The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[pinkfl]

Been a while since I was on here.
Been even longer since I talked to my ex.
I am seeing someone new and he treats me wonderfully. I am pretty happy and I very much appreciate how good my boyfriend is to me. I have no interest in speaking to the ex, despite the fact he keeps sniffing around my life. He's been pumping my roommate for information about me and she has kept quiet as well.

I am really thankful I didn't try to get back with my ex, I wouldn't be with the real man that I am with now. Never want anything to do with him ever again.

 

[icanseeclearlynow]

Been a while since I was on here.
Been even longer since I talked to my ex.
I am seeing someone new and he treats me wonderfully. I am pretty happy and I very much appreciate how good my boyfriend is to me. I have no interest in speaking to the ex, despite the fact he keeps sniffing around my life. He's been pumping my roommate for information about me and she has kept quiet as well.

I am really thankful I didn't try to get back with my ex, I wouldn't be with the real man that I am with now. Never want anything to do with him ever again.

Thank you for posting this. I needed to see these words of encouragement.

 

[Purefilth]

Thank you for posting this. I needed to see these words of encouragement.

i think Pinkfl joined the thread a couple of months ago - so scroll back if you wanna read all about it page 53 of this thread.

 

[Boscus]

Day 13

I'm going strong!!

Have deleted her from my life, after beta backsliding one too many times..

 

[L_T_D313]

Day 53

I somehow got dragged back down into the depression stage. I know it will pass, but I hate how it fluctuates. Kinda miss talking to her at this moment. Contemplated on making contact, but didn't for two reasons. One being I am clearly not over her as I thought I was. Which leads to my second reason. I know she doesn't feel strongly for me. If she did she would have initiated contact numerous times. I just need someone to reiterate that to me before I make a mistake.

 

[L_T_D313]

Why would you want someone.....who doesn't want you?
Move on to greener pastures.

I couldn't even answer your question. I have other females who want me, yet I give them the go around. With her it's like a day doesn't go by where she doesn't cross my mind. It's not like a I miss her type ordeal everyday. Just every once in a while. Hell i don't even want her now I just want to speak to her. ****kkkkk this feeling. It'll pass, I'll tell you what though mr Mauser96, I am not dealing with relationships for another 5-6 years. I'll be 24-25, women will be more mature and know what they want as will I. For now though bachelor's lifestyle. Thanks, though I appreciate it. Just what I needed a dose of reality.

 

[Exoduso]

I couldn't even answer your question. I have other females who want me, yet I give them the go around. With her it's like a day doesn't go by where she doesn't cross my mind. It's not like a I miss her type ordeal everyday. Just every once in a while. Hell i don't even want her now I just want to speak to her. ****kkkkk this feeling. It'll pass, I'll tell you what though mr Mauser96, I am not dealing with relationships for another 5-6 years. I'll be 24-25, women will be more mature and know what they want as will I. For now though bachelor's lifestyle. Thanks, though I appreciate it. Just what I needed a dose of reality.

I feel for you, I'm in the exact same place as you, except about 20 days behind on the NC count.

It really makes no sense but you have to remember that the person you once dated is not who she currently is. You also have to remind yourself that she doesn't want you, and initiating contact will only pull you back and hurt you even more. It's best to just forget about it and more on.
And yes, it's interesting that I'm even writing this right now, because I don't know if I fully believe it yet. I know for a fact I'm not over my ex anymore, but maybe writing this down and conversing with other people such as yourself that are going through the same thing will somehow make this go away easier/sooner.

I also can't say that a day goes by where I don't think about her. Like I also mentioned previously and in my other thread, my grades suffered this quarter tremendously because of this. Today makes it day 32 of NC for me, and I'm still going crazy. Maybe it's because I didn't find this forum sooner, as I'm sure it would have solved a lot of issues for me and would have spared me the embarrassment of contacting her numerous times, talking for hours and hours only to get shut down again because she's just not interested anymore it seems. (and this is a girl that was head over heels for months, and told anyone who would listen that she will marry me even after 2 dates..)

 

[Zion]

Day fifty-something (50+).

Did not initiate my ex at all over these 50+ days. She's been contacting me about once or twice every 7 or so days. She says she misses talking to me. Asks why I don't contact her anymore.I reply to her initiations.She's showing signs of insecurity towards me.I keep my frame and deflect her gauges.


She's pushing for a meet now. I'm tempted to do it. It's the ultimate test for my 2 month progression. She's also got a rebound,so that should make things fun.But that won't be possible for another 2-3 weeks due to long distance.


I still think about her sometimes. But it isn't unbearable anymore. I can brush it off with relative ease. Guess you can't completely get over 3 years in just 2 months , but without NC I'd probably still be in my 'roll-on-the-floor-crying-curled-up-in-a-ball' days , so to speak.


Stay strong people :yes:

 

[WeakNoMore]

The head melter

Well gonna start my NC next weekend, friggen lookin forward to it.
Here's the story... It's a ****ing novel but sorry I gotta spill my guts here guys

I was in an unhappy marriage, along comes a cute girl at work, we get on well, one day I tell her how unhappy I am and next thing bag it's all on between us. She suggests we get a hotel room once a week... Goes on like that for some months before I leave my family & 6 months later we are living together.
Found out that her previous relationship was also with a married guy...
Ive got a high paid job now but have to stay in another city all week for it. Shes unemployed now, and depressed, I look after her, encourage her and 4 months later she lands a good job, i push her and shes smart and works hard.

Roll forward 2 years and now shes risen to the top dealin with senior management, managing 130 people. Now I'm all fckn beta with my life, drifting along letting the world control me, lost my job, got into debt and still haven't sorted out my divorce with crazy ex wife.

You outta know what's coming next... She swings branches, upgrades to another married higher status guy... Suddenly loses interest in sex, starts having fights, I'm fckn depressed with debt and lookin for a job, so she starts doing the hotel thing with him behind my back. I get a new job, good pay and she announces we gotta break up so we can "find ourselves".
At that stage I don't know she's suckin some other guys ****. Now the killer... She don't move out right away. It's been 2 months & she's only moving out next weekend.
I went completely beta, crying, depressed, pleading. Had loads of conversations, she's like "we'll seperated for 3 months and then maybe think about it"... Keeping me in the hook while she's ****ing replacement guy.
Head melting me for 2 months, and I'm still too much of a chump to realise what's happening.
So now it's late March, Ive discovered sosuave and stopped all the beta ****. I've been working out since the breakup, got a sixpack now, I've jumped to another new job and got a great promotion, pushed hard on the divorce and finally got terms agreed, and I've got all my debt payments planned and on schedule.

The only thing still screwed up is my head. I still dont know shes upgraded on me and I cant concentrate on anything for thinking about her. We're getting along great, spending evenings together with a bottle of wine, chatting. Shes telling me its so hard to leave, but shes been without sex for a year before and it doesnt bother her, but this is what we have to do etc etc.

So it culminates in us cuddling and me giving her a hug and her just not letting go, starting the grind on me, breathing heavy & starting to get it on. Then she's no no, I already decided, we will get confused... So I step back, figure I'll take it slow.
Next morning I take her to the station, she's meeting some friends for a trip away for Easter.
That's when this dumb**** finally realises. I carry her bags for her, but she says "oh I can take them from here" when we get near the carpark... So she hugs me goodbye, another way too long and close one. Then she's off.

So I'm thinking why didn't she want me to be seen with her by whoevers picking her up? That ain't good. Next thing I get a txt saying

I feel so heartbroken about us. But i know that we have to do this to find ourselves.

I'm still not thinking right and on a high from her attention so I txt back saying she knew how attracted she still was to me... She could see all the changes in my life... Beta, beta etc

So the next day I open up her laptop, and gmail is still open and there it all is.
She's off for a romantic holiday with new boyfriend, a married senior manager from work who's now about to leave his wife and kids for her, just like i did.
Shes had him lined up last November and been ****ing himsince December

I should've immediately gone no contact but couldn't resist texting her

"Hey I thought about things a lot more.
Im pretty sure I understand what's been going on now, and you have been cowardly.
I guess you upgraded to a new guy a long time ago, married I'm guessing because you were overnighting on weekdays, and from your work I am sure.
Sounds like how you got me.
I've lost a lot of the respect I had for you but I don't bear any grudge.
Looking forward to not having to see you anymore,
Enjoy your honeymoon."

Wanted to appear not to give a flying ****. So much fcking with my head for so long. I'm so fcking angry right now but I havnt done any more contact and I've deleted her number and email from my phone. Its been 2 days and I can't get that b1tch outta my head or think of anything else.

Anyway the head melter is finally getting outta here on Saturday..
She's back on Tuesday and I am here so I'm going out Tuesday nite. I might not see her i hope but if I do Im planning on being real cool and calm about it - like I don't give a **** even though it's really killing me.
I'm supposed to help her move out on Saturday tho. Should I bail out of that? Or do it & try & be cool? That's gonna be tough.
I need advice.

 

[Purefilth]

@ weaknomore. Hell of a story bro. I feel for you.

Drop her out NOW. NC should start TODAY. Don't help her move don't call her don't text her.
Let her new boyfriend help her.

She sounds vile - absolutely toxic.

Read on "borderline personality disorder" - it sounds like she ticks a few of the boxes, you'll be surprised how they all seem to fit the template.

 

[Zion]

@ weaknomore. Hell of a story bro. I feel for you.

Drop her out NOW. NC should start TODAY. Don't help her move don't call her don't text her.
Let her new boyfriend help her.

She sounds vile - absolutely toxic.

Read on "borderline personality disorder" - it sounds like she ticks a few of the boxes, you'll be surprised how they all seem to fit the template.

This. Today is the day.

 

[L_T_D313]

Figured I's post today to provide people with a sense of comfort when wanting to break their NC. Thanks to Mauser96 and some friends in my life I made it through yesterday. Feeling good right now, I knew those emotions would past it was just the heat of the moment. Glad I didn't break NC,

I know exactly how it would've went. Me spilling my heart out like I did when I was 16 and her dissing me. Anytime any of you feel like breaking your NC think of how you felt when you told her how you felt in long paragraph texts. Only to be subjected to small sentences not even pertaining to what you were saying.

Crying telling the other human how you will correct your errors. Only to hear them say it's too late. Lurking their profiles and seeing pictures of them and their new and improved you.

Don't fall back into that cycle brothers and sisters. Keep your head above the waters even when drowning seems a lot easier. Stand tall and move past this. You will take these lessons learned and all of these stories of heartbreak and betrayal and you will learn from them.

Lastly to all of the new posters or to the future posters. This is NOT a way to get your ex back. This is a proven method to get over that person who has you here. I as well as many others can attest to that fact. Forget your ex, take some time to yourself. Then get back out in the field or at least scout some prospects. -Lo

 

[L_T_D313]

I feel for you, I'm in the exact same place as you, except about 20 days behind on the NC count.

It really makes no sense but you have to remember that the person you once dated is not who she currently is. You also have to remind yourself that she doesn't want you, and initiating contact will only pull you back and hurt you even more. It's best to just forget about it and more on.
And yes, it's interesting that I'm even writing this right now, because I don't know if I fully believe it yet. I know for a fact I'm not over my ex anymore, but maybe writing this down and conversing with other people such as yourself that are going through the same thing will somehow make this go away easier/sooner.

I also can't say that a day goes by where I don't think about her. Like I also mentioned previously and in my other thread, my grades suffered this quarter tremendously because of this. Today makes it day 32 of NC for me, and I'm still going crazy. Maybe it's because I didn't find this forum sooner, as I'm sure it would have solved a lot of issues for me and would have spared me the embarrassment of contacting her numerous times, talking for hours and hours only to get shut down again because she's just not interested anymore it seems. (and this is a girl that was head over heels for months, and told anyone who would listen that she will marry me even after 2 dates..)

Thanks, I feel pretty good today. Actually I feel empowered for some reason. Forget that dame, nothing special about her. I just have to remind myself that she "upgraded" so I owe her nothing.

 

[WeakNoMore]

@ weaknomore. Hell of a story bro. I feel for you.

Drop her out NOW. NC should start TODAY. Don't help her move don't call her don't text her.
Let her new boyfriend help her.

She sounds vile - absolutely toxic.

Read on "borderline personality disorder" - it sounds like she ticks a few of the boxes, you'll be surprised how they all seem to fit the template.

Thanks guys you fckin nailed it :yes:
Good advice. I still get the stupid thoughts about wanting to get back together - fcking mind playing powerful tricks on me, but there's plenty of material to think about to squash that ****.


The rest of this post I'm just gonna vent some more, so don't read if u don't want to

I didn't mention she was violent too, i got a scar from early feb when I nc'd her and she couldn't handle it, ****in went psycho in front of her teenage son, whacked me with the heel of her boots & took a chunk outta my back. She was screaming about me being a cheater and liar because I slept with my wife once while I was having the affair with her, felt guilty and admitted it when confronted. Kinda psycho to attack me 3 years later... Three years! And what was she doing that week? ****ing a married guy behind my back and his wifes back. wtf???? Gave me a black eye a couple of weeks before. I've never hit a woman and never will but god help me that's the closest ill ever come.
I put up with it because of real low self esteem and deep depression from unemployment and not knowing how to pay my debts, being threatened with legal action from ex wife, and head melter dumpng me, staying out all night, running me down and threatening to kick me out when I had no money and nowhere to go.
Lowest point was drunk on the floor crying like a fckin baby and cutting myself, thinking suicide.
That's when it happened. I finally understood that I had put myself in that situation. I had made myself into fckin victim - I let all that **** happen to me, I coulda stood up and taken control at any time.
Once I manned up and started to face my problems it all suddenly got so easy but to understand that first I had to hit rock bottom.
Glad I went through that now. I had been a ***** for way too long, and I feel much better now. The only thing still screwing me up was my mad oneitis and head melters mind games.

Anyway I just dumped head melters stuff into boxes to clear her **** from the bedroom. It was giving me the creeps seeing reminders there. Yeah she had me sleeping on the couch. **** that it's my house now.
Told her son to tell her to get her boyfriend to help her move, fck she lied to him too "I'm not ready for a boyfriend" lol the emails tell a fcking different story.

Hey it feels good to dump this **** out. While I'm at it was real pissed yesterday because I met this girl a couple of weeks back who was really into me but I pushed her straight into let's be friends last week because I felt bad while I thought it would be like cheating while there was still a chance of getting back with psycho b1tch.
She just txted me happy Easter so I'll set something up with her next weekend

 

[Zion]

Lowest point was drunk on the floor crying like a fckin baby and cutting myself, thinking suicide.

"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

"Brother, you have absolutely nothing to gain from meeting with her and everything to lose.

You might be right. But if I don't eventually meet her I feel I'll never be able to completely let go. I have to face my 'fear' , end it and move on. I can't run forever.

 

[WeakNoMore]

"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

Fcking Amen to that brother

 

[WeakNoMore]

Only after disaster can we be resurrected.

 

[icanseeclearlynow]

Hello everyone, Happy Easter! I am cured. I had some Great sex last night with the pof guy I have been liking for the past month. It was mind blowing..but I digress. This forum has helped me tremendously. I do believe key to no contact and getting over the ex is staying busy and dating..then finding someone better.
This is day 7, I still think of him now and then, but like another poster told me, the times I think of him are just thoughts. No more pain. And they are becoming fewer and fewer. I am not jumping into anything new with the new guy, but I really like him alot, and did not feel this way about young boy initially. I am much happier now than I was when I was with little boy.

 

[Fioretheking]

Hi all, greetings from Boston, just seen this as my Relationship of over a year has ended. Was going great until recently where she started acting distant and has told me its over. Ive gone NC for over a week - ignored her text and left without a word. I miss her and think about her a lot but im serious about this. Its very tough at the moment but ive deleted her number. Ive noticed her posts on fb and she seems fine which is a little tough. Ive experienced all this before and it doesn't get easier. Life's never fair but i will come back stronger.

Ps. There are some real gems, comments and posts on here which have helped me enormously. Thank you and stay strong people. 60 days to go - hitting the gym, eating well and getting back out there!! This man is gonna come back as the real ****ing deal i tell you all!!........and one more thing - EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU ON HERE IS THE PRIZE. Never take **** or disrespect from anyone. Catch you all soon and have fun.

 

[fuko2007]

Hi all, greetings from Boston, just seen this as my Relationship of over a year has ended. Was going great until recently where she started acting distant and has told me its over. Ive gone NC for over a week - ignored her text and left without a word. I miss her and think about her a lot but im serious about this. Its very tough at the moment but ive deleted her number. Ive noticed her posts on fb and she seems fine which is a little tough. Ive experienced all this before and it doesn't get easier. Life's never fair but i will come back stronger.

Ps. There are some real gems, comments and posts on here which have helped me enormously. Thank you and stay strong people. 60 days to go - hitting the gym, eating well and getting back out there!! This man is gonna come back as the real ****ing deal i tell you all!!........and one more thing - EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU ON HERE IS THE PRIZE. Never take **** or disrespect from anyone. Catch you all soon and have fun.

sorry to hear that man. I know what your going through right now. Im going through the growing distant part right now again ...got back with her after nc but learned the first time to keep my guard up so im trying to detach myself now. But it doesnt get easy like you said. The only thing we can do is try to hold our heads up and not get down. Best thing to do is get some rest re evaluate our life and get into action. But keep posting and good luck.