The line between gossip and talking about others lives when they're not around

[AmsterdamAssassin]

But we are animals who emulate others

No, we're not.

We're not animals who can just follow our instincts. We don't just 'follow our nature', especially if our nature is harmful to others.
As children we might emulate others in order to learn about life, but adolescents have to stop emulating and become adults.
Maturity means growing up and not acting on your immature impulses, becoming responsible and accountable for your actions. That is what is meant with 'become a mature masculine man'.
And that is how you attract high quality women, by being an actual man, and not a boy in man's clothes.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss event, small minds discuss people.

Of course, but I talk with my friends a lot, and inevitably we talk about our mutual friends at some point.

If I'm talking with a random dude, it's always about ideas, business or work usually. I had a impromtu "double date" recently and I didn't know any of them. When the two girls left to go to the bathroom for 15 minutes (obviously to talk about us) I talked with the other guy about getting work visas in Bali/Thailand and that whole "digital nomad/passport bro" lifestyle, we did not talk about the girls, or any girls, whatsoever. When the two girls came back, they said "were you guys shvt talking us the whole time?" lmao, classic projection. Women are the ones who gossip and talk about sex in detail and they assume we do the same thing. It doesn't occur to them that men run the world precisely because we are so interested in discussing ideas.

 

[jhonny9546]

I only see these guys gossiping about other people, and they do it mainly to entertain women in their conversations.
Women not only laugh, they are happy, in the presence of these guys, but they will also report the gossip they just saw. In short, this thing, manages to create a kind of bond of trust.
Those are just my IRL reports

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Women not only laugh, they are happy, in the presence of these guys, but they will also report the gossip they just saw. In short, this thing, manages to create a kind of bond of trust.

No, it doesn't. Even women know that chatty guys will eventually gossip about them, and the 'trust' is superficial. Women trust me with a lot of 'shameful' stuff, because they know I'm discreet and taciturn about my relationships.

Plus you assume they are bonding. Do you have any evidence of a guy being sexually attractive to women while gossiping? The fact that they are 'happy' only means they're 'entertained'. Entertaining women rarely leads to the type of relationship you're looking for.

 

[BaronOfHair]

In short, this thing, manages to create a kind of bond of trust.
Those are just my IRL reports

This sort of juvenile behavior may enhance one's standing in Rome or Naples, even as it's viewed less charitably in different parts of the world... As The Assassin noted in a separate thread, Italians are viewed by the rest of Europe as a nation of overgrown toddlers*


*Though lately, The US and The UK are giving Italy a run for it's money on this front

 

[jhonny9546]

Plus you assume they are bonding. Do you have any evidence of a guy being sexually attractive to women while gossiping? The fact that they are 'happy' only means they're 'entertained'. Entertaining women rarely leads to the type of relationship you're looking for.

One is his 7years GF, I'm sure another woman there want to **** him.
The other are there for gossip.


" Entertaining women rarely leads to the type of relationship you're looking for"
This.
I saw my sister in two different LTR behaving accordingly to her men.
In the first LTR she was really "childish" and having too many "back" gossip.
In the 2nd LTR she became adult, prone to career, very educated.

Like two different person. And that is because a woman "mirror" her men behaviour. Learn from you, and want you to guide her.

But this also make me think: Why are there women which keep LTR with unhealthy men, if they can also be good with a healthy men?

This sort of juvenile behavior may enhance one's standing in Rome or Naples

What is considered here a mature men, is considered a "elderly" men here in Italy.
That is just the general POV on it.
But I trust "feminine" women out there, will find those "mature" men and never leave after they can experience what being a man really is. Something they can't forget.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Why are there women which keep LTR with unhealthy men, if they can also be good with a healthy men?

Bad judgment, mostly. However, pretty much everyone shows bad judgement in some part of their lives, especially the parts where logic doesn't apply. Like relationships.

Women* can be smart, educated, world-wise, and still fcuk up their relationships because they overlook red flags and prioritise the 'feelings' they get from the 'unhealthy' men. Often it's because they have emotional issues that needs to be resolved. In a healthy relationship, they will have to deal with the issues. In unhealthy relationships they can ignore their accountability and keep their emotional issues, because their unhealthy man wouldn't want her to work out her problems.

It's convenience driven mostly.

*men also get in disastrous relationships, but for other reasons mostly lust related.

 

[jhonny9546]

because their unhealthy man wouldn't want her to work out her problems.

You can pay for 100$ and still cannot find the information you wrote up above.
But this sentence really resonate. What do you mean? "because their unhealthy man wouldn't want her to work out her problems"
Is that because the men is getting advantage over her because of that or any other reason?
Interesting!

Again thanks for the comment above, I've saved on my syllabus

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Is that because the men is getting advantage over her because of that or any other reason?

It's a matter of control. If a person is emotionally unstable, they're easier to manipulate than when they're stable.

As long as a woman has emotional issues, you can trigger those issues to keep her 'off-balance' and manipulate her.

A normal/healthy man will want to avoid drama, so they actually have a stake in a woman solving her emotional issues and cutting down on her drama.

 

[jhonny9546]

It's a matter of control. If a person is emotionally unstable, they're easier to manipulate than when they're stable.

As long as a woman has emotional issues, you can trigger those issues to keep her 'off-balance' and manipulate her.

A normal/healthy man will want to avoid drama, so they actually have a stake in a woman solving her emotional issues and cutting down on her drama.

That's why those manipulators usually want you to reduce your time with friends, family, relatives, so you can get better manipulated at their intentions

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

That's why those manipulators usually want you to reduce your time with friends, family, relatives, so you can get better manipulated at their intentions

Depends on how good they are at manipulation. The obvious manipulators want to isolate their victims, but the experienced manipulators can do it in the clear light of day.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Depends on how good they are at manipulation. The obvious manipulators want to isolate their victims, but the experienced manipulators can do it in the clear light of day.

I've never met a woman who attempted to isolate me from friends family in any way shape or form. Who would be naive enough to fall for

that? What I do consistently experience with most women I date is her talking about exes, with the caveat that most of them do not describe them as "toxic" or "abusive" etc but expressing pity or sadness for him, which is very strange and I don't quite know what that means.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

IWhat I do consistently experience with most women I date is her talking about exes, with the caveat that most of them do not describe them as "toxic" or "abusive" etc but expressing pity or sadness for him, which is very strange and I don't quite know what that means.

The talk about exes is to draw your attention that these women have been considered desirable enough by other men to have relationships with them. Since everyone is looking for attention and validation, they are telling you about their exes because they want your attention and validation.

 

[jhonny9546]

The talk about exes is to draw your attention that these women have been considered desirable enough by other men to have relationships with them. Since everyone is looking for attention and validation, they are telling you about their exes because they want your attention and validation.

So how do you give em that, in the correct way?

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

So how do you give em that, in the correct way?

Anybody who wants my attention and validation has to earn it. And deserve it. My time is too valuable to squander on the unworthy.

 

[jhonny9546]

earn it

That's the good mindset, by "earn" it do you mean with actions they do to you?
Do you consider "making her avaiable to you" or "having her flirting to you" actions?

 

[Doctor Doom]

Gossiping is a feminine trait. Also, in my experience, I’ve never understood why men are so concerned about other men. Advice is one thing but, worried about another man is crazy.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

That's the good mindset, by "earn" it do you mean with actions they do to you?
Do you consider "making her avaiable to you" or "having her flirting to you" actions?

"One does not applaud the singer for clearing her throat."

 

[jhonny9546]

"One does not applaud the singer for clearing her throat."

You always have great examples of metaphors, but what about real life?
Which behaviors do you reward and which do not?
It is important to figure it out yourself, but it is also important to write down how you would have behaved in certain situations

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

It is important to figure it out yourself, but it is also important to write down how you would have behaved in certain situations

No, that's important for you. Not for me. If you give me a scenario for me to respond, most likely it's a scenario that you encounter, but I can rarely relate to them because I don't interact with women the way you do.

Which behaviors do you reward and which do not?

Behaviours that show she's invested. Eager participation. Just batting her eyelashes at me and telling me in a husky voice how handsome she perceives me to be are not incentive for me to take her home and tie her up.

You always have great examples of metaphors, but what about real life?

Okay, some time ago I related how I meet women when I went to a Rolex dealer to ask them to remove the rubber strap from a Citizen Dive Watch I had bought. I didn't give a follow-up.

So, this afternoon after the rain stopped, I took the watch and Klook and walked to the diamond factory around the corner from my house. They don't just trade in diamonds, but they're also an AD for Rolex and a bunch of other high end watches.
So I went up to the security guys, and asked them if I could go inside see if the watch technicians would remove the rubber strap from my Citizen watch.
They told me that I could go to the reception and ask them. The girls behind the reception desk were excited that I came inside (they told me they had seen me walk/cycle past with Klook) and they were enthusiastic about meeting him, even if they had to stay behind the bulletproof glass. One of the female employees who guides tourists through the factory started chatting and took me into the boutique to the ladies at the watch station, who packaged my watch carefully in foam and send it with the NATO strap upstairs though a tube system.
The 'guide' was chatting with me and had to excuse herself and go back to the reception area, but as I was chatting with the ladies at the watch station, other female employees came over to chat and take pictures of Klook, paying me compliments on 'the whole package' and suddenly the guide was back to mix with the other women fawning over Klook.
The tube returned my watch on the NATO strap and the young sales clerk (who had just stared at me the whole time) put the rubber strap in a velvet bag embossed with the label of the factory. Instead of putting it for me on the counter, she held the little bag out to me and when I took it she looked me in the eye and squeezed my fingers with the bag, then looked down. I thanked her and asked her if I owed them anything for the service and she said, "No, it was our pleasure. I hope to welcome you here again."
The guide came over and asked me if I wanted to leave through the usual exit (a revolving door) or if she could take me back to the reception area. I chose the latter so the reception ladies could say goodbye to Klook. After enthusiastic waving from the reception ladies I left the building, had a chat with the security guys and went to a café for coffee.
I took the bag with the rubber strap from my inside pocket to put it in my bag and felt a card in the velvet bag. It was a standard business card. When I turned it over, it had as small drawn heart and a mobile number written on the back. And the guide just started following me on IG.

So, in the space of about thirty minutes, I spoke with 6-7 women, and two were bold enough to get me their number / IG.

Edited to add: at no point in the conversation did I show romantic/sexual interest in any of the women. The guide told me her name several times. I was my usual charming self.

This happened some five-six weeks ago.
The same evening, I texted the watch station girl an intentionally neutral message, 'Thank you for your excellent service', and she asked me if we could meet sometime over tea. Meanwhile the guide invited me to drinks after work through my IG account.
I accepted both invitations, not expecting much. Which was good, because while both of them are attractive women (most saleswomen for luxury goods tend to be good-looking), neither of them had anything going for them that would make them interesting to me. Besides, I'm already involved with three women I consider more attractive, so I didn't escalate sexually with them although both of them were giving clear indications of being available to me.