The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Jinni]

I know that how I'm reacting doesn't make sense, but I accept that. I have no idea about what to do, or what I'm doing. Talking to friends or posting here helps, but other than that I have no clue.

It's driving me crazy because I usually have a plan in life for everything else. But not for how to control my emotions. I'm making plans in my head, and then changing them, and then making new ones, etc.

I don't want to be a bitter person, I don't want to hate my ex. She did what she thought was best, and no matter how female mind works, if we want to have any kind of relation with them, we have to accept to accept them, even if we don't understand everything they do. I'm finding my own peace.

 

[stevedudley]

hang in there stevedudley. sounds tough having the son in between but try to focus on yourself. just make it to the 60th mark and then consider things again. you'll be able to make more solid decisions and with a clearer mind. day 16 is a tremendous effort so just keep yourself busy. i'm on only day 4 but believe in this thing (read a few posts here it helps==NC is for you onlyy) and keep it up man! you're not alone[/QUOTE.


Thanks beat junkie. Its hard to keep the no contact going. My ex has new guy and he is with my son. That really hurts. My ex is happy to tell me things to hurt me. Thats why I have done the no contact. My family fetch my son on my access days so I dont see her. Never felt pain like I do at the monent. Just hope time will make it easier. Thanks for the encouragement.

 

[Cheeks]

day 22. whenever I'm feeling the urge to contact I go over to rational male and reread the basics. reminds me of how much of a phaggot I am. thanks Rollo

 

[narcissist]

EVERYONE READ THIS POST. DO NOT SKIP OVER. ITS FOR YOUR BENEFIT.


Wow i havent been in here since i broke it off with my ex more than 180 days ago (over 6 months)

But good lord have mercy its become so fvcking depressive in here it isn't even funny.

I am going to stay in here for the next 2 months and post every couple of days to help you fellas get out of this rut.

I remember when i was posting up in this thread 6 months ago, I was strictly trying to get over here by posting positive sh*t and how my day went and how im getting over her by bettering myself, beyond that helping others relentlessly.



READ THIS: THIS THREAD IS NOT TO DWELL OVER YOUR EX, OR TALK ABOUT YOUR EX AND HOW MUCH YOU MISS HER. THAT B!TCH IS OUT OF YOUR LIFE AND YOU NEED TO MOVE ON, THIS THREAD IS FOR HOW YOUR MOVING FORWARD BY BETTERING YOURSELF.


Come on guys i have faith in you. You can all do better than this.

From here on out, stop talking about how you want to call your ex, or how you want to creep her on facebook. And start talking about how you are going to wake up everyday and move the fvck on and stop being depressive little fvcks. ITS A WOMAN FOR GOD SAKES. go out there. get 100 numbers and come back and tell me you still think about your girl. YOU WONT. You will come back and laugh at how stupid you were for being in SCARCITY MODE.

I know im being harsh but if someone doesnt do it then you wont get the fvck up and rub this girl off of YOUR Life.

here are the step you are going to take


1] DELETE ALL OF HER SOCIAL MEDIA - AND CHANGE YOUR NUMBER SO SHE CANT CONTACT YOU

-facebook
-twitter
-instagram
-snapchat
-msn
-phone number
-tumblr
-youtube
-literally everything

The less inclined you are to look at her sh*t the BETTER OFF. trust me on that.

2] MAKE A VOW TO NEVER TALK TO HER AGAIN

she had her chance and obviously OBVIOUSLY doesnt WANT YOU THE FVCKING PRIZE. SO FVCK HER. shes gone. out your life for good. READ THIS OVER AND OVER: SHE DOESNT DESERVE YOU.

unless you sit here and talk all this bullsh*t about how you want her back and not go out and better herself, well then anyone, even a homless phaggot deserves you.

3] START BETTERING YOURSELF EVERY FVCKING SECOND

-smile
-workout
-eat healthy
-have A CLEAN HOUSE AND ROOM
-study
-save your money
-reconnect with old family/friends
-make new family and friends
-read releeeeeentlessly

4] START A JOURNAL ON SOSUAVE FORUMS AND WRITE IN IT EVERYDAY

in this journal document your progress, dealing with women, goals and how you plan to achieve them, things you did that you want to work on, EVERYTHING. but it puts it on paper and out of your head which is good. DONT TALK ABOUT YOUR EX ON YOUR JOURNAL.

5] (most important) SET 3 GOALS AND WORK AS HARD AS YOU CAN TO ACHIEVE THEM

some goal ideas

- gain 20 pounds of muscle
- lose 20 pounds of fat
- read 3 books per month
- join a mix martial arts class (i like muay thai)
- approach every woman i see
- get 10 numbers a week
- fvck 10 girls this summer
- save 5000$

Could be literally ANYTHING. as long as you are working hard towards something.

6] MEDITATE FOR 15 MINUTES EACH DAY

trust me on this one fellas. if you meditate for 15-30 minutes each day you will reach a point of perspective where you could give less of a fvck about infinitesimal things such as a woman breaking up with you. Just try it for one week if you are serious about getting over your ex.





LAST BUT NOT LEAST.

stop giving this girl so much of your attention. i hate to break it to you but SHE IS GONE. read that over and over and over and over again. SHE IS GONE. SHE IS FVCKING GONE.

time to live YOUR LIFE NOW. NOT SO SHE CAN COME BACK. but so you can move on and become the BEST MOTHER FVCKING PERSON YOU CAN.


so stop b!tching and whining and start bettering yourself mates. I am disappointed with the air of depression on this thread lately. WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE UPLIFTING EACH OTHER.

 

[narcissist]

HERE IS A BASIC WORKOUT PLAN

Monday - LEGS

1. Squats - 5 x 6 reps
2. Leg press - 3 x 8 reps
3. Leg curl - 3 x 8 reps
4. Lunges - 2 x 8 reps
5. Calf raises - 3 x 15 reps

Wednesday - SHOULDERS/BICEPS

1. Shoulder press - 3 x 8
2. Dumbbell side laterals - 3 x 8
3. Bent over Dumbbell raise - 2 x 8
4. Standing military press - 3 x 8
5. Standing barbell curl - 3 x 8
6. Hammer curl - 2 x 8
7. incline bench curl - 2 x 8

Friday - CHEST/TRICEPS

1. Barbell incline press - 3 x 6
2. Dumbbell chest press - 3 x 6
3. Dumbbell incline flies - 3 x 6
4. Push ups - 3 x 12
5. Dips - 3 x 8
6. Close Grip Bench press - 3 x 8
7. Overhead extensions - 2 x 8
8. Push downs - 2 x 8

Saturday - BACK/BICEPS

1. Deadlifts - 3 x 8
2. Seated rows - 3 x 8
3. Lat pulldowns - 3 x 8
4. Wide grip pull ups - 2 x 8
5. Standing barbell curl - 3 x 8
6. Hammer curl - 2 x 8
7. Preacher curl - 2 x 8


when you are setting up your diet you have to determine whether you want to

LOSE WEIGHT - caloric deficit (less calories in then you are burning)

OR

GAIN WEIGHT - caloric surplus (more calories in the you are burning)

So determine how much calories you need to maintain and then go from there

make sure you get enough macros

PROTEIN - 1.5g/pound

CARBS - 2-2.5g/pound

FATS - .5g/pound


done. simple as that. do this for 1 year. and you will be a monster.

 

[visnaga]

Day 1 again !!,
I was dumped 4 months ago (actually she called after 2 days begging to return but I refused as she insulted me in front of her parents and dumped me) , went no contact for a month and in my second month I started following her fb pictures (stupid), then initiated contact because I got frustrated by the happy pictures of her, begged and then returned back together for 5 days!! and got dumped again, begged again!!!
This time I will follow the rules rigidly and no contact, no pictures no even thinking about her for 60 days.
Wish me luck.

 

[beatjunkie]

Day 5. Feeling better. Hitting the gym like an animal. Had to stop myself from going to gym twice yesterday haha. Everyone should read narcissist's posts on the previous page!

 

[narcissist]

Day 5. Feeling better. Hitting the gym like an animal. Had to stop myself from going to gym twice yesterday haha. Everyone should read narcissist's posts on the previous page!

Thanks man. The best way to get over a girl, is to realize that there are bettering things to do in life like carving oneself into a masterpiece.

You will all get more girlfriends, you will all get more vagina, you will all love someone again. I am 100% sure of that. But will you all have the time to make yourself the best person you can be? No. You only have now to do that. So we all need to stop putting it off and begin making ourselves the main character in our life.


here is the post from the previous page again so no one misses it



POST FROM PREVIOUS PAGE:


EVERYONE READ THIS POST. DO NOT SKIP OVER. ITS FOR YOUR BENEFIT.


Wow i havent been in here since i broke it off with my ex more than 180 days ago (over 6 months)

But good lord have mercy its become so fvcking depressive in here it isn't even funny.

I am going to stay in here for the next 2 months and post every couple of days to help you fellas get out of this rut.

I remember when i was posting up in this thread 6 months ago, I was strictly trying to get over here by posting positive sh*t and how my day went and how im getting over her by bettering myself, beyond that helping others relentlessly.



READ THIS: THIS THREAD IS NOT TO DWELL OVER YOUR EX, OR TALK ABOUT YOUR EX AND HOW MUCH YOU MISS HER. THAT B!TCH IS OUT OF YOUR LIFE AND YOU NEED TO MOVE ON, THIS THREAD IS FOR HOW YOUR MOVING FORWARD BY BETTERING YOURSELF.


Come on guys i have faith in you. You can all do better than this.

From here on out, stop talking about how you want to call your ex, or how you want to creep her on facebook. And start talking about how you are going to wake up everyday and move the fvck on and stop being depressive little fvcks. ITS A WOMAN FOR GOD SAKES. go out there. get 100 numbers and come back and tell me you still think about your girl. YOU WONT. You will come back and laugh at how stupid you were for being in SCARCITY MODE.

I know im being harsh but if someone doesnt do it then you wont get the fvck up and rub this girl off of YOUR Life.

here are the step you are going to take


1] DELETE ALL OF HER SOCIAL MEDIA - AND CHANGE YOUR NUMBER SO SHE CANT CONTACT YOU

-facebook
-twitter
-instagram
-snapchat
-msn
-phone number
-tumblr
-youtube
-literally everything

The less inclined you are to look at her sh*t the BETTER OFF. trust me on that.

2] MAKE A VOW TO NEVER TALK TO HER AGAIN

she had her chance and obviously OBVIOUSLY doesnt WANT YOU THE FVCKING PRIZE. SO FVCK HER. shes gone. out your life for good. READ THIS OVER AND OVER: SHE DOESNT DESERVE YOU.

unless you sit here and talk all this bullsh*t about how you want her back and not go out and better herself, well then anyone, even a homless phaggot deserves you.

3] START BETTERING YOURSELF EVERY FVCKING SECOND

-smile
-workout
-eat healthy
-have A CLEAN HOUSE AND ROOM
-study
-save your money
-reconnect with old family/friends
-make new family and friends
-read releeeeeentlessly

4] START A JOURNAL ON SOSUAVE FORUMS AND WRITE IN IT EVERYDAY

in this journal document your progress, dealing with women, goals and how you plan to achieve them, things you did that you want to work on, EVERYTHING. but it puts it on paper and out of your head which is good. DONT TALK ABOUT YOUR EX ON YOUR JOURNAL.

5] (most important) SET 3 GOALS AND WORK AS HARD AS YOU CAN TO ACHIEVE THEM

some goal ideas

- gain 20 pounds of muscle
- lose 20 pounds of fat
- read 3 books per month
- join a mix martial arts class (i like muay thai)
- approach every woman i see
- get 10 numbers a week
- fvck 10 girls this summer
- save 5000$

Could be literally ANYTHING. as long as you are working hard towards something.

6] MEDITATE FOR 15 MINUTES EACH DAY

trust me on this one fellas. if you meditate for 15-30 minutes each day you will reach a point of perspective where you could give less of a fvck about infinitesimal things such as a woman breaking up with you. Just try it for one week if you are serious about getting over your ex.





LAST BUT NOT LEAST.

stop giving this girl so much of your attention. i hate to break it to you but SHE IS GONE. read that over and over and over and over again. SHE IS GONE. SHE IS FVCKING GONE.

time to live YOUR LIFE NOW. NOT SO SHE CAN COME BACK. but so you can move on and become the BEST MOTHER FVCKING PERSON YOU CAN.


so stop b!tching and whining and start bettering yourself mates. I am disappointed with the air of depression on this thread lately. WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE UPLIFTING EACH OTHER.

 

[Pasternak]

BPDex unblocked me on Facebook. I literally feel that hell is coming as she's trying to find a sootheing object again. I'm going to block her from everywhere and deactivate my profile.

 

[beatjunkie]

Narcissist do you have any suggested meditation sources/techniques?

Pasternak delete from all but dont deactivate your profile imo.

 

[beatjunkie]

Back from gym. Had a bad workout. Couldnt focus as she was on my mind. Started off day well and now im weak again. This sht aint easy. Wish i didnt have to work with her or b in the same country. Will hold the line tho.

 

[bigdrov1x]

Hey Beat! Keep reading and rereading that post by narc. Those are serious rules to live by. Also Hold the freaking Line!!!!!!! Remember that in history, some of the biggest and most important battles were won by simply holding the line. It will seem all cloudy and gloomy until one day, it is not. That is how these things work beat. One day, you will cease to be burdened by this bish. Just hold the line and trust the wisdom of men who have been there before you. Peace

 

[narcissist]

Narcissist do you have any suggested meditation sources/techniques?

Pasternak delete from all but dont deactivate your profile imo.

Yeah. Meditation is really simple. And for me personally i like to hold the philosophy of simple/minimalistic.

What i mean by that is dont wrap yourself up in complex traditions and techniques. For it can take away from the essence.

Okay. So for meditation. The way that i do it is i find a place that won't be obstructed by noise. For me that is very important.

Then i sit down in the lotus position or cross legged and close my eyes. It's very important that the position you are in is NOT conducive to napping or sleeping. That is pretty self explanatory. Lol.

And as you close your eyes theres two things you can do.

1] focus on your breathing and try deliberately to rid you mind of thoughts, in order to clear your head (this is actually harder than it sounds)

2] you can focus on your breathing but ALLOW thoughts to flow freely without restraint. (This one is more for beginners, i typically use this one more)


Beyond that, I would just start with 15 mins and gradually increase, unless you feel really in the present moment and can withstand longer periods of times, then by all means continue.

After that come to sosuave later that day hours after you meditate and post how it made you feel.


For me personally is has been a seriously defining factor in my life. I've grown this zen like non-attachment to objects and women. Also if I get rejected i have this air of non affectivity that is unable to be penetrated by anyone.


Good luck boss.

 

[Jinni]

Day 7

It's amazing how it's getting easier to get used to the separation. I still cry in the mornings, but I learned to accept that. Her image in my head is fading away more and more each day, and it feels weird. I used to think about her all the time, and now I'm forcing myself NOT to think about her.

Strange that someone that you loved can cause so much pain. Maybe not intentionally, but still it feels strange.

Tomorrow I will buy a skateboard with a friend (a cruiser) and start learning to skate. Because I can.

 

[VenX]

Yeah. Meditation is really simple. And for me personally i like to hold the philosophy of simple/minimalistic.

What i mean by that is dont wrap yourself up in complex traditions and techniques. For it can take away from the essence.

Okay. So for meditation. The way that i do it is i find a place that won't be obstructed by noise. For me that is very important.

Then i sit down in the lotus position or cross legged and close my eyes. It's very important that the position you are in is NOT conducive to napping or sleeping. That is pretty self explanatory. Lol.

And as you close your eyes theres two things you can do.

1] focus on your breathing and try deliberately to rid you mind of thoughts, in order to clear your head (this is actually harder than it sounds)

2] you can focus on your breathing but ALLOW thoughts to flow freely without restraint. (This one is more for beginners, i typically use this one more)


Beyond that, I would just start with 15 mins and gradually increase, unless you feel really in the present moment and can withstand longer periods of times, then by all means continue.

After that come to sosuave later that day hours after you meditate and post how it made you feel.


For me personally is has been a seriously defining factor in my life. I've grown this zen like non-attachment to objects and women. Also if I get rejected i have this air of non affectivity that is unable to be penetrated by anyone.


Good luck boss.

Thanks for your post. Seems like a healthy thing to do for overall life improvement. Will definitely try this out and post my results.

 

[beatjunkie]

thanks narcissist and bigdrove. will reread and try that meditation.

this has been by far the worse day. i remember first day i thought 60 days is nothing but then after breaking nc and getting into some more sht now even day 5 is a struggle. tried to stay busy after my failed gym attempt, went out and smoked some hookah and drinks..no one was around. i live & work in Djibouti...honestly probably the most boring place on earth. applied for a job elsewhere earlier too, it's time to get out of here i figure.

this is tougher than i thought...end of day 5

 

[visnaga]

I have thought of something, may be it is right may be not and will want your feedback.
First of all, I noticed a lot of guys here really hating their exs and calling them evil and so.
Well I appreciate your anger but from experience there are no blacks and whites in our world, everything is in between.
What I mean is that from my perspective, a girl that dumped you will certainly at some point will think about her decision and may be regret it (not so evil after all), but our actions and perceptions of our value will determine that.
For example, an alpha guy who had a girlfriend that loved him so much then may be to gain her trust (as I did) or may be due to comfort of relationships started to give his power and the girl started sensing his weakness (subconsciously) and lost her attraction to him, so she began acting as the prize and dumped him, do you think what a fictional alpha guy (who have a lot of options) will do? (think for example Mad men's Don Draper or George Clooney or some other alpha high value guy).
I think he will move on and get into no contact naturally as in his mindset that a lot of women are available who are like her or better and she is the one lost the prize (himself) and who cares.
If that is the case, I am 100% sure that she will regret it (even if she did not show it), why is that? because she has chosen you before and was attracted to you before and when she lost attraction was because you appeared weak, so as no contact is resumed, your value will increase everyday as you did not react to her, she is not important to you even if she was very important one day. This way she will be mad at herself for letting you go and even if she is with someone else right now as we all know most guys are beta. The alpha ones like you are so rare, see you are the prize.
For guys who tried to contact their ex (me included), you have to make her feel that her words have consequences and the day she dumped you, you moved forward without looking back as if she was nothing. You are happy as ever before, she had no impact on you. SO no contact accomplishes all of this without any words.
And please do not be so ridiculous, if you think they do not care, they do but they will not show it except for the very weak ones. I am telling you from my experience when I dumped a girl I loved but lost attraction for her after a while. She begged for 2 weeks to return but I did not move. But guess what she was smarter than you, after these 2 weeks she appeared very happy with make up, new clothes, always laughing and did not contact me, actually changed her number. To surprise you, when I saw her I was shocked and her happy appearance made me question my decision and what brought me to my knees was her changed number and no contact, I just felt like I was nothing and did not impact her life and I tell you what, I had options at that time.
Move forward and do not look back, she will regret it sooner or later but do not think about it and trust me they will know when you truly moved on internally and at that time you will be with a better woman and you will laugh at those days.
And do not forget you are the prize..

 

[visnaga]

And please you are maintaining no contact because this what you as an alpha male would do naturally, not to play games with her mind or manipulate her, you have no secret agendas, and if you do, you are just giving too much control of your life to a girl who had the guts to make a mistake and dump you.
Do not get into her head, or think what she is thinking of you, you put yourself first and now just thinking of yourself and your life.

If you saw her by chance, you will not give her the lost puppy look you will feel sorry for her as you know she has lost you forever and you are sure she will have a bad time about it while enjoying your life.

But just do not think about it, just be sure of it and move on.

 

[beatjunkie]

Day 6. F*ck it. Being positive but dont feel like doing sht today besides light up and watch these tv shows. Happy easter to all!

 

[LostInChina]

Day 5 of no contact, approx 90 days since break-up. (Note that I initiated the break-up, so am actually the dumper in this case, rather than the dumpee.)

This weekend has been a proper b@stard. Intended to catch up on work but did very little due to lack of focus and mind elsewhere.

Considered sending her a text asking if she wanted to go to a music festival in May. I didn't send it in the end. I already know the response: No thanks.

Also looked at her WeChat Moments (similar to Facebook updates). They were all in Chinese, unfortunately, so I had to spend 15 minutes trying to decipher them!

Anyhow, I'm staying strong. The quote from Cheeks below helps.

For all of you who are doing the same, stay strong with me, I need you guys to pull it together with me. If you feel weak remember that there is NOTHING you can say or do in the end to make the situation better.

If you want to get over her but need closure, remember that she will never give you closure so you have to find it within yourself.

And if its your goal to get her back (which it probably shouldn't be), remember that anything you say or do will only push her away further, I don't care why you broke up, its the truth.