Right lads,
Keep up with the good work. I remember my 20-30 days, it’s when you truly are breaking the back of the challenge. And it is certainly a challenge. The truest of challenges; you are defying physical, psychological, physiological mental and emotional needs. This is what is making you a better man. Breaking the pain barrier.
There is a famous French quote that I read a few months ago, and it helped me along with many others (I don’t recall the French translation):
‘Flee and they will follow, follow and they will flee’. This is referring specifically to love or a loved one, and though not always true, I’d say a good 7 or 8 times out of 10, it at least forces their hand in communications, and re-frames the break up by shifting (at least some) power back away from the ‘follower’.
There should be other advice allied to this post, because as I have said above, it is not a case of simply not responding to a person for 60 days.
One has to indulge and engage with life again: has to at least attempt to improve oneself in some way, preferably more than one, at least one physical and one mental; has to indulge one’s innate desires again, which may have been stunted by the lost relationship; has to attempt to engage in conversation with someone else where there is a mutual sexual desire, in order to learn that there are other out there; lastly I would say that a reflection of one’s own failure in the previous situation is also a priority, be those failures acute or obtuse, we must learn from mistakes and carry the learning forward; read, read many things, always.
All of the things listed above compliment no-contact, and enable one to truly experience life without the ex-partner, to see that they can live without that person in their past, and in a fulfilling manner. I firmly believe that if I hadn’t done all of these things during my 60 days, the whole exercise would have been a fruitless exercise.
Now I can respond to my ex and reckon I could even meet her for a drink and not feel the same vulnerability and neediness I did 6 months ago. I have regained control over that situation and though there is no relationship to speak of, I think there is at least some chance of creating one again, should I want to in future; which I’m not really sure I want to anymore anyway.
You can sit there for 60 days and pine for this person and that person, or you can use it as a great opportunity to regain control over your own existence. I would go as far to say as it has been one of the best things to happen to me in the last 5-10 years; and I owe several individuals in the Manosphere a debt of gratitude for that that I am unlikely ever to repay (least not being those here at sosuave, those at the Chateau and Mr Rollo over at The Rational Male). Most of what I am saying here is regurgitated from their own blogs, posts and comments.
Ideally the original post would be reinvented as ‘60 days to getting your life back’ (rather than alluding ‘60 days not contacting someone you’re trying to get over/win over’) This is no criticism, absolutely the contrary; if it wasn’t for this post, I’d still be at day -1 probably.
Stay strong, men.
