Spinning plates is time consuming

[MikeYikes122]

Anyone else just not have time to spin plates? Before the holidays I had two going, but I've returned to my apartment after being away for three weeks and seem to have lost both from lack of interest on my part. With the holidays and a business trip I took, I was too busy and too distracted to even text message either of them. In turn, I seem to have lost both of them.

Neither of them was hardly a prize, so I don't really care they're not talking to me anymore. But my problem is, I'm too gawd damn busy with work and regular life to spin one plate, let alone multiple ones. In fact, I am so busy with crap I've had to take home from work that I shouldn't even be writing this post right now.

I'm starting to wonder, is it even worth the trouble to spin plates? I'm not denouncing the theory. It was great for me a couple years ago. I was one of those guys who was great at generating interest and attraction, but I could hardly ever parlay that into a relationship or even a FWB because I was the kind of AFC who was in love with the idea of being in love. I had a scarcity mentality, so it was tough for me to act naturally and keep a girl's IL up once things got intimate. The plate mentality gave me options and in turn taught me to not give a sh!t about a girl I was only casually dating.

Now, the whole system just seems pointless. The two plates I had spinning before Christmas, I wasn't even really all that attracted to either of them. They both were barely HB 7.5s or HB 8s maybe, and that might be stretching it. I could probably do a lot better, but again, I just don't have time.

Still, I went to Target today to try to get some numbers in the shampoo/makeup section - an area that has been good to me in the past. After about five minutes of browsing, I saw a girl who was kind of cute looking at the facial care products. I was going to approach her and run my usual routine, but I stopped and thought to myself, what is even the point? She was an inch or so taller than me and not even really my type. Even if I did get her number, when was I even going to get the time to go out with her or even call her? It seemed pointless to me.

It kind of seems like there is a point a guy can hit where he just doesn't need the plate mentality. I mean, I know how to act when I am dating a girl I like. I know how to keep her IL high by not getting too needy and not over calling her or something like that. I know deep down-inside that I always have options available to me, and that's not just something that I tell myself. So really what's the point anymore?

When I was a fifth-year senior in college a couple years back, I had nearly five plates spinning at once. Sure, it gave me a lot of confidence and probably made me the man I am today. It gave me quite the reputation among my friends, and that was something my college friends will remember me for. But looking back, juggling that many girls was fvcking awful and I'm not sure I ever want to deal with that again. I couldn't go to certain clubs and bars with certain girls, and there were a ton of other restrictions on my nightlife activities depending upon which girl I was with or meeting up with. If I wouldn't have been spinning so many plates I probably could have gotten a 4.0 GPA in college.

I guess it just kind of seems pointless to me anymore. Again, I'm not denouncing the theory, I just don't think it applies to me anymore.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...I'm starting to wonder, is it even worth the trouble to spin plates? I'm not denouncing the theory. It was great for me a couple years ago...

Why exactly do you believe is the purpose of spinning plates?

 

[ketostix]

Just offhand I would say someone who is busy doesn't need to spin plates. They don't have the time to become too needy with the girl anyway really (A common reason for using plate theory). And a person who can deal with one woman at a time and not get too deep too fast doesn't really need to spin plates. Plate theory is all right, but I don't think it's necessary for everyone. I think some guys can "focus" on one women at a time and benefit from it. I prefer quality over quanity anyway.

 

[MikeYikes122]

Why exactly do you believe is the purpose of spinning plates?

I'm not sure I know what you are trying to get at.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

Spinning plates is the only way to go make time for it. You just CAN'T put all your focus on one woman and then let her break your heart. Most women spin plates these days so we have to do it too.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Just offhand I would say someone who is busy doesn't need to spin plates. They don't have the time to become too needy with the girl anyway really (A common reason for using plate theory). And a person who can deal with one woman at a time and not get too deep too fast doesn't really need to spin plates. Plate theory is all right, but I don't think it's necessary for everyone. I think some guys can "focus" on one women at a time and benefit from it. I prefer quality over quanity anyway.

Psssttt... I was asking Mike....

But you're right. A lot of guys put all of their interest into any woman who shows them interest, mostly because they have too much time on their hands anyway. The other reason is because a lot of guys aren't able to see the actions of a single woman objectively. At least when he has a couple of other options to compare her to her has a better chance of being objective. But when it comes down to it, a guy is better off when he has more that the eggs of a woman in his basket.

 

[MikeYikes122]

Spinning plates is the only way to go make time for it. You just CAN'T put all your focus on one woman and then let her break your heart. Most women spin plates these days so we have to do it too.

Yeah, but what if you don't ever feasibly see yourself caring about just one girl? Not saying that I don't think I'm ever going to meet a girl I actually really like, but I will have to be in an LTR with a girl for it to be possible for her to "break my heart" (I don't like that phrase, but I used for lack of better words). Even a succession of five, six or seven successful dates, I wouldn't really care if a girl cut off contact with me. Over the years, I've had two LTRs, a decent amount of plates and FWBs, and I've come to find life isn't much better or worse with or without them.

It just kind of seems the point of spinning plates is to keep yourself from caring too much at an early point of a relationship where an LTR hasn't started yet. Spinning plates will do that, but if you don't care about a girl your dating non-exclusively, then does it really matter that you're not dating any other girls to keep yourself from getting too needy. It starting to feel like spinning plates is just a waste of time and, let's be honest, money. Again, not denouncing the theory. I'm just saying I don't think I really need to do it anymore. I know that I always have options.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I'm not sure I know what you are trying to get at.

You have a purpose for doing what you do right? What was your purpose for spinning plates?

 

[wjh]

I think you need higher quality plates.

 

[MikeYikes122]

I think you need higher quality plates.

I've had plenty of high quality plates. That doesn't make a difference.

I don't know. I guess I just don't really care anymore.

 

[wjh]

Do you have anything you're passionate about?

Women are never really enough.

It's one of Pook's basic tenants. I abide by it.

It sounds like you have some sort of void you need filled.

 

[MikeYikes122]

Do you have anything you're passionate about?

Women are never really enough.

It's one of Pook's basic tenants. I abide by it.

It sounds like you have some sort of void you need filled.

That's a good question. I guess I am really passionate about working out and getting into shape. Thanks to the guys on the H&F board, I have been pointed in the right direction of proper diet and routine.

But by saying I don't care, I meant more that I was thinking today that there wasn't much of a point anymore to going around and dating or trying to date multiple girls. Like I said, it just seems like there are better ways I could be spending the limited amount of free time that I have. It seems pointless to date girls that I don't have a future with for the sole purpose of having options so that I don't become needy when I find a girl that I might have a future with, especially when I don't think I will ever become needy for a girl again anyway.

I don't know if that makes sense, but I think you get my point.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

That's a good question. I guess I am really passionate about working out and getting into shape. Thanks to the guys on the H&F board, I have been pointed in the right direction of proper diet and routine.

But by saying I don't care, I meant more that I was thinking today that there wasn't much of a point anymore to going around and dating or trying to date multiple girls. Like I said, it just seems like there are better ways I could be spending the limited amount of free time that I have. It seems pointless to date girls that I don't have a future with for the sole purpose of having options so that I don't become needy when I find a girl that I might have a future with, especially when I don't think I will ever become needy for a girl again anyway.

I don't know if that makes sense, but I think you get my point.

So you don't care when you date a woman for a couple weeks and then she dumps you?

Must be nice.

 

[ketostix]

So you don't care when you date a woman for a couple weeks and then she dumps you?

Must be nice.

I think he's saying he doesn't care any more or less if a girl he's been dating for a few weeks drops him whether he has other plates spinning or not. In other words, spinning multiple plate or not it's the same thing but with less time and effort spent when not spinning plates of course. Or at least that's how I see it myself.

 

[MikeYikes122]

So you don't care when you date a woman for a couple weeks and then she dumps you?

Must be nice.

All right MNIN, you have to get over her. This is my depressing thread, not yours.

I think he's saying he doesn't care any more or less if a girl he's been dating for a few weeks drops him whether he has other plates spinning or not. In other words, spinning multiple plate or not it's the same thing but with less time and effort spent when not spinning plates of course. Or at least that's how I see it myself.

Yeah, you're right.

It just kind of sucks the situation I'm in. Over the past four or five years, it has been easy for me to find girls to date or plates to spin, whatever you want to call it. In college, I would meet tons of girls in class and in lectures. I would just sit down next to them and kick up a convo. It wasn't rocket science from that point on to date them or get them in bed. My social circle also grew pretty wide, and it got so I didn't have to randomly approach girls in bars or at parties. I instead just met them through friends.

It was like that for the couple of years after college too. My social circle was big enough that I just met girls through friends. I never really had to approach in bars, though I still did every once in a while. I'm good at cold approaching in public and always have been, but I never really did a ton of that either. I didn't need to. There wasn't much point in doing it when I was meeting tons of girls through friends and acquaintances. Those girls, I never even had to go out on dates with in some cases. It was easy, I just hung out with them along with common friends and eventually I could get a rapport going with the girls I liked. Then, once alcohol was involved, getting them in bed usually wasn't all that difficult. That sounds terrible, but that is really the truth.

Though, that has all come and gone. I took a job this fall in the city I went to college in. I'm still young enough that I can date the co-eds who go here, but it's hard as hell to do so and time consuming as sh!t when I don't have nearly as big of a social circle as I did when I went to school here. Getting plates spinning I'm finding is a time consuming process when you have to go out to a mall or a bar, cold approach, get a number, go out on a date, go out on another date and eventually the chips fall. Should the girl get flaky, then you have to start the process all over.

I'm so busy with work and regular life that I don't have the time or the mental capacity to go through the long process of spinning plates - most of which I'm finding are girls I'm not even really all that interested in anyway. So I figure, what is the point? I don't end up genuinely liking the plates that I spin, so I'm just wasting my time and effort.

For example, one of the two plates I had spinning was a 22-year-old who is a senior at the school here. I met her out at a nightlife spot here one night. She was a nice girl, easy to get along with and attractive enough (HB 8 maybe). But she was as dumb as a fvcking sack of hammers. Everything she said was so juvenile and ignorant. I just couldn't take it any longer, so I cut off contact with her over the holidays. I didn't even care if it meant no sex. Seriously.

I will spare you the details of you the other plate I had spinning, but it was much of the same story for the most part.

You have to see what I am getting at. The process of plate spinning I'm finding is so time consuming and mentally draining that doing it just seems pointless. In the end, all I am getting is a distraction from work and regular life, all for a girl who I will probably end up not liking anyway. She's supposed to keep me from acting needy and provide an option when I do actually meet a girl I really like, but I'm not meeting her, so what is the point? Especially when I already know how to act to get a girl to be my girlfriend. All that is extremely cynical and not within my personality at all, but I can't help but feel like it's true.

I'm also kind of depressed with life in general (again, not part of my personality at all). The busy season for my job is kicking in, and I'm stuck at home doing work on a Thursday night when two years ago at this time I was partying like a madman at the bars down the street from my apartment. It kind of makes me feel old, and it sucks.

 

[RedPill]

Spinning plates should not be seen as some sort of obligation. It's just a method of placing yourself in a better position to be selective with the women you choose to spend time with.

I think the challenge for many in adopting this strategy is that it's difficult to comprehend cultivating relationships with women over a longer time frame with no implications of commitment. We've all been conditioned to a degree to think that we have to keep specific women in constant contact or we're going to lose them as plates.

I'm guessing, as I know used to be the case for me, that the default was always to 'monogamy mode' - where one has to strike while the iron is hot and be in touch with her frequently to avoid her losing interest. Then, after evolving the paradigm, I realized the difference between interest and desire.

Interest is a fleeting fancy, but desire will burn deep inside her. If you have created a desire in her, made her want more of whatever sensations -experienced or imagined - that you provide her with, that will stay with her regardless of how frequently you're in touch, how often you go out together, or how scarce you make yourself.

The utility in spinning plates lies in cultivating desire with several women, not interest. This can be done over a very slow period of time. It doesn't have to be some huge commitment of time and energy.

 

[Aenigma]

Spinning plates has one purpose- to develop the prize mentality.

 

[DavenJuan]

Just offhand I would say someone who is busy doesn't need to spin plates. They don't have the time to become too needy with the girl anyway really (A common reason for using plate theory). And a person who can deal with one woman at a time and not get too deep too fast doesn't really need to spin plates. Plate theory is all right, but I don't think it's necessary for everyone. I think some guys can "focus" on one women at a time and benefit from it. I prefer quality over quanity anyway.

even a busy person sometimes needs to spin plates. IMO alot of busy people are so consumed with other things, the ONE PLATE they are spinning they place all their effort and energy into that single plate.

on the other hand, if women are not your priority and you have other things that are more important, than IMO spinning plates could refer to those things as well.

i think a lot of people get the wrong idea when we talk about spinning plates

 

[ketostix]

even a busy person sometimes needs to spin plates. IMO alot of busy people are so consumed with other things, the ONE PLATE they are spinning they place all their effort and energy into that single plate.

Well if a person is so busy yet they still are putting too much effort and energy into one plate, then I'd say they have other problems (with creating desire in girls and not being to needy) and plate spinning is just a band-aide. Besides there's nothing wrong with putting your time and energy into the right girl if you keep a handle on it.

I think Red Pill said it best. It's about creating desire in the girls. I call desire attraction+interest. Anyway, if you have desire on both ends it wouldn't be a chore and a poor return on your investment. That's easier said then done, but the girls that are mostly likely to have desire for you are usually the one's that give signals of interest in you first. They have already selected you on appearance at least.

I just see Plate spinning as more of a necessity for most guys to find a few worthwhile girls than a solution to improve relations with whatever girls they have gotten. It's basically working hard for little return. Think about it if a guy had a lot of looks and fame he wouldn't have to spin the plates, they'd be "spinning" themselves for him. He'd be like the attractive girl with all the orbiters.

 

[ketostix]

All right MNIN, you have to get over her. This is my depressing thread, not yours.



Yeah, you're right.

It just kind of sucks the situation I'm in. Over the past four or five years, it has been easy for me to find girls to date or plates to spin, whatever you want to call it. In college, I would meet tons of girls in class and in lectures. I would just sit down next to them and kick up a convo. It wasn't rocket science from that point on to date them or get them in bed. My social circle also grew pretty wide, and it got so I didn't have to randomly approach girls in bars or at parties. I instead just met them through friends.

It was like that for the couple of years after college too. My social circle was big enough that I just met girls through friends. I never really had to approach in bars, though I still did every once in a while. I'm good at cold approaching in public and always have been, but I never really did a ton of that either. I didn't need to. There wasn't much point in doing it when I was meeting tons of girls through friends and acquaintances. Those girls, I never even had to go out on dates with in some cases. It was easy, I just hung out with them along with common friends and eventually I could get a rapport going with the girls I liked. Then, once alcohol was involved, getting them in bed usually wasn't all that difficult. That sounds terrible, but that is really the truth.

Though, that has all come and gone. I took a job this fall in the city I went to college in. I'm still young enough that I can date the co-eds who go here, but it's hard as hell to do so and time consuming as sh!t when I don't have nearly as big of a social circle as I did when I went to school here. Getting plates spinning I'm finding is a time consuming process when you have to go out to a mall or a bar, cold approach, get a number, go out on a date, go out on another date and eventually the chips fall. Should the girl get flaky, then you have to start the process all over.

I'm so busy with work and regular life that I don't have the time or the mental capacity to go through the long process of spinning plates - most of which I'm finding are girls I'm not even really all that interested in anyway. So I figure, what is the point? I don't end up genuinely liking the plates that I spin, so I'm just wasting my time and effort.

For example, one of the two plates I had spinning was a 22-year-old who is a senior at the school here. I met her out at a nightlife spot here one night. She was a nice girl, easy to get along with and attractive enough (HB 8 maybe). But she was as dumb as a fvcking sack of hammers. Everything she said was so juvenile and ignorant. I just couldn't take it any longer, so I cut off contact with her over the holidays. I didn't even care if it meant no sex. Seriously.

I will spare you the details of you the other plate I had spinning, but it was much of the same story for the most part.

You have to see what I am getting at. The process of plate spinning I'm finding is so time consuming and mentally draining that doing it just seems pointless. In the end, all I am getting is a distraction from work and regular life, all for a girl who I will probably end up not liking anyway. She's supposed to keep me from acting needy and provide an option when I do actually meet a girl I really like, but I'm not meeting her, so what is the point? Especially when I already know how to act to get a girl to be my girlfriend. All that is extremely cynical and not within my personality at all, but I can't help but feel like it's true.

I'm also kind of depressed with life in general (again, not part of my personality at all). The busy season for my job is kicking in, and I'm stuck at home doing work on a Thursday night when two years ago at this time I was partying like a madman at the bars down the street from my apartment. It kind of makes me feel old, and it sucks.

As you alluded to I think you're mostly just in a rut. And that could change tomorrow. Also cold approaches aren't called cold for nothing. People especially women are strange how they are much more willing to "date" the same guy out of a group than if he cold approached her.

It is harder when you're older and out of college. You're not in a big social group, and you don't have so many girls to choose from that you have a connection to like at classes. I agree with you that you don't really need to spin plates for the reason usually given, but I do think you need to meet more girls to find at least one that's worthwhile to you.