The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Geez_lovely]

4/26/13- started NC

Im taking the NC 60 day challenge. I was just recently "faded on" by a guy I had been seeing for the past year. He started distancing himself when I moved off the same street. He said when I moved that things would be different because we didnt have to sneak around to keep people out of our business. He asked for keys and everything, even helped me pick out a place. After I moved things became different. He kept saying "Ill call you back" when I called him and even after getting the keys never came over. The more I verbalized how his inconsiderate actions were hurting me and that maybe we shouldnt continue our affair, the more he pushed away. He kept telling me to relax and that pissed me off more. So I gave him his space and then I finally asked him what was going on with us, which he said "Im pushing away because you are crazy- you keep going off on me for no reason". :cuss: I just told him to grow up and stop playing games cause we are too old to play games. I havent called him since, and he probably wont call me either- who calls a woman crazy for expressing herself and being a woman...??? A boy thats who.

 

[Shockwavedave]

Sometimes (depending how deep you are) 60 days isn't enough. Full on, total non-contact is the way forward

 

[nocontact160]

this would be my 6-7th day. feeling okay... i miss my best friend, i miss goofing around with him... we shouldn't have gotten together.

 

[pinkfl]

this would be my 6-7th day. feeling okay... i miss my best friend, i miss goofing around with him... we shouldn't have gotten together.

As a fellow girl, I welcome you.

First off: Good first step in deleting his facebook. Next step, delete his phone number. Pack up all his **** in a box and tell him to pick it up or drop it off at a mutual friend's place for him to get. Anything that reminds you of him needs to be gone as well. So cards, gifts, whatever.

Next: Pick up a social hobby. I don't care what it is, but now is the time to nurture your old friendships and create new ones. Become a better person. He doesn't love you anymore. Never sleep with someone that doesn't have you as his number one. Don't let yourself be used by someone that says a few pretty words. Have some self respect. Don't jump right into another relationship, either. Let yourself heal completely from this one. Figure out who you are and what you want from your next relationship.

Some truths you need to swallow:
The second he broke up with you, his foot was already out the door. He was over you.
Love does not come with a condition. He shouldn't only love you sometimes with a cherry on top, love you but not be IN LOVE with you, etc.
No Contact is for YOU. It's for you to get over this person. Why should you want someone that doesn't want you back? That's stupid.
You are going to lose friends. Do not go hounding his friends for information about him.

 

[mbgeezle]

Hey guys I'm back! Started NC a while ago but broke it 10's of times. I've had just about all I can stomach from the girl I USED to adore. DAY 4 NC, I will not breakdown ever again and contact her. Little background, Anyway I iniated no contact. I left it a week beforehand and asking her if she was ready to say goodbye, to which she replied 'im not ready yet but I'll ring you when I am'. She obviously emotionally detached herself from me months ago so why can she not say goodbye? I made it clear once she had said goodbye, I'd be out her life for good.Little background. She suffers from depression, attempted suicide twice, drinking to the point of not remembering anything, using cocaine. I stuck by her through thick and thin. Took her away for her birthday, spoil her, she goes back home, seems distant, ignores me. So I go to her house, she tells me she no longer loves me. I trick her into admitting theres someone else. She doesn't admit it as such just says they go out as a group blah blah. I then find out bits and bobs, was probably going on for a while behind my back why I was her emotional crutch. Her friends didn't even no she was with me apparently and she also told her 'new man' she hadn't seen her ex in a year, which I've heard from a 3rd party. I've been through the motions over the last month, begging, crying, constantly ringing and texting her, sending her letters, researching depression and rebounds and sending her the information. Then came the anger and lashing out and calling her names, then came the wanting to say goodbye, to which she replied do u not realise u push me away. So I leave her for a week and ask her if she's ready, she said she's not ready yet but will ring when she is. I've come to the realisation now that I will never ever initiate contact with her again. All I wanted was a goodbye, as she obviously said goodbye to me emotionally months ago but there was not ONE sign. She was telling me she loved me repeatedly and was not distant at all when we where spending time together. She even made a point of staying the night we got back from our weekend away because she knew she wouldn't see me for a week due to work commitments. Was this all one big fraud and lie?! My story is long, and extremely complex, but if there's anyone that can offer any advice or break down my story piece by piece, I'd be eternally grateful. I've had 5 weeks of hell and am slowly coming out of my emotional blind love trance for someone who doesn't even acknowledge my existence anymore! It's tough but I'm getting there, I just need that little push in the right direction and someone who isn't emotionally involved can help me continue on this road of recovery!

 

[mbgeezle]

If I post my story, which is very lengthy, are people out there willing to read it and voice opinions? I really need some advice on this. It's the lies and deceit I find so difficult to come to terms with. If anyone is willing, I will post it up, just let me know and I'd be eternally grateful. Thank you!

 

[mbgeezle]

I see your point Mauser96. I am just finding it so hard to get over the lies! A lot has changed in my mind. When I think back now there's a thousand unanswered questions. To lies I now no she told. Its not the not loving me or even the break up that hurts. Its the complete lies and deceit and how she behaved like everything was completely normal. Its the moving on to another guy so soon also which leads me to believe he was in the picture well before the end of our relationship when I was her emotional crutch through her suicide attempts and whatever else she was doing. I've been used and abused and invested so much emotionally in this human being and then BOOM. She disgraces me repeatedly. I no I've disgraced myself also by begging etc etc. But j was a mess!

 

[mbgeezle]

The way she has treated me is someone devised of all emotions and feelings. We are each other's first loves. She's treated me like a complete stranger and has led me on and on. There was NOT ONE sign, she behaved completely as normal. Even made a point of staying the night she got back from our trip away! Why would she do that. It's just sick

 

[mbgeezle]

Sorry for ranting people. I'm definitely over our relationship and over her and my feelings for her are dwindling by the day that's for sure. What I hate and can't seem to come to terms with is the blatant lies and deceit and the using of my good nature as she knew I would of broken my back for her. She played this to her advantage, knowing full well that she was having the minimum of an emotional affair with someone else, why staying in my house for a fortnight and me caring for her and bringing her back to some kind of normality after her relationshiprecent episode. She sat in my house, talked to me completely as she normally would, talked to my roommate how she normally would, acted completely how she normally would. Told me she loved me repeatedly, told me how excited she was about our weekend away and how she couldn't wait to spend some quality time with me. Then 5 days later its the 'I want to be on my own speech' she loves me, I'll never lose her she just needs space to sort her head out, then comes the telling me she doesn't love me and the guy I tricked her into admitting, nothing was going on, they just go out as a group blah blah. Then 5 days after that, he treats her well, knows everything about her, likes her for who she is and he doesn't care what she's like. REAL love doesn't die in a matter of months, or weeks. So she must of been doing whatever behind my back for a period of time. I could NEVER of done that to her, even if I lost all feelings for her, I'd of still respected her enough to be honest from the outset and not led her on. You can't help your feelings but you can help how u treat people. Anyone got any advice on how to move on from being lied to and deceived by someone who you loved and they led u to believe they loved you also? It's so tough!

 

[nocontact160]

It's tough, yes it is. We know what you're going through!

I hope you didn't break your NC. If you're temped to do so, post here instead or write down all your feelings, don't ever let her know.

I understand the trust you put in her broke into millions of pieces, just don't try to understand... people are like this, they will tell you the objective reasons for a breakup, but if she doesn't want to be with you, she won't, even if you cry, beg, remind her of your memories together, and so on. It's just pushing her further away! so DON'T!

Instead, try to "live" again. You have been concentrating on HER for the past 5 weeks. Please try to concentrate on yourself. You have to reconstruct yourself.
See friends everyday if it's possible. read books. (self-development books while you're in this phase, are really useful and motivating!) play games. take up a new hobby! do whatever you want to do (except going back to her!). Smile, and try to enjoy every moment.

Don't stand here and ruin your life... Really, move on, it's really hard, but you have to accept this.

It's been 8 days since my NC. I still really miss him, I think of it everyday.
but I believe I've really changed for the better. A friend of mine told me she noticed I was so different since we broke up: I have a more positive view of life, I can enjoy moments a lot more, because I DECIDED to!

In nothing it will help you to mourn lost moments, and think of what you could have done instead, what you could have said instead and such. Stop thinking about the past, and think about what you want for now, being aware that you can't continue with her. It's a dead end.

You two broke up, you have 2 choices.
You have the power to decide whether you want to stay where you stand now, be unhappy and decide the world around you collapsed, OR you can decide to move on and realize you can be happy without her. Don't be the half of a broken couple, be a full person yourself. You really have to realize you can decide what you want in life, and THIS will be the beginning of your healing.
You have to take baby steps. But believe me, you will not regret this. Don't try to make excuses up. MOVE ON! You will be okay, you'll see! :cheer:

 

[mbgeezle]

I am in the gym and have been for 2 weeks or so. It's definitely helping. I have a new diet, spending as much time with friends as I can between work and even booked myself for a tattoo next month! I'm by know means stagnant in my efforts to move on. I am over the break up, I am over her up until a point, my feelings for her are definitely dimming down now, what I find hard is getting over the lies and deceit. When someone looks in your eyes and over and over again lies to you, but you are completely none the wiser then something like this halle a and you find out things, bit by bit, piece by piece, and they don't even apologise or even attempt to give you some kind of closure, it's disgusting. I will get my own closure, by realising she is no longer the girl I fell in love with, and to be honest I don't think she ever was. 6 years or my life, my first love, I was hers and she mentally destroys me to the point of no return. I am better than this and deserve better! It's just so difficult to come to terms with someone you thought loved u, is now with someone else after telling me 2 weeks ago she wanted to be on her own! What out and out lies!

 

[imlovinglife111]

how to cope?

So in the past 3 days I have been googling "how let go of ur ex" "how to not care if they are sleeping with someone else" so I came across this thread and it seems it could be therapeutic.
My relationship in a nutshell started about 2 years ago. He worked hard to get me. We had a good first year and a half We would occasionally fight, mostly while we were drinking (im a small girl who cant hold her alcohol at times, I can admit it). In the past 7 months when we fought he would get pissed break up with me and a few days later I would be the "fixer" we would get back together "work on things" and be happy until it happened again. This has happened 2 times before. THIS TIME is the 3rd time and I stuck to my guns and said you know what, fine. Half of the time he broke up with me over petty things and I was getting sick of being the fixer, also I was starting to think there were other reasons for him freaking out and breaking up w me rather than being rational and mature and so I became paranoid which lead to more fighting. I have never had trust issues with him before this time.
Long story short we have been broken up for a month now. I did no contact for the first week and a half...then we ran into each other..I was out with my friends he was out with his. Somehow we ended up back at his place and hooked up. After this I became attached and tried everything in my power to get him back and win him over, basically all he said "he cares about me hes very attracted to me, but he needed to move on, im sorry"
OK so I went back to no contact for about a week. this didn't work bc he started showing up at a bar that he knows I go to a lot with my friends and I'm not going to lie, I am a jealous person and I have some guy friends I talk to (I don't want to hurt him at all) so I asked him to please, if he could just not go to this one place, to give it a little time...Well that doesn't happen.. Anyway, after this we contacted here and there about stupid things like me owing him money and stuff I have at his house and mostly we fought.
Friday night I was drunk and he texted me about money I owed him, I said Id give it to him another time but somehow he charmed me. and there I am in his car then at his house ( WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME) so we end up hooking up, I confess my love to him he gets emotional back, the next morning comes around we talk, cuddle blah blah I leave, I go home, I think about how much of a ****ing idiot I am, I think about what happened the last time we hooked up and I got attached and tried to show I still care.. SO I decide, I don't text him at all.
Well turns out I never even gave him the money so he texts me telling me and I say we can figure it out ill drop it off at some point, then the convo ends for the night, 8 or 9 on a Saturday.
SO Sunday im working all day, I let him know im going to swing by when I get out, he says he is going out around 7 so I can drop it off before, leave it in the mailbox, or come at 1030. I say ill try my hardest to get there before 7.
THIS IS THE PART THAT I DONT UNDERSTAND: I end up getting out of work at 8 I went out for dinner and a drink and I text him at 1015 letting him know I am getting ready to go home. (we live literally seconds from eachother, its awful) his car, his 2 room mates cars and a random car are in his driveway, so im like.. ahh whats going on here thought u were out? no response. Long story short, he calls me I drive to his house, that random car is gone ( I don't think much of it) and I hand him the money from my car window and leave. The next day, Monday, I fought all day long not to text him about my feelings about us sleeping together over the weekend but then I caved and I texted him asking him to talk and he responded ya ill text u when im home around 1030. So again im waiting around until 1030 comes around I text him, he doesn't respond, so naturally I start freaking out wondering what hes doing I drove by his house, like a psycho, and that ****ing car was there again. SO he ends up calling me at 1045. well, before I answered I had the urge to drive by, and what do u know the car was leaving and It was another girl!! literally seconds after she leaves at 1045 he calls me.
He proceeds to tell me to calm down they hung out and watched a movie Sunday and on Monday they went out to dinner (and then clearly she went inside), we've been done(which is true), its not my business ( which I guess is also true BUT WE JUST HAD RELATIONS), but he didn't want to hurt me by telling me the truth and it was a mistake sleeping with me 3 days prior.
I know this situation sounds crazy, I feel crazy even typing it out but I am hurt! I had real feelings for him and I feel like a complete idiot. I don't understand why he would text me like were best friends, be emotional with me, sleep with me and then be with another girl all weekend. WHY WOULD HE TELL ME TO COME BY AND DROP SOMETHING OFF WHILE ANOTHER GIRLS AT HIS HOUSE?? I DONT GET IT, IM SO ANGRY. I feel like now I need closure all over again even though it smacked me right in the face, I cant come to terms with what has happened. What do I do! I know we weren't "together anymore" we havent really been all that civil or friendly either, but I wouldn't ever think of playing him like that.
I honestly haven't slept in 2 days, I cant stop thinking about it. I feel like a dying dog.
SO this is exactly why I am here, I want and need to start my no contact for good. This has been lingering for long enough, I should have let him go long ago and Im sick of the games. BUT its easier said than done. I need some tips and some advice and feedback from whoever reads this comment.

 

[Purefilth]

^^ please edit into paragraphs. I cant bring myself to scale that daunting wall of text.

 

[mbgeezle]

Seems to me like he's keeping you on the back burner till your replacement is 100% guaranteed. My ex did this to me after telling me she needed space to sort her head out. Then told me she loved me and how I'd never lose her. 3 weeks later she's with a new guy and he's the best thing since sliced bread. Dont do what I did and beg or plead even after them treating you so badly. I nearly lost all my dignity and now I've just stopped. You deserve and will get better no matter how long it takes. Now you have the experience to not settle for second best. I need to practice what I preach lol

 

[expos]

I honestly haven't slept in 2 days, I cant stop thinking about it. I feel like a dying dog.
SO this is exactly why I am here, I want and need to start my no contact for good. This has been lingering for long enough, I should have let him go long ago and Im sick of the games. BUT its easier said than done. I need some tips and some advice and feedback from whoever reads this comment.

Run! Run far far away from this guy. Get out now before you spend a third and fourth year dealing with this crap. You will get depressed and hate yourself by the time it's really over. You are wasting your time dealing with someone who you are constantly breaking/getting back together with. There are far more rewarding relationships to be had.

Girls have it much easier when it comes to relationships. There are no shortage of guys who want to be involved with someone. Start dating someone else fast.

 

[mbgeezle]

Day 5

Day 5 nc. Wake up at 3:20am every morning thinking about her! It was longing for her to start with, now it's thinking about how badly she's treated me and how I deserve better! I suppose that's a positive wouldn't you say? Only time can heal this. I'm still a mess but I'm definitely getting better with not texting her or trying to call. I was only met with short replies or complete ignorance anyway.

 

[nocontact160]

Day 9 of no contact. it's getting better, little by little... I even catch myself not thinking about him sometimes.

What do you guys think of rebound relationships?

There's a guy (let's call him John) at my uni I could go out with, but I don't know if unconsciously I want to make my ex jealous or not. This guy told me a lot of things right after my breakup to cheer me up, and told me the best way to forget an ex was to date someone else... so obviously he knows where he's heading to. (edit: and let's be clear, john likes me)
I still miss my ex, and I don't feel I'm as much as a match to John as I were with my ex.. but I can give it a try.

 

[itdude]

So I started and broke and started and broke No Contact so many times in the last month.

In the beginning I did NC to get my ex back. No matter what I wrote here that was my intention. After a couple of days of NC she finally came back to me and moved back in. We were not engaged anymore but just trying to work it out. So going NC worked she was back.

But before all of you start thinking that it will work for you and it is the greatest tactic THINK AGAIN. all the problems that were there before were still there. Only now there were no TRUST as well. the fights and hurt and anger caused here is MUCH worse then the initial pain of the breakup.

We have broken up again and I am not going to claim I'm doing NC. I'm lucky as she decided to move far far away from where I live. We wont see each other anymore and finally we can start the healing process. I could have been much better if I stuck to the NC rule and did it for the right reasons.

now its time to work on myself and pick my dignity, pride and respect of the floor.

I hope you all learn from this!! its never going to be the same again when they come back.

 

[Geez_lovely]

2 weeks NC!!!!!

2 weeks NC and I am proud of myself. I can honestly say that I get better and better each day. I dont feel angry at him, or want to see him, or be anywhere around him. I just want to live and keep it moving and concentrate on me because there is someone waiting for my fabulous self!!! :cheer:

Today is my ex birthday and our mutual friend asked me if I was gonna send him a happy birthday text- UMMMMMMMMM NOOOOOOOOO!!!! He is not contacting me and vice versa so he is very good as am I. His birthday will be what it is whether he gets a text from me or not. I just told her "Its a nice day out he will enjoy his day".....

 

[Zion]

Reading through these posts is so interesting.

Stay strong brothers. Coming from a guy that ended 4 months of NC , trust me. It's worth it .