The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[finality]

I hooked up with my new plate last night.

But I woke up this morning and all I could do is think about my X. Its been 13 days since I last slept with her.

Today is day 1 of NC. I never reach out but its hard not to respond to her when I just want to hold her.

Am I an AFC? I have no problem gaming other women but this case of oneitis is unbelievable.

 

[Tictac]

I hooked up with my new plate last night.

But I woke up this morning and all I could do is think about my X. Its been 13 days since I last slept with her.

Today is day 1 of NC. I never reach out but its hard not to respond to her when I just want to hold her.

Am I an AFC? I have no problem gaming other women but this case of oneitis is unbelievable.

AFC? Maybe. Oneitis? Definitely.

 

[MrWood]

LDR 2yr (about 1yr of total face time)
me: 50
her: 32

had been engaged.

Breakup: Jan 23
("I think I am having feelings for someone, I kissed, 3rd base/****)
no begging, lots of crying, on-off NC started by her

anyway
last Skype Feb 29
I start NC
March 11, my 50th ( I go to USA, I live in Finland, she lives in Russia )
She calls at 00:00 happy birthday, I am clubbing.. I say thanks
blabla when you come back...
I say if you want to talk, you can call, I am busy doing my own thing

Have not unfriended on any Social, she has "liked" posts of mine since Feb 29
I have not touched hers
However, today was a very interesting "like" by her out of character about couples daily routines and just let the small arguments go and be happy being together.

Now my tips for NC endurance:
1. NO CONTACT
2. NO FAPPING
3. NO PORN
4. NO FAPPING TO THOUGHTS, DREAMS OR PICS OF YOUR EX
5. NO FAPPING... SHE CHEATED (see item 4)
6. NO CONTACT

FAP ONLY IF YOU GET EGO FROM ANYONE EXCEPT YOUR EX
AND FAP TO THEM!



(as an exersize I recommend reading all 400+ pages of this thread)
NC day 22/11

 

[MrWood]

This helped me, (because this is our first real breakup, and after 50 years of women, this hurt the most.)

Put her in a coma mentally in your mind, much like death but not fully dead and not a vegatable
she might wake up in:
a week
a month
a year
20 years
never

Handle that as you wish, perhaps find resources for coping with a partner who has been in an accident but in a coma. How long do you wait, how to move on...

 

[indisguise]

This helped me, (because this is our first real breakup, and after 50 years of women, this hurt the most.)

Put her in a coma mentally in your mind, much like death but not fully dead and not a vegatable
she might wake up in:
a week
a month
a year
20 years
never

Handle that as you wish, perhaps find resources for coping with a partner who has been in an accident but in a coma. How long do you wait, how to move on...

To me this never works. I might be able to temporarily put her in a coma for a certain amount of time. but eventually it will burst flames into your hurts causing you unbelievable pain.. the long the coma lasts for, the more painful it gets when you realize you haven't moved on and you're living in denial.
I hope you get over your difficulties soon. stay strong bro

 

[MrWood]

thank you. I know that the time will go very fast. I cant see taking her back now, not insta-back in any capacity, I value myself too much. I think 6mo before consider any "relationship" and spin plates across Finland/Europe for the summer.

 

[Reykhel]

This helped me, (because this is our first real breakup, and after 50 years of women, this hurt the most.)

Put her in a coma mentally in your mind, much like death but not fully dead and not a vegatable
she might wake up in:
a week
a month
a year
20 years
never

Handle that as you wish, perhaps find resources for coping with a partner who has been in an accident but in a coma. How long do you wait, how to move on...

CONCENTRATE FULLY ON YOUR OWN LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Get so involved in your in life, in your own work, in your own hobbies, in your own passions, making
new friends, making new memories, going on new trips, exploring new worlds, watching movies, reconnecting with literature......I mean have you read all of George Orwell? Have you read Charles Bukowski? Have you studied the history of cinema? Have you tasted Macallan? Get involved.....get your hands dirty......

Get so busy with YOU......that you think about her less and less.....until one day you wake up and you
realize that you have to make an effort to think about her.......now you want to think about her a little and in a weird perverse way you kind of miss that obsession that you USED TO HAVE....

The only way to steer yourself healthily away from a negative obsession or an afflictive emotion...............is to FOCUS FULLY ON THE OPPOSITE.......

.....WHAT YOU FOCUS ON BECOMES BIGGER AND BIGGER.....

.....so why not focus on you and your life. Everything that's not so important will naturally drop by the
wayside......

....almost with no effort.

It's a matter of pushing in the right effort. And patience.

Remember. Plant, cultivate, harvest.

.....remove the weeds with ease.

 

[MrWood]

Thanks! Going strong.

In Finland its been crap because this all went down in the dead of winter and like 4hrs of daylight! Spring is coming here, more girls out. (summertime it is effectively daylight for 20h / dusk light after). Expanding circle slowly. My social issues are that I have never actually been "single" here. I travel extensively and have had several sexual encounters traveling (but maintained my monagamy as was in what I thought were committed relationships). Of course my ex swung to another branch, caused mostly by the LDR and age gap (she has no kids)

It is hard as a 50yo after 5 years of banging and relationships with -35yo that have bodies and faces of 25yo and 18yo tits.. everything I consider hittig is age inappropriate from the female point of view. My only advantage is that I mostly date only Russians, that have no problems dating a +15y to them.
*however the 19-23yo set seem to be after NSA "50shades of Mr Wood".

23/12

 

[CuddleJunkie]

CONCENTRATE FULLY ON YOUR OWN LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Get so involved in your in life, in your own work, in your own hobbies, in your own passions, making
new friends, making new memories, going on new trips, exploring new worlds, watching movies, reconnecting with literature......I mean have you read all of George Orwell? Have you read Charles Bukowski? Have you studied the history of cinema? Have you tasted Macallan? Get involved.....get your hands dirty......

Get so busy with YOU......that you think about her less and less.....until one day you wake up and you
realize that you have to make an effort to think about her.......now you want to think about her a little and in a weird perverse way you kind of miss that obsession that you USED TO HAVE....

The only way to steer yourself healthily away from a negative obsession or an afflictive emotion...............is to FOCUS FULLY ON THE OPPOSITE.......

.....WHAT YOU FOCUS ON BECOMES BIGGER AND BIGGER.....

.....so why not focus on you and your life. Everything that's not so important will naturally drop by the
wayside......

....almost with no effort.

It's a matter of pushing in the right effort. And patience.

Remember. Plant, cultivate, harvest.

.....remove the weeds with ease.

This. The other day was the birthday of the girl that drove me here. I remembered ot at 11 pm, because the next day was the birthday of a bro, and I was like "oooh that's true".
Focus on your life, your mind will take care of riding of her itself

 

[finality]

Day 2 of NC.

ex called me twice yesterday and left a text saying that she knows that I had a good time with my plate (I hooked up but it made me feel worse) and that it hurts her even thought it shouldn't. I didn't respond.

She left me for another guy. She is just trying to keep me around as a back up.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

Day 2 of NC.

ex called me twice yesterday and left a text saying that she knows that I had a good time with my plate (I hooked up but it made me feel worse) and that it hurts her even thought it shouldn't. I didn't respond.

She left me for another guy. She is just trying to keep me around as a back up.

you did good bro, keep this up. You should block her so you can't read the messages. We all know how good that validation you get feels, but is all for the ego, you won't get any real advantage from reading them.

 

[finality]

The X texted again (just a meaningless text) to which I didn't reply to. Then she called and left a message saying that she is sorry for her weakness and that she will do her best not to contract me anymore.

This chit is fuking me up. Its like every 2 days she is breaking up with me again even though she already did. I don't have the will power to put her on ignore so I have 2 options.

- Tell her never to contact me again
- Just continue NC

What should I do.

Part of me is waiting for her to come crawling back even. I have a new plate that I'm already banging, a plate from out of town that is coming to see me in 3 weeks, plus a few plates that want to meet up with me that I met online.

I can get other women. I just can't over my ex. I started going out more and making myself busy but fuk. I've never been like this before.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

You need more NC and more time. Your mind will take care of itself if you keep busy creating new awesome memories. One day you will think about how you don't think about here anymore, and you will take a beer all by yourself and it will be tasty as ****.

 

[TSozzle]

I can get other women. I just can't over my ex. I started going out more and making myself busy but fuk. I've never been like this before.

Dont text her again, trust me, you should know that it just opens up a whole can of worms from your experience with her. She told you one time why was wrong for her, then she spoke about her bf to you. She knows youre getting stronger, and is now telling you shes sorry, but keep it up.

I was also the same. I broke up with my ex, I was thinking about her while I was banging other women. A month later and its all gone.

 

[dustmuffin]

The X texted again (just a meaningless text) to which I didn't reply to. Then she called and left a message saying that she is sorry for her weakness and that she will do her best not to contract me anymore.

This chit is fuking me up. Its like every 2 days she is breaking up with me again even though she already did. I don't have the will power to put her on ignore so I have 2 options.

- Tell her never to contact me again
- Just continue NC

What should I do.

Part of me is waiting for her to come crawling back even. I have a new plate that I'm already banging, a plate from out of town that is coming to see me in 3 weeks, plus a few plates that want to meet up with me that I met online.

I can get other women. I just can't over my ex. I started going out more and making myself busy but fuk. I've never been like this before.

BLOCK HER ON ALL FORMATS....BLOCK HER PHONE NUMBER.......BLOCK HER ON FB.....YOU GET THE IDEA.....then you will never know if she texts, calls or what ever

 

[drej0238]

Day 2

My GF of 3 years admitted to cheating on me a couple weeks back. I cant describe the rage I felt at the time, it made me wonder if she ever cheated on me before that too. It should be two weeks without contact now but today is actually day 2 of no contact.

Quick update, long story short, couldnt get into my old account had to create a new one

but I failed guys, a couple days after, which was on a tuesday, she sucked me in to texting her. It was her startin off by texting and telling me she must mean nothing to me if Im throwing three years of friendship away. I reiterared my stance on the situation and she then went on to tell me how she has a new bf (probably the guy she cheated on me with)and how I must be jealous.

This turned into an argument until I told her Id be getting a new number the following day. She responded by apologising, asking to be friends, telling me how I can be a good friend to her and how I should see her on the weekend because she has things arranged for me! I could probably have got her into bed but I wont be lured back by her offering herself to me.The only thing I dont know if I did right was the last message which was me telling her she will never be seeing me for a while if she ever does.

Anyway, moral of the story which most guys know here, dont text her back once you know its done.Ive changed my number now and deleted hers, which I dont know by memory, so the only way she can get to me is to visit me, and she lives 30 mins away so I cant see it happening. Ive finally let her go. I used to check my phone for her texts, but its kicked in now, there is no way we will speak again. I dont know why I sort of regret changing my number, but in the long run its a good thing.

Anyway its now day 7 since no contact, still thinking of her as well.

 

[finality]

Today is day 3 of NC.

Reading around the forums its clear my ex is a BPD.

I don't think ever posted all the stories of her... its literally some of the most ruthless chit you will ever hear.

 

[finality]

Day 4 of NC.

Our relationship started around 18 months ago. I met her online and after talking on the phone for a week or so I took her to a pub. We went back to her place and I banged her. In the middle of banging her she x bf called and was asking her while she sounded out of breath. She continuing to jerk my off for 10 minutes while she talked to her x on the phone and then went back to banging after she reassured him that no one was over.

She was only decent.. maybe like 7. I left that patting myself on the back for another notch but didn't really have any plans to see her again. She ended up calling me and texting all the time but I was pretty busy and I blew her off most of the time. I started hanging out with her her like 5 times a month. Basically she would come over to my house and we would screw.

After a few months I was pretty much bored of her but she was a steady FWB and I didn't have any other plates so I hang out when I felt like it but blew her off at least 1/4 off the time. She ended up telling me she liked me more than Like after a few months and I was like WTF? I broke up with her and told her there are way better guys out there than me and you deserve someone better.

Then a few weeks later she just showed up at my house and one thing lead to another, we hooked up, and I was right back in the same situation. Then one night she called me at 2:30 in the morning and wanted to come over and hook up. I told her this isn't going to work if you don't respect that I wake up for work at 4:30 and broke up with her again.

I didn't hear from her for a few months and then she texted me one day, I texted back and sure enough I ended up in the same situation again.

Fast forward a few more months and I brake up with her again until she shows up at my house again and grabs my cawk as soon as she enters my place. Sure enough we start dating again and actually things go pretty good for us for a couple months but then I get anxiety about some other stuff and I brake up with her again. She tells me she loved me more than anyone she has ever met but I say its not going to work.

So this is when something switched in my head and I become ****kkkked up.

Once again she shows up at my house crying and I console her and make her feel better ect. Now I didn't know it at the time but she started dating a new guy when I broke up with her. We talk for awhile I decided we should go for a drink the next week. So we go for a drink and I take her home but she wouldn't screw me! I was like WTF and walked out. She called/texted non stop and told me how great our night was and we should do it again. During the next few weeks she flaked on me a couple times (obviously she was with her knew bf) and I started wondering WTF was up. This girl used to be in love with me.

Eventually I start sleeping with her again but she seems distant/not answering texts as soon as she used to/didn't seem as attracted to me as she used to. This drove me crazy. I told her that it felt like someone else was in the picture but she assured me nobody was and I feel for it.

A couple weeks later a day before we had planned to take a trip together I asked to see her phone and she said I wouldn't like what I would see and then she told me that she was seeing someone else. I told her we are done ect and then she sent me texts of her telling the other guy that it was done and she only wants to be with me.

I end up taking her back but at this time I develop insane anxiety about the situation and as it turns out she kept banging the other guy. I find out and she told me that she couldn't let him go ect and somehow manipulates me to staying with her. I walked away from this women so many times but for some reason I couldn't walk away any more once she lost interest and went with another guy.

So we are back together and she is telling me how much she loves me ect ect ect but find out that she is still talking to this guy so she breaks it off with him again..showed me all the texts saying they couldn't even be friends ect.

But then a few weeks later she tells me its over. And I find out a bit later that she is with the other guy. Basically she was leaving my house and going right to his house.

I have no idea why I care about this women at all. I walked soooo many times and it wasn't until the very end that I told her I loved her. Its like a bad energy came over me and I become addicted to the pain she put me through.

Basically the last 3 months our relationship has been beyond crazy.. she called/texted me as of 4 days ago (just random texts that mean nothing) but I didn't respond. I still don't know why I love her. It doesn't make sense. Anytime the phone rings I hope its her. I wake up in the morning wondering if she texted me. I've become obsessed.

Anyways.. today is day 4.

I would love some insight into WTF is wrong with me.

 

[searching solace]

Day 4 of NC.

Our relationship started around 18 months ago. I met her online and after talking on the phone for a week or so I took her to a pub. We went back to her place and I banged her. In the middle of banging her she x bf called and was asking her while she sounded out of breath. She continuing to jerk my off for 10 minutes while she talked to her x on the phone and then went back to banging after she reassured him that no one was over.

She was only decent.. maybe like 7. I left that patting myself on the back for another notch but didn't really have any plans to see her again. She ended up calling me and texting all the time but I was pretty busy and I blew her off most of the time. I started hanging out with her her like 5 times a month. Basically she would come over to my house and we would screw.

After a few months I was pretty much bored of her but she was a steady FWB and I didn't have any other plates so I hang out when I felt like it but blew her off at least 1/4 off the time. She ended up telling me she liked me more than Like after a few months and I was like WTF? I broke up with her and told her there are way better guys out there than me and you deserve someone better.

Then a few weeks later she just showed up at my house and one thing lead to another, we hooked up, and I was right back in the same situation. Then one night she called me at 2:30 in the morning and wanted to come over and hook up. I told her this isn't going to work if you don't respect that I wake up for work at 4:30 and broke up with her again.

I didn't hear from her for a few months and then she texted me one day, I texted back and sure enough I ended up in the same situation again.

Fast forward a few more months and I brake up with her again until she shows up at my house again and grabs my cawk as soon as she enters my place. Sure enough we start dating again and actually things go pretty good for us for a couple months but then I get anxiety about some other stuff and I brake up with her again. She tells me she loved me more than anyone she has ever met but I say its not going to work.

So this is when something switched in my head and I become ****kkkked up.

Once again she shows up at my house crying and I console her and make her feel better ect. Now I didn't know it at the time but she started dating a new guy when I broke up with her. We talk for awhile I decided we should go for a drink the next week. So we go for a drink and I take her home but she wouldn't screw me! I was like WTF and walked out. She called/texted non stop and told me how great our night was and we should do it again. During the next few weeks she flaked on me a couple times (obviously she was with her knew bf) and I started wondering WTF was up. This girl used to be in love with me.

Eventually I start sleeping with her again but she seems distant/not answering texts as soon as she used to/didn't seem as attracted to me as she used to. This drove me crazy. I told her that it felt like someone else was in the picture but she assured me nobody was and I feel for it.

A couple weeks later a day before we had planned to take a trip together I asked to see her phone and she said I wouldn't like what I would see and then she told me that she was seeing someone else. I told her we are done ect and then she sent me texts of her telling the other guy that it was done and she only wants to be with me.

I end up taking her back but at this time I develop insane anxiety about the situation and as it turns out she kept banging the other guy. I find out and she told me that she couldn't let him go ect and somehow manipulates me to staying with her. I walked away from this women so many times but for some reason I couldn't walk away any more once she lost interest and went with another guy.

So we are back together and she is telling me how much she loves me ect ect ect but find out that she is still talking to this guy so she breaks it off with him again..showed me all the texts saying they couldn't even be friends ect.

But then a few weeks later she tells me its over. And I find out a bit later that she is with the other guy. Basically she was leaving my house and going right to his house.

I have no idea why I care about this women at all. I walked soooo many times and it wasn't until the very end that I told her I loved her. Its like a bad energy came over me and I become addicted to the pain she put me through.

Basically the last 3 months our relationship has been beyond crazy.. she called/texted me as of 4 days ago (just random texts that mean nothing) but I didn't respond. I still don't know why I love her. It doesn't make sense. Anytime the phone rings I hope its her. I wake up in the morning wondering if she texted me. I've become obsessed.

Anyways.. today is day 4.

I would love some insight into WTF is wrong with me.

To be honest, it sounds like you kind of deserve all this. I must have read that you broke up with this girl at least 4/5 times, whenever you felt like doing so. And now you wonder why she flakes on you and doesn't give a crap anymore?

Yeah, she sounds pretty unhinged but so do you.

I've been in a similar situation. You think they'll always come back, the dynamic of the relationship conditions you to think so, but eventually, they don't anymore and that's that. But, it's only day 4, which is nothing (I'm at 2 months now), so she may still hit you up and start the dance up all over again.

 

[MrWood]

some update.
No contact from the ex, and I am actually not expecting any. She might try, it will depend on the intent if I would even respond, or engage (I started NC after last talk on Skype). I realize at this point that I cant take her back no matter how much she would want or I want. There is too much damage from dishonesty, loyalty and basic respect that shows the lack of inherent character that this women possesses. I would be lowering my standards that I value and demand of myself and my close friends.

Had a reunion with the ex-ex last night. She is the one that I left for the ex, dumped her 2 years ago without much warning, swung a branch to the younger and hotter fake shell of ex.
She is in town for work, extending her weekend to meet up. This is our 2nd meeting since we split, the previous 5mo after our split. We had tried sex back then, but I couldnt really get into her at all since my upgrade was of substantual SMV. Had a light snack and she obviously wanted a few drinks to lube up, there was light kissing and she drops the tongue. She is still in love with me, but wants a commitment and not FWB or FB. She said we wont have sex, heh, I just said "ok". We went up to her room, I told her I am spending the night (I live a mile away from hotel). We start making out, she still says no sex, ok.. knowing she will break.. which happened. She has said she has a relationship, I find this hard to believe because she was ****ing tight every inch, orgasmd nearly before I was fully deep and had already *** once from finger.. 39yo. My first fvck in 2mo after the ex. She is here for 2 more days...

We are taking this a little like a FWB to protect ourselves but it is not easy... this is a woman I literally killed emotionally when we split, but that split had been handled properly direct with closure. I already know she can give me exactly the kind of care I am looking for until I die, and is possibly one reason I went looking for something else... just like me to my ex.


NC 30/15