Strategies dealing with a girl who fights for the frame.

[Divorced w 3]

Women who fight for the frame are like fish on a line. Let them run back and forth and tire themselves out, while still on your hook. Just make sure you want that fish because it’s a lot of energy.

 

[Glassguy]

This girl is insecure and has anxiety issues. That's driving a lot of her behavior.

I'd never take her serious. This one is acting too poorly, too early in the game. That never ends well.

She also seems to be very avoidant, thus after they meet and hang out she starts thinking about things and pulls away. If that is the case, it could be a constistently frustrating issue.

I think OP should just mimic her behavior. If she backs away, he backs away. Have fun when they get together and not worry so much about her behavior when they arent together. Let her wonder about him instead of the other way around. That in itself will build attraction and value on his end. If all goes well, she will stop overthinking it and want to see him more, which will eliminate the pull backs.

Age is only a thing if the man makes a big deal out of it. Dont act like its a big deal and it wont be a big deal.

Being this early on, just make the next date, see her there. No need for constant messaging and talking non stop in between dates/hanging out. That will keep her wondering and also build attraction/value.

Just my opinon.

 

[jhonny9546]

You're far better off with a 6.5 - 7.5 a woman thats more down to earth will make your life far easier in the long run

I know a down-to-earth women with strong family values and mannerisms.

She come from a perfect family and are genuinely good people.

However, She inherited borderline personality disorder from her grandmother.

It's like dealing with Gollum and Sméagol from Lord of the Rings, two personalities in one person.

 

[sevbucmash]

We have an age gap (41-28).

asks questions about me and my two children

In all honesty, she is just looking for a f-buddy and some fun. I don't see her long term going for older daddy with luggage.

 

[jhonny9546]

How can someone be a human being, come into the world, and have goals like cheating on their partner, or staying with them while having secret lovers and a double life?

I think a normal person wouldn't do these things. Instead, they would pursue normal and human aspirations, like hobbies, passions, education, and doing good.

That's why when something is said to be broken, it's truly broken and beyond repair. I know women like that.

 

[filerfiler]

In all honesty, she is just looking for a f-buddy and some fun. I don't see her long term going for older daddy with luggage.

How do you reconcile this with her actions?

1) Bombards my phone first thing in the morning with doty messages

2) Wants to hang out during the day at cafes.

3) Brings me a present every time we meet.

4) Talks to me about future plans and so forth

 

[filerfiler]

How can someone be a human being, come into the world, and have goals like cheating on their partner, or staying with them while having secret lovers and a double life?

I think a normal person wouldn't do these things. Instead, they would pursue normal and human aspirations, like hobbies, passions, education, and doing good.

That's why when something is said to be broken, it's truly broken and beyond repair. I know women like that.

How is this relevant here?

 

[New_Journey]

its dumb to have a baby

There, fixed it for you

 

[New_Journey]

How do you reconcile this with her actions?

1) Bombards my phone first thing in the morning with doty messages

2) Wants to hang out during the day at cafes.

3) Brings me a present every time we meet.

4) Talks to me about future plans and so forth

Its been a week since this post. What is your goal with this chick? You said you don't want a relationship this quick, why are you examining her behavior when you already said what yo don't want. Or are you lying to yourself like many new posters?

What the fvck do you want from her?

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

How do you reconcile this with her actions?

1) Bombards my phone first thing in the morning with doty messages

2) Wants to hang out during the day at cafes.

3) Brings me a present every time we meet.

4) Talks to me about future plans and so forth

Given the context of your original post, it sounds like these are meant to bribe you or are otherwise attempts to lock you down. It's long-term interest but for the wrong reasons. The real test, as you've discovered, is how she acts when you indicate the path you'd like to take.

Since she's combative and ready to risk the entire relationship by doubling down and not agreeing to face-to-face conversations for serious subjects (among other things), your only options are to give up frame or dismiss, meaning you only have one option. Personally this kills attraction for me pretty quickly, no matter how hot she is.

There is a healthy, respectful, and supportive way to show a person their shortcomings or express insecurity, and there is a manipulative way meant to cause as much harm as possible. Be 100% honest and 100% respectful with her about the friction you sense, as soon as it comes up.

The health of any relationship is determined by the lag time between when a problem is identified and when it's resolved. When there is comfort and trust, it's resolved instantly.

With this one it seems you need to do more explaining and leave less to implication, but there is no shortage of women that nod and agree in the moment then go back to acting out as soon as they leave your place. She seems to fall in this camp.

Could it be that the sex is so good that it has you here asking for ways to salvage the relationship? Alas, it's our duty to tell you what you already know. You can keep a dysfunctional relationship alive or have peace of mind, but not both.

Take it as a lesson on interdependence and focus on which specific skills could use the most attention, then move on when you're ready.

 

[sevbucmash]

How do you reconcile this with her actions?
1) Bombards my phone first thing in the morning with doty messages
2) Wants to hang out during the day at cafes.
3) Brings me a present every time we meet.
4) Talks to me about future plans and so forth

She could be playing you. More tests please and proceed with caution. It's highly unusual and unreasonable for HB9 want an old guy with two kids.

 

[sevbucmash]

HB9 and at 29 she could have anyone. Yet it's your lucky butt. Yea. magic happens. Go buy a lottery right away!
You should know better when things are too good to be true.

 

[filerfiler]

Given the context of your original post, it sounds like these are meant to bribe you or are otherwise attempts to lock you down. It's long-term interest but for the wrong reasons. The real test, as you've discovered, is how she acts when you indicate the path you'd like to take.

Since she's combative and ready to risk the entire relationship by doubling down and not agreeing to face-to-face conversations for serious subjects (among other things), your only options are to give up frame or dismiss, meaning you only have one option. Personally this kills attraction for me pretty quickly, no matter how hot she is.

There is a healthy, respectful, and supportive way to show a person their shortcomings or express insecurity, and there is a manipulative way meant to cause as much harm as possible. Be 100% honest and 100% respectful with her about the friction you sense, as soon as it comes up.

The health of any relationship is determined by the lag time between when a problem is identified and when it's resolved. When there is comfort and trust, it's resolved instantly.

With this one it seems you need to do more explaining and leave less to implication, but there is no shortage of women that nod and agree in the moment then go back to acting out as soon as they leave your place. She seems to fall in this camp.

Could it be that the sex is so good that it has you here asking for ways to salvage the relationship? Alas, it's our duty to tell you what you already know. You can keep a dysfunctional relationship alive or have peace of mind, but not both.

Take it as a lesson on interdependence and focus on which specific skills could use the most attention, then move on when you're ready.

On the whole i agree. I'm never an explain and lay down the law kind of person and people who expect this turn me off. In general I prefer people who "get it", they may test once but once they get it they don't approach the boundary again.

I don't want to salvage the relationship but I posted this to gain more perspectives. If she's not playing ball I'll let her go.

 

[filerfiler]

Its been a week since this post. What is your goal with this chick? You said you don't want a relationship this quick, why are you examining her behavior when you already said what yo don't want. Or are you lying to yourself like many new posters?

What the fvck do you want from her?

Need help with that stiff log up your backside?

 

[New_Journey]

On the whole i agree. I'm never an explain and lay down the law kind of person and people who expect this turn me off. In general I prefer people who "get it", they may test once but once they get it they don't approach the boundary again.

I don't want to salvage the relationship but I posted this to gain more perspectives. If she's not playing ball I'll let her go.

You don't have a relationship, you're dating an insecure chick who is pushing for a relationship. IMO you're rationalizing her behavior to be a good thing and will cave to her demands.

 

[Divorced w 3]

On the whole i agree. I'm never an explain and lay down the law kind of person and people who expect this turn me off. In general I prefer people who "get it", they may test once but once they get it they don't approach the boundary again.

I don't want to salvage the relationship but I posted this to gain more perspectives. If she's not playing ball I'll let her go.

I agree with you. I wouldn’t take the lay down the law approach. You are nowhere near that point in your relationship with her. Stay nonplussed. Warm and yet non reactive. Give her room to find your maturity. Keep banging her. Don’t throw too much time, energy or boundaries down. Insecurity is expressed early in a relationship with firm talks and hard lines. If you do that you’re going to convey sublingually that you don’t have anything else going on and that you’re emotionally attached to her.

 

[filerfiler]

Speak of the devil...

I left her on read for 4 days, today she hits back with what are you doing later?

I laughed. So I'm thinking to hit back with "busy". the reality is I'm busy until later evening... or perhaps i should say busy until late.

 

[New_Journey]

I left her on read for 4 days

Why? To teach her a lesson?

I laughed. So I'm thinking to hit back with "busy". the reality is I'm busy until later evening... or perhaps i should say busy until late.

You are playing with fire and will get burned. Good luck to you

 

[BeExcellent]

Well the question is this: Do you reward her for hitting you up or do you act short tempered?

"Busy" is too short IMO.

You could always say "Hmmm. Got stuff going on until pretty late. What did you have in mind?"

You respond in a nuetralish way & volley the ball back to her. See what happens next....

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

On the whole i agree. I'm never an explain and lay down the law kind of person and people who expect this turn me off. In general I prefer people who "get it", they may test once but once they get it they don't approach the boundary again.

I don't want to salvage the relationship but I posted this to gain more perspectives. If she's not playing ball I'll let her go.

The more you expect others to "get it", the smaller the pool of people you're compatible with. Old habits die hard, and effective communication can go a long way in showing others patience when they don't immediately meet our criteria. That said, I agree with you and there are plenty of people that know how to respect boundaries after they're shown only once.

I'm not saying you should compromise on your principles, but that it's healthy to recognize where we can improve. When she implies it's over, she may be reflecting what you're already projecting. When I sense mirroring, it reminds me to focus on giving off a positive vibe even if I'm dismissing her for disqualifying herself.

It can all seem terribly paradoxical sometimes.

You've stated facts but I'm curious to hear what you've learned from this relationship.