Hey all,
I decided to take the challenge on Monday, my last contact with my ex, which puts me at day 5. I read the post here and knew everything in it was right and what was needed to happen, and I'd been exacerbating contact for far too long, in the friend zone in a very not fun way.
Anyway, I'm posting today cause I had a dream last night that made me want to talk to her about it. Weird fkn dream, all over the place and random with lots of people I haven't seen in a long time. I'm at some sort of huge gathering, and there's lots of different groups of people meeting up for some sort of presentation (which is negligible, cause I don't pay attention to any of it throughout the whole dream). While I'm with some group of friends, I notice the ex further down this line of people. I instinctively try to melt into my group and turn away despite the regular pit-in-your-stomach-I'd-like-to-say-something familiar to seeing exes in places. So hell ya, still sticking to the NC even in dreamland.
I look back up the line to see if she's noticed if she's coming, and I see her after a second, she looks sad, she looks hurt, and there's a quick exchange of glances, and I look away. My group of friends is gone, so I dive deeper into the crowd to go find them, running from any possible situation with the ex.
And, that's what the NC kinda feels like and how I've trapped myself before, feeling like I'm running from emotions, even though I'm just working to overcome them. I also understand that the NC is as much for her as it is for me, because the ex is rarely in a place to reconcile things in a healthy way after a break up, and after waking up, I wanted to explain that to the ex cause she looked sad and hurt in the dream. Though, really, I don't think explaining anything would help anything. Just the impulses that I woke up with.
The dream's funnier. After losing that group of friends, I'm basically wandering around looking for people to hang out with. I see some old acquaintances, and make some jokes and comments with them, but ultimately keep moving forward, looking for people who... I don't know really, have a more valuable interaction with. At one point, while I'm stepping over people sitting and what not, a DIFFERENT ex from like 4 years ago sees me. In real life, when I implemented NC with this girl, she was so offended she never spoke to me again, even after one attempt to contact her out of boredom/curiosity like 3 years later. Anyway, in the dream, she waves at me, and asks me to come over. There's no room for me where she's sitting, but she reaches out and grabs my hand and smiles. I smile back. It's good to see her. I untangle my hand from hers and tell her I'll see her later, and move on, the rest of the dream having nothing to do with anything related to exes or friends and is just random **** after that point.
It gave me a comparison, the two exes, one recent and one far behind. It made me realize that when a girl is hurt by your actions, they won't think through it and try to figure out why you're acting this way, they'll avoid and blame you for hurting them. When they're done hurting, it'll be nice to see you again, but we've all inevitably moved on, we don't have to entangle our lives again and we can be happy for that. P. good dream lessons.
