So Exhausted FML!

[fknhelp]

Just out of a relationship with a BPD. My mind legit feels like a record that’s been playing with the needle stuck in the same spot for months wearing a groove right through the record.

If anyone is willing to lend a hand or help out I’m looking to chat with someone on the phone who has been through one of these disasters and has some experience getting through it.

Let me know.
Thanks.

 

[fknhelp]

Yah I know but my brain keeps effing me over and I can’t seem to shake it, always thinking that there’s something I could have done to hang on and that if she just woulda got help she could heal and grow and could have been capable of at least a semi healthy relationship.

There were just so many lies from her, so much self harm and then blaming it all on me, such a mind fk.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

If you don't have experience dealing with BPD women, you will inevitably fall into their drama and end up feeling like you.

 

[fknhelp]

For any of you who have successfully pulled out of this black hole sh1t show, what was the most impactful/helpful action that you took?

 

[BPH]

For any of you who have successfully pulled out of this black hole sh1t show, what was the most impactful/helpful action that you took?

Meeting other women.

My ex was and still is like this. Girl was gorgeous, sex was amazing, but drama was everywhere. Even after we broke up and reconciled after a year to maintain a friends-with-benefits arrangement she would still look for problems to be mad about as if I had done something wrong.

However, she was not the only woman I was sleeping with, and I have 2 other plates who don't give me headaches. One is very consistent, very attractive, lives much closer, and is very sweet. My ex recently brought up something else to stir up drama - this time she can kick rocks.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Why would you want to "hang on" to something toxic?

Be thankful you got out and now work on understanding why you got stuck in this position in the first place so you don't allow it to happen again and so these type of women don't choose you as their next victim.

Because these type of women DEFINITELY carefully choose the men they date based on how well they think they can manipulate and control them.

Essentially you were a "mark" to her. Gotta figure out why. No different than robbers choose their "marks" to target for robberies or conmen target their "marks" to swindle money from.

Figure out what it is that made her choose you and then work on fixing that or else history will repeat itself.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

For any of you who have successfully pulled out of this black hole sh1t show, what was the most impactful/helpful action that you took?

Not repeating the same mistakes.

 

[Mazer]

For any of you who have successfully pulled out of this black hole sh1t show, what was the most impactful/helpful action that you took?

Date other girls and a lot of them. The first couple of chicks you date will be boring asf as you will be comparing them to the previous nutcase. After meeting and hopefully getting a few lays with new women, you will slowly crawl out of the fn hole she put you in. Good Luck.

 

[Bingo-Player]

In a year you won't even remember her name

 

[DreamAgain]

Read the no contact thread on this forum.

Obviously, do not contact her, but there are some cognitive tricks you can try that worked for me. When you find your mind drifting towards thinking about her, just say I hope she is happy and sort of wish her the best, like you are saying goodbye to her in your mind. Over time, your mind will find this to be a permanent thought and will heal where you no longer have these thoughts.

Also, I disagree with the previous advice. Do not just date random women for the sake of "putting yourself out there". You will inevitably compare them to your ex, and be drawn back to your ex in retrospect if things go bad with these new women, if you aren't that attracted to them, etc.

Make sure you properly grieve the end of this relationship before jumping into a new one, that you proverbially burned the bridge and there is no rebuilding it.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Just out of a relationship with a BPD

That's cause for breaking out the champagne and rejoicing, hoss

 

[BaronOfHair]

For any of you who have successfully pulled out of this black hole sh1t show, what was the most impactful/helpful action that you took?

Engaging in heavy self-reflection, and discovering the unaddressed internal baggage that led me to gravitate towards folks who poisonous. Not just women like this either, but also acquaintances and even employers

I also learned to be more grateful for escaping my dilemma relatively unscathed... Lots of men who brought women like these into their lives ended up murdered, falsely accused of and convicted of crimes, taken to the cleaners in divorce court, etc etc

 

[viking22]

I've found with bad relationships it is the drama that sucks you in and keeps you in them. Crazy women are never boring. And because they are a nightmare most of the time the rare times when they aren't it can feel so good in contrast that you can romanticize and idealize the relationship and it can feel like love. Dating normal women and learning to appreciate them will help you. As will trying to make your life more exciting so that in future you'll walk away from drama because you value your life too much to let it get disrupted.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I've found with bad relationships it is the drama that sucks you in and keeps you in them. Crazy women are never boring. And because they are a nightmare most of the time the rare times when they aren't it can feel so good in contrast that you can romanticize and idealize the relationship and it can feel like love. Dating normal women and learning to appreciate them will help you. As will trying to make your life more exciting so that in future you'll walk away from drama because you value your life too much to let it get disrupted.

The trick is to allow the drama but to not get emotionally involved or invested. This is her trip, she's the woman, she gets to be emotional. In that mental state you can patiently wait out the storm and calmly ask if she's done with her drama. Never make her drama 'our' drama.

I counsel C-PTSD women, some of them borderliner, all of them traumatised. I often anger them because they feel like I mock them, but I tell them I don't mock them, but their drama. So any time they start acting out, I look at them with calm amusement until they realise how ridiculous they're acting and then we can go back to the discussion at hand.

 

[fknhelp]

It’s just effing insane man, she’s coming around my house and trying to get rando people to follow my whereabouts, yet she says I’m the one stalking her lol fml (classic projection). There’s just something my mind struggles so hard to accept about a person who lies so much that almost everything that comes out of her mouth is a lie. Now I know what the bible means when it says a person who “breathes out lies”. Especially as this was someone who portrayed themselves as so pure, good, wholesome and morally grounded. The cognitive dissonance this has me struggling through is just fkn torturous. The crazy making behaviour really does rub off onto us temporarily.

The future faking, letters, emails and signs of affection all appeared so incredibly deep and genuine, I still really struggle to believe it was all disingenuous.

The worst part is I’m still trying to get myself to tare away from her emotionally. Even though I saw the writing on the wall and left her, I still feel like absolute shi. If nothing else at least I did learn that lesson from the first bpd ex, the airplane of love truly does have only one parachute.