The journal of Dedication

[Dedication]

Day 28

I went out to daygame with 2 community guys, fun thing was that the person who came up with the original idea was 3 hours late. We played a game in which 1 person chooses sets and the other has to approach, it worked pretty well and I got to approach above my average number.

The most solid set was a girl who I later found out was already engaged, that made me lose interest and walk away. When I got back to the group they gave me **** for walking away. I should've pushed on and ask her 'well, what's it going to take to make this work?' I got the idea. **** morals, you're learning. If I really didn't want to do it then I could've walked away at the last moment knowing that I could get her.

Next weekend will be the gay pride parade, let's see what happens there hahah.

 

[Dedication]

Day 29

On the beach, a great day. Most notably a german tourist who was there on vacation, on her own. She didn't speak our language and her English wasn't that average either.

That makes me wonder, how do you pick up chicks who you can barely communicate with? Surely people around here know how to do that

 

[Dedication]

Reflective post

It's been almost 30 days since I've started going out and I have to say that all my goals aside from game are coming along great.

The positive
- I'm more motivated to keep in touch with friends and hang out with them. I also think that I've made a friend for life.
- My close family likes me, some of them have shared in their own way how they never thought we'd be like this together or they 'opened up' by sharing and expressing things about their life I never knew before. Through that I can feel that my relationship with certain individuals is better.
- I'm getting my eyes fixed, it's a long proces which will take an estimated 2-3 month's, but it will be done.
- I've met community guys who are already getting laid & are approaching women, each on their own level with their own personality, hey, I can't complain
- I've met a natural who expressed his desire to hang out with me.
- I didn't go out solo, now I'm more comfortable doing so. I still feel a bit anxious in doing so.
- I talked to strangers before these 30 days (mostly old people) but now I'm talking to women who are lay potential. Something I didn't do before this 60 challange.
- I'm constantly figuring out what I do not want.

The negative
- During the day I'm looking for other things to do rather than game. This has helped me greatly in other area's of my life, but I know that my focus is off.
- I'm not working with focus, I notice that through the following:
1. Not going out every night, coming up with excuses and at times letting myself slip and play video games. Something that I hadn't done in about 4 months.
2. Not actively working on my sticking points, I know what I need to do, yet I'm still not pressing through the plateau.
3. Not approaching nearly as much as I could've, my approaches are well in to the double digits, it could've been the in the triplets.
- I'm currently doubting if I can learn game. I know I can but I still have doubts, I think this stems from having my confidence shaken up a bit. (This might be a positive actually )

The worst I've encountered
IMean looks, being ignored and getting very short answers through text after an approach which I thought was at least at a decent level. Well, that's all nice and dandy but I believe that these rejections aren't hard enough for me. I haven't gotten a **** OFF yet, I haven't had any boyfriends run after me or bystanders staring at me for doing what I'm doing.

THe last thing I can say is, **** me. Why did I allow myself to lose focus? I was on the right track and it was going pretty well. Not as good as it could've been but I was getting somewhere, then I started to do other things and bam! 1 hour led to 2 hours, it led to half a day. Which eventually led to 3-4 days of doing nothing. I lost my momentum. ****, that was the stupidest thing I've done last week. If I could go back in time I'd kick the living **** out of myself.

 

[Dedication]

Day 30

Today I pissed off 2 waiters, a women with a baby and a girl who works in a store. Isn't that a plus right after talking about not having enough ****ty encounters >.>

I'm thinking about getting past my ego and calibrate right after I see their reaction dropping way worse than I expected by telling them, "I didn't mean it that way." I won't say sorry since it's not my fault that they couldn't joke but I will still explain why I did what I did, after that I'll see if they have rotten personality's and ignore me or if the simply needed to be shown the right way.

I'm field testing this the next time a girl gets offended again. My usual reaction was just to laugh at them, pretty hard. (Talk about being an *******, heheh)

 

[Dedication]

Day 31

My confidense is a bit shaken right now. I just got the feeling that I've blown myself out of every social circle with (hot) women in my home town. I feel like if I'm going to get a girl that I'm taking her away from her social circle and actually have nothing solid to offer. I feel like: Other guys are more fun, other guys have more interesting story's to share, other guys have more friends and are capable of spinning their own ****ty lives in to something wonderfull.

I know what they say: Rejection is better than regret, well. I'm currently regretting all my **** ups. Thinking back I've been so ****ing stupid so many times and I still don't know how to correctly do it because somehow, someway I always manage to **** it up.

Each time I think it's going well I **** it up somewere along the lines and I just know (or I am being paranoid as **** hahah) that her entire social circle will tell her about me. I mean, I've had the mother of a friend who'se girlfriend I emotionally hurt, hard, come up to my front door to ask me how I felt about her. It is kind of funny looking back at it now, heheh. I feel like as if I have to be looking for friends and girlfriends in other places.

 

[Thomson]

You have tried it so hard and in the end, only frustration is there. So try another way; complete opposite: to just playfully so it, without goals and seriousness.

 

[Dedication]

You have tried it so hard and in the end, only frustration is there. So try another way; complete opposite: to just playfully so it, without goals and seriousness.

Yeah, maybe. I've been a KJ for a couple of years, as is evident by my join date. A lot of the theory I've read and absorbed really does not work for me. Some beliefs and attitudes that I've had about people (man and women) backfired on me. I've ****ed up so many times and the only thing I have to show for it are just a couple of fail stories.

My calibration is way off, I'm terrible at reading other people and the mood they are in. I can talk about myself, I can make myself laugh, I can enjoy myself while dancing alone on the dance floor. But what I completely lack is the ability to 'see what is appropriate'.

I've had girls ask me okay, I'm going to tell you this but promise me not to laugh. Inside my head I'm like 'well, laughing right now would probably be the best thing to do'. So she tells her story and I make fun of her. Guess what? I hurt her emotions so bad simply because she doesn't feel like she's taken seriously.

The good thing about this is that I've realized my mistake. The bad thing is that I've had to make this mistake over and over again to just get a glimpse of my blindspots.

Social interactions don't come natural to me, I guess I'm at the right place

 

[Dedication]

Day 32

No approaches.

In between yesterday and today I made a friend by being normal and cool. Again, another dude who is awesome with girls. I seem to attract these kinds of people in my life hahah.

 

[Dedication]

Day 33

No approaches.

It's friday and I've been busy with new contact lenses and friends, amazing conversations lasting deep in to the night. Considering how much information I've got about how to really **** with people, not giving a **** and about females entering our town, I think it was worth it.

 

[Dedication]

Day 34

I recieved a book about coldreading people, read a couple of pages and got to work. I'm seriously considering putting MBTI tags next to my sets, maybe I will after I've thought that through.

Approached a couple of sets.

Set: 1 I talked for about 10 minutes with one and then I suddenly noticed, she was underaged. I asked her age and she told me: 15, yikes.

Set 2: A girl I talked to for about 40 minutes who had a boyfriend. I totally coldread the **** out of her and she wanted to keep in touch because our conversation was interesting.

A salesgirl: approached me on the street and tried to sell me something, unfortunately for her I'm an INTJ, so me being my natural self I left her pretty pissed off. She will be talking about this ******* to her friends, that's for sure.

Missed opportunity's
1. I saw 2 people making out and 2 girls were watching, one of them had some kind of expression that made me think 'she wants to make out, right now' right when I pasted them. I should've turned around immediately and went for an instant makeout, but I walked for 1 minute and then decided to act. I walked fast, back to the spot keeping myself in state but alas, they were gone.

2. I saw 2 people walking being lovely with each other, 1 girl was walking behind them with her hands crossed (I see this from time to time). I have no clue what to do but I think she secretely also wants the attention of a man, so why wouldn't that man be me

Reflection
I noticed that I've got more stories to tell and I'm better at keeping the conversation going, even if it's considered small talk. As an INTJ it's a big thing. Also, I'm good with girls who have boyfriends >.< I usually keep talking to them and try to work on comfort, it goes well and those girls want to keep in touch with me. I haven't been doing that because in my mind I wanted instant results with girls. But I think I'll keep in touch with them, there might be benefits in keeping girls around as friends.

My biggest weakness
Attraction and plowing! I can open a set with 'hey I saw you walk by and I just had to talk to you because I thought you looked cute so I wanted to get to know you better', 'whats your name.' From there on out it's all comfort game. 1

1: I need to convey it's a man talking to a women. < A biggie.
2: I need to be able to keep on plowing, but I notices gradual improvement, it just might be a lack of approaches and not being in a social mood all the time that keep me from doing this.

 

[Dedication]

Day 35

I won't be gaming today, only reading theorie. But if I do, I'll post about it.

 

[Dedication]

Day 36

Monday!
Started a new project to get ahead in school, read theory all night, kind of addicting tbh.

Day 37

It's official, I made a new friend. This guy thinks I'm hella interesting. It's funny, before I wanted to get a social circle. Now that I'm building one I'm beginning to care less and less about it. I should stick to it and remember what I will eventually get out of it, better social skills and more attractiveness towards women who I can pull into my life.

 

[Dedication]

Day 38

It rained, all day. Nobody approachable on the streets and I didn't bother checking out the night life, instead, I went to the gym. Some gym jocky was teaching a group some exercises. Out of pure boredom I started cracking some jokes (which made me laugh). Succes in being free from outcome, heh.

Edit:

A friend of mine flaked on me twice this week, he in an emotional relationships with ups'n'downs. I'm starting to lean on kicking him out of my life, but he can still provide me with social proof. So I'll take the high road of becoming busier and start doing things that I really want to do, even if I'm solo. That way I'm legitimately too busy. Thing is, I believe that the guy is fine but the people he has surrounded himself with aren't.

 

[Dedication]

Day 39

I spent my day at the library, thinking it would be a good place to practice some pick-up. Well, I got interested in a book and after reading for an hour completely oblivious to my surroundings, I came to my senses and noticed that a 1 and 2 set were (mysteriously) closeby. So I wanted to approach them but my voice didn't came out... What did came out didn't sound good. I didn't talk for such a long time that I instantly blew it.

At night I got invited to chill with my new friend, couldn't pass that offer since he might be getting me in to social party's.

 

[Dedication]

Day 40

I was massively in my head during the day, I didn't really want to go at night (and its friday) but a friend of mine popped me a text, which made me get out 2 more people and we had a fun night.

My game didn't natch me what I wanted but I got a female friend out of it, nice night.

 

[Dedication]

Reflective Saturday

Hue Hue, progress is slower than I expected, I had (and still have?) more issues inside my head than I expected when I began. I noticed that the beauty of going out and being in set is that it really puts a focus on what you aren't doing right, because I got blown out every time I ****ed up. There is still a lot more of ****ing up to do.

Now that I've made some new friends, I notice that I'm good in the 1on1 deep comort conversation, then they start telling me about their problems and a problem that can be fixed shines through. I know that they just want somebody to listen and understand. But... I see a new issue arrive. I feel this NEED to fix their 'problems'. I'm letting it out slowly, carefully and while being fun about it. Not because I think it will help them but just to lessen what I feel. I love giving them a new perspective and bringing a smile to their face, but sometimes the answer is just to GTFO of the situation. I guess every red-pill man has this problem in one form or another.

Mostly, it's my lack of desired results stims directly from a lack of action. Reporting daily when I know that I've not taken the action I should've taken is painful, even if I'm anonymous, that has nothing tod i with it. I do not like confronting my lack of action, again and again. It makes me feel dissapointed and a little bit hurt. The less distraction I have in my life (video games, porn, material to read) the bigger the lens on my social problem gets.

Also, people that are interested in me, don't actually give a **** about me. They just want to talk about and explain themselves. I really energize them by getting them talking and sharing what they feel and experience. As if they get validated by my me. It seems that the only times I need to talk is to either open her up for more stuff to talk about or to lead her to another place. RSD talks about letting a women in to your life, your experience. Well, it seems to me that she just wants to explain herself and what she is looking for. I only have to fit that 'hole' by a small margin and something begins to happen automatically.

 

[Dedication]

Day 41

Awesome morning, I felt great from the night before. Then I started listening to music & doing some homework, my state dropped. At night I went out to meet a new group of people to game with.

Funny story:
I arrived at the meeting place (a café) 15 minutes early to meet an inner circle group. I saw nobody and because I knew the folks were regulars I asked the waitress if she knew the group. She had no idea but told me that there was a business group, so I approached that group. To my surprise all the men were 30+ and there were females present. So I asked 'are you guys the inner circle group?' to which they reply'd 'yep', I grabbed a seat, sat at their table, started talking and ordered a water. Then one of them asked me how I came in to contact with them so I started talking about the intake and how I got passed that through a mutual friend. To this point I was absolutely clueless, untill I noticed that their questions were off and I told them rest of the group 'I don't think this guy has any idea what he's talking about' then they all started to laugh... o.0 wtf? I thought. Well, the clueless guy explaiend to me that they weren't the group I was looking for, they where just out having some fun... 'hahah' I laughed, 'but you guys are paying for my drink.' And then I bailed, but not before I got bombarded with questions about what it was that I was actually doing in that café, some of them got really intrigued.

Night game

After this adventure I met up with the real inner circle group. It seemed to me that I had the most fun out of everybody talking with people and listening to story's. After 2 hours we went out, the group split off and I went out with a foreigner and a black nerd. Both of em have been approaching for a couple of months.

Before we entered the club late at night, I ran out of social energy and felt depleted as ****. It had an impact.

Not counting the randoms, I approached 8 sets. (almost) All the same deal, I'm talking and asking questions about school & work related subjects. Sometimes trying to wing it for my new found friend. It just felt boring, I had no real fun talking to these girls. Funny thing is that the entire venue had more masculine looking men than the 3 of us, yet we approached the most. Hopefully this is was a great night for boosting my social energy. I was out for about 13 hours before I got home. Talking to other strangers on my way home.

 

[Dedication]

Day 42

I've slept for 4 hours, went to the beach with my brother (it was a bit cold and rainy) played some football and went for a swim.

Now that I'm back I realize that I feel great, I always feel great AFTER taking (failed) action. I've got a bit of momentum going, went out on friday, saturday and sunday upon waking up. I know (feel very strongly) that doing approaches right now would go rather well. Unfortunately, I've got work to do which is bound to get me back inside this logical headspace.

This got me thinking, when school starts I'll be busy on 3 days, making me have 4 days off. I should structure it in such a way that I can actively game and gain a momentem swing each weekend. When these 60 days end I'll be rereading my log and continue doing game/improving upon myself.

That's the end of this weekend, time to get back to work.

EDIT: Insight, perhaps I did not enjoy last night, simply because I brought nothing NEW to experiment with. I was going through the same motions each set again and again, I should've just thought of something crazy (which, unfortunately duo to my mental energy being depleted I *couldn't*) and do it.

 

[Dedication]

Reflection time

It's my reflection, if it doesn't make sense to you, I couldn't care less. I'm not typing this for you but for my own sake to create clarity inside my own head.

My thoughts have been wandering and wavering at times, not really sure what it is exactly that I wanted to do or learn. Especially since there are other people out there with great and awesome goals, they can make something I dislike look like a lot of fun.

The party lifestyle
There are other people out there who go clubbing constantly. (Like some PUA's) Making it seem as if all the fun is out at night. These past few years I let their reality of a fun life take me over, for better and for worse at different times. Now that I've experienced long nights of clubbing, alone, with strangers and with friends, I really realize that I don't care about those venues. I will not become happy by clubbing and living out somebody else's dreams. Even if the hottest girls are in vegas, it isn't worth it if I'm not happy there.

Carl Gustav Jung & natural compatibility
Carl Jung's cognitive functions completely deepend my understanding about humans and it helped me in all my (long term) relationships I have with other people. I clearly see Ni-Te working, I clearly notice how Fi cares or just doesn't give a ****. I've clearly witnessed my autonomy pissing off dominant Fe users or how my razorsharp Ni-Te just cuts your Fi to shreds. From MBTI, I've clearly seen the relationships between the INTJ and INTP, ESFJ, ISFJ, ISFP, ESFP, ISTP & ENFP. To a lesser extent the relatinships between the INTJ with INFP, ENFJ, ISTP, ISTJ & ENTJ. I'll still have to discover & experience how the INTJ works with the ENTP, INFJ, ESTP and another INTJ. For the record, **** SF types. No personal disrespect, but generally speaking (as in, every SF type I have ever met in my entire life) you're just a bunch of shallow ****s. From natural conversations I loathe you and you can't stand me. Deal with it because communicating with an SF type exhausts the living **** out of me. (Take not that I know full well what the boundary's are and when to act right, just to let you know, if you take what I just said literally then you're probably an S.)

I also think that I've let myself develop some limiting beliefs because I didn't know a single PUA that has the MBTI type or even the same game style as me. Untill I searched around and found Krauser, that INTJ knows whats up. I strongly corrolate my way of being with him, so that's awesome for me.

To rap this part up: I want certain types in my life, I do not want to deal with other types and this is simply because on the long term, we are not compatible. This led me to skip steps and starting to search these types out without me having proper game. But now I get it. For me to reach my goal and live out the life I want to live, have the kind of people I want in my life, I must learn male to female attraction. I must become the type of male that exudes masculinity in such a way that even the women who hate my personality and don't want to hang around me, still want to **** me and gain my validation, simply because I am masculine.

How did I reach this conclusion? Simple, my **** doesn't care about a person's personality so her **** wouldn't either. First I'll develop the sexual skills and after that I'll worry about LTR's.

To finish this off before shallow answers this post: I know that there is a lot more to somebody's personality than just the cognitive functions, if you really just thought that I was only looking at the cognitive functions, you clearly do not understand how Ni works.

 

[Dedication]

This still leaves out: What do I want out of life? The specifics aren't filled in (yet) but here is the broad idea:

Relationships:
- Competent (as in, at my skill or above) people in my business life.
- Activety friends to do (extreme) stuff with and have a crazy fun time with.
- A couple of intellectual friends, just to spout off different idea's and other **** with. Probably people who've been in the game or people who are in the same business as me.

Love:
- A girl who will have my children while I can still run game whenever I feel the need to.
- I want to be able to pick up hot young girls and **** em in a relative short time upon meeting them well into my 30's 40's and 50's.

My appearence:
- I want to look well groomed, have a masculine body and fashionable (but not over the top) clothing.

What I want to be doing constantly, while I'm making money:
- Being above the scene of a company, steering it in the right direction. I couldn't care less about the day to day human management, it drives me crazy. I care greatly about steering a company in the right direction and setting it all right. Managing the logistical & non personal side, it's awesome.