The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[ljorozco]

Mauser96 - You are truly a master Don Juan! You're able to read right through her BS!. "poor me..pitty me...it's your fault...I'm not good enough for you...." blah blah blah.... I couldn't see it for sooooo long. I fell for it every single time. The truth be told is she IS a master manipulator. As most of these women are. She's doing it and done it to everyone in her life. I was lucky enough to get out. She's still trying, but now that i'm armed with the knowledge of it, I can better defend myself from it. She has Borderline Personality Disorder. Although not clinically diagnosed because she won't see a therapist, it's apparent by reading up on the mental disorder and comparing her symptoms to the traits. Guys out there...I'd read up on mental disorders like bipolar, Borderline, historanic and narcisstic. These women all suffer from something like it or a mix of all of them. Its dangerous and it messes with our minds if we let it.

 

[HW1984]

I dealt with BPD for two years and my father is as well. Stay away if you can. You will never figure them out and go through h*'ll trying to.

 

[stevedudley]

I have been in an on off relationship for 4 years. We have lived apart for 2 years. We also have a 2 year old where I had to go to court for access. We went on a day out with our son 4 days ago and my on off girlfriend was texting all day. I kept asking her who she was texting and she said a friend. 2 days ago she admitted that she was texting another man. She told me he wants to take her out and that he makes her feel good. She did say she wants to go out with this man. She also told me that she did not have any feelings for me and does not want to be with me. For the last 2 days I have done the pleading and begging and all the phone calls and texts. I am now doing day 1 no contact. I do have to pick my son up at weekends but I will not talk to her during the handover. Not eaten or slept for 2 days and the pain is horrendous. The thought of her with another man when I have my son at weekends is not a nice thought. She always contacts me when I have our son but I am determined to do the no contact so I can move on. But the temptation is so bad.

 

[beatjunkie]

Day 1.

Let's do this!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Pasternak]

You bet. I dated a BPD for 8 months, I know all too well how they shift the guilt and blame. This could have been written by my ex. Fvck them.

You boys go to
www.gettingbetter.com

and read up on the BPD articles. It may save your life. Seriously.

These women are MONSTERS and will make a suicidal nervous wreck out of you if you are not informed.

I have to agree and I can assure anyone that if you remain long enough to get emotionally invested, after the devaluation stage, you are only going to be the shell of man once you were. No matter how Alpha you think you are.

The lying, the cheating, the push and pull dynamics, manipulation, raging, the betraying and perhaps the worst, gradual EMASCULATION. That's the gratitude for supporting a low-functioning one for years. You have to support them like a child because they are emotionally unstable, can't hold a job, don't have a carrier or any markatable skills other than their p*ssies.

Run for you life.

 

[HW1984]

Stevedudley.....

Be strong man. For you and your son. Focus on yourself and teaching him to be a good man. If she can drop you just like that then show her that you can move on just like that. Two fingers in the air...Goodbye to her. I know it's not that easy having to see her every week but hide those emotions when you are around her. She will probably do and say things to try and make you jealous but don't let it. Just brush it off. Show neither anger or depression... just simple carelessness.

 

[beatjunkie]

ok so i've just read most of the posts in this thread and first of all, thank you all for sharing. reading some of stories and seeing similarities really makes me think this NC may work.

however....

i may have done something different. i actually did beg and all that other "don't do" stuff. where does this place me?

story: dated for 8 months, she broke it off, was never really into her but now i am (scarcity?), we work together)

let me know your thoughts please

DAY 1

 

[HW1984]

beatjunkie....

It could be scarcity, comfort with her or losing her made you realize you really are in to her. Best bet is comfort. As Backwardsman said above
Most, if not all relationships these days are some form of emotional attachment to someone, like a drug, when the drug (girlfriend) is available you are happy etc, when the drug is removed (dumped etc) you want it more and are unhappy - Is this love? i dont think so......

I dated mine for 5 months and left her b/c I just wasn't feeling it, not ready. NC for a year then we hung out. It started right backup but this time I was feeling it. There is no saying why... Right time for me but evidentally wrong time for her as she broke it off 6 months later. There's endless reasons. Stay NC for a while until your head clears. The answers will reveal themselves.

 

[beatjunkie]

beatjunkie....

It could be scarcity, comfort with her or losing her made you realize you really are in to her. Best bet is comfort. As Backwardsman said above
Most, if not all relationships these days are some form of emotional attachment to someone, like a drug, when the drug (girlfriend) is available you are happy etc, when the drug is removed (dumped etc) you want it more and are unhappy - Is this love? i dont think so......

I dated mine for 5 months and left her b/c I just wasn't feeling it, not ready. NC for a year then we hung out. It started right backup but this time I was feeling it. There is no saying why... Right time for me but evidentally wrong time for her as she broke it off 6 months later. There's endless reasons. Stay NC for a while until your head clears. The answers will reveal themselves.

ok will do. she broke it off because i didn't pop the question...aparently she is with someone else (3 weeks or so) because he wants to get married......fml

 

[HW1984]

BS!!!!.... She is switching the blame to you. It is not your fault. Did she ever communicate to you that she was ready for marriage? The fact that she was seeing this guy before she ended it means you were a fall back and she has no respect for you. As much as it is hurting you right now you dodged a bullet. Marriage will only satisfy her temporarily. If your bond is not strong enough before marriage it won't be after.

 

[beatjunkie]

BS!!!!.... She is switching the blame to you. It is not your fault. Did she ever communicate to you that she was ready for marriage? The fact that she was seeing this guy before she ended it means you were a fall back and she has no respect for you. As much as it is hurting you right now you dodged a bullet. Marriage will only satisfy her temporarily. If your bond is not strong enough before marriage it won't be after.

actually, she got with me after leaving her fiancee so yea she was ready more or less..but personally i couldnt just marry someone like that u know? i need time to get to know her like wtf! now shes with someone who wants to get married...and thats after effing 3 weeks!! ?? but i guess i took too long. now i got LGBF and i begged like an idiot :cuss: :cuss:

Wrapping up DAY 1

 

[beatjunkie]

ok gotta say. now i'm a bit worried that she'll forget me after this NC thing....its day 1 and i'm already effing second guessing

 

[Tack]

It's nearly been 6 months since we broke up and I just tried to go on her Facebook profile (having forgotten I set up a redirect to this page if I ever tried). Neither of us have spoken to each other or made any attempt to, so naturally I'm pretty curious about what she's doing now.

It's funny, she's gone NC on me as much as I have her so I've experienced both sides of things. My best advice for anyone recently out of a relationship is to go through the NC day by day. Don't worry about the big picture for a few weeks and just focus on yourself.

Regardless, hopefully I wont be coming to this thread any time soon.

 

[bigdrov1x]

Hold The Line Boys!!!!!!!!!!!!! Always remember to keep the NC. If anything for your own self respect. 95% of bishes will try to contact you, I am speaking from personal experiences. The other 5% who do not contact you are sociopaths who you would never be able to be happy with in the long run anyways, so be happy that they are gone. Show me a really hot chick, and I can show you a guy that is completely sick of her ****.

 

[yonggg]

day 20

its getting easier.
but still i hate her so much, i feel used, how ungrateful she was.
but yes in overall its easier now.

i need advice,
when i was still in relationship with her, my relation wih her mom was good, her mom cared about me, treat me as her own kid, she like me, and i also nice with her.
then my ex gf went to overseas for a year since february 2014. then her mom tell me to come visit because she want to have a chat with me, i think she want to give advice for my relationship, cause that ldr made my relationship with her worse. and she know that.

but i was quite busy at that time, so i said to her ok i will spare my time, but there was always problem, my sister got sick that she had to rest at hospital for hepatitia a., so i frequently had to visit hospital a lot. and finally 3weeks after im asked to visit her, i planned to visit her mom few days later.
but unforunately she dumped me first in 15 march,
since then i strted nc. and of course i didnt think i should visit her mom.

its been 20 days, and just now, her mom message me on my blackberry tellin me, she really want to meet me to chat with me, i hink her mom will tell me that my ex had hard time in overseas alone, and advice me to encourage her. thats what i think, i dont know. i havent opened the chat, so i dont know the rest of the text.

what shpuld i do now?
should i meet her? and how should i anwer her text, or how to behave.
im afraid i manage to nc for 20 days, i dont want to get struck again if i remember her at her home.
how if she later tell me somethig that make my heart hurt again.

but i also like her mom as my own mom.

and advice will be appreciated.

her mom last text was telling me to answer her chat.
but i dont know what to do, im still in hospital my father has leg injury, cant walk.

 

[Amilz]

My ex was my best friend since 1st year of college, now im in 4th year, we have over 60 mutual frends. The TRUTH: ***** cheated, USED me, abused me, and still had the balls to say she loved me. After i found out she cheated i went nuts, but then I forgave her two weeks later we decided to try Frendship...STUPID MISTAKE...NOTHING changed, shes still sleeping with him and putting me thru emotional turmoil. I KNOW i shudnt have gone BACK but this was my first real relationship. EITHER way ive lost a lot of pride and now im on the no-contact rule to get her outta my life...deleted phone number, pictures and everything....support from and DJs is welcome coz im still hurting a bit now n then....Only stupid part is i have to see her in school sometimes coz of exams...how wud u guys react here?

Ps. Do i delete her facebook? only reason i want her on it, is coz i wana show off pics wit me and other girls and stupid stuff like that. what do u guys think?

If you keep her facebook to show off pics that means you still want her back but if you keep it because you don't care if she looks into what you are doing then you've really moved on. If she sees that you deleted it then she'll know you are upset and reacted emotionally. When you meet someone better you won't bother to look at her facebook anymore.

 

[Jariel]

I SAW MY EX!

Hey guys, I hope you're all coping ok. I just thought I'd drop in to share what happened yesterday.

I was walking through the city and I heard someone call my name as I passed. I turned and saw that it was my ex. It was a situation I had dreaded and I felt my heart start pounding straight away. I've not had any contact with her since October.

We stopped and chatted politely and I maintained my cool. I was friendly and confident. She said she wasn't sure if I'd ackowledge her and I told her "It's all water under the bridge now. It's just part of breaking up, but I hold no hard feelings". We talked about what we've been upto and she said "I have to say, you're looking really good" and she asked to see my tattoo sleeve (which I didn't have when we were together).

I felt great. I've been working out and improving myself since we broke up and I know that I look the best I've looked for a long time. I also managed to maintain a calm and friendly composure, I made a few jokes and then I told her "anyway, I'd better get going as I've got a lot to do, but it's been good to see you" and we parted ways.

It was tense and I won't lie, I've been thinking about her a lot since and I still fvcking love her and miss her, but it felt really good for her to see me as this new and improved version of myself. I'm also glad that I saw her now, when I could be friendly and wish her well, rather than a few months ago when I was still crushed and bitter.

This is why it's important to channel your pain into self improvement. You just never know when you may run into your ex, and for your own sake, it's much better for her to see you looking good, well and happy, than for her to see you as a broken shell of the man she once knew.

 

[ljorozco]

I SAW MY EX!

Hey guys, I hope you're all coping ok. I just thought I'd drop in to share what happened yesterday.

I was walking through the city and I heard someone call my name as I passed. I turned and saw that it was my ex. It was a situation I had dreaded and I felt my heart start pounding straight away. I've not had any contact with her since October.

We stopped and chatted politely and I maintained my cool. I was friendly and confident. She said she wasn't sure if I'd ackowledge her and I told her "It's all water under the bridge now. It's just part of breaking up, but I hold no hard feelings". We talked about what we've been upto and she said "I have to say, you're looking really good" and she asked to see my tattoo sleeve (which I didn't have when we were together).

I felt great. I've been working out and improving myself since we broke up and I know that I look the best I've looked for a long time. I also managed to maintain a calm and friendly composure, I made a few jokes and then I told her "anyway, I'd better get going as I've got a lot to do, but it's been good to see you" and we parted ways.

It was tense and I won't lie, I've been thinking about her a lot since and I still fvcking love her and miss her, but it felt really good for her to see me as this new and improved version of myself. I'm also glad that I saw her now, when I could be friendly and wish her well, rather than a few months ago when I was still crushed and bitter.

This is why it's important to channel your pain into self improvement. You just never know when you may run into your ex, and for your own sake, it's much better for her to see you looking good, well and happy, than for her to see you as a broken shell of the man she once knew.

They call that WINNING!!! Good job!! Actually EXCELLENT!! You're so correct, better for her to see you now on top of the world...Just remember all that you're feeling now for her...she's feeling more for you. She's kicking herself saying "what if". What's even better is YOU broke off the meeting and say gotta go....That shows her that you've got more important things to do than her. I guarantee her ego is now hurt!

Well played brother!!

 

[ljorozco]

day 20

its getting easier.
but still i hate her so much, i feel used, how ungrateful she was.
but yes in overall its easier now.

i need advice,
when i was still in relationship with her, my relation wih her mom was good, her mom cared about me, treat me as her own kid, she like me, and i also nice with her.
then my ex gf went to overseas for a year since february 2014. then her mom tell me to come visit because she want to have a chat with me, i think she want to give advice for my relationship, cause that ldr made my relationship with her worse. and she know that.

but i was quite busy at that time, so i said to her ok i will spare my time, but there was always problem, my sister got sick that she had to rest at hospital for hepatitia a., so i frequently had to visit hospital a lot. and finally 3weeks after im asked to visit her, i planned to visit her mom few days later.
but unforunately she dumped me first in 15 march,
since then i strted nc. and of course i didnt think i should visit her mom.

its been 20 days, and just now, her mom message me on my blackberry tellin me, she really want to meet me to chat with me, i hink her mom will tell me that my ex had hard time in overseas alone, and advice me to encourage her. thats what i think, i dont know. i havent opened the chat, so i dont know the rest of the text.

what shpuld i do now?
should i meet her? and how should i anwer her text, or how to behave.
im afraid i manage to nc for 20 days, i dont want to get struck again if i remember her at her home.
how if she later tell me somethig that make my heart hurt again.

but i also like her mom as my own mom.

and advice will be appreciated.

her mom last text was telling me to answer her chat.
but i dont know what to do, im still in hospital my father has leg injury, cant walk.

My Advice....don't meet with her mom or chat with her!! It'll just reopen your wounds. You're 20 days in....don't get baited in. It doesn't nothing for you! It's all about her mom and her. And if your Ex had a hard time overseas...that's on her. She should have handled it differently. This time is about you and your healing.

Have dignity and pride in yourself. You've obviously got some other things going on in your life...concentrate on them (dad, etc).

 

[yonggg]

My Advice....don't meet with her mom or chat with her!! It'll just reopen your wounds. You're 20 days in....don't get baited in. It doesn't nothing for you! It's all about her mom and her. And if your Ex had a hard time overseas...that's on her. She should have handled it differently. This time is about you and your healing.

Have dignity and pride in yourself. You've obviously got some other things going on in your life...concentrate on them (dad, etc).

ouh, i asked my friends earlier and they said i should meet her mom, because my problem is with my ex, not wih her mom, so i was convinced, i replied her mom chat but acting cool.
she asked me if she can call me, and tell me want to meet me.

i said i was busy, but i can meet her, she asked if i can meet her this evening, but i was busy so i offer next monday. and then she asked for my number.

did i make mistake?
actually i had no hard feeling with her mom,
but i just dont feel like i want to meet.

if i made mistake.
any advice to repair it?
i regret it so much since u said not to chat or meet with her.
i didnt know what to do, i didnt get any advice except my friends said to respect her mom and agree to meet her,
f* i regret, i dont want to get back to day 1. i manage to 20 days, and i dont want to ruin it.
is it breaking NC if i meet with her mom? or chat with her.

but her mom seems nice to me,
she also said thanks in messenger because i replied her chat.
she wished get well for my dad.

its confusing, i dont want to get baited. f*.