The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[jayam]

Recently my G F dumped me. Our relation is a long one for almost 30 months. Everything went fine till March. From April onwards things where not as good.

I felt she is moving away from me, its true. she wants me only as a friend. Her change made me mad and we had a tiff regarding this issue.

Last week she had send a text saying she had put a full stop for everything. Her text hurt me a lot. All these days i had been good to her by all means.

For her text i replied, its K i oblige your words wont disturb you anymore. And said Good bye and Good luck.

From that time onwards i didn't contact her by any means. I used to see her daily on the way to my office. Today is 8th day since i adopted NC. Last 3/4 days i found she purposely crossing my way when i am to my office.

Really my heart pains much while seeing her each time. But decided not to break the NC.

Kindly advice me how to react in future. To get her back as my G F. I don't want to be her friend.

Expecting your expert opinion. Thanks in Advance.

 

[walkingonair]

Broke up with my boyfriend last friday. He said i wasn't supportive throughout the relationship and he cheated on me a few months age. It was hell since then and i tried giving the relationship another chance. I said some really horrible things to him during this period and he can't forgive me for what i said. He also said some pretty nasty things at the end. Why do i miss this person? The last thign i told him was that he's dead to me and went into No contact since Wednesday. I went to bed hating him last night and this morning i woke up wondering if he's even thinking about me or if he misses me.

It's just so hard. Thankfully i found this thread so i will post here whenever i do miss him. It's hard not to contact him but i have to do this for myself.

 

[Machtwo]

I believe this forum, this blog in particular, can be very helpful to those who have just had relationships ended. It has helped me enormously reading & posting on here. I'm six months dumped and about three months NC.

I've realised that when a woman's mind has been made up there is nothing a guy can do to change that. Depart with dignity & a smile, wish you well & disappear from there lives ASAP if you want any chance at a reconciliation. Do not do anything until they contact you, anything you try, will push them further away.

I believe this blog has now served its purpose for me and checking it every few hours is keeping me 'locked in' my situation and dwelling on the past when I should really be looking at and embracing the future, whatever that might be. I could be single until I die or meet somebody who will go to 'war' for me tomorrow, which sadly my EX lacked that quality.

Thank you all, kind people.

 

[Bosscatxx]

What does this mean ?

I was chatting to a friend about a man she has been with and I asked if he was not her type and she said in a nutshell suppose so . What did she mean ?

 

[walkingonair]

Broke NC rule. Only a day and a half. How weak am i? Sent him an email saying how much of an ass he was for cheating etc. But also mentioned that I don't hate him because that's for my own personal growth. Not his.

Ok back to Day 1 NC

DAY 1
NC

 

[Cali-83]

jariel reaching out to her, could result in more misery & pain for you... i know how hard this is for you mate...

if you truley believe you was also at fault, then maybe leave it for now & wait till she contacts you... or deal with it, when you are a feeling a little stronger... you are in a weak emotional state right now

you did what you had to do at that time, you followed your gut instinct & felt like you had to end it... your gut is usualy right about these things...

i guess you have to ask yourself, did you really have a future with this woman!


i too question myself about wether i did the right thing by dumping her? and everyone i know, believes not only did i do the right thing, but i should have dumped her much much sooner..

i can also see where i could have handled things a little better in my relationship too... who is perfect

but the question is.. is she looking back at our relationship & thinking hey, what could i have done better? hell no she isn't.... woman like this do not give a f@ck about how they treat others... it is all about them & there sense of entitlemant


but serioulsy i loved her & never took advantage of her & all i wanted was us to get along & not argue... where as she did her best to manipulate me, treat me like crap & try to get control over me..

it was all about control to her....

i am really struggling with my emotions... i feel such deep regret, for putting up with this sl@t

how do i deal with anger & regret? it seems to be consuming me!

i am losing sleep over it...

Hey buddy stick with it you're doing the right thing. Keep posting it helps to get out what you're feeling.

I'm on day 4 and picked up a rubber band yesterday and put it on my wrist every time these thoughts you're having snap the rubber band.

Only have had it one day it helps me get back to positive thinking.

We can't worry about what they are thinking or doing we just need to keep making ourselves better. That's the only thing we have control over, us.

You obviously want to get better you wouldn't be on here if you didn't keep grinding it will work in your favor.

 

[soulforge]

Hey buddy stick with it you're doing the right thing. Keep posting it helps to get out what you're feeling.

I'm on day 4 and picked up a rubber band yesterday and put it on my wrist every time these thoughts you're having snap the rubber band.

Only have had it one day it helps me get back to positive thinking.

We can't worry about what they are thinking or doing we just need to keep making ourselves better. That's the only thing we have control over, us.

You obviously want to get better you wouldn't be on here if you didn't keep grinding it will work in your favor.

damn right i want to get better... i just want this woman completley out of my life & a distant memory

 

[Blazing]

Day 9 of NC.
She was parking to pack her stuff to go home when I was walking back to my room to get something. Rather than chance us walking into each other at the door she left as opposed to just goin and getting her stuff while I there.
Part of me wonders if she suddenly hates me for no apparent reason. Our breakup wasn't bad. Just two people realizing that the relationship ends when we move away so there's no reason to continue it.

I even said I'd hope we'd stay in contact after we left just not right now because the breakup just makes contact too hard right now. Oh well. Still going strong on the NC

 

[soulforge]

i obsereved something strange about my ex...

whenever i was stopping at her house (on her territory) she was always quite bossy & rude towards me... and we would end up arguing & falling out.
i just felt uncomfortable, like something was wrong!


but whenever we was stopping at my house (on my territory) we got on so so much better.. we would not argue & i just treated her as normal & she was a nicer person.


is this a control thing? does she feel like she can exert powert over me, because i am on her patch?

but when she is at my house, she feels like she would have to behave better!

 

[clair]

hi I contacted him after 60 days actually this Wednesday he did not reply I basicly apoligized for how the break up happened and wished him well he did not reply he is a NPD and this was to be expected but it still hurt...any ways I have a possilble date tonite with some one from a dating site as I previcly mentioned in the pass I was on a dating site to no avail but someone finally wants to meet ..lets hope he shows up... after this date I will b trying speed dating and see what happens

 

[soulforge]

hi I contacted him after 60 days actually this Wednesday he did not reply I basicly apoligized for how the break up happened and wished him well he did not reply he is a NPD and this was to be expected but it still hurt...any ways I have a possilble date tonite with some one from a dating site as I previcly mentioned in the pass I was on a dating site to no avail but someone finally wants to meet ..lets hope he shows up... after this date I will b trying speed dating and see what happens

did you end it clair, or did he end it?

 

[Jariel]

Day 34:

I have been having a lot of trouble lately with closure. The way things ended between my ex and I was very hurtful and I have come to realise I was largely to blame for that.

Last night I attempted another exercise I saw recommended. It involves writing a letter to my ex, saying all the things that were left unsaid, why I did what I did, expressing gratitude for the good times, accepting its over and saying goodbye.

The thing about this letter is that you must not send it until after 90 days of no contact. This gives me plenty of time to think about what I want to say and how I want to say it. By the time I have completed the letter, I will no longer have those things I wished I'd said. More importantly, I won't be saying something I regret and wished I could take back.

This time also allows my emotions to settle and for me to gain perspective on the situation, so I will no longer be writing from a place of desperation.

Many people claim they reach closure just by writing the letter, so by the time the no contact period is over, they decide not to send it.

Even though it is keeping me attached to thoughts of my ex, I'm finding it is really helping a lot. By expressing all those things I wanted to say to her, I'm freeing them from my mind. As a result, I'm not carrying them around so much today.

The important thing to remember about this letter is that it's about closure, not about manipulation or desperation. It is not a last ditch attempt to get your ex back and you need to make it clear that you accept the relationship has come to an end and you're ok with it.

Give it a try and see if it helps. My mind is much clearer this evening.

 

[soulforge]

Day 34:

I have been having a lot of trouble lately with closure. The way things ended between my ex and I was very hurtful and I have come to realise I was largely to blame for that.

Last night I attempted another exercise I saw recommended. It involves writing a letter to my ex, saying all the things that were left unsaid, why I did what I did, expressing gratitude for the good times, accepting its over and saying goodbye.

The thing about this letter is that you must not send it until after 90 days of no contact. This gives me plenty of time to think about what I want to say and how I want to say it. By the time I have completed the letter, I will no longer have those things I wished I'd said. More importantly, I won't be saying something I regret and wished I could take back.

This time also allows my emotions to settle and for me to gain perspective on the situation, so I will no longer be writing from a place of desperation.

Many people claim they reach closure just by writing the letter, so by the time the no contact period is over, they decide not to send it.

Even though it is keeping me attached to thoughts of my ex, I'm finding it is really helping a lot. By expressing all those things I wanted to say to her, I'm freeing them from my mind. As a result, I'm not carrying them around so much today.

The important thing to remember about this letter is that it's about closure, not about manipulation or desperation. It is not a last ditch attempt to get your ex back and you need to make it clear that you accept the relationship has come to an end and you're ok with it.

Give it a try and see if it helps. My mind is much clearer this evening.

hi jariel... that seems like a good idea to me mate!

maybe after 90 days you will be in a better place emotionaly to deal with this matter... if she responds to you, then that would be great

if she does not, then you will be in a stronger position to deal with it.


as for me & my ex... i have decided she is a worthless piece of crap lol

she never was relationship material & should only have been used for sex

i mean serioulsy, what she was offering me in the form of a relationship was a joke & the amount of baggage that comes with this woman is just plain silly.

a man should only take on that kind of baggage for a very loyal, good woman!

not a flakey piece of crap like my ex...

so i will continue on my journey of no contact, till she becomes a distant memory & i will take a lesson from this experinece

 

[Jariel]

hi jariel... that seems like a good idea to me mate!

maybe after 90 days you will be in a better place emotionaly to deal with this matter... if she responds to you, then that would be great if she does not, then you will be in a stronger position to deal with it.

Very true. I feel like there's so much been left unsaid and I'm really struggling with closure. As I tell more friends and acquaintances about how the break up went down, it seems they all agree I was in the wrong and my actions were very selfish and hurtful.

Too much has happened now for us to reconcile and I don't hold out hope she will respond to my letter, but if I can just get this off my chest, I can finally let go and move on.

so i will continue on my journey of no contact, till she becomes a distant memory & i will take a lesson from this experinece

Good to hear mate. At least for you it's conclusive and you know you need this woman out of your life. You are doing the best thing and you can keep moving forward knowing that.

 

[soulforge]

not sure how many days of no contact so far!

but i have come to realize my ex was a complete joke... i mean seriously what i had with her was not a relationship... yes i was in love with her...

but that is what i did wrong... i fell in love with the wrong woman!!

46 year old with 4 kids... she was a low value woman who tried to hide it well.

reality is, she was a sl@ut... something in my gut always told me not to trust her & i ignored my gut.

anyhow i am out of the situation now... just need to keep her out of my life 100%

 

[instantnoodles]

Hey guys. I don't believe in NC or 'breaks'. I don't need to be apart from someone I feel for deeply. However, how do you deal with the fact that your Significant Other wants someone else? Or is possibly attracted to "another deal"? He promised me; he promised me he wouldn't let anything get in our way. It hurts. I can feel the pain ebbing in my eyes. One day he makes me happy next day, he becomes unstable....

 

[Cali-83]

Day 6 everyday I'm going back and forth with emotions. Sometimes I feel strong knowing I'm doing the right thing. Other times I just want to see her so bad but I know that won't help anything at this point.

I need some advice to stay strong help me I'm feeling weak today.

 

[Jariel]

Day 6 everyday I'm going back and forth with emotions. Sometimes I feel strong knowing I'm doing the right thing. Other times I just want to see her so bad but I know that won't help anything at this point.

I need some advice to stay strong help me I'm feeling weak today.

Unfortunately there is no key to stopping that, but just know everything you are feeling is natural. You will feel weak and you will hurt like crazy, but each day you go without acting on it and without contacting her, is a step in the right direction.

Everyone gets weak and desperate in these situations, but the key is in how you handle it. Those who allow their exes to see them that way will drive them away forever, lose all of their respect and will feel worse for it. However, those who maintain no contact allow themselves time to heal, to maintain their dignity, while granting their ex time and space to reflect on what they've lost.

When it gets tough, just write what you're feeling in this thread and go somewhere private and cry it out.

 

[Machtwo]

Unfortunately there is no key to stopping that, but just know everything you are feeling is natural. You will feel weak and you will hurt like crazy, but each day you go without acting on it and without contacting her, is a step in the right direction.

Everyone gets weak and desperate in these situations, but the key is in how you handle it. Those who allow their exes to see them that way will drive them away forever, lose all of their respect and will feel worse for it. However, those who maintain no contact allow themselves time to heal, to maintain their dignity, while granting their ex time and space to reflect on what they've lost.

When it gets tough, just write what you're feeling in this thread and go somewhere private and cry it out.

*******BRILLIANT ADVICE*******

 

[walkingonair]

Broke my no contact yesterday. Stupid me. I realise that's it's really over and I'm walking away with him hating me. Even though he cheated, he's embarrassed that I told all his friends what he did. I admit i shouldn't have messaged him those hurtful texts but I was hurt. You can't hurt someone you love.

I miss him so much. Just yesterday we spoke on our closure conversation but I woke up this morning missing him so much. I am going back to No contact tomorrow Day 1.

So hard L(