Spent the night with girl without having sex - best way to proceed

[BackInTheGame78]

As a woman I agree with @Modern Man Advice . 100%, great post and great insight into female thinking.

Most men act like thirsty dogs, women expect it, and when we encounter a man who's NOT, who's not all over us, even when presented with the opportunity, it increases his value, assuming said women isn't so insecure and attention-seeking she relies on a man's sexual attention and validation for her very existence. And there are many women like this, I happen to know a few.

But a confident secure high quality woman will respect him and it will increase HIS value and HER interest, it shows her he's not like the 5 million other men begging for her. Simping basically.

That said, a woman should NOT be inviting a man into her bed if she has no intention of having sex. This makes her a pr1cktease, which isn't cool.

But giving her benefit of doubt OP, she most likely expected you to escalate but respected and valued you for not.

In fact, it wouldn't surprise me if SHE were posting on a woman's forum right now praising you for not simping to her with your thirst, like most other guys have done and will continue to do. Stand out from the crowd, be different. Get her wondering about you!

Now given what I've come to learn about many of you, you will dismiss my post and say "never listen to advice or opinion from a woman, men are the fisherman" and that's fine, suit yourselves.

But @Modern Man Advice is a man, and if you pay attention to his words, you might learn something valuable.

Peace.

The mistake was sleeping in her bed and nothing happening. If nothing was going to happen or he didn't want to, then cool...it was the first time he ever met her, take his exit.

If he is going to stay then he needs to fvck her. Sends a bad message if you both stay and don't fvck her.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Y’all are straw manning at this point. Suave88 clearly said that a man should still persist after being told “NO”! Now, This next point isn’t pointed at OP because it didn’t apply in this situation. Again, you can take the lead and get clear consent to have sex. By denying this, y’all are saying that my game is superior to yours because I’ve never lost a fvcking lay by getting consent.

 

[Billtx49]

The mistake was sleeping in her bed and nothing happening. If nothing was going to happen or he didn't want to, then cool...it was the first time he ever met her, take his exit.

If he is going to stay then he needs to fvck her. Sends a bad message if you both stay and don't fvck her.

Exactly right, if he was that unsure or not sexually motivated, he should have left and explained he had an early morning the next day, doing so would have made her wait for him and upped her desire a few notches for the next date setup and the game would have been in his hands, not hers…
There can be benefits to making a horny woman wait a few days…

 

[HaleyBaron]

Suave88 clearly said that a man should still persist after being told “NO”!

Yes he should.

 

[Gamisch]

I totally get your point so yeah it's a bit of a different situation since she did willingly invite him into her bed.

BUT I do know many women who DO do that; get on any woman's forum and you will read many posts from woman who invite men into their beds, NOT for sex, but to kiss and cuddle, be close. It's a real thing. I'm surprised you've never encountered women like this.

Anyway, like I said, it an effed up thing to do, it leaves the guy not knowing what the hell she wants him to do. And it places her in the pr1cktease category.

In OP's case, it's impossible to know what type she is, my only point is he may not have screwed up by not escalating, he may have actually scored points if all she wanted was to kiss and "cuddle."

Time will tell and agree that he should wait until she reaches out and take it from there.

Edit: I also agree that once it became clear that no sex was going to happen, he should have left and gone home.

I encounter nothing but this tbh. Most women I meet nowadays do love sex , but they all seem to love the cuddling part just as much. As a man I do learn it's a trade off, you gotta give your chest and shoulder to her every now and then( especially after sex, just a 5 minute cuddle session will do )great opportunity to ask a woman about the psychology behind this.

Basically OP didn't even do so bad , it's just the fact it seems like he did wanna smash and couldn't control the situation. He kinda reversed priorities imo.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Next time do not spend the night if things aren't happening. My rule of thumb is I don't spend the night with a woman who isn't my girlfriend or who isn't a main plate.

+1

I just leave. Was intermediate level when I'd just blow up sets. Like, if she's not dtf or playing any games, I get up and leave. There's hotter girls turning 18 everyday.

That willingness to walk &&& #next is fire. Fellas need to value their time. Most execute. Blow me or blow me out.

 

[Suave88]

+1

I just leave. Was intermediate level when I'd just blow up sets. Like, if she's not dtf or playing any games, I get up and leave. There's hotter girls turning 18 everyday.

That willingness to walk &&& #next is fire. Fellas need to value their time. Most execute. Blow me or blow me out.

This is probably what I would do if it seems like the only option, but I woundnt stay around in bed doing nothing.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

This is probably what I would do if it seems like the only option, but I woundnt stay around in bed doing nothing.

Agreed. I just leave. Not sit there with blue balls. That's wackkkk.

One of the most important thing in game is to test compliance. I'm bossy. I instruct her what to do.

I lead. She follows or #next!

 

[coyote_astro]

I totally get your point so yeah it's a bit of a different situation since she did willingly invite him into her bed.

BUT I do know many women who DO do that; get on any woman's forum and you will read many posts from woman who invite men into their beds, NOT for sex, but to kiss and cuddle, be close. It's a real thing. I'm surprised you've never encountered women like this.

Anyway, like I said, it's an effed up thing to do, it leaves the guy not knowing what the hell she wants him to do. And it places her in the pr1cktease category.

In OP's case, it's impossible to know what type she is, my only point is he may not have screwed up by not escalating, he may have actually scored points if all she wanted was to kiss and "cuddle."

Time will tell and agree that he should wait until she reaches out and take it from there.

Edit: I also agree that once it became clear that no sex was going to happen, he should have left and gone home.

Interesting perspective.

I totally agree with all the comments saying that I should not have stayed if I didn't mean to go all the way to sex; the criticism is fair. I crossed the 'point of no return' , which now complicates things significantly.
Btw, for anyone who might be wondering, the reason that I found myself in that position was that I expected the escalation to progress much more easily as soon as I got to her place. By the time I realized that sex was not happening for whatever reason, it was ~3ish am, I was very tired and on the other side of town compared to my place. Sure I could have called an Uber, but my willpower was low at that point, and I just went to sleep. But the reason does not matter now.

Having said all of that, I really hope you are right, catsmeow. Thinking about our interaction again, it is possible that she wanted the type of connection you described above. For what it's worth, she did not seem cold or bitter the next morning and the vibe was similar as the night before.

I hope I can get another shot, but let's see.
I guess all I can do now is wait and see if she reaches out. If a week passes by without any signs, I'll re-assess whether to reach out myself or move on completely.

 

[Suave88]

Agreed. I just leave. Not sit there with blue balls. That's wackkkk.

One of the most important thing in game is to test compliance. I'm bossy. I instruct her what to do.

I lead. She follows or #next!

I had one of my girlfriends do this to me once. It was the time to bang. She was in her bed, I am in the room, it is 10:00PM, and bytch wanna play control games. So, when I get myself next to her and I am trying to get ther warm, bytch jumps and shouts on my face out loud mad, it is whenever the fck she wants. I got up bed and left her. I almost leave the house, but instead I went to lay in anothet bed in the next room. Shyt testing Burch went there and lay on top of me.

 

[HaleyBaron]

Having said all of that, I really hope you are right, catsmeow. Thinking about our interaction again, it is possible that she wanted the type of connection you described above.

Women are never right. Stop listening to them. Stop! Do not ever listen to woman's advice when it comes to these types of situations.

No woman cares about the connection except your d*ck going into your vag. That new age **** is what gets most modern boys and men in trouble or keeps them from having sex.

 

[Baibars]

@coyote_astro take all the advice given to you but don’t be too hard with yourself. Some guys here are really exaggerating. You can definitely sleep at a girls place, not have sex and she can still give you more chances.

i couldn’t get hard the first time with a girl I’m seeing now ( made a thread about it back then) and I found out later that it made HER insecure.

And even if you fcked up so what? That’s not the end of the world and your own self worth shouldn’t be dependent on one girl.

 

[BadBoy89]

- I went out on a first date with a girl I met from online dating. The chemistry was very good aNd
- after going to two bars back-to-back,
- we ended up back to her place together
- We just made out, cuddled etc and then slept together.
- I failed to escalate fully so we did not have sex
- The reason I failed to escalate is not such a huge mystery btw: I've been super focused on my career over the past few months

So you:

- Signed up for an online dating service
- introduced yourself to a girl
- on a first date: you went to one bar
- left that bar and went to another bar
- she invited you, a guy she met online, back to her place after 1 date
- you made out, cuddled, slept together but you did not escalate

So no problem doing any of the above, but you couldn’t escalate because you were focused on your career for last 60 days?

Surprised you weren’t focused on your career when signed up online the dating service, or when you were walking from the first bar to the second bar on a first date.

 

[HaleyBaron]

So you:

- Signed up for an online dating service
- introduced yourself to a girl
- on a first date: you went to one bar
- left that bar and went to another bar
- she invited you, a guy she met online, back to her place after 1 date
- you made out, cuddled, slept together but you did not escalate

So no problem doing any of the above, but you couldn’t escalate because you were focused on your career for last 60 days?

Surprised you weren’t focused on your career when signed up online the dating service, or when you were walking from the first bar to the second bar on a first date.

He f*cked up. We all see that. He didn't finish the race cause he made up some internal mental excuse as his insecurities cropped up from anxiety and nervousness.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

@coyote_astro take all the advice given to you but don’t be too hard with yourself. Some guys here are really exaggerating. You can definitely sleep at a girls place, not have sex and she can still give you more chances.

i couldn’t get hard the first time with a girl I’m seeing now ( made a thread about it back then) and I found out later that it made HER insecure.

And even if you fcked up so what? That’s not the end of the world and your own self worth shouldn’t be dependent on one girl.

This, I honestly think you did your best and she just wasn’t feeling it. If you have to questionably rape a girl to obtain sex then that’s pathetic and it will come back to bite you in some for or the other.

 

[Suave88]

Re being accused of rape if he persists after hearing NO, that does happen, however it is extremely difficult if not impossible to prove in a court of law given she willingly invited him into her bed and carried on with him in bed.

But it happens, I used to work in the legal field as a paralegal and saw these types of cases A LOT.

I just finished watching a British series on Netflix called "Anatomy of a Scandal," wherby a government minister was having a hot torrid affair with his colleague, after he broke it off, she accused him of rape, it went to trial and he prevailed.

But the rape charge was a nightmare for him nevertheless.

And thanks to Jonny Depp trial, no more false rape acusations and trumped up chargers for men.

 

[coyote_astro]

@coyote_astro take all the advice given to you but don’t be too hard with yourself. Some guys here are really exaggerating. You can definitely sleep at a girls place, not have sex and she can still give you more chances.

i couldn’t get hard the first time with a girl I’m seeing now ( made a thread about it back then) and I found out later that it made HER insecure.

And even if you fcked up so what? That’s not the end of the world and your own self worth shouldn’t be dependent on one girl.

Thanks man! I admit it is frustrating to realize I messed up on this one, but I try not to dwell on this and use the momentum forward. Another cute girl I met through social circle has just texted me today, and I am at a very good stage in my life these days overall. I just need to re-gain my confidence when it comes to having sex. One reason I made this thread was to get some sort of accountability.

 

[coyote_astro]

So you:

- Signed up for an online dating service
- introduced yourself to a girl
- on a first date: you went to one bar
- left that bar and went to another bar
- she invited you, a guy she met online, back to her place after 1 date
- you made out, cuddled, slept together but you did not escalate

So no problem doing any of the above, but you couldn’t escalate because you were focused on your career for last 60 days?

Surprised you weren’t focused on your career when signed up online the dating service, or when you were walking from the first bar to the second bar on a first date.

Yes, I don't really see what you find surprising about the things you listed. The work and lifestyle I've been leading in the past few months led to a certain level of momentum that allowed me to handle all the above situations you mentioned, with the exception of closing the deal, due to lack of recent sex. It's not that i was a literal monk, I just had no plates spinning, it's really not that hard to understand.

btw, I did waste away many OLD opportunities, because I was taking days to respond due to being busy, so there goes that as well.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

No doubt it will have an impact and set a precedent, but I doubt it will stop completely.

Thing is, there are women who truly believe they were raped. Such women refuse to take responsibility for their role or actions blaming it all on the man.

And because of that, such accusations of rape will continue, unfortunately. But more difficult to prove.

The issue isn't questionable rape accusations that determine a court of law to decide. The issue is that Mr.Suave88 clearly advocated pushing a girl in to having sex with you after she said "No".

 

[HaleyBaron]

OP, @HaleyBaron is right. I'm a woman, what do I know about what women want and respond to.

@coyote_astro I'm going to kick your a** one day if you even take this into consideration. Remember the lessons of DJ.