The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[dosquito]

I think I wanted closure and she pretended like she gave a damn to avoid being the bad guy. and now I caved in after a few months, like a sucker. and this is just a routine for her, lol. Oh well. If that's the case, well played on her part. I had a thread about her, if you search. I realize now she isn't quite as special as I thought but I still think there could have been something there. Her loss...I know within a few years I will have girls lining up. But that's not to say it doesn't hurt my ego at all!

I think I did the right thing by taking responsibility for my own actions and not reflecting on hers. Either way, I strive to be a good person foremost, and a DJ second, so it doesn't bother me.

 

[lamobatsman]

man i just found out shes coming back to london in a few weeks!!!!! i found out from a mutual friend!! wtf?!!!!!

i know shes coming to see that guy she met in teh club that night in front of me

wtf?!!!!!!!!!

 

[Purefilth]

[this was a reference to a text she sent me about how 'multiple people have confessed their love to her' over the summer]"

just remember that low prices always attract many buyers.

 

[Skalioppe]

I'm sure that it's quite "beta", but go ahead, if you're curious:

"Maybe it's the Winter frost that has me thinking of things I probably shouldn't be thinking of; thoughts I thought I'd put away.
Regardless, as I sit here and reflect, I simply cannot help but feel discontent about how things were resolved (or lack thereof...) between us.
I don't claim to know enough to judge your actions, but I know that my own actions did not adhere to the principles to which I hold myself and others. I want to apologize for that.
Foremost among my regrets is that I feel it was either hurtful or otherwise unfair that I did not accept your offer of closure when you offered to talk. By that point I had given up on the prospect of obtaining any real answers, but the situation warranted a more serious effort.
I still have many lessons left in life, and I'm sure you know that I can be a rather slow learner; but the lesson sticks. This was an important and valuable lesson for me.
Finally, I hope you know that I harbor no ill will toward you. Whatever your situation exactly was, I know that it must have been very confusing and stressful...
Well then... I thought you should know those things, at least. I'm sure there could be much more, but I think that this suffices.
-
Sincerely,
But one of your former suitors
[this was a reference to a text she sent me about how 'multiple people have confessed their love to her' over the summer]"

I don't want to upset you and I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but although you've tried to hide sentiment behind sensibility, this prose like message just sounds really desperate and over-thought to me. It just sounds like it's been edited over and over, refined, is subservient, lacking in confidence - that of low order male.

What did you hope to achieve with this? Answers or a route to dialogue? I think this just opens up potential harm to you : no reply from her (you're left with more question and hurt), or her telling you why she didn't want you? Do you think this will change her opinion of you? Because I'd bet good money it'll make her think worse of you.

Her : WTF is he drivelling on about? God he's sad! Closure? It's done, deal with it - I'm now happily riding ( DELETE AS APPROPRIATE ) <Brad / Mark / Jake's> c0ck. God, he just won't let it go....

Man up, move on, it's done.

 

[dosquito]

If that's how it is, it's fine with me. But this girl told me a lot of personal things, and that would be really cold. You're probably right, unfortunately.

 

[Skalioppe]

Day 50.

God help me.

I think 90 days is the turning point, rather than 60 as suggested by the OP. I just don't think 60 is enough - I did it and still thought about her (a lot less granted, but still did). I base this on the fact a lot of behavioural addiction treatments are 3 month programmes. It's considered the reset period for the brain.

My advice : remove all stimulus of her, everything. She's your drug, your dopamine hit. So bin it all, pics, phone numbers, emails, social network influences, music, etc. all of it. If you think of her, cycle over 10 negative things she did to sh1t on you or fvck you over. Hit the gym and self improve, the b1tch's loss, right? Whatever you do, do not masturbate thinking of her (that's positive reinforcement), if you can abstain entirely - in studies it improves your game (your sexual system works harder to get some thrills, so you are sharper with women). 007 Bond showers every morning (start warm and gradually remove all heat until cold for 3-5 minutes) increases adrenaline, testosterone, blood flow, wakes you up and focuses self discipline. Talk about sh1t too on here. Sharing it helps.

 

[Skalioppe]

If that's how it is, it's fine with me. But this girl told me a lot of personal things, and that would be really cold. You're probably right, unfortunately.

I'm sorry, no offense intended, just trying to help you move on, mate. Yes you shared some personal stuff, I'm sure one time she held you in her heart, but that was then and women change, once their interest leaves it is normally the end. Letting go will help you so much more than clinging to the past. Only *NOW* exists, back then is gone, tomorrow never knows.

 

[dosquito]

Yeah, you got it right. I gave her an ego cookie, basically, is all I accomplished.

I guess this was a vulnerable period for me. I have been thinking and discussing heavily with my friend lately about dating...He has the more cynical DJ view on women, and I wanted to believe otherwise...But after reading one of Mr. Bond's recent posts I have been set straight.

Let this be a lesson to you, young DJ's!

 

[sadonomspa]

Doesnt closure come from yourself?

Anyway day 22. Feeling much better. Luckily got a support system of friends who remind me of all the crappy things she did so I dont need to remember the good.

Got a few plates spinning. Making the best out of it.

 

[j0504s]

Day 30...more stable...trying my best...unfortunatly still have feelings...think its about time to spin some plates...

 

[j0504s]

33 days...keep it moving

 

[TonyBaloney]

I'm sorry, no offense intended, just trying to help you move on, mate. Yes you shared some personal stuff, I'm sure one time she held you in her heart, but that was then and women change, once their interest leaves it is normally the end. Letting go will help you so much more than clinging to the past. Only *NOW* exists, back then is gone, tomorrow never knows.

Oh for gods sake skalliope and dosquito, are you still here???????

For FKS sake, what is wrong with you two?

I did a straight 16 month no contact with my ex BPD; straight ghost.

Great thing is, i sent her a mesaage (hidden as a multi message) telling her of my girlfriends pregnancy What goes around, comes around..... dont get mad, just get even, someday.............

 

[sadonomspa]

Day whatever. Hooked up with a barbie. Less than a month for sure and def feeling good. Thought these lighter days would never come.

Still miss her but fakin till iam making it.

 

[j0504s]

day 34 i think...first approach since the break up of 2 months ago...hb8-8.5 number closed...felt good to do it again. Huge step for me at this point trying to break out of this...

 

[Niguelang]

Day 3

He broke up with me on Xmas. We were a 3 month gay relationship in college. He caught me on grindr a 2nd time but I had no intentions of hooking up. Just wanted to chat but he says he can't trust me and that I lied to him. On January 23 I sent flowers chocolate and a letter. On jan 24 I went to beg for forgiveness and that he takes me back. Did not work. I called and texted both the 25 and 26. Today is 3rd day of no contact. I want him back. I want to call him and say I miss him and I want him back. Ugh. I regret getting on grindr. I'm sorry. I love him. On to day 60

 

[Niguelang]

I was in Mexico until the 21 so I couldn't do much between Xmas and the 22nd. Only call, tetxt, and facebook.

 

[L_T_D313]

Day 1 started on jan 29th. Break up jan 27th. Basically when we dated in 2010 we were young (I was a jr she was a freshie both in highschool.) She told me she loved her ex and that she was moving so we split. We were friends but a little more than that for two years. She came back to visit in december and we decided we'd try it again no matter the distance. We did for a month and 4 days in which we had our up's and downs. Finally after telling me she wanted to chill by herself for the night she told me the next day "I talked to such and such on the camera and he made me open my eyes up." such in such an alias for this guy she used to talk to prior to us dating. I say what do you mean? "I'm gonna be honest I still have feelings for him. I just need to be alone to find myself" I said fine then go be with him and be happy with someone in your area or be single bye. She goes "Can't you still be my friend if you told me that I'd support you and still be here." I said okay I'll be here. Two days later I called her and was sentimental only to be shut down by her saying "stop it please not now which was accompanied with which sounded like crying. I said fine we'll talk later. She texts hours later saying "I hope you don't think I was blowing you off I just need to be alone." I said your good. "Are you sure? I don't wanna be on bad terms." I said some thing to the extent of listen I'm not gonna stress about this I mean I was but why should I sit mopping around dwelling when you clearly have moved on? It's time I do the same. Bottom line we're good I'll speak to you another time. Beast *****es! I was legit crying listening to sad songs but I thought why keep tormenting myself constantly checking my phone and getting disappointed when it's not her? Eff that! I'm going to not talk to her she'll be back. And I'm also going no pmo 90 days and I'm going to get a gym membership! There are Billions of humans on this planet why dwell on one? Here's my philosophy think of two ex's that you loved or really really liked/cared for (the current one that has you here dying a slow death and one you really really cared for) or 2 people you really liked/cared for. Now think about the one who you were with first remember how you thought omgg! This person is perfect I don't need nor do I want anyone else. Now think you two split lost interest etc. And you met the 2nd person same feelings same thoughts different human! Don't think x is the only one because x isn't the only one it's just going to take time to find that connection it's very special feeling. Don't stress over them just live everyday and it will get better I'm only at day 2 and I feel fine. After crying and mopping for a few I'm back and better than ever. I love this girl but she'd rather have dude and place the blame on her wanting to be single lies. Anyways I will contact her on april 19th a happy birthday and that's it no extra convo. I know most of you wouldn't advise it but dammit it's my life and I won't relapse back into the lovey dovey bull. She said it to me last november so it's only right. Anywho that's my story I'll update you n words over time though I'm won't be reading anyones recent posts anytime soon I'll be reading earlier post on this thread to see how they handled their situation. Peace!

 

[corrector]

Broke off contact on Nov 18th, 2012 with a promise to call her later and never did. Stopped going to her church (but go to other that are affiliated with hers) and her small group. Sent a letter from her ex husband to her mother behind her back on Dec 8th. Since Dec 8th, 2012 there has been no further contact beyond this. Techincally, this would be just under 2 months since the last contact.

I didn't choose to go on no-contact, but felt overwhelmed, confused and in a state of shock where I could never bring myself to call her and time simply passed by. A natural no-contact.

I am haunted by seeing "Toyota Camery" cars on the road. She drove on one herself. Now I keep seeing them everywhere. In parking spots next to me. Drivers beside me, etc... and I even go to the same type of churches she went to (but she doesn't go there). I have per number on my cell and am making every effort to keep her alive in my memory because she loved me and I loved her too. All credit card statements of the money spent on her is also kept.

My mother and a friend from her church has helped me to maintain no contact, as well as the strong spirited letter her ex-husband wrote which freaked out my mother and revealed a side of her that I would have to live with. Her ex-husband is a pastor of a church and she made a vow to support his ministry on top of the marriage vow and almost devastated his ministry by walking out on him and REFUSING to reconcile with him when he tried many attempts to get back together with her. He is still single and waiting for her to come back and re-marry her and has no relationship on the horizon or has seen, dated, or had sex with any woman since she left. I just couldn't continue after that.

The break-up is partially her fault since she said I had to marry her within six months if she were to continue seeing me and I felt pressured to buy an expensive engagement ring for her right away. I did this research on her before I made any decision to marry her and decided not to continue with the marriage as I felt that from her past she seemed too flaky, was not upfront to me about her hang-ups, and I have issues about marrying a pastor's ex-wife. Sounds like trouble.

 

[L_T_D313]

Broke off contact on Nov 18th, 2012 with a promise to call her later and never did. Stopped going to her church (but go to other that are affiliated with hers) and her small group. Sent a letter from her ex husband to her mother behind her back on Dec 8th. Since Dec 8th, 2012 there has been no further contact beyond this. Techincally, this would be just under 2 months since the last contact.

I didn't choose to go on no-contact, but felt overwhelmed, confused and in a state of shock where I could never bring myself to call her and time simply passed by. A natural no-contact.

I am haunted by seeing "Toyota Camery" cars on the road. She drove on one herself. Now I keep seeing them everywhere. In parking spots next to me. Drivers beside me, etc... and I even go to the same type of churches she went to (but she doesn't go there). I have per number on my cell and am making every effort to keep her alive in my memory because she loved me and I loved her too. All credit card statements of the money spent on her is also kept.

My mother and a friend from her church has helped me to maintain no contact, as well as the strong spirited letter her ex-husband wrote which freaked out my mother and revealed a side of her that I would have to live with. Her ex-husband is a pastor of a church and she made a vow to support his ministry on top of the marriage vow and almost devastated his ministry by walking out on him and REFUSING to reconcile with him when he tried many attempts to get back together with her. He is still single and waiting for her to come back and re-marry her and has no relationship on the horizon or has seen, dated, or had sex with any woman since she left. I just couldn't continue after that.

The break-up is partially her fault since she said I had to marry her within six months if she were to continue seeing me and I felt pressured to buy an expensive engagement ring for her right away. I did this research on her before I made any decision to marry her and decided not to continue with the marriage as I felt that from her past she seemed too flaky, was not upfront to me about her hang-ups, and I have issues about marrying a pastor's ex-wife. Sounds like trouble.

I feel for you brother it's rough out here you never know what the other person is doing. She contacted me today, I accidentally picked up and when I did she ask me why wasn't I texting her back and was I done talking to her I said yes and she said quotation mark I was trying to be cordial but whatever bye. When I say accidentally picked up I mean it I was on my droid. It unlocked I heard someone and when I and when I look at my phone it was her but I was already on the line with her

 

[Hiker]

Hi everyone,
Day 8

Pain comes and goes. But his is getting easier. My rational self is returning.