in me and find some feels and emotions, regardless what kind of. Believe me when i say this- today i am indifferent. I feel nothing. Yesterday i felt terrible, as we spoke about it, and everyone here knows..but today after seeing what kind of a woman i've dodged a bullet from..jeez, i am even happier. I saw her, and i didnt even know this woman. The thing is, deep in my brain, she still lives but like a idealized version that i created a long time ago. And i think that, that idealized version of her, will maybe live forever in my brain since i've wanted to know her and feel her like that. But the real ex, the real version of my ex...i would never want to even speak to again..i feel indifferrence to the real ex. And that, i proved to myself today.

 

[LiveYourDream]

today after seeing what kind of a woman i've dodged a bullet from..jeez, i am even happier. I saw her, and i didnt even know this woman. The thing is, deep in my brain, she still lives but like a idealized version that i created a long time ago. And i think that, that idealized version of her, will maybe live forever in my brain since i've wanted to know her and feel her like that. But the real ex, the real version of my ex...i would never want to even speak to again..i feel indifferrence to the real ex. And that, i proved to myself today.

I imagine you feel more free right now, in a deeper way, than you have in a really long time. It is great to realize who she is in reality right now versus who you thought you were missing, in your fantasy. In your case, it was a blessing to unexpectedly see her and be able to clarify the difference. The truth set you free. So happy for you!

 

[alex_in24]

@LiveYourDream I appreciate ur kind words and care for me. Yes, i feel more free than i was. But that's all i feel right now. Freedom. And as for her moving forward ? I really wish for her to move forward and NEVER come to me begging for mercy. I don't want revenge, nor begging to take her back. I just want ME. That's all.

 

[LiveYourDream]

@alex_in24 Your position never has to change. There is no ill will ever needed. You are above that. You are centered in you, doing you, and enjoying your life. You wish her nothing but the best always. Whether you never see her again or you come face to face someday, your position is simply the same, you are doing you, enjoying your life and you wish her nothing but the best in hers. That's it. If she pops up in your thoughts or dreams ever again it is the same thing. You wish her nothing but the best in her life, immediately bring your focus back to enjoying your life, right here, right now, wherever you are. You are free!

 

[Glassguy]

Very well put Alex. I feel the same about my ex. Emotionless. It's funny to think of the person I built her up to be while we were together and the person I see now.....very much different in every possibly way.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

Hm...i got that rush of adrenaline in my veins and chest the moment i saw her. But i knew what to do, stayed focused and calm, gave her a wink and turned my head back and continued talking with my friend. As u know me, from my previous posts and our honest conversation, i am going to tell u the truth now, not gonna lie.

Firstly i want to describe my ex. She looks miserable. Looks like she gained some weight. She looks depressed, not happy, and i sense some kind of anxiety in her. Her outfit was catastrophic, as usual, nothing new here. Hmm, she looks very desperate, emotionless. I am not trying to make her look bad here on this forum, but this is my perspective of view, since i've known her for 2 years. And she looks lifeless.

Now me..As i said i felt a rush of adrenaline in me. Since i've applied stoicism in the past 2 months in every aspect and situation that has occurred, i was basically trained for this moment. Remained centered, remained stoic, gave her a wink, and continued with my conversation. And this is the crazy part here. Not a minute has passed, and i forgot about her. As i am sitting now on my desktop computer and writing this, i try to dig deep in me and find some feels and emotions, regardless what kind of. Believe me when i say this- today i am indifferent. I feel nothing. Yesterday i felt terrible, as we spoke about it, and everyone here knows..but today after seeing what kind of a woman i've dodged a bullet from..jeez, i am even happier. I saw her, and i didnt even know this woman. The thing is, deep in my brain, she still lives but like a idealized version that i created a long time ago. And i think that, that idealized version of her, will maybe live forever in my brain since i've wanted to know her and feel her like that. But the real ex, the real version of my ex...i would never want to even speak to again..i feel indifferrence to the real ex. And that, i proved to myself today.

Isn't this normally the case with BPD's who are unstable, erratic, and extremely prone to depression?
And yet when they leave us, we imagine them giggling under the warm sun with a new beau 24/7, never to think of us again.

Unsurprisingly, about two years ago during one of our recycle periods, I ran into her in the gym. She approached me cautiously, we had a strange moment, and were back on shortly after. She looked like hell that day.

Glad you're over the revenge impulses, but I'd be lying if I denied hoping she lays in bed crying over a photo of me on my birthday next week. She's not the only woman who ever cared for me, but as a lifelong cynic she was the only woman I ever cared for.

 

[LiveYourDream]

@BlueAlpha1, I suggest you stop thinking about your birthday, in reference to your ex. Focusing on how special it was, when you were with her, is not a focus that serves you now! You make it sound like because you won't be celebrating it with her, it will never be as good as one of those. Fvck that! Enough already! You make it sound like your birthday belongs to the two of you, or even to her capacity to make it special. It doesn't! It's your birthday! Reclaim your birthday! Reclaim yourself!

She's not the goddess of special birthdays. They can happen without her. Leave her in your past where she belongs. Just because it's your birthday does not mean she is a worthy of your focus again. Knock it off. Quit giving her your attention with your thoughts. She is not in your life. Choose your thoughts to reflect that.

Make your birthday about YOU, more than you ever have! Figure out something to do, to celebrate you, your freedom, and your life moving forward! Do it! Make it more special than it's ever been. Do it for you! Own your birthday (without her)! No excuses!

 

[alex_in24]

@Glassguy I knew u would understand me

@BlueAlpha1 I completely understand you. My ex was a heavy case of BPD. These kind of people (including BPD men) are very tough to understand and live with. U will never know what is going in her mind. Its just simple as that. She may be happy for a long time, and then suddenly burst out crying over a photo of u on ur bday and maybe try to catch up with you. But that catching up, isnt about us anymore, its about them, to make them feel better, to see if we still care about them, to see if we would take them back. That's why they are unique, and have that "something" in them that gets under your skin so deeply. They are hated by other women, but admired by all men. That's why they have that IDGAF attitude.

I will always keep saying this: my ex was the best thing that has ever happened in my life. I learned extraordinary things and had amazing experiences. We are very lucky to have had break ups like this. Not everyone has this kind of opportunity to find himself and grow.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

@BlueAlpha1, I suggest you stop thinking about your birthday, in reference to your ex. Focusing on how special it was, when you were with her, is not a focus that serves you now! You make it sound like because you won't be celebrating it with her, it will never be as good as one of those. Fvck that! Enough already! You make it sound like your birthday belongs to the two of you, or even to her capacity to make it special. It doesn't! It's your birthday! Reclaim your birthday! Reclaim yourself!

She's not the goddess of special birthdays. They can happen without her. Leave her in your past where she belongs. Just because it's your birthday does not mean she is a worthy of your focus again. Knock it off. Quit giving her your attention with your thoughts. She is not in your life. Choose your thoughts to reflect that.

Make your birthday about YOU, more than you ever have! Figure out something to do, to celebrate you, your freedom, and your life moving forward! Do it! Make it more special than it's ever been. Do it for you! Own your birthday (without her)! No excuses!

Don't get me wrong dude, im going out with the boys in NYC. It should be a great night.

Shes not going to ruin my bday. But what I'm doing (wondering whether an ex misses you) is about as common as breathing. She left this relationship with all the power. It'll pass the next day, but as you know I've been dreaming about her. I'm cool during the day. In other words I'm not dreaming about her because I think of her, I think of her because I'm dreaming about her