The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Faldero456]

Thanks mate!

I did however break NC after a week, after she contacted me...

Day 4, and the easiest one so far. Keeping busy with work, friends and family. Did something I haven't done in a long time yesterday: Took my little brother to the movies! It was great, and we had a good laugh.

Still thinks a lot about her, but getting further and further away from the idea of contacting her. Tried to put it all into perspective, and my conclution was pretty much that though we had some awesome moments, it's been more of a struggle and a burder to be with her. Try to tell my self that I don't want to be with a person that I enjoy 20 % of the time with, while the remaining 80 is like a roller coaster of fighting. But still, the tought that we still can make it work is in the back of my head. Trying to get rid of it, but it's hard as ****. "What if it works if you just give it one more try!" That thought makes it hard for me to let let her go completely. Anyone else struggeling with that?

mkj,

Keep doing those things you haven't done in a while. Take your brother out to the movies again. Something you enjoy that isn't connected to her.

If you knew that 80% of the time with her was fighting, I guess you knew, deep down, that she wasn’t right for you. I am guessing, you knew it was coming.

"What if it works if you just give it one more try!"

You could try that route. I think most guys here would tell you it won’t.

Funny thing is, that if you had that last talk about “you” while you broke up, long time ago when you were still a couple, you probably could have worked things out. But you didn’t. One or both of you knew it was over. So that last talk was just that. A last farewell.

Keep strong. Keep up the NC. You deserve better than her.

Faldero456

 

[Faldero456]

You're lucky (?) that you have so many bad memories of your ex. I hardly have any. That's what's making it so hard to not contact her. I just couldn't understand how she could be so unhappy. About 3 years into our marriage, she almost got fired from her job because she was staying home every day with me (I had a job where I only worked Fri, Sat and Sunday...I was off the other 4 days unless I signed up for OT) She was my best friend. Yeah, she did some sh** that annoyed me, but nobody is perfect. Apparently, just about everything I did annoyed her after a while. That's why she divorced me.

Tomorrow marks two weeks for me. Like I said before, the hard part isn't contacting her, it's dealing with the fact that she isn't trying to contact me. Every day it gets just a little bit easier to take, though.

Henrea

That's why she divorced me

.

Been there, done that. TWICE!!! Now that time has passed, would I want to get back together with the exes? No ****ing way!!!

One ex I am a friend with. Well email mail each other once or twice a year. Say “Hi” if we happen to be on FB at the same time. The other I still dislike with a passion.

I wish I had found this place after the first divorce. Learn what you do in relationships. See what mistakes you make in choosing the women you look for. The error you make in subconscious judgments.

If I was able to “know” what was wrong with what happened with #1, I’d never have been with the second one.

Keep up with the NC. Learn from you errs.

Take time to mourn from the end of your marriage. Don’t jump into a rebound.

Keep up NC. Each day gets better. You are doing this for yourself. No one else but you.

Faldero456

 

[bird_is_the_word]

Well I dropped the ball I messaged her last night after getting good newa about a new job and really wanted to tell her well I got no reply and I know she read it because I used WhatsApp. And to make me feel even worse today I found out sge is on a dating site not even 2 weeks after our split. I hate her so much but love her and want her back she was my first love so it really hurts and she doesn't seem to be bothered that we split. After no reply I hace deleted her number from both my phones. I know I sound like a loser but it's making me feel like crying.

1 day nc

 

[foolyoufool]

Day 3 of NC... This girl was never my formal girlfriend but we'd been seeing each other for the past few months. I was seeing another girl simultaneously (open relationships rock) and the girl that broke it off told me that she was done waiting for me to be ready for a relationship with her. I had no idea that she was so into me, I was really into her too, I told her that I'd be willing to be her boyfriend if that's what she wanted. She said she "wished I said it earlier" and told me that she was seeing someone else too, and he was pressuring her to get serious, and she finally agreed.

She messaged me an hour later saying how bad she felt...not sure how to take that. I didnt respond of course. I know this girl has deep feelings for me, and I didn't fully realize how much I liked her until she was gone. I told her my door will always be open if she changes her mind... Half of me hopes she comes back and the other half knows I should start to move on. It's so hard. I miss her more than I knew I ever would. I'm going to stay strong and not contact her, hoping I start to heal more soon.

What do you guys think, will she contact me again? If she does and says something like "Hey let's get back together," that would make me so happy...If she says anything else I'd probably just ignore it, or question her motives.

Good luck to the rest of you going through this. We're all in it together. Just gotta be thankful for all that we have in our life, and remember that we will one day heal and be happy again.

 

[UnCreativeUsername]

Day 20 - NC.

Sorry I havent messaged earlier guys, works been crazy and I wont lie, I was feeling a bit low.

Day 18 I came SO SO CLOSE to cracking. I had to get two of my friends involved, who managed to stop me, it was awful!!

Today, I have heard through mutual friends that she is now adding break-up messages onto twitter. Things along the lines of "breakups are hard because love is an addiction and you need to withdraw from it" and other stupid stuff.

My heart thinks yes! she is taking this badly! she misses me! But, my head says "she probably fell head over heels for her rebound and he has probably given her the heave ho" which makes me feel crap again.

I will say one thing for NC - it does actually calm you down a lot. Yeah, I had a lapse two days ago, but I DIDNT crumble.....would I have stayed strong 3 weeks ago? Hell no!

Additionally, NC isnt a contest. It isnt about getting to 60 days and rushing to the phone, no way. Its about that giving you the time to GET OVER HER!!!

Your old relationship is gone, its not coming back! You need to get back to the you before you met your old lady, the one who she thought was hot! The one who got the chicks!

How do I feel after day 20? Im tired lol, tired of thinking about her, tired of wanting her back......I havent seen her in 3 months now, but its only been 3 weeks of NC.

I will persevere with this, I have to remember that it wasnt a case of my ex dumping me here.

I dumped her in February, strung her along even when she was still madly in love with me and then eventually she met someone else and told me where to go.

I am not making excuses for her, thats just the truth, so I also need to work out whether I can actually try and get back with her because I dont want to **** her around again.

LOL cant believe I have made it to Day 20!

Keep the faith boys.

 

[Faldero456]

Day 20 - NC.


LOL cant believe I have made it to Day 20!

Keep the faith boys.

Keep at it UnCreative,

20 days!! you've got it in you to get to 60 days.

Faldero 456

 

[Faldero456]

12 days of no contact.

Ups and downs the last two days. But it is getting easier to live without.

Todays thought that was running through my head was:


" I miss my friend."



I miss my friend who I could talk to about everything.

Faldero456

 

[TenOfSpades]

Question how to get a girl off of no contact...

I ended it with her, she was basically nuts about me, wanted me to do everything with her. I had hurt her before, told her I would never do it again and got her back. Then I broke up with her. She rebounded hard. We talked here and there in between. That relationship ended. We ended hanging out with a group of friends. She was being unrealistically cold, it was def not her. So I got upset when she disrespected me. Went overboard name calling and humiliating her in public, it was bad of me.

I tried apologizing and she ignored it. A month after she still ignored it. How do I get her to crack, I know she is thinking about me.

 

[MickTrick]

Really tough one for me...I wish I could use a concrete "no contact" rule. The problem is we have a child. We've been split for over a month. I actually haven't had any contact for 3 days. But that will change tomorrow when she picks up my daughter.
There's nothing like your child coming to you when your hurting and telling you who her and mom are hanging with. Painful situation. REALLY painful.
I know I have to be the bigger person here. It's not easy to put on that smile and keep your head up. But for me I can't show weakness..at least not in front of my daughter or ex. I have plenty of time for that when Im alone here. Good thing is..I have a few friends and family that are tremendous supporters and believe in me.
Life is about perseverance. If we didn't learn how to get back up we'd be on the ground forever. I'm in a tough spot and it hurts. But if I have advice for anybody...It would be to keep your dignity. Even if you think you dont have any right now. Even fake it for a while. You may build it back up if you show the other party it doesn't bother you. And they won't like it. And why give them the satisfaction of knowing they can destroy your character or break you down that easy. Do me a favor...Don't boost their ego.

 

[henrea4]

Question how to get a girl off of no contact...

I ended it with her, she was basically nuts about me, wanted me to do everything with her. I had hurt her before, told her I would never do it again and got her back. Then I broke up with her. She rebounded hard. We talked here and there in between. That relationship ended. We ended hanging out with a group of friends. She was being unrealistically cold, it was def not her. So I got upset when she disrespected me. Went overboard name calling and humiliating her in public, it was bad of me.

I tried apologizing and she ignored it. A month after she still ignored it. How do I get her to crack, I know she is thinking about me.

No offense, man, but it sounds like you don't even deserve her. I have no advice. Try not being such a d!ck next time.

 

[TenOfSpades]

No offense, man, but it sounds like you don't even deserve her. I have no advice. Try not being such a d!ck next time.

Your right I probably do not right now. I want to change and become a solid guy for her.

 

[Gamble]

You guys have to stay strong! I am reading all of your stories and some of them are really bad, I thought I'd share my experience after ending a 3 1/2 year relationship:

I just broke up with my ex-girlfriend exactly 2 months ago, and 43 days of no contact as of today. I gave her the world, cherished her throughout the relationship, and did not receive reciprocation towards the last couple months. It got to a point where she was always mad when spending time with me, throwing fits, and throwing anything up from the past to possibly fight with me. I felt like I "had" to see her and not "want" to see her at this point. I did everything I could to "save" it.

Reason for break-up:
I had came back from my Pharmaceutical meeting out of state (I'm a full time drug rep), and had told her 3 weeks in advanced I needed a ride from the airport. She agreed, and after reminding her one week in advance prior to the initial pick-up, she gave me 10 different barriers/excuses on why she could not pick me up. I finally gave up and told my pops to pick me up the day prior, and felt like if she could not even pick me up from the airport, not only did she not respect me, but she could not fill bigger commitments in life later down the road. Such a demonstration of selfishness and a lack of maturity from her end.

I was finally fed up, and broke it off with her that same night coming back home. I admit, I contacted her the next day wanting to get back together, and wanted to work things out after being together for so long. And she said she had to "think" about it. After coming back from her Vegas trip with her friends, she told me she did not want to work it out.

A month after no contact, I find out from friends that she went after a guy that works at a boba shop that she studies at one week after I broke it off with her and tried to work things out! I was in shock and now they have been dating ever since. One week out of a relationship, she gets right back into the dating game and is seeing him until this day...

I admit though there are a lot of things I miss from the beginning, but I finally realized after the first 30 days that this was the best decision I've made in a very long time after all of the pain and suffering towards the end. Relationships should not be this hard, we broke up many times already. Funny thing is towards the end, she did everything she could for me to break it off with her. What does that tell me? It tells me that I need to still have my dignity, and that it was the final straw before realizing what we had in the past is done and to learn from it. True love doesn't go off to someone else's arm's in a one week time span, especially after 3 1/2 years.

For those who read my story, I'm going through it and I wish you the best of luck. The best thing you can do is exercise at the gym, hang out with friends (obviously not at the same places your ex hangs out at), travel, party it up, and to talk it out with your closest friends. ABSOLUTELY no contact what so ever, and don't fantasize about your ex (prolongs the healing process and is absolutely the worst thing you can do).

This is not what you want to hear, but get out there and start dating, the best advice I can give you, and will speed up the recovery process. Good luck all!

 

[adam225]

6 weeks for me today ! Man this is starting to get too easy... keep strong guys and don't give in. She will start to fall out of your mind eventually. All I can really say is that I had a ₩ank over her last night lol. She was pretty dirty and I hope my next girl is just as fun haha.

 

[henrea4]

Your right I probably do not right now. I want to change and become a solid guy for her.

Change is good but it has to be for you and no one else, otherwise it won't stick. It is good that you realize there are areas you need to improve, though. We've all been there. Good luck, man.

 

[henrea4]

....and don't fantasize about your ex (prolongs the healing process and is absolutely the worst thing you can do).

This is not what you want to hear, but get out there and start dating, the best advice I can give you, and will speed up the recovery process. Good luck all!

I can't help but fantasize about my ex from time to time. I don't do it on purpose, but I do day dream about a reunion with her or a phone call where she's crying and says she wants to try again. I try to just tell myself, "No!" when they creep in there now, though. And I disagree with the dating thing. I tried that and it was terrible. All I was doing was comparing my date with my ex and wishing that I was there with her (my ex) instead. I'm not even attempting that again until I'm ready. Every man is different.

Congrats on your 43 days, man. Almost there! :rockon:

EDIT: yesterday and today are getting tough. Starting to think about her more. Not to the point where I want to contact her, but I'm very tempted to look at her Facebook page and I know this would be the worst thing I could possibly do. I'm almost positive I'm going to see a picture of her with another guy or something like that and it will completely destroy me....especially due to the fact that (and this is a big one) she never featured me on her page. Yeah, she would talk about me, but she never put my picture up. You see, we were in an interracial relationship and her parents wouldn't have approved. So, basically we had to "hide" the fact that I was black so that we wouldn't lose our house (her parents owned the house we lived in) This went on for 9 years. lol I mean, it wasn't like she was totally ashamed of me. When we were out and we ran into someone she knew, she would always introduce me. She said that the racial aspect of our relationship didn't bother her as much as the "other/bad" stuff, but having to lie to your family for that long has to take a toll on you eventually. Now I know what you're thinking, "Why in the world would you want to go back to a situation like that?" Because I'm a fool in love.

God give me strength to get through this...

 

[Big Keep]

Hello Everyone,

Simon's here,

I registered here for one reason.. So I can write in here my 0-60 days of N/C instead of texting my ex.. For those who will follow me during that time, I appreciate your help in advance !

Let me sum up where I am right now,

I've been with my ex for 7 years (16-23) and her (15-22),
We split up a year and a half before, I've been single since then.. And I won't lie, I can get almost any girls I want.. I've slept with over 40 girls this year but still can't get over her..

During that time, she had a boyfriend and we are seeing each other for a good 4 months now, after she broke up with him.. Now, she had some change in her life.. (Back to her parent's house, new job etc...) She's being more and more distant toward me and we see each other less often, which I become less insecure and on and on and on.. The relation is becoming one sided and she's always planning her week 5 days before and I'm rarely included in her plans..

Anyway, I'm feeling really stupid to have opened my heart to her once again and when she feels that I want a real relation.. She just back off.. She's telling me that she doesn't want to be in a relation since she never really been single all her life and she just doesn't want any pressure from anybody.. But a month ago, she were telling me that we would live together and have kids etc.. I know she's probably playing with me just to have the control of our relation but oh well, I've been weak and gave her all the power but I want to take it back with N/C.. She usually text me each 2-3 days so I should get a ''good day'' sooner or later with a ''when do we see each other''.. God, I must be strong enough to delete that message..

Well, maybe I'm missing some information but we will have much time to talk ! And sorry If my English isn't perfect, I'm learning it right now


So day 1 of N/C
-Simon

 

[foolyoufool]

Hello Everyone,

Simon's here,

I registered here for one reason.. So I can write in here my 0-60 days of N/C instead of texting my ex.. For those who will follow me during that time, I appreciate your help in advance !

Let me sum up where I am right now,

I've been with my ex for 7 years (16-23) and her (15-22),
We split up a year and a half before, I've been single since then.. And I won't lie, I can get almost any girls I want.. I've slept with over 40 girls this year but still can't get over her..

During that time, she had a boyfriend and we are seeing each other for a good 4 months now, after she broke up with him.. Now, she had some change in her life.. (Back to her parent's house, new job etc...) She's being more and more distant toward me and we see each other less often, which I become less insecure and on and on and on.. The relation is becoming one sided and she's always planning her week 5 days before and I'm rarely included in her plans..

Anyway, I'm feeling really stupid to have opened my heart to her once again and when she feels that I want a real relation.. She just back off.. She's telling me that she doesn't want to be in a relation since she never really been single all her life and she just doesn't want any pressure from anybody.. But a month ago, she were telling me that we would live together and have kids etc.. I know she's probably playing with me just to have the control of our relation but oh well, I've been weak and gave her all the power but I want to take it back with N/C.. She usually text me each 2-3 days so I should get a ''good day'' sooner or later with a ''when do we see each other''.. God, I must be strong enough to delete that message..

Well, maybe I'm missing some information but we will have much time to talk ! And sorry If my English isn't perfect, I'm learning it right now


So day 1 of N/C
-Simon

Damn dude, how'd you manage to score 40 chicks? Thats pretty much everyone's dream who's on these forums...

Sounds like you've had a huge history with her, but you recognize that she's been disrespecting you and its time to move on. Good for you. If you can get 40 chicks in that short time you'll easily be able to find another one that cares for you and treats you better.

Just delete that text immediately when she texts you, or tell her that you want to go NC on her so you can move on. You'll be fine man.



Also this is day 4 of NC for me... Went to a party and hooked up with a chick last night, that was fun. Also got a tinder date set up for the weekend, and I'm going partying again tonight with my friends. Definitely moving on... Hope you all make progress as well

 

[ludis]

Allrite, here goes.

I registered in this forum for the sole purpose of contributing my own version of accepting the NC challeng,e and hopefully, receive some feedback about it.
I came across Sosuave.net after reading the book of Pook, which i have to admit is the pinnacle of everything ever conceived by the PWA community, so far as i'm concerned.

Anyway, it's day 2 of NC with my ex of 7 months.
She was an online acquaintance that became a thing sometime after i broke up with another ex- of 5 years.

She came on to me abruptly, and quite assertively, asking for sex without even having met in person first. This should have been the first red flag for what would in retrospect appear as a yet-to-be diagnosed high-functioning BPD. I'm 37, she's 24.

Long story short, a couple of months after we met in person, she painted her self to be the exact match for my own slumbering issues while transforming instictively into the embodiment of everything i ever dreamed of in a woman.

Ofcourse, this was the hook, because her actions rarely matched her words which resulted in a lot of flaking, during which she made sure she triggered my inherited NPD traits, something she absolutely craved as a stimulation.

Boundaries was something i brought up quite early, and she acted like she accepted. Mind you, this was a woman-child that made the effort to travel 2 and half hours to see me, hang with me, clean my house, pay for stuff and of course, f*** like there was no tomorrow.

Alas, the whole thing was rocky to say the least. What bugged me the most, where the constant "friends" (wannabe suitors/orbiters) that kept revolving, and her flakiness. Also that gut feeling that something was not right never left me, despite the incredible bursts of sexual intimacy and even tenderness that reached unreal levels.

****, this is turning long-winded.
Last time we met, she came to my place after i made it clear that if she wouldn't by tomorrow, it was over.

She stayed for a single night, when we always spent at least 3 days together (planning for vacations, specific nights out and even remodelling one her rooms to fit our sexual needs) and after she left we agreed that next time i would come to her place and stay for at least a week.

The day came and i phoned to make sure all was well, and guess what. She flaked, asking for a "break" of 3 days. After i pushed some, she started bargaining (lol). I wouldn't have it of course and she wouldn't yield (typical control mind**** from her part, it was as if she she was begging me to go full psycho abuser on her - i hang up the phone 2 times and she called back to ask if you come i'm not gonna be there, what're you gonna do?
Right there and then i decided to drop her like a hot potato and proposed that we should let it go and go our separate ways. She coldly said "ok" and hang up. After that i received a wall of a txt message in which she tried to rationalise and guilt trip me. I replied with a simple : " you got all the time in the world for a break now baby. Just please, erase my number and e-mail. "
She replied the next day with the incredibly presumptous "I know that you don't want me to dissapear completely. You know i adore you. Byebye my special experience." I didn't reply.

I know it's just an obsession, but damn are the hooks deep in.
Thanks in advance for any reply and time given, and please forgive my rambling, i'm drunk.

 

[Faldero456]

Allrite, here goes.

I registered in this forum for the sole purpose of contributing my own version of accepting the NC challeng,e and hopefully, receive some feedback about it.
I came across Sosuave.net after reading the book of Pook, which i have to admit is the pinnacle of everything ever conceived by the PWA community, so far as i'm concerned.

Anyway, it's day 2 of NC with my ex of 7 months.
She was an online acquaintance that became a thing sometime after i broke up with another ex- of 5 years.

She came on to me abruptly, and quite assertively, asking for sex without even having met in person first. This should have been the first red flag for what would in retrospect appear as a yet-to-be diagnosed high-functioning BPD. I'm 37, she's 24.

Long story short, a couple of months after we met in person, she painted her self to be the exact match for my own slumbering issues while transforming instictively into the embodiment of everything i ever dreamed of in a woman.

Ofcourse, this was the hook, because her actions rarely matched her words which resulted in a lot of flaking, during which she made sure she triggered my inherited NPD traits, something she absolutely craved as a stimulation.

Boundaries was something i brought up quite early, and she acted like she accepted. Mind you, this was a woman-child that made the effort to travel 2 and half hours to see me, hang with me, clean my house, pay for stuff and of course, f*** like there was no tomorrow.

Alas, the whole thing was rocky to say the least. What bugged me the most, where the constant "friends" (wannabe suitors/orbiters) that kept revolving, and her flakiness. Also that gut feeling that something was not right never left me, despite the incredible bursts of sexual intimacy and even tenderness that reached unreal levels.

****, this is turning long-winded.
Last time we met, she came to my place after i made it clear that if she wouldn't by tomorrow, it was over.

She stayed for a single night, when we always spent at least 3 days together (planning for vacations, specific nights out and even remodelling one her rooms to fit our sexual needs) and after she left we agreed that next time i would come to her place and stay for at least a week.

The day came and i phoned to make sure all was well, and guess what. She flaked, asking for a "break" of 3 days. After i pushed some, she started bargaining (lol). I wouldn't have it of course and she wouldn't yield (typical control mind**** from her part, it was as if she she was begging me to go full psycho abuser on her - i hang up the phone 2 times and she called back to ask if you come i'm not gonna be there, what're you gonna do?
Right there and then i decided to drop her like a hot potato and proposed that we should let it go and go our separate ways. She coldly said "ok" and hang up. After that i received a wall of a txt message in which she tried to rationalise and guilt trip me. I replied with a simple : " you got all the time in the world for a break now baby. Just please, erase my number and e-mail. "
She replied the next day with the incredibly presumptous "I know that you don't want me to dissapear completely. You know i adore you. Byebye my special experience." I didn't reply.

I know it's just an obsession, but damn are the hooks deep in.
Thanks in advance for any reply and time given, and please forgive my rambling, i'm drunk.

Ludis,

Good that you have started NC. Also, good that you are finding help. Reading the book of Pook and posting here. Read the whole Thread: The *No Contact* Challenge! Many, many good pointers.

What you wrote resonates for me. Your head knows what to do. Is your heart following?

If you want to contact her, don’t. She’s flooding you with texts and you want to answer, don’t. Post here. Get it off your chest and vent here. When you post here you help yourself in two ways. YOU get a place to release your anger. YOU didn’t contact her. She’ll learn that YOU won’t jump just because she sent you texts.

Remember the NC is for you. Not to try and teach her a lesson.

I did everything contrary to the pointers from here and other break up sites. The only results were to feel worse and prolong the pain. Now that I’ve got my head out of my arse and I’m following the advice, I feel better. I am healing.

It’s a ***** to do. But you can do it.

Faldero456

 

[henrea4]

She crept into my dreams last night. I'm ok, though. It just sucks that I had to wake up. I don't think I'll ever get to a point where I am happy about the ending of this relationship. Sure, I might reach acceptance, but I'll never be happy about it. Plus, even if I was with someone else, if she tried to come back to me, I'd probably go for it.

But yeah....that's just more fantasy talk. My head knows she wanted this, that she doesn't regret divorcing me and is happy with her decision. I was the root of her unhappiness and now I'm gone. She isn't going to want to go down this road again. I wish my heart would just shut up and listen.