Spinning plates is time consuming

[mrRuckus]

What's your goal here? To get approval that you don't have to date several girls at once?

It's okay. You don't.

Sometimes I date zero because I don't want to. So what? Will I not be allowed in the mature men club?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

What's your goal here? To get approval that you don't have to date several girls at once?

It's okay. You don't.

Sometimes I date zero because I don't want to. So what? Will I not be allowed in the mature men club?

I'm still waiting for his purpose was for spinning plates in the first place.

 

[Colossus]

Spinning plates does indeed serve a purpose. It works for different men at different times.

I agree that the principal utility of plate theory is to be more selective in the women you spend time with for your own benefit. It keeps your perspectives in check and prevents any unhealthy attachment.

On the other hand, there are pitfalls. This type of lifestyle makes it all too easy to be disingenuous with your actions.

Because face it, how many of you actually tell each and every plate that you are non-exclusive and are currently intimate with other women? You may be frank with some, or come clean with some after a time, but being completely candid about your casanova lefestyle with every woman is not going to yield the results you want. I'm not knocking spinning plates; like i said it serves a purpose. But that purpose is ultimately up to you. What exactly is it you want out of this facet of life? Endless sex? Companionship?, Long term intimacy? Your 'platework' should reflect what you want for your life. Dont do it just because.

You also have to have a gameplan as to what level of plate spinning you are going to engage in. Are you going to simply date women until you find one worthy of intimacy? Or are you going to test drive each one, some of them overlapping each other, until you get bored, burned, or find a keeper?

There are many ways to go about it, some of them less honorable than others. It's a personal game.

 

[MikeYikes122]

I'm still waiting for his purpose was for spinning plates in the first place.

And you'll be waiting for a while for that.

Can you just do me a favor and not respond to any of my threads anymore? Out of all those 13,000+ posts, I'm not sure I've ever seen you be helpful to anyone. Your abrasiveness is annoying to me and a couple other posters I have talked to.

 

[MikeYikes122]

What's your goal here? To get approval that you don't have to date several girls at once?

It's okay. You don't.

Sometimes I date zero because I don't want to. So what? Will I not be allowed in the mature men club?

No, I'm not looking for approval for anything. I read over this thread a second ago and realized I was mostly just venting.

But if I was looking for anything, I guess it was just to hear something from someone who had shared a similar experience. Right now, I'm at what is probably my first real job. I'm in a relatively new city where I don't have nearly as many friends or girls available to date, and I'm stuck in busy season at work, so meeting new girls is a pain in the a$$. I'm probably not even going to get to out tonight. I know, I shouldn't be *****ing. A lot of guys on this message board have it way worse or have overcome far worse. But posts like these are what Internet forums like SoSuave are for.

I think ketostix said it best when he said I'm just in a rut. I rarely ever get in ruts, but when I do they are bad. They can last sometimes for a week or even longer.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

And you'll be waiting for a while for that.

Can you just do me a favor and not respond to any of my threads anymore? Out of all those 13,000+ posts, I'm not sure I've ever seen you be helpful to anyone. Your abrasiveness is annoying to me and a couple other posters I have talked to.

Great, another guy with post envy. How many other things do you come up short in anyway? Nevermind, don't have that much time...

FYI, I point out the guys who aren't able to do anything on their own occord and just do things for the sake of doing something and then come to the forum to get a justification for the actions that they are doing but have no idea why, I'm here because of you. MrRuckus was apparently right.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

And you'll be waiting for a while for that.

Can you just do me a favor and not respond to any of my threads anymore? Out of all those 13,000+ posts, I'm not sure I've ever seen you be helpful to anyone. Your abrasiveness is annoying to me and a couple other posters I have talked to.

You don't know what you are talking about. Francisco has helped me more here than ANYONE on this site... And this goes back several years and a few user names.

I consider Francisco a true friend.

 

[MikeYikes122]

As you alluded to I think you're mostly just in a rut. And that could change tomorrow. Also cold approaches aren't called cold for nothing. People especially women are strange how they are much more willing to "date" the same guy out of a group than if he cold approached her.

It is harder when you're older and out of college. You're not in a big social group, and you don't have so many girls to choose from that you have a connection to like at classes. I agree with you that you don't really need to spin plates for the reason usually given, but I do think you need to meet more girls to find at least one that's worthwhile to you.

I think you're right. While it's not essential for me to spin plates anymore, it probably is still in my best interest to try to meet girls. Even if I'm not actively trying to do date them, I still will have options. And since I know how to act to get a girl to want to be my girlfriend, it shouldn't be all that big of a deal.

Who knows? I might feel completely different about all of this next week. Like you said, I am probably just in a rut.

 

[MikeYikes122]

Great, another guy with post envy. How many other things do you come up short in anyway? Nevermind, don't have that much time...

FYI, I point out the guys who aren't able to do anything on their own occord and just do things for the sake of doing something and then come to the forum to get a justification for the actions that they are doing but have no idea why, I'm here because of you. MrRuckus was apparently right.

Congratulations on already breaking the one and only rule I set for you.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Congratulations on already breaking the one and only rule I set for you.

Oh yeah, I'm going to take directions from a guy who doesn't know why he does things. Who do you think I am? YOU!!!??? :crackup:

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

You don't know what you are talking about. Francisco has helped me more here than ANYONE on this site... And this goes back several years and a few user names.

I consider Francisco a true friend.

Thanks but you were asking for something different. You were looking for new solutions instead of justifications for what doing things which weren't working for 'ya.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

Maybe Mike should just get married sounds like he's ready to settle down.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Maybe Mike should just get married sounds like he's ready to settle down.

Shhhhh.... Don't want to give him any ideas.... Or maybe??....

 

[My Name is Nobody]

Spinning plates does indeed serve a purpose. It works for different men at different times.

I agree that the principal utility of plate theory is to be more selective in the women you spend time with for your own benefit. It keeps your perspectives in check and prevents any unhealthy attachment.

On the other hand, there are pitfalls. This type of lifestyle makes it all too easy to be disingenuous with your actions.

Because face it, how many of you actually tell each and every plate that you are non-exclusive and are currently intimate with other women? You may be frank with some, or come clean with some after a time, but being completely candid about your casanova lefestyle with every woman is not going to yield the results you want. I'm not knocking spinning plates; like i said it serves a purpose. But that purpose is ultimately up to you. What exactly is it you want out of this facet of life? Endless sex? Companionship?, Long term intimacy? Your 'platework' should reflect what you want for your life. Dont do it just because.

You also have to have a gameplan as to what level of plate spinning you are going to engage in. Are you going to simply date women until you find one worthy of intimacy? Or are you going to test drive each one, some of them overlapping each other, until you get bored, burned, or find a keeper?

There are many ways to go about it, some of them less honorable than others. It's a personal game.

What do you tell your plates when they ask about other women you are seeing? Colossus says you can't be honest with them because they will get angry and could dump you.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

What do you tell your plates when they ask about other women you are seeing? Colossus says you can't be honest with them because they will get angry and could dump you.

It doesn't come up unless one of two things have happened:

1. You had implied by your actions that a particular woman is getting all of your time and effort.
2. A woman knows that she isn't getting most of your attention but she wants to be your #1.

It's all about managing your time around a schedule and not around a woman. As long as a woman knows that she needs to schedule her time with you, she understand that you have other things going on which may or may not include other women. No matter whether or not you are or not, you can always honestly tell her that you need to check your calendar and that you may or may not be available.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

If you are taking the time to start threads on SS about how time consuming Plate Spinning is, you're not spinning plates. Nor do you have any real options to spin plates. You're dissertation about how you've tried it all (at 25) and want to focus on one woman at a time, and how foreign an idea it is to have more than one iron in the fire at any one time is invalid. I'm not trying to flame you, and I'm not trying say your frustration is misplaced. I am saying you simply cannot have discovered Plate Theory and put it into practice long enough and effectively enough to have come to the conclusions that would prompt you to have started this thread to begin with.

It just kind of seems the point of spinning plates is to keep yourself from caring too much at an early point of a relationship where an LTR hasn't started yet.

This statement dramatically illustrates your LTR-as-goal mindset. This state of mind is what defines an AFC. Stop it. Change your mind now. Plate Theory isn't about emotional states. It isn't about ƒucking any and every girl available to you to prove your own merit - it isn't a numbers game. It's not about caring about one particular girl. It's about self-realizing your own options and the influence this has on you establishing your own self-value.

if you don't care about a girl your dating non-exclusively, then does it really matter that you're not dating any other girls to keep yourself from getting too needy.

Yes. It does. Men without options are necessitous, and necessitous men are not free. Again this idea is prompted from the fact that you have no options. To a guy with little or no real options, his focus is on the only viable one he has at the time. In the beginning stages of attraction, every "test" a woman has is about determining a man's value by subtley, indirectly, probing a man's options and how competition worthy he is. Is he a PRIZE? Does he know he's a PRIZE? Does social proof bear this out?

It starting to feel like spinning plates is just a waste of time and, let's be honest, money. Again, not denouncing the theory. I'm just saying I don't think I really need to do it anymore. I know that I always have options.

If you're feeling you don't need to do it anymore you haven't really done it. At 25 I can guarantee you haven't done it. If you truly had options you'd see the value in spinning plates and non-exclusivity wouldn't even be a consideration for you as you'd defer to it as a matter of course. In all likelihood there is one particular girl you're focusing on at this point and you're struggling with a ONEitis vs. Plate Spining conflict. You started this thread in order to challenge this since you'd like to think that your ONE is worth being exclusive for, but you need a concensus from this forum.

I have a friend named Sean. Sean entered into a devastating LTR at 19 and stuck by his ONEitis like a good AFC until he was about 26. After I'd counseled him he broke off with this complete b!tch and began spinning plates for about 6 months until he met another ONEitis. He was prone to seeing LTRs as a goal state, but his reasoning for latching onto his next LTR was exactly the reason you're giving us here. Although he'd only been "free" for about 6 months his reason for hooking up with the new ONEitis was because he was "tired of all the games and had out grown the scene." This was from a guy who'd only ever ƒucked one other woman in his life who he'd met in high school. It sounds like logic. It sounds reasonable. It sounds like something you'd hear in a romantic comedy movie, but it is HORSE****. It is an excuse and it is most definitely settling on the first thing that comes along. At 25, you cannot possibly have had enough experience to use this as your reasoning for wanting to focus on monogamy. You simply lack options - not only in the women available to you, but in your ability to generate new options. Work on yourself son. Plate Theory isn't just a practice, it's a state of being. Stop thinking of it as a means to your LTR ends.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

Having more than one woman want you at a time is like a drug. It just feels damn good. I never remember feeling that way in a LTR. Maybe at the beginning but it gets so stale and boring too fast. I never had an LTR I didn't want over after 6 months I just never had the balls to end it. And then for some reason when she ended it I felt depressed and sat around.

What was I thinking? She did me a favor.

I tried spinning plates last year but I ended up blowing it. I'll be better this time and hopefully get it right.

 

[MikeYikes122]

Rollo, I'm glad you responded to this. Thanks for doing so.

An LTR isn't really even my goal. The problem is more that I really don't have any goals. I just kind of feel like, what the hell is the point to any of this? Let's say I go out tonight, meet three girls, two of them become plates for me to spin. Sure, it's fun to have sex with them or maybe go out with them once or twice, but fixing them into my schedule is just going to take up more free time that I don't have much of anyway. On top of that, I'm not even going to end up liking either of these girls, nor do I need them as options so that I don't act needy. Because, as I said before, I don't act needy.

You mention self-realizing my options and that's what plate theory is about, but I already know I have tons of options. I learned many years ago that getting girls isn't tough.

I really wish I had more of a chance to respond to you, but I'm putting off work right now by even writing this short of a message. I will just try to sum up my thoughts by saying, sometimes I feel like I have the opposite of a scarcity mentality. I know deep down inside that I have too many options, so if a girl I'm dating or even casually talking to shows me even the slightest flaw, I will just next her because what's the point of putting up with even a minor flaw when there are so many other girls out there? This is probably a huge AFC sentiment, but I've been wishing recently that I would have never even found this DJ stuff. It's like I just can't settle for anything but perfection.

I hope that makes sense, and I do appreciate you taking the time to respond. Like I told a previous poster, I think I am just in a rut. Life has really sucked for the past week.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Having more than one woman want you at a time is like a drug. It just feels damn good. I never remember feeling that way in a LTR.

Now you're just coming to understand how women feel about male attention.

 

[Interceptor]

Mikey,
ok, I just got a thought about this.

I get the feeling that you are not being intimately satisfied, emotionally satisfied as it were.

Since you are not making any emotional investements, you are not enjoying that intimacy with women.


Since youre not getting that in return, after a while, there is a sense of boredom often.
Of 'what's the point to this?"
Why?
Because you are not getting your needs met emotionally, intimately.
There no Connection there.

There is no ONE Woman there to knock your socks off, so to speak.
No attachment.
No excitement.

getting women is easy for you.

But truly enjoying women is hard.

Since you stated that you "have no goals", I am wondering that this is affecting your relationships and perceptions of them.

Often enough, lack of goals or direction is truly a MAJOR AFC trait. And certainly emasculating.

And as I have stated elsewhere, often, when we have a problem but it is vague, fuzzy, we can't pinpoint it exactly , it has to do with our Personal Boundary.


it could be something simple like you don't have a strong enough IDENTITY to have well defined, clear PREFERENCES and OPINIONS.

Just something to think about.....