The girlfriends ex

[CLOONEY]

Ok guys, not that I really need advice in this situation, more just interested in opinions.......

So my girlfriend is definately in love with me (you can see it in her eyes and by the way she acts, not just what she says), however she has only loved one guy before me, and that was her ex.

Her ex broke up with her because he needed more time to get his head together (he was depressed), yeah right, more like wanted to keep fukcing her while he was fukcing someone else and thus not feel bad because he didnt have a "girlfriend".

Anyways, just recently, he has been ringing my girlfriend, telling her all his mistakes, that he loves her, always has and that he realises he treated her badly and wants her back. Says that he always felt like she was his and now he is ready to not take her for granted and have a good relationship with her. So she tells me, yeah she thinks she could have a good relationship with him now he has grown up and would probably be happy with him. However doesnt want to get back with him as its too late and she has now fallen in love with someone else (me).

Anyways, she told him this (apparently) and he went away for a couple weeks. Just the other night he messaged her, they talked and now she is meeting up with him for coffee "just to catch up". I think this is a bit dodgy, but it doesnt bother me too much. However, my friends say this is a big deal, if she didnt feel anything for him, she wouldnt want to meet up with him, especially considering she knows he still loves her and is going to try and pull all the moves he can to get her back...........

What is your opinion on this scenario that I am in.............?

Either way, I am going to just let it go with the flow (something my friends think is bad and that I should put my foot down), just wanted to see if you guys/girls think I should be more wary than I am currently...........?

Cheers

 

[Johnnie5]

need some more info here mate

age of you both , how long have you been together ,

how do you feel about her ?

there is 2 sides to the story , if you say yeh all good and fine its possible that they will get back together as she prob still wants him back

if you jump up and down she might go and see him anyway , he isnt going to give up on what he wants too easily

I guess you need to work out if you are in a stable enough relationship and can put your foot down without coming across as an arsehole

its of course a touchy subject and you need to put her in her place that this sort of behaviour isnt on

you need to put her in your shoes and ask her if she would be happy if you went and saw some of your ex for a catchup ?

does she really think he has changed ? remember how he treated you before ? do you want to go through that sort of thing again ?

its all treat lightly

remember you cant try to be too logical with her , I went to a meeting recently with Badboy and he told us about the womans logical brain is controlled by the emotional brain ,

I experienced this 1st hand myself recently with someone , no matter how true the logical side of things was the emotional side made the fianl decision , even she knew herself she was making a mistake but she followed her heart anyway

so in the end if she has a strong enough emotional connection then there isnt a lot you can do about it

good luck mate

 

[CLOONEY]

Thanks guys.

haha, funny post that second one. The reason I am "going with the flow", is because I have another girl right now I am very interested with, and if my girlfriend goes all dodgy about it, then I am fine to just start dating this new one. She has already told me she is real into me, I have hung out with her (I do keep my options open), and she seems like an awesome chick.

As for the "she still has contact with her ex", its hard to argue against that, as I do also! Infact, I still have contact with my past 2 exes!

As far as her being rude with her ex, I dont see it as a problem she is still nice, its better to end something mutually than end up in a catfight, swearing and holding grudges! Maybe at first there will be conflict (I definately beleive in getting it off your chest and yelling at them, instead of this "show no care" attitude), but after a while it should be amicable! It shows a lot more about a persons character!

As far as the posts, that adds upto about 1.5, maybe a bit more a day, considering over half are on sport or health and fitness, doesnt amount to too many on woman.

Maybe you are right, it does sound dodgy, but either way, that is why I do not care too much, whatever happens happens and I will be fine anyways. Not to mention, she is still pushing me to go away overseas with her for a couple of months in a few weeks for a holiday! Definately not something she would be trying to plan if she was planning on fukcing her ex. But then again, I could be wrong, I am not defending her, just stating some logical of my own.

Any more opinions?

 

[CLOONEY]

Re: Re: The girlfriends ex

Originally posted by OneArmDeeJay
You’ve been on this site since 2002 and you still have to ask this question?

If you don’t know by now then you seriously need to do a lot less posting and a lot more reading.

That is rediculous! The foundations of this site are good, challenge, mystery, be nice but remain ****y, funny, confident. Etc etc. The rest comes down to practice, NOT reading!

You could read till the cows come home, you are still only going to take away the basic principles from this site.

 

[Johnnie5]

Originally posted by CLOONEY
Thanks guys.

Maybe you are right, it does sound dodgy, but either way, that is why I do not care too much, whatever happens happens and I will be fine anyways. Not to mention, she is still pushing me to go away overseas with her for a couple of months in a few weeks for a holiday! Definately not something she would be trying to plan if she was planning on fukcing her ex. But then again, I could be wrong, I am not defending her, just stating some logical of my own.

Any more opinions?

as i posted above its got nothing to do with logic , women say 1 thing today and it changes in 5 mins

 

[MightyMate]

I would never let my girl meet with the guy. Alkso the stuff that she feels his mature now and she could be happy sounds really bad.But as it looks You don love her [because You let the flow, and have other girl on target] its hard to tell. Looks like You dont care. If You did You woulnt let her meet. Why does she want to meet with him, if she loves You?

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by MightyMate
I would never let my girl meet with the guy. Alkso the stuff that she feels his mature now and she could be happy sounds really bad.But as it looks You don love her [because You let the flow, and have other girl on target] its hard to tell. Looks like You dont care. If You did You woulnt let her meet. Why does she want to meet with him, if she loves You?

Very good point, she wants to meet with him even though she loves me, for validation that he still loves her, makes her feel secure, and keeps him in the background if we break up.

I do love her, one of the only 2 I have in my life, but I have a problem with manogomy, for some reason I get bored very very easily, usually after a few dates, or for only 2 girls, after 6 months to 18 months with a girl.

Reason I dont care so much, is because I know I will be happy anyways, sad at first, but it might just work out for the best. Plus I will probably care more than I think right now. But only time will tell that.

I did just ask her before why she is meeting with him, and she said that she wont meet with him if I dont want (if this is the truth, only god knows).

 

[CLOONEY]

Oh and the other girl on target knows I have a girlfriend and will not cheat on her. I am simply being friends with her encase the day comes I am single again (chicks do this all the time, weather you like it or not)!

 

[Wyldfire]

Clooney...if she is agreeing to meet with him under those circumstances without YOU present it means that she is torn between you and him. When you truly love someone (not just infatuation and hormones) you will love them forever. Normally ex's aren't anywhere near as big a threat as people make them out to be. However, in the occassional case where the boyfriend or girlfriend really loves their ex genuinely the ex is definitely a threat.

Do NOT act insecure over him at all...you'll lose her. That's what her ex is playing at. He's going to keep doing this...asking her to see him, calling and doing everything and anything he can to cause conflict between you and her. He knows that she loves him too and that if he causes you and her to fight that he will get her back.

You should probably talk to your girlfriend and tell her that you think he's trying to break the two of you up in the way I described. Tell her that you don't think it's good for your relationship for her to see him and that it's not fair to either him or you for her to give him false hope by seeing and talking to him in the way she has been. Don't tell her what to do but DO tell her what you think he's up to. That's the only way to handle the situation without playing into his hand. Good luck.

 

[MightyMate]

Well then dont let her, show that You care.Maybe its kind of test..

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by Wyldfire
Clooney...if she is agreeing to meet with him under those circumstances without YOU present it means that she is torn between you and him. When you truly love someone (not just infatuation and hormones) you will love them forever. Normally ex's aren't anywhere near as big a threat as people make them out to be. However, in the occassional case where the boyfriend or girlfriend really loves their ex genuinely the ex is definitely a threat.

Do NOT act insecure over him at all...you'll lose her. That's what her ex is playing at. He's going to keep doing this...asking her to see him, calling and doing everything and anything he can to cause conflict between you and her. He knows that she loves him too and that if he causes you and her to fight that he will get her back.

You should probably talk to your girlfriend and tell her that you think he's trying to break the two of you up in the way I described. Tell her that you don't think it's good for your relationship for her to see him and that it's not fair to either him or you for her to give him false hope by seeing and talking to him in the way she has been. Don't tell her what to do but DO tell her what you think he's up to. That's the only way to handle the situation without playing into his hand. Good luck.

lol, Wyldfire, you always give spot on advice. Incredible! And they say woman are pointless to ask for advice!

It is obvious that this guy held something over her for a long long time, and that to some extent, he still does (if only the memories).

"and that it's not fair to either him or you for her to give him false hope by seeing and talking to him", that part is golden! That will definately be used! The guy is arrogant that she is still his (guess after controlling her emotions for so long, he still beleives he can always have her back). The funny thing is, he only wants her back when she has another boyfriend. Last time she had a boyfriend, over a year back, he rang her, told her he still loves he and she dumped the new boyfriend (because she did not love the new guy). This time, he has got a lot stiffer competition, and I honestly KNOW I have her heart now. It is simply obvious by the way she looks at me and the things she is prepared to sacrifice for me.

I think the reason she was going to do it was because as of late I have been showing her less affection (as I get bored as mentioned before), and she was more wanting the validation that now he loves her and realises he took her for granted (something most exes love to receive after being on the back foot for so long).

Anyways, she is not seeing him (that I know of), for the time being. I think if he keeps pushing it, she may just give into temptation and meet him, but I know if she does this, she will tell me. If this does happen, she is getting the flick.

Thanks for the advice again Wyld, makes me laugh how logical and practical the advice is!

 

[decades]

If she really loved you like wanting to marry you love you and be together forever then she wouldn't entertain calls from the ex and she would let go of him and surely she would not meet him whenever he feels like sucking her back in to their drama. This is a red flag so do not get oneitis with this woman!

If it were me I would make it clear that I have a boundary and that exes should be just that...X. And that goes for you too. If we want to be clear in life and send clear messages to people and be clear about what WE want we have to start with ourselves.

This is very messy. Things should be clean in life. If they are not, there's trouble ahead. Relationships are Hard Enough without these kind of complications. Remember its not what they Say its what they Do. Its not what You say its what you do.

regards

 

[MightyMate]

Yeah thats aint looking like love at all.

 

[joekerr31]

a mature woman won't see an ex not because of you but for herself. a mature woman KNOWS that ex's are nothing but trouble.

now, a woman who doesnt truly know what she wants, whose playing both sides and all the angles, thats a woman who will go and meet with her ex.

this would be bad if he had just said 'hey there, hope things are going well, if youd like to have a coffee sometime and catch up that would be great."

but he didn't! He told her "I want you back!" and now shes going to have coffee with him.

this chic IS NOT loyal.

what you should do is let her go meet with her ex. then afterwards tell her "you know something babe, i was testing you to see if you'd do the right thing, and guess what, you didn't."

and move the hell on.

that said though, you seem as messed up as her. your saying you really really care about this girl, but that you've got girls ready to go on the side if something goes wrong.

because the two of you seem to be looking out for your own interests only this situation has about a 95% chance of turn out bad eventually.

J

 

[DJDamage]

I believe it was PRL who once said that the classy thing for her to do is meet him and tell him that its over and that she is in love with another man. After that it should be the last time they see each other.

That is the action of a good girlfriend.

A bad girlfriend is the one that continues seeing the ex and gives him hope/ or waiting to jump ship if she sees that there is a better opportunity for her to do so.

Her actions indicates that she cares more about her needs then maintaining a happy relationship and keeping a happy boyfriend. That is somewhat of a red flag.

If she is that self absorbs that she cannot see that she is hurting her current relationship, maybe you should indicate to her that since it is OK for her to see someone that wants her, then there shouldn't be any problem for her to accept you going out and having fun with a girl that likes YOU (which you currently have someone like that) - You can thanks MindOverMatter for that tip. That should put things in perspectives and if not then the both of you will be jumping branches in no time anyway.

Its all about priorities and how she chooses to rank them.

DjDamage

 

[joekerr31]

what also happens in these situations is woman meet with man, often just to resolve her confused internal emotional state. sometimes they think, ill go meet frank and ill remember why we aren't together anymore and then ill be happy with Sam again.

probably is that what usually ends up happening is woman fails to see that something is already wrong with her relationship with Sam that she needs to test her own commitment to him.

she meets Frank and does realize that she doesn't want to be with him, but yet, her feelings for Sam still aren't what they should be.

woman then gets really confused and "needs a break".

:crackup:

i've said it a million times, ill say it a million more.... you are the prize and if she's too confused/dumb/selfish/whatever to realize that, then YOU should take the break.

in this situation perhaps tell her "listen, you obviously have confused emotions over me and Frank, even if you don't fully realize you do. I want to take a break while this is going on. you can call me when you know what you want."

simple. you reassert yourself as the PRIZE. and if she really wants and needs you, she'll come back. if she doesn't, well you were going to lose her anyway.

J

 

[DJDamage]

Originally posted by joekerr31
what also happens in these situations is woman meet with man, often just to resolve her confused internal emotional state. sometimes they think, ill go meet frank and ill remember why we aren't together anymore and then ill be happy with Sam again.

probably is that what usually ends up happening is woman fails to see that something is already wrong with her relationship with Sam that she needs to test her own commitment to him.

she meets Frank and does realize that she doesn't want to be with him, but yet, her feelings for Sam still aren't what they should be.

woman then gets really confused and "needs a break".

:crackup:

i've said it a million times, ill say it a million more.... you are the prize and if she's too confused/dumb/selfish/whatever to realize that, then YOU should take the break.

in this situation perhaps tell her "listen, you obviously have confused emotions over me and Frank, even if you don't fully realize you do. I want to take a break while this is going on. you can call me when you know what you want."

simple. you reassert yourself as the PRIZE. and if she really wants and needs you, she'll come back. if she doesn't, well you were going to lose her anyway.

J

That also depends on what type of a woman you have as well as how good you were as a boyfriend. You can never trust a girl that runs with her emotions, you need to have a girl that has her act together.

A woman will also use her past relationships as a measuring stick to determined whether or not her current boyfriend is better then her previous EX. Usually if the EX was the one that dump her and she was in love with him + you got yourself a highly emotional and irrational girl then there is good chances she will go back to him. Being REJECTED is almost like an aphrodisiac for those types of women. They want someone which they cannot have or cannot control.

That is why its important to let a girl know through your actions that you always have other options open (other HB's running around) and even the slighest B.S could very well mean the end of her relationship with you. This way you keep her in check and she always will need to prove her worthiness to you rather then the other way around.

DjDamage

 

[Wyldfire]

For the love of Christ you guys...

No, it's not wrong for Clooney to not want her to see her ex. However...if he doesn't handle this situation in the way I've advised him to handle it he's going to look weak, jealous and insecure. That will make him less appealing and the other guy more appealing in the eyes of the girl. If he makes it clear that he knows what the ex is playing at to the girl in a calm, rational and logical manner she won't see the ex, will cut him off and the ex will be the one who acts jealous, weak and insecure...not to mention desperate.

The ex is using the oldest dude trick in the book to steal back the girl...preying on most mens' tendency to get jealous, insecure and controlling in this situation. Clooney can easily beat him at his own game by retaining his composure and doing what I advised him to do. He knows that, so he's all set...but others might be reading this who are in a similar situation. Don't give them confusing and bad advice that will make them look like AFCs. That's what most of you are doing. Stop it...

 

[DJDamage]

Originally posted by Wyldfire
For the love of Christ you guys...

No, it's not wrong for Clooney to not want her to see her ex. However...if he doesn't handle this situation in the way I've advised him to handle it he's going to look weak, jealous and insecure. That will make him less appealing and the other guy more appealing in the eyes of the girl. If he makes it clear that he knows what the ex is playing at to the girl in a calm, rational and logical manner she won't see the ex, will cut him off and the ex will be the one who acts jealous, weak and insecure...not to mention desperate.

The ex is using the oldest dude trick in the book to steal back the girl...preying on most mens' tendency to get jealous, insecure and controlling in this situation. Clooney can easily beat him at his own game by retaining his composure and doing what I advised him to do. He knows that, so he's all set...but others might be reading this who are in a similar situation. Don't give them confusing and bad advice that will make them look like AFCs. That's what most of you are doing. Stop it...

I think the purpose of this forum was to give Clooney as many advices as possible and let him arrive at his own conclusion and not Wyld " My way is the only way" Fire".

Ex'es Do not give a sh1t about how the boyfriend will react. The EX main concern is the belief that he can have her back and therefore he doesn't care how or if Clooney will react. The ex will run his game on her as if Clooney wasn't in the picture. In his mind he thinks that he still has a chance and prehaps he does.

The girl in question is the bigger problem then the EX. Only she can put a stop to all of this. If she is a good girl she will do the right thing, if not then NEXT!! There will always be strange guys or guys she knows hitting on her and its up to her to decide how she will react to them. If there is too much B.S then she is not a good LTR material and he can find someone better.

DjDamage

 

[joekerr31]

wyldfire,

if this were some woman asking what should she do - her boyfriend was meeting an ex that he admitted to having GREAT sex with in the past, but he says theres noting there. even though this girl has said she wants to have sex again, he's just going to meet her to tell her no thanks.

you'd blast out of the gates telling her "he's disrespecting you. you need to let him know this is not cool. in fact you should probably dump him because he should already know thats not cool"


COME ON!

you are giving this guy advice on how to keep a ho! and you're giving advice that you probably wouldn't give to a woman in a similar situation. now is this guy saying he wants to have sex with her? no. but does he have to? I still love you includes I still want to bang you.

what he needs to do is lay down the law that being a ho aint cool! and he needs to walk away and tell her "when you've figured out whether you want to be a ho or a nice girl, give me a call"

wyldfire, i like your advice normally, but you are missing the side of the barn on this one.

J