Stop texting and leaving messages

[Rollo Tomassi]

"Texting is like trying to find a weapon in a padded room. No body language, no tonality, timing or context. One little smirk can change the meaning of communication. There's no recovery from mistakes.

What do you get out of texting anyway? Its a contact sport. Its like being in a room with her, two grandmas and her mother. Its a yarn store, a bake sale, ticket to Twilight, and a bridal store all at once. The only reason why you would be there is to follow her around like a puppy right out of surgery that makes a great pet that won’t piss on anything. That is what texting is."

 

[Slickster]

"Texting is like trying to find a weapon in a padded room. No body language, no tonality, timing or context. One little smirk can change the meaning of communication. There's no recovery from mistakes.

What do you get out of texting anyway? Its a contact sport. Its like being in a room with her, two grandmas and her mother. Its a yarn store, a bake sale, ticket to Twilight, and a bridal store all at once. The only reason why you would be there is to follow her around like a puppy right out of surgery that makes a great pet that won’t piss on anything. That is what texting is."

Keep spreadin' the good word brother.

 

[Slickster]

Gotdayum....!

I've never seen more CONFUSION from members here in my Life...LOL.

Yes doesn't it seem obvious how easily things get fvcked up when you are typing (ie. texting) instead of speaking? Missed sarcasm or humour and the whole conversation is taken out of context.

ON one hand...Slickster is saying texting sucks...but then uses a quote from some dude (who champions it) to put it down

I think if you read the quotes I've used and my responses carefully it all makes sense. ACW is disagreeing with me and proving my point at the same time. He says guys aren't very good at talking on the phone so they should use text. I say exactly! This means, guys need to stop texting so they can get better at talking on the phone.

...you aint' gonna have time to chit-chat on the phone brah!

Keeping in phone contact with 5 chicks isn't too hard if you keep your conversations very short (almost text like). Don't be chit chatting with girls on the phone ever.

Slick
Why are you using a poster to put down texting when two steps up....the poster himself says...that he LOVES texting and boast about how effective it is?

I'm using his words to prove my point. Texting is a crutch, stop texting and learn how to talk to girls.

 

[Jitterbug]

Jitter the biggest stallion I know right now doesn't even own a cell phone! "Cuz he thinks they're stupid!" is what he says. The guy is 28 and consistently gets laid by different hot chicks all the time. He's nothing special to look at but just a really cool guy. I hang with him and his buddies every week and watch the show. You won't convince me that there's something "new" going on via text. Passing notes digitally will never be more than just passin' notes.

You seem to be making more excuses...

They aren't excuses, they are from reality of dating. You haven't answered my question yet: have you been dating women 18-25 lately?

As for your example, I hang out with naturals all the time (entertainers' circle). Those guys, the ones who do best with women, are TXT machines. I often jokingly call them gay or "ladies" for that.

If you're an attractive guy, it makes no difference what medium you're using to contact the girl, she'd be thrilled to receive any communication from you. I use whatever convenient to me. Sometimes I even use Facebook. There is no difference in whatever medium I choose to contact her, because all I'm doing is to give her a location and time to meet up. I don't sit there talking for hours on the phone, nor I TXT all night. I leave the banter for face to face contact. Once you've built enough rapport in person prior to getting her contact details, how you communicate with her is insignificant.

If you're failing with women because you TXT them instead of calling them, you have a serious problem that has nothing to do with your choice of communication medium.

Or maybe you're using it all wrong. Some (old ) people just don't understand how to use technology to their advantage, and that's not just in dating either.

 

[acw]

BINGO...!

All forms of communication to create IL are acceptable!

Whatever Weapon works for the Warrior!

This is horsechit ..arguing with knuckle heads about Texting is better than calling and vice versa (all this crap).

And as far as telling a chick to take a hike...it needs to be done more. If done with Sarcasm (like James Bond Style) you come across as superior and smart.

Whatever you want to do...

i must say....This thread reminds of a proverb close to my heart.... It goes like this "Don't speak to a fool...for he will scorn the wisdom of your words!"

that being said...Ciao!


~acw

They aren't excuses, they are from reality of dating. You haven't answered my question yet: have you been dating women 18-25 lately?

As for your example, I hang out with naturals all the time (entertainers' circle). Those guys, the ones who do best with women, are TXT machines. I often jokingly call them gay or "ladies" for that.

If you're an attractive guy, it makes no difference what medium you're using to contact the girl, she'd be thrilled to receive any communication from you. I use whatever convenient to me. Sometimes I even use Facebook. There is no difference in whatever medium I choose to contact her, because all I'm doing is to give her a location and time to meet up. I don't sit there talking for hours on the phone, nor I TXT all night. I leave the banter for face to face contact. Once you've built enough rapport in person prior to getting her contact details, how you communicate with her is insignificant.

If you're failing with women because you TXT them instead of calling them, you have a serious problem that has nothing to do with your choice of communication medium.

Or maybe you're using it all wrong. Some (old ) people just don't understand how to use technology to their advantage, and that's not just in dating either.

 

[Jitterbug]

I'm a very busy man so I tend to use whatever convenient for me. I prefer talking in person above all, so it's not like I shy away from actual convos.

I'll give you one example from my experience why sometimes TXTing is superior to calling.

The date before last I had, I was planning it during a very busy day at work. I'd met this girl many times before, so it's not like I can't talk to her on the phone, but I was so busy that the only time I remembered to contact her about the date was....when I was doing a number 2. I was being all smooth & sh1t (literally) on the TXTs while answering the call of nature. She was eating it all up (no not that) and agreed to meet up the following night.

Can you imagine me actually calling her while I'm doing my business*??? Too many suspicious noises in the background!


* Challenge accepted. I might just try that next time...

 

[Slickster]

Texting is a great way to increase IL.

Let's see some examples shall we?

I would love to read some examples (real or fake) of some real strong text game that is going to increase the interest level of a NEW girl you've just met.

Let's set up some ground rules based on some of the "excuses" other people have given throughout this thread.

1. Girls don't pick up to strange numbers. So make sure you introduce yourself in your example..
2. Girls don't like to talk to strangers. So you didn't bother getting to know her very well before you got the number. Her initial IL is moderate at best. Your job is to make her feel comfortable and increase her IL.
3. Keep your example short and sweet otherwise this isn't realistic. Also if you ramble on and on that defeats the argument about not having enough time to call.
4. The goal is to increase her IL high enough to make her feel like she really wants to go on a date or have sex with you.
5. Remember the argument is that speaking to a new girl (with low to med IL) is better than texting so make sure your text example will outperform a real smooth guy's conversation skills.

Let 'er rip boys.

 

[Todd Preston]

...its seems obvious, that if a Chick is interested in learning more about you...she will give you her number.

If you ask...and get excuses (i have a BF, my husband would not approve, etc) then she has politely turned down your request AND she's not interested in talking with you any further.

BUT if she gives you her number...she is interested. YOU DID something right to get that phone number (unless she's a Sadomasochist who likes to lead guys on).

THEREFORE....this IL Level argument is purely speculative. How much interest she has depends on NUMEROUS Variables too lengthy to discuss on a Reply post such as this.

Whether u choose Texting or calling...is purely personal preference. Can you get her interest level higher, all depends on your PERSUASIVENESS, Life's variables and Timing.

CONCLUSION
if she gives you her number...you have a chance. but...its not a guarantee you'll hook up.

 

[Jitterbug]

I would love to read some examples (real or fake) of some real strong text game that is going to increase the interest level of a NEW girl you've just met.

"Hey it's {blah} from the {blah}. The {event} I mentioned is on at {blah}. Meet me at {location} at {time}. {Tell her how to dress for the occasion - optional, and maybe tease her about her lack of cool hats, or sth else about her fashion sense}"

That's the general format. One single TXT usually.

I live in an artsy town and am involved in many forms of entertainment so I always know cool free shows around that I can take a girl to on a first date. Before getting the number, I'd already get her interested enough on going to one that all I have to do is to send her the time & location.

I don't increase IL via TXT or phone, that's just a waste of time. I meet up in person then I increase IL there. When I flirt or tease a girl, I want to look at her body language and her eyes. Not just listening to her voice, or seeing her TXT smileys.

I don't TXT much or phone much. My phone calls are typically over in under 2 mins, with quite a few under 30 seconds. LTRs would get 2:30 mins max.

My rule for TXTing is short & sweet, always keeping it significantly shorter than the girl's (unless it's sending information like the above). If more than a few TXTs are needed then I either call or just meet up.

 

[Fred_Scuttle]

Hogwash

I suppose back in the day when the telephone was invented they told fellows not to call the lady on the phone for a date because it will ruin their chances.

The ladies you guys are calling probably don't know you all too well. she has other men that she does so she will talk to them more. she might be busy or might not answer your call. you need to build a nice level of comfort with her first. if you leave a friendly message to her she will most likely return your call. If she doesn't then you have your answer. sending a friendly text message will make her smile and get the ball rolling.

 

[lifeislearning]

"Texting is like trying to find a weapon in a padded room. No body language, no tonality, timing or context. One little smirk can change the meaning of communication. There's no recovery from mistakes.

What do you get out of texting anyway? Its a contact sport. Its like being in a room with her, two grandmas and her mother. Its a yarn store, a bake sale, ticket to Twilight, and a bridal store all at once. The only reason why you would be there is to follow her around like a puppy right out of surgery that makes a great pet that won’t piss on anything. That is what texting is."

I took a girl to a cheesy historic art gallery once because she was with her mom, and I knew it would give us some time to talk alone. Pretty close to a yarn store in my eyes.

Sadly texting (as I do hate it, oh so much) has become a part of the game. Not always a necessary part, but a skill that can be honed and used when appropriate. The keypad has started a social revolution, like it or not.

Not a must or an ideal tool, but one that has its uses. I think of texting like a modern soldier's knife. Far down the line of preferred options, but sometimes very very useful. I will agree that it is used as a crutch all too often these days.

 

[lifeislearning]

"Texting is like trying to find a weapon in a padded room. No body language, no tonality, timing or context. One little smirk can change the meaning of communication. There's no recovery from mistakes.

What do you get out of texting anyway? Its a contact sport. Its like being in a room with her, two grandmas and her mother. Its a yarn store, a bake sale, ticket to Twilight, and a bridal store all at once. The only reason why you would be there is to follow her around like a puppy right out of surgery that makes a great pet that won’t piss on anything. That is what texting is."

I took a girl to a cheesy historic art gallery once because she was with her mom, and I knew it would give us some time to talk alone. Pretty close to a yarn store in my eyes.

Sadly texting (as I do hate it, oh so much) has become a part of the game. Not always a necessary part, but a skill that can be honed and used when appropriate. The keypad has started a social revolution, like it or not.

Not a must or an ideal tool, but one that has its uses. I think of texting like a modern soldier's knife. Far down the line of preferred options, but sometimes very very useful. I will agree that it is used as a crutch all too often these days.

 

[lifeislearning]

Why do my replies keep duplicating?

 

[omkara]

"Texting is like trying to find a weapon in a padded room. No body language, no tonality, timing or context. One little smirk can change the meaning of communication. There's no recovery from mistakes.

What do you get out of texting anyway? Its a contact sport. Its like being in a room with her, two grandmas and her mother. Its a yarn store, a bake sale, ticket to Twilight, and a bridal store all at once. The only reason why you would be there is to follow her around like a puppy right out of surgery that makes a great pet that won’t piss on anything. That is what texting is."

Lol, and this is coming from a guy who is supposed to be respected around here.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

I can tell you from experience that texting can definitely run dry and become a real problem after awhile -- but it can be a positive thing too -- it just takes a certain level of moderation to be expressed amidst the whole thing and I'm not sure it's super simple -- but yes real conversation and real face to face is much more important.

 

[Blues]

Never had much of a problem with texting women. I just use it for setting up dates or keeping in touch.

Pretty much the same with a gf. Th real conversations take place when we meet up.

None of that long dreary phone calls though

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Texting, IM, email, and long phone calls are all Buffers when they become preferred substitutes for face-to-face personal communication. It's not that digital communication is "bad", it's when it becomes your PREFERRED method of communicating that it becomes a Buffer.

Bear in mind what a Buffer is - a methodology with the purpose of blunting potential rejection. How many guys have bemoaned a MySpace hook up where they got off on all the great IMs and emails and thought how compatible they were with some girl only to find out she was really a 300lb. land monster who took shots from top angles in her pics? That's the Buffer.

Let me ask this, since a good percentage of us are above 30 y.o. and can remember a time when there was no internet, cell phones or IMs; did you ever pass notes to a girl you liked in junior high or high school? Did you ever write letters on notebook paper to the girl you wanted to get with? How did that work out for you? Why don't you do it now? Maybe because it would come off as immature?

IMs, chat, email, texts, etc. are simply the 21st century equivalent of passing notes in class. Women may even eat it up, because they love the act of communicating, but it's simply a Buffer against rejection for both parties. It's a nice, safe wall against looking a girl in the eye and conversing on the spot. It lulls you into a false sense of security and IL with a woman - you have all the time in the world to calculate your words, but you're blind to her body language, her vocal intonations, her eye contact, and all the rest of the subcommunications that women instinctively use on a daily basis. Texting and all the other innovative Buffers we think open us to greater facility of communication actually isolate us and limit us from learning to read a woman (and others) in real time, so it's no wonder guys freeze and choke and need PUA seminars and DVDs to help them overcome what should've been socialized into them as a natural acculturation.

I think the default excuse is to fall back on the idea that messaging is just a new modern convenience that makes it easier to connect, but all it really is is another introversion. I've been married for over 14 years, and both my wife and I have cell phones, AIM, email etc., but we've never used these for more than what needs to be bought at the grocery store on the way home from work. We have the choice to use any kind of communication, but we talk face to face or on the phone because it's easier, and there's no bullsh!t barrier of potential rejection now.

I realize all this makes me sound like some Luddite; trust me I'm not. I use IM, texting, email, my cell phone, etc. all the time. In my line of work I'd say I use digital communication more than a lot of people on this board, but it's a poor substitute for direct communication. You can't detect sarcasm, elation, depression, or really any emotional subtleties with any real certainty. Our sales team ALWAYS meet face to face with accounts. Any good salesman will agree that being present is always preferable to cold calls - why would dating be different? Because you have a personal investment - yourself.

 

[zekko]

You sissies are all wrong.
Real men only communicate by telegraph.

 

[squirrels]

You sissies are all wrong.
Real men only communicate by telegraph.

--. --- ..-. ..- -.-. -.- -.-- --- ..- .-. ... . .-.. ..-.

 

[vatoloco]

IMs, chat, email, texts, etc. are simply the 21st century equivalent of passing notes in class. Women may even eat it up, because they love the act of communicating, but it's simply a Buffer against rejection for both parties.

It really is. And the problem is that most men don't realize that this written communication is used against them. Yeah, most of them think "Yeah, I own this chick. We text all the time." when in reality, a majority of the time both parties are being deceived/deceptive: men's gut tells them a woman has low IL in them but they continue texting them, protecting themselves against rejection, hoping she will give them a chance; on the other hand, women love the attention that all of their orbiters provide them, while they spend actual face time with the man/men they really dig.

A woman who does not give you face time, is a woman who either has marginal or low IL in you. You're just gonna waste your time, money and effort.​

A few minutes of actual face time with a woman will always trump any written communication, as it will provide with you tons of critical information about her and her IL. Of course, provided you know what you're doing.

It's a nice, safe wall against looking a girl in the eye and conversing on the spot. It lulls you into a false sense of security and IL with a woman - you have all the time in the world to calculate your words, but you're blind to her body language, her vocal intonations, her eye contact, and all the rest of the subcommunications that women instinctively use on a daily basis. Texting and all the other innovative Buffers we think open us to greater facility of communication actually isolate us and limit us from learning to read a woman (and others) in real time, so it's no wonder guys freeze and choke and need PUA seminars and DVDs to help them overcome what should've been socialized into them as a natural acculturation.

The problem is that men don't want to feel pain. They don't want to feel rejection. They want a magic pill that will make them good with women overnight. And it just doesn't work that way. If you're not a Natural, you're gonna need years of field work to develop your conversation skills, wit and attractive personality, not to mention the improvement of your style and body. Men want all of these electronic buffers to soften the blow to what ultimately they want to avoid: rejection by the woman they're interested in.

I used to dread it to. Until I realized that there are plenty of pretty girls on this little blue planet.