The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

thewickedm

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studioworks said:
Day 3

Was seeing this girl for a year.. got dumped... yes i aint ashamed to admit it... had all the signs of interest levels falling.... never saw em coming... i guess oneitis is the biggest enemy of any relationship !

Anyways... cutting the story short... initiated "No Contact" immediately after breaking up.... but she alwayz kept calling / messaging atleast once a day or every other day...

I wud pick up these calls... coz honestly i felt she just needed sum time and wud be fine in a few days...

Nonetheless... after 2 weeks of level 1 NO CONTACT... i stopped responding to all calls and mesgs... she went crazy for 2 days... like 5 calls and 5 mesgs in a day... begging me to tell her i was ok and that i cud ignore her after that... i sent her a one line mesg saying "i was absolutely ok and that she shud have a nice week"..

i guess she got the hint... didnt call for next 2 days... got a call again from her after that... saying it was her last call coz she felt it was very abrubt the way i suddenly stopped all communication and since we had sumthing so beautiful we shud end it on a good note.. (wateva girl... 1st u dump me then this... hahahaha)

I told her i cudnt be friends wid her... and she understood that i wanted NO CONTACT... she went on to say how she had been thinking about me the whole day since i had stopped taking her calls n mesgs....

and this is a woman... who is very stubborn... has a lot of ego... and i thot wud never call after my mesg to her and my initiating NO CONTACT

anywayz... now since shez made her "last call" thereby finishing off any lame excuse to call me again... and there is no way in hell i'm calling her... i cant wait to see what 60 days will do to her... DAY 3 and going strong...

trust me : every now and then there is a temptation to call... but not calling and having the power that i decided to initiate NO CONTACT feels so nice... whether i get her back or not is immaterial as i am doing this for myself...

JUST A COUPLE OF QUESTIONS FOR THE MASTERS

1. Does the fact that i kept responding to her mesgs and calls for 2 weeks have any effect on my initiating complete NO CONTACT now ?? Havent i in a way weaned her away from myself in these 2 weeks ??

2. What if she again tries to contact me after say a week or 2... my not calling is in my control and not a problem... when she calls the temptation at that point will be very high coz honestly sumtimes i feel "What if she wants to get back and i'm blocking her out ?"
Even if she wants to get back, YOU SHOULDNT.
 

sagexx

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i vow to accept this challenge and abide its rules

Day 1
Gf announced that she wanted to break up with me, and being normal, I asked her to be friends and for a second chance n blah blah blah.
She has rejected me and stays strongly about no reconciliations. But I still want to try as I don't want to let go of her.
This NC challenge may help me relieve my pain and forget about her or make her doubt her decision and allow for reconcile. Its a win win situation.
Sucks to have 5 classes together though, now I gotta sit away from her. And during lab periods, I guess I will only talk about work. Good luck to myself and others who are in this challenge with me

This happened after 3 years, 3rd year on April 5th.

Edit: end of first day showed up to 1 class, went missing during the last class. at that moment was worrying about her and where was she, cause she isn't the type to skip class. but until now, i still don't know where she is or what she was doing. this 60 days doesn't seem very easy. time to start burying my stuff.
 
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Duracell_Bunny

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Day 3

This is the hardest, the word is out and everytime I contact a freind to arrange the weekend they ask what happened with cheating girl.

No contact from cheating girl. Told her freind to leave me alone.


Day 4

Got up, did a 15 minute run. Went into work (I have made a gym out of a spare loading bay) and went on the boxing bag for an hour playing some very aggressive and load music that cheating girl hates but I love. Did some actual work afterwards for an hour.

Cheating girl has text me right now saying "Are you still not talking to me? In... (name of my local pub) if you fancy choining me? X" - So tempted to go in there to see her again, I miss her and at this very moment as I'm typing this she is within 200ft of me.

Oh, no no no no! I have to get ready for b-day bash and town. Its Saturday night and I have to get some food and get ready.

Closed all blinds closed, front door locked, her car is parked on the street right now (my house is within viewing distance).


Just found out I have no food, gonna have to make a run for it! By for now...
 

sagexx

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day 2 false hope was given by girl, i was stupid enough to take the bait. this happened in class where me and her had almost the same exact classes. ended the day happy with hope

day 3, maintained nc as she wanted to think, everything was fine when i was at work.

day 4 , received text that she has decided to think about this after finals.
second text, says she wants her life back and this is the best decision and doesn't have the courage to tell me in my face.

day 5, i was being completely stupid and broke the nc, i went to talk to her thinking she still had feelings for me and tried to talk it out. it didn't come out too well, as i left school almost bursting in tears. skipping 1 class today and burst into tears while packing her **** into a box and planning to give it back to her. recieved a text telling me she doesnt want to ruin my life and wants me to go to class. decided to maintain nc at this point, i cant stand thinking anymore...
 

sagexx

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on day 6 right now
currently at school just finished my first class and in the library with a laptop. got nothing else to do but check facebook which i deleted her and check email. then i got this strong urge to go check her xanga( yes we still do xanga). but i finally restrained myself thinking its not a good idea. so im waiting for class at 5, but that is the class where i will see her, hopefully i can stand strong :nervous:
 

JLW

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Don't worry sage. It will be okay. The harder you try to avoid contact with her, the less you will actually see her. The less you actually see her, the easier it will be for you to get over her.

I would advise you NOT to give her stuff back. It's just a bad excuse to see her. If she really wanted it she'd ask for it. I wouldn't do it. If she does ask for her stuff back, figure out a way to give it back to her without actually seeing her. I would not normally give this advice but it seems like you're pretty stressed out by the whole thing so I would recommend it for you. Maybe have her come by when you know you won't be home and have a roommate give it back or something like that.
 

sagexx

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i dont think it matters if i see her or not as i already do see her in class every day. and if i dont see her in class like today, i feel worried. i want to know what shes up to, why she didnt come to class. she may have hurt me, but i also do not want her to fail the classes. the way i was thinking of giving it back was to go to her apartment, leave the things outside the door, and text her to let her go get it while im on the way out of the apartment. but maybe ill do it later, i dont have the strength to go in there and not wanting to see her in private. this was end of day 6, missing her and wanting to text her or people around her to find out what happened to her. sh*t this feeling sucks.
 

sagexx

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i broke the nc by searching her name on facebook and going to her facebook, even though i deleted her, i was able to see her pic and status which read "speechless..." im such a fckin idiot. i cant deal with this, this **** is so hard . i was even thinking maybe i shud swallow my pride and beg for for 1 more month to see how it went, but i know the results will be no. im not sure i can even get thru this last month of school. this sh*t is such a piss off. a lot of people has told me to nc and move on, but i am struggling to eat and sleep. i can barely study and concentrate. im an afc with oneitis.....
 

In$tinct

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This is just my 2 cents…

But, by making the effort to log in all activity about you and your oneitis is completely defeating the purpose.

Everyone thinks, for a time at least, that their girl was the “one”. Stuff happens, move on and enjoy life to it’s fullest. I have been there, and still to this day, hate seeing my EX. But, unfortunately, I have to see her once a week, and every other weekend to exchange our sons.

At first, I tried all of these “miracle cures” to get her to be interested in me again. Nothing works besides letting go and focusing on YOURSELF. The moment I stopped perusing her, focused on myself, and started spinning plates. (As every experienced member on here suggests)

What happened? She made a half a$$ed attempt of getting me back. Because of my AFC behavior after we split, she must have still been standing high on that pedestal (That I no doubt built for her) and basically tried texting her way back into her children’s and my life.

That story needs to go into another thread…

But, my point is this: As long as you keep her on that pedestal, the longer you will be on her back burner. I am one of the few on here, it seems, that think if the circumstances are right, an EX relationship can be salvaged. Posting updates, putting in this much effort, should never have been started. IMHO

Post some threads about some chick you are trying to bang, and see if that doesn’t get you moving in the right direction. Then deal with that old wh0re when she “tries” roping you back in.

She will, if you move on. Women are like boomerangs.
 

sagexx

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understood, i will start on my day 1 of nc again. ill try to focus on myself and bring her down that pedestal. maybe then she will come back, but first gotta fix my own life.
 

Lil Magic

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No Contact...

Basically, this isn't my ex. There's this girl who says she likes me, we've been hooking up for a few months, I've met her family and we spend a lot of time together. She is awesome, but the problem I found is that she , for whatever reason, doesn't want to settle down and be my girlfriend officially. She says she likes me, but says she still wants her freedom. After putting up with it for a few months, but especially with summer being here, and Im not able to see her as shes all the way in Minnesota(where we go to college) and I'm back home in the Bahamas. I told her exactly how I felt a few times but last night was it...I couldnt but up with her wanting to have it both ways. I let her know that she has to choose one. Either she wants to be my gf officially and gives up some of her freedom, or she can be as free as she wants, but she loses me. Well, anyway, I told her she can have as much freedom as she wants this summer. I told her I wouldnt talk to her until the end of summer and by then I hope she'd have made her choice. Today is day one...
 

Lil Magic

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No contact...day 2

Well, basically today is just day 2 of no contact. I feel crappy not being able to talk to her... She did send me a message today to which I didnt respond, as I told her I wouldnt talk to her till the end of summer.

Megan Rieb June 4 at 12:27am
hey so i realize i have been the immature one by not responding to u when u had the decency to try to speak to me... n im sorry for that. I at least wanted to have a day without talkin to u or thinkin bout us but that obviously didnt happen for numerous reasons. i understand that we do gotta do this n need time but at the same time i know itll be hard on both of us. We will jus have to see what happens when we get back to school n i hope itll be something good like i always hope.. Im sorry for bein the one to hurt you.. u shudnt have to be the one apologizing or going thru that pain at alllll.. I jus need time to think it thru more i guess... but i jus really wanted to say sorry n that i care about u a lot... ♥
 

synergy1

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I dated a chick for a while in 2008 and 2009, but left the area and had to break up. We had a pretty good relationship going so the breakup was difficult for both parties, so I kept in contact while I was gone. Since I recently left the venture, I moved back to the general area and have been chilled with her on one occasion where it was clear I shouldn't have.

long story short, I need to cut this off. Its mentally draining for all the reasons listed on the first and second post of this thread. We obviously care for each other but its clear that our lives are going in separate directions. I still have to get some crap from her apartment, but other than that, It should be possible to avoid contact until she leaves the area ( many of our friends are mutual).

i'll use this thread to track the progress.
 

boynamedsue

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Synergy, we have a very similar story and we are the same age. Be strong brother, I'm rooting for you. I still need to get my things from her place too, howver I'm contemplating going thru her roommate to get my things rather than her. Still weighing my options.
 

synergy1

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boynamedsue said:
Synergy, we have a very similar story and we are the same age. Be strong brother, I'm rooting for you. I still need to get my things from her place too, howver I'm contemplating going thru her roommate to get my things rather than her. Still weighing my options.
Thanks man. I have already tried to cut off contact but she keeps sending me a few messages here and there. She and I both agreed its pretty much over, but her ( and my for that matter) actions seem to dictate otherwise. Will have to pretty much lay it out next time we bump into each other and start moving on. This would be so much easier if she was a person of questionable character, but she isn't.

best of luck to you as well. keep us updated as I am curious how your situation works out for you.
 

typical

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Dumped a few months ago still in contact with the girl was with her for nearly 5 years. She got engaged a week later and wanted to be friends .......... indian girl forced arranged marriage crap with a family friends son.

I agreed to staying a friend as I thought she was weak and may need me around. I now know I was the weak one and will cut all contact starting right now forever.

I can't believe I let myself into this trap I saw it coming nearly a year before it happened, didn't trust my gut what a pity.
 

synergy1

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i have been good about no contact, however issues of her hanging around mutual friends (all of whom I introduced her too) are beginning to arise which may undermine what I have been trying to accomplish. I already mentioned I don't want her hanging around my friends but we shall see if she upholds this end of the bargain. I suspect not.

how should I approach this? Not hanging out with my friends is not an option here as I need my social life. she is going to see me hit on girls and I suspect the situation is going to go south really quickly. any suggestions?
 

Lil Magic

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Started no contact last week Sunday with my ex who broke up with me. Ummm...I still have the overwhelming urge to contact her...talk to her. I saw her on the bus the other day coming over to our campus. Makes you think who she's visiting...if she's sleeping over by them...if she's moved on...but hey, like I keep telling myself, there isn't much I can do. Regardless of what I want, she's gonna do what she think is best for her...evident with her breaking up with me. Anyway, the challenge will be when I see her in town...dancing with other guys...especially some of my best friends.
 

Paintballguy

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I started no contact with my ex last night. I deleted her facebook page, photos, number, email etc. After I deleted our pics on FB and her page, I got a text from her. She was like "go ahead and delete my number from your phone". I sent her a text back saying "who's this". Then she said, "way to end things ****ty". I just responded back with "your loss". She sent another text saying, "idk what the hell your problem is". I just deleted it w/o responding. I think she's freaking out now. lol
 
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