The girlfriends ex

[CLOONEY]

OK, I agree, if our relationship was all about us, no mention of other girls at all, and she bought up the ex, it would give me a great reason to dump her!

HOWEVER, the dynamics were not that. As I stated earlier. I tell her openly that I still have contact with 2 of my exes, by email and/or MSN. Both are still in love with me and openly admit it, I tell them I have a new girlfriend I love and that we are over.

Hence, why in her opinion, it was ok to meet up with her ex, since in a similar respect, I was doing the same.

Its called the "games" that most relationships will always go through durings periods of time.

Its just funny that some take my word, and others doubt wether she even loves me, making up their own scenario. Any single one of my friends or family will say this girl loves me entirely. It is easily observed through every aspect of our relationship.

I do not doubt what she did was wrong, but it doesnt warrant being dumped. Further, if you beleive your girl has never flirted or entertained the thought of cheating, you are badly mistaken. The only way to stop these is to lock her up and throw away the key. Furthermore, ever noticed one thing? Guys who dont let their ex do ANYTHING that could put them in the situation of cheating, end up in a bad, sour relationship, and one thing always happens.........the girl loves the guy for it, she stays with him because he is stirring her emotion, over time, she realises she cant live like this, another guy comes along who shows her interest, she finds attractive, funny and caring, and the control fraek ends up dumped.

There are times to put the foot down hard, and times not too. However, if you think you can run her life like she is a computer simulation, you will end up with your hand on your cokc! Cause you wont have a woman beside you in the Long-term.

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by Lost In Translation
for those speaking ill of frivolousz21 ( and others ) on a PERSONAL level i think you should stop

Absolutely true! That is sad to see some people are so emotional, they attack him personally where they know it may cut deep. Funny how its the same people getting emotional in this thread. I highly think they have been burnt at one time or another by a similar situation and I do respect them for trying to help me with their best intentions. Its just simply wrong to get personal with someone because they dont agree with your opinion.

 

[Wyldfire]

Actually LIT...I oppose feminism. I am probably just as bothered by male bashing in the media as any of the guys here. I even opened and administrated a Gender Issues forum where angry men could confront radical feminists without fear of getting banned or having their posts deleted. It was almost entirely uncensored. Even the most radical self-proclaimed misogynists had nothing but respect for me. I defended men against radical feminists more vehemently than anyone on here ever has...and I did it logically, calmly, consistently and in a way that not only changed quite a few feminists attitude toward men, but enabled radical feminists and radical masculinists to become friends. It was pretty damn amazing.

Those who call me a feminist are idiots...they have no clue what they're talking about. They see someone with tits and assume they are evil.

I learned a lot from running that forum and being involved in that community. I learned that being anti-feminist is dangerous for men. It's so easy to get so embroiled in the issues that you end up looking for feminist influences...and if you look hard enough for something you'll find something to convince yourself something is there that really isn't. There's a lot of that going on here and it's bad for not only those who genuinely care about men's rights but also every other man who posts here and reads here. It doesn't take much for a man to become that which he despises regarding the issue of feminism.

There is a right way to counter the very real effects feminism has on men and there is a wrong way. I advocate the right way and discourage against the wrong way. The right way is to notice the negative messages and resist them and share that knowledge with other men and boys. The wrong way is to blame women for those messages or encourage guys to lean towards bitterness and radicalism. It's not any more women's fault that men are sent those messages than it is men's fault. Men know those messages are wrong but they go against what they know deep inside because they think doing so will get them a piece of ass.

What guys on here see from me and mistake for feminism is my intolerance for embracing victimhood. There is no room for doing that on a self help website. The worst thing a person can do in trying to better themselves is embrace victimhood. To resolve a problem you have to have the attitude of a survivor, not a victim. Victims blame everyone and everything but themselves for their misfortune and mistakes. They never learn a damn thing and will fail time and time again because they have adopted the wrong mindset. Survivors don't waste their time blaming others because they understand that they don't control anyone else but themselves. So, instead of whining and being a victim they look at their own choices and actions first to see what they could have done differently to get better results. Survivors grow. Victims get bogged down in their own pity party and stagnate.

So...again...I am NOT a feminist...not by a long shot. I just can't stand all the "victims" I see posting here and am trying to encourage them to become survivors so they can actually make some progress.

 

[CLOONEY]

lol, I cant beleive this thread is now a sticky with the most replies on this forum. haha, I never even dreamed it would get so much interest, was more just looking for alternative opinions to help inform my decision. Very intresting read, something you dont get much of on sosuave these days.

As for the feminism part of the thread, I really dont get into all of that debate, I have no interest in it. I just steer clear of feminist woman and let them get themselves worked up. So yeah, I will not respond to that part.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by CLOONEY
Absolutely true! That is sad to see some people are so emotional, they attack him personally where they know it may cut deep. Funny how its the same people getting emotional in this thread. I highly think they have been burnt at one time or another by a similar situation and I do respect them for trying to help me with their best intentions. Its just simply wrong to get personal with someone because they dont agree with your opinion.

The sad truth is that there are a few guys on this site who just can't stand to see anyone else happy. Frivolous is happy and they are envious because they aren't happy. Misery loves company, so they try to bring him down and make him feel insecure with his relationship so he can be just as lonely and unhappy as they are. That's why those same guys are telling you to dump your girlfriend. They can't stand to see anyone else be with a woman and succeed and be happy. If they can't succeed and be happy they don't want anyone else to be, either.

If you pay close attention you will see the same guys pull this same crap with everyone who ever posts that they are happy or are going to actually put forth any effort into maintaining their LTR. They tell people to dump people over things that can be so easily resolved and hammer away at any insecurities they think they can find. No sense of community and concern or comraderie with their fellow man here. This site could do without those kind of members. Those are the same guys you'll also see me slapping around a bit. If it keeps them from belittling some guy with less confidence than I have, then I've done a good deed.

 

[Don Legend]

I tell her openly that I still have contact with 2 of my exes, by email and/or MSN. Both are still in love with me and openly admit it, I tell them I have a new girlfriend I love and that we are over.

See i have no problem with this, i mean you had a serious relationship with these people and you still keep in contact with them via sensible communication channels. What i don't get with some women is why they cannot do this and say they have to be able to see the person one on one? Why couldn't Clooneys girlfriend say 'i have a new boy friend i love and that we are over, but it would be great to keep in touch'?
If we reversed this and said that one of Clooneys ex's asked him 'i want to get back together, lets meet up on friday' and Clooney asked if he could go, then isn't he implying he wants to get back together with the ex? Or he is happy to risk the stability of his current relationship?
Maybe it depends on the girl. I have got burnt by this but i do believe Clooney has done well, using Wyldfire method you have stopped her seeing her ex without her resenting you for it. Its made her think that she doesn't have to see him. I just wonder with all the things she has stopped doing (drinking etc) if this was a power play by her? This outcome is probably driving her crazy. I just think you should keep yourself covered cus she doesn't seem to mind putting the relationship on the line to try and get her way.

As for the flaming, totally agree with LIT, people have different views, i've been burnt by this and i'm just looking for a better way to deal with it so that i can avoid the situation i found myself in. Whether thats nexting or using this tactic really depends on the situation and the girl, life isn't black and white.

 

[Fairguy]

Hi. My first post here, although have read lots of them.

I think that if she intends to be unfaithful, she will be, no matter if you "let" her go see her ex or not. I agree you should not try to "stop her" from doing that, no point there. It does not sound like you love her if you are already thinking in replacing her "just in case". I think that is your big problem (and having a problem with the "monogamy" thing), and I would humbly recommend you take care of that FIRST, and then go ahead and get involved in relationships.... Perhaps your current gf does not intend to have a relationship with him, but the fact that you are having a backup just in case, I wish she does, because you do not deserve to have a "steady" relationship.

I do not mean to be harsh, just my opinion, and I aopoligze if I offend you.

Thanks

 

[CLOONEY]

Woman have back up plans all the time! Simple truth. Until I am married, I always plan to keep my options open. Maybe it is wrong, but its what they do (without doubt) and its what I will do.

 

[Wyldfire]

Clooney, check your PM box.