The myth of the single woman

[ketostix]

But according to the others, you either HAVE integrity, or you don't.

They want to talk in absolutes, to put everything into a neat little category that they can digest and rationalize that they have made the "right" decision to be with a given woman at a given time, and that no woman has ever cheated on them, blah, blah.

Simply acknowledging the fat that "nobody is perfect" should be enough to put this idea to bed, but I'm sure they will find some way to say BUT, BUT! and keep this silly idea that you can lump people into one of two categories alive.

I'd say almost no one has integrity in ever situation and at all times. There's always going to be a time when a person believes throwing integrity out the window is going to be of benefit to them. Human nature is to be self-centered. Integrity is simply a sliding scale. Some will remain integral at more times and situations than another person.

I can see a person having so much integrity that for all practical purpose they are a person of integrity, just like I can see a person lacking integrity to be considered a person off no integrity. But I would say a person of integrity is a rare thing. Most people fall in the middle.

 

[iqqi]

I beg to differ.

Your sense of honor is determined by how well you hold up during the most trying circumstances. If your values are weakened by things that happen around you, then there is not much integrity to speak of here.

To a certain degree I feel what you are saying though. None of us is perfect and nobody is really justified in pointing fingers.

I've certainly bent a lot of my own rules, but can say with pride that there are certain lines I simply do not cross. For example, I have NEVER cheated on any girl I've been with. Even if we were together for only a couple of months and I met someone else, I always kept things out in the open.

In my world, cheating is an act of weakness and anyone who partakes does not make it into my inner circle. I don't think they are bad people, or low quality.. we just hold different values and it makes us incompatible, so I play it smart and just keep it moving. It's a big world out there!

Ultimately, we can sit here and ping-pong on the semantics of words like "quality" and "loyalty", but in the end all that we are searching for is someone who speaks our language and abides by our code of honor, someone from our "tribe" who we can relate to and trust intrinsically.

This is common sense here, but it becomes complicated when we fail to apply or abide by our own standards.

A clearheaded individual if there ever was one.

Like I said before, one should not base their own actions or integrity on anothers actions or lack of integrity.
But that is up to each individual. Just know that a person of integrity can spot one without a mile away, in most cases. It is easy because people without intregrity tend to show these qualities in public. They are the men in LTR's making moves on women in front of everyone, or the women disappearing with a different guy or two (or three!) every weekend. These are the people running their mouths about who they know and what they can do for you, but without the actions to back it up.

People with integrity avoid those people. Which could explain the lack of "quality" individuals making themselves known to you.

Like they say, it takes one to know one. If you aren't one, you may not recognize one.

 

[Latinoman]

And so we go round and round....

Yes, by the true definition of integrity it is an absolute term.

Google the word, and you will see that the meaning is basically to "stick to your principals".

So, at any given time a person can have "integrity" based upon their own PERSONAL values. But values can change.

Ohhhhh.....SNAP!

That means that integrity is NOT absolute, because the underlying values are "subject to change without notice".

I've met people who I believed to have have "integrity". But do you think for ONE SECOND that they are perfect angels? Have they NEVER been swayed to bend?

To think otherwise would be ignorant.

You don't change values without notice. But let's say you did. Still...that does not make "integrity" higher or lower.

No one is perfect. People make mistakes. But I can tell you one thing...many times the real reason is that they lacked integrity all along...and we were fooled into believe they had integrity but was "swayed to bend". You see? A person with integrity will hold very hard into his values.

If you meet and hang around with strippers, drunks, cheaters...and you feel they have "integrity"...but they were simply swayed into doing something out of character (that lacked integrity)...then I wonder who is the ignorant in here. Now, I am not saying that they are bad people. They are probably good people. But the likelihood of they having integrity are considerably lower than that of people that you might meet in other places.

 

[Latinoman]

A clearheaded individual if there ever was one.

Like I said before, one should not base their own actions or integrity on anothers actions or lack of integrity.
But that is up to each individual. Just know that a person of integrity can spot one without a mile away, in most cases. It is easy because people without intregrity tend to show these qualities in public. They are the men in LTR's making moves on women in front of everyone, or the women disappearing with a different guy or two (or three!) every weekend. These are the people running their mouths about who they know and what they can do for you, but without the actions to back it up.

People with integrity avoid those people. Which could explain the lack of "quality" individuals making themselves known to you.

Like they say, it takes one to know one. If you aren't one, you may not recognize one.

By the way...just because a man has a woman and makes a move to another...does not necessary means he lacks integrity. This will depend on his culture as many cultures actually encourage men to have more than one woman (a wife a mistress etc.) to a point that even the women of those particular cultures are not even surprised by that.

But I see your point.

 

[mrRuckus]

I'd say almost no one has integrity in ever situation and at all times. There's always going to be a time when a person believes throwing integrity out the window is going to be of benefit to them. Human nature is to be self-centered. Integrity is simply a sliding scale. Some will remain integral at more times and situations than another person.

I'll take a hit to my detriment to an extent, but I'm not going to die or be maimed or something to satisfy some higher function like honor or integrity.

If it's me or you getting hit by the bus, it's you every time. Sorry

 

[Latinoman]

I'd say almost no one has integrity in ever situation and at all times. There's always going to be a time when a person believes throwing integrity out the window is going to be of benefit to them.

That's why I said less than 5% of men could be considered TRUE DJs. As one of the most important characteristics of being a TRUE DJ is the fact he has integrity. And he does not compromise his values and integrity.

Integrity is simply a sliding scale.

Nope. You either have it or you don't. Are there certain situations in which a person would degrade himself in order to save others? Sure. But that is a situation in which he was not given any alternative (other than his life or the life of a love one). And do you know what? Many times the people that betray his values under those extreme circunstances are people that have a lot of difficulty living with himself.

A person that has a "sliding scale" of integrity...is a person that lacks integrity.

But I would say a person of integrity is a rare thing.

I totally agree. That's why I say being having DJs out there is a rare thing too. I was not kidding when I said very few men in this board are true DJs.

Most people fall in the middle.

I strongly disagree...you either have integrity or you don't.

 

[Latinoman]

I'll take a hit to my detriment to an extent, but I'm not going to die or be maimed or something to satisfy some higher function like honor or integrity.

If it's me or you getting hit by the bus, it's you every time. Sorry

If it is you or your child...who would that be?

 

[ketostix]

I'll take a hit to my detriment to an extent, but I'm not going to die or be maimed or something to satisfy some higher function like honor or integrity.

If it's me or you getting hit by the bus, it's you every time. Sorry

And you know how I see it the person asking you to die or be maimed for such an unworthy cause is the one who lacks integrity. There was a time when the king also went into battle and fought with his men, not anymore.

 

[STR8UP]

No one is perfect. People make mistakes. But I can tell you one thing...many times the real reason is that they lacked integrity all along...and we were fooled into believe they had integrity but was "swayed to bend". You see? A person with integrity will hold very hard into his values.

So basically, you, and all of the people you associate with have integrity. Guess what? I have integrity too. I don't bend MY principals. Heck, I'll bet if you ask 100 random people on the street, 99 or them would say they have integrity too.

I'm beginning to see how this word basically means nothing, because it's entirely subjective.

I can remember throwing that word at my ex many times the night I caught her out at 3am doing who knows what.

"You have no INTEGRITY!!!!!"

And she's sitting there thinking "WTF is he talking about?? I didn't have sex with anyone! I was just watching a movie with a friend!"

I'm sure she thought she had integrity, but I didn't see it that way.

I suppose she DID have integrity, if she honestly and truly believed that she was doing nothing wrong!

If you meet and hang around with strippers, drunks, cheaters...and you feel they have "integrity"...but they were simply swayed into doing something out of character (that lacked integrity)...then I wonder who is the ignorant in here. Now, I am not saying that they are bad people. They are probably good people. But the likelihood of they having integrity are considerably lower than that of people that you might meet in other places.

This is exactly why I have a very hard time posting here.

 

[Latinoman]

So basically, you, and all of the people you associate with have integrity. Guess what? I have integrity too. I don't bend MY principals.

Here is a very simple test...

If you do to another person...what you don't want another person doing to you...then you lack integrity.

There is a difference about not bending your principals out of a fear of getting caught and not bending your principals out of integrity.

There is also a difference about finding "gray areas" (justifications) that allow you to bend your principals...and not bending your pricipals due to integrity.

Heck, I'll bet if you ask 100 random people on the street, 99 or them would say they have integrity too.

The REAL test...is what would you do when NO ONE is watching you.

You want to truly measure if you have any integrity or not? The best way to measure that is putting you in a shoddy situation in which NO ONE will ever find out.

If you could steal $100K from your boss knowing that NO ONE will find out. If you could cheat on your wife knowing that NO ONE will find out. If you could take 5 days off from work and not claim vacaction knowing NO ONE will find out. If you answer "yes" to any of those...you know that you lack integrity.

I'm beginning to see how this word basically means nothing, because it's entirely subjective.

Hmmmmm...RESPECT means a lot to me. Why? Because I live by a code of respect.

If having INTEGRITY is a very important ingredient in your character...then it will mean a lot to you.

 

[iqqi]

Here is a very simple test...

If you do to another person...what you don't want another person doing to you...then you lack integrity.

There is a difference about not bending your principals out of a fear of getting caught and not bending your principals out of integrity.

There is also a difference about finding "gray areas" (justifications) that allow you to bend your principals...and not bending your pricipals due to integrity.


The REAL test...is what would you do when NO ONE is watching you.

You want to truly measure if you have any integrity or not? The best way to measure that is putting you in a shoddy situation in which NO ONE will ever find out.

If you could steal $100K from your boss knowing that NO ONE will find out. If you could cheat on your wife knowing that NO ONE will find out. If you could take 5 days off from work and not claim vacaction knowing NO ONE will find out. If you answer "yes" to any of those...you know that you lack integrity.


Hmmmmm...RESPECT means a lot to me. Why? Because I live by a code of respect.

If having INTEGRITY is a very important ingredient in your character...then it will mean a lot to you.

THIS IS GOLD. Straight gold.

Straight up.

EDIT: I'd like to request you make this into a separate thread please.

 

[Mr.Positive]

Here is a very simple test...

If you do to another person...what you don't want another person doing to you...then you lack integrity.

There is a difference about not bending your principals out of a fear of getting caught and not bending your principals out of integrity.

There is also a difference about finding "gray areas" (justifications) that allow you to bend your principals...and not bending your pricipals due to integrity.




The REAL test...is what would you do when NO ONE is watching you.

You want to truly measure if you have any integrity or not? The best way to measure that is putting you in a shoddy situation in which NO ONE will ever find out.

If you could steal $100K from your boss knowing that NO ONE will find out. If you could cheat on your wife knowing that NO ONE will find out. If you could take 5 days off from work and not claim vacaction knowing NO ONE will find out. If you answer "yes" to any of those...you know that you lack integrity.




Hmmmmm...RESPECT means a lot to me. Why? Because I live by a code of respect.

If having INTEGRITY is a very important ingredient in your character...then it will mean a lot to you.

Latinoman, you really hit a homerun with this post.

I've personally found that the people I've met in life, that I "look up" to, have held themselves to a higher standard of integrity, ethics, and morals.

They hold true to themselves...and, I've noticed that they are the happiest, well-rounded, well-adjusted people I've ever met.

Also, in my past, I've had to deal with people with absolutely no integrity, no morals, would stab you in the back at the drop of a hat.

These folks, were the most miserable people that I've ever met.

I truly believe, that the by holding ourselves to a higher standard, than we hold others...is quite possibly the key to living a happy full life.

 

[ketostix]

The REAL test...is what would you do when NO ONE is watching you.

You want to truly measure if you have any integrity or not? The best way to measure that is putting you in a shoddy situation in which NO ONE will ever find out.

If you could steal $100K from your boss knowing that NO ONE will find out. If you could cheat on your wife knowing that NO ONE will find out. If you could take 5 days off from work and not claim vacaction knowing NO ONE will find out. If you answer "yes" to any of those...you know that you lack integrity.

See that's just it, to really test integrity of a person they have to be put in a situation that they can most likely get away with. Short of setting up a sting operation and entrapping the person you won't be able to test them like this. My point is most people will compromise their own integrity at certain times and situations.

 

[iqqi]

See that's just it, to really test integrity of a person they have to be put in a situation that they can most likely get away with. Short of setting up a sting operation and entrapping the person you won't be able to test them like this. My point is most people will compromise their own integrity at certain times and situations.

It isn't about what others think or witness. It is about YOU.

Integrity is between you and you.

A religious person would say it is between them and god.

To me god is just another word for your own personal higher power (there is god in all of us). So yeah, it is between you and you, or you and god. That is why the true test is when you are ALONE, what choice would you make. The only witness is you. The only person who matters is you. And the only person who is affected... is you.

 

[guru1000]

At the end of the day, if you had lost your wealth ,family and friends; What would you have left?

The cardinal component of a MAN is to be happy with oneself. This HAPPINESS needs to originate from within. This is what is meant by SELF-VALIDATION. Very few can understand this concept. Very few also have HIGH CHARACTER.

How could one truly be HAPPY if they KNOWINGLY lack Integrity. Without it, you simply lack VALUE.

You can JUSTIFY any event and pass on the responsibility. But these MEN KNOW they sold themselves out to a higher purpose.

I think as MEN it is our responsibility to hold ourselves to this higher purpose for whatever it may be. If you think happiness is in the pursuit of money and women, you will waste many fruitful years only to learn different.

Two questions to think about:

What seperates you from the PACK?

What will you take with you to your death bed?

 

[Señor Fingers]

My point is I would compromise my own integrity at certain times and situations.

Edited for accuracy.

 

[iqqi]

JUST WANTED TO SAY

Latinoman is going to make a separate thread about his integrity test, so you may want to save your further comments for that thread.

 

[ketostix]

At the end of the day, if you had lost your wealth ,family and friends; What would you have left?

The cardinal component of a MAN is to be happy with oneself. This HAPPINESS needs to originate from within. This is what is meant by SELF-VALIDATION. Very few can understand this concept. Very few also have HIGH CHARACTER.

How could one truly be HAPPY if they KNOWINGLY lack Integrity. Without it, you simply lack VALUE.

You can JUSTIFY any event and pass on the responsibility. But these MEN KNOW they sold themselves out to a higher purpose.

I think as MEN it is our responsibility to hold ourselves to this higher purpose for whatever it may be. If you think happiness is in the pursuit of money and women, you will waste many fruitful years only to learn different.

Two questions to think about:

What seperates you from the PACK?

What will you take with you to your death bed?

But the point is whether a man has intgerity or not has no real bearing on the question of whether a woman he's with has integrity. Most people say they have integrity and believe it but most do not actually have much integrity.

 

[ketostix]

Edited for accuracy.

Funny you would say that. A guy who's admited to using aliases and writing fictional stories they themselves didn't live. There's a few people here, no need to mention names, who contradict themselves constantly and even admit to doing all kinds of stuff I wouldn't do. Yet they claim they have integrity and never would compromise it. It's totally laughable. Hypocrisy and being dishonest with one's self is the anti-thesis to integrity.

 

[iqqi]

Funny you would say that. A guy who's admited to using aliases and writing fictional stories they themselves didn't live. There's a few people posters here, no need to mention names, who contradict themselves and even admit to doing all kinds of stuff I wouldn't do yet they claim they have integrity and never would compromise it. It's totally laughable. Hypocrisy and being dishonest with yourself is the anti-thesis to integrity.

Mostly he did that (alter egos) for funny reasons. Humour. Comedy. Ego.

It was his integrity that allowed him to OUT HIMSELF.

Noone else did that. HE did that.

I say this in case he doesn't feel the need to explain himself to you.

That was a cheap shot, btw. Figures.