Should I text her first or wait it out?

[Clockwerk50]

Think I tried to force it Sunday by asking her to hang out for sure. We had a good time, but the vibes weren't "lets ****". Which makes sense, we were bowling and having some beers on a late Sunday afternoon. I was just kind of in the mindset of, well we don't tend to see each other very often, we just had this fun, organic thing, a couple of weeks ago, might as well shoot my shot now or this is dead because I'm not pursuing this further.

I don't think I've been acting like I want a relationship with her or pursuing her in an obvious way though? I made out with her at a wedding and tried to go home with her that night to have sex. Then we happened to be at the same social gathering a few weeks later, hung out most of the time, and asked her if she wanted to hang out afterwards. At some point in the interaction you have to take the risk of saying lets do something/lets hook up.

Always tougher to see the reality of things when you're in it though. That I know. So maybe I have been but don't see it yet.

But yeah, I think I should have probably just hit her up before this past weekend and said hey want to grab drinks and hang out tonight.

Or I wish I had not asked to hang out Sunday after bowling and hit her up this week to hang out and hook up.

Lesson learned there.

So, essentially, she wouldn't have hung out with you romantically, only in group settings. It's hard to say for sure if she's trying to avoid you, but it does seem like that might be the case, especially since you didn't even know she'd be at the gathering.

I understand the idea of taking your shot, and if it doesn't work out, then so be it. However, good seducers know how to pick their people. They look for those who are vulnerable to them and avoid those who are emotionally closed off. It's smarter to let go of women who aren't receptive to you—after all, you can't win over everyone. At the same time, it's important to actively seek out those who respond positively. This approach makes seduction more enjoyable and satisfying in the end.

Take everyone's advice here to move on and talk to more women.

 

[L16]

So, essentially, she wouldn't have hung out with you romantically, only in group settings. It's hard to say for sure if she's trying to avoid you, but it does seem like that might be the case, especially since you didn't even know she'd be at the gathering.

I understand the idea of taking your shot, and if it doesn't work out, then so be it. However, good seducers know how to pick their people. They look for those who are vulnerable to them and avoid those who are emotionally closed off. It's smarter to let go of women who aren't receptive to you—after all, you can't win over everyone. At the same time, it's important to actively seek out those who respond positively. This approach makes seduction more enjoyable and satisfying in the end.

Take everyone's advice here to move on and talk to more women.

I know this isn't the main point, but she's not trying to avoid me. We were in a group chat about the bowling. If she were trying to avoid me, she'd probably have bailed after realizing I was going to be there. Instead she was very enthusiastic about bowling. Sat next to me and talked to basically just me, the entire time we were bowling. I'm also like 99% positive, when we passed by each other, she grabbed my hand.

But yeah, I took my shot based on what happened at the wedding. I guess hoping I created enough interest and attraction that next time she saw me she'd want to hook up. The logistics and time that passed screwed that all up.

Agreed though, this is dead. Moving on.

 

[The Diver]

^^In your case Diver, you did the right thing but generally speaking are you (and others) familiar with nuance?

Your update self self-explanatory as to why there is no room for nuance when asking a girl out: Anything other than a clear YES is a big NO.

You should be very clear with your romantic intentions when ask a girl out, and show no tolerance for "nuance bs" . She'll respect you more for being clear and direct,even if her answer will be No.

 

[Divorced w 3]

It wasn't like that. My friend asked if I wanted to go bowling Sunday, I said sure. Didn't know she would be there also until Saturday night.

Wasn't going to back out because she was going to be there. Wanted to go bowling with friends. In regards to her being there, I was like ok, well since these logistics kind of squashed the good vibes since it was two weeks ago already, lets see what the vibes are like.



Think I tried to force it Sunday by asking her to hang out for sure. We had a good time, but the vibes weren't "lets ****". Which makes sense, we were bowling and having some beers on a late Sunday afternoon. I was just kind of in the mindset of, well we don't tend to see each other very often, we just had this fun, organic thing, a couple of weeks ago, might as well shoot my shot now or this is dead because I'm not pursuing this further.

I don't think I've been acting like I want a relationship with her or pursuing her in an obvious way though? I made out with her at a wedding and tried to go home with her that night to have sex. Then we happened to be at the same social gathering a few weeks later, hung out most of the time, and asked her if she wanted to hang out afterwards. At some point in the interaction you have to take the risk of saying lets do something/lets hook up.

Always tougher to see the reality of things when you're in it though. That I know. So maybe I have been but don't see it yet.

But yeah, I think I should have probably just hit her up before this past weekend and said hey want to grab drinks and hang out tonight.

Or I wish I had not asked to hang out Sunday after bowling and hit her up this week to hang out and hook up.

Lesson learned there.



Think I'm going to need a translation on this one?



I think initially when I posted this, it could have gone either way for who reaches out to who first.

But like I mentioned in my update post, I agree here, that if she wanted to sleep with me, her text back would have said something like "wound up going to dinner but lets hang out this week/Thursday".

Will have to just let this one go for now.

Annoying since we had that great night at the wedding but logistics ****ed it all up. Hard to keep the momentum going after that.

I'll see her again at some point though.

Honestly the only move that evening to even remotely have sparked anything would have been to just been the quintessential friend to everyone there, treated her exactly like anyone else and just gone home. I wouldn’t have asked her what her plans were, you thought you were shooting a shot but her, all of us, and anyone else who knew about the wedding all expected you to do that. The move was not to do that. Throw her off balance. Get her wondering why. I would have been like okay guys gotta run, you guys have a great rest of your night. She may have deduced you had other plans, but what’s done is done. Don’t chase. You’ll upset yourself, you need to start getting over her. Good luck.

 

[L16]

Honestly the only move that evening to even remotely have sparked anything would have been to just been the quintessential friend to everyone there, treated her exactly like anyone else and just gone home. I wouldn’t have asked her what her plans were, you thought you were shooting a shot but her, all of us, and anyone else who knew about the wedding all expected you to do that. The move was not to do that. Throw her off balance. Get her wondering why. I would have been like okay guys gotta run, you guys have a great rest of your night. She may have deduced you had other plans, but what’s done is done. Don’t chase. You’ll upset yourself, you need to start getting over her. Good luck.

Yeah definitely wish I had done that.

But after what happened at the wedding I had it stuck in my head that I had to do something now, thinking there would still be some intrigue and interest there.

If it didn't work out, I know I don't see her that often at all, so it wouldn't really effect the next time I do see her. Which again, may not be for 3-6+ months, so thinking any "damage" done, wouldn't be present at that point.

I'm not crying over this.

Just a little pissed with myself and that I didn't close this. Will be out of my head soon.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Just a little pissed with myself and that I didn't close this. Will be out of my head soon.

It better be out of your head soon. Frustration is visible. And off-putting. You need a more phlegmatic attitude towards conquests.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Yeah definitely wish I had done that.

But after what happened at the wedding I had it stuck in my head that I had to do something now, thinking there would still be some intrigue and interest there.

Just a little pissed with myself and that I didn't close this. Will be out of my head soon.

It’s normal that when emotions run the decision process, other emotions come up later as a result of the outcomes from the actions taken in the emotional state. They’ll pass. Some may view it as a positive to have awareness on how emotions affected your decision making.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Frustration is visible. And off-putting.

So is judgement.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

So is judgement.

Yes, but people judge. If you show frustration, no matter how understandable, people will judge you for it.

Some may view it as a positive to have awareness on how emotions affected your decision making.

I'm not saying he shouldn't feel frustrated, but frustration is often visible and negatively judged. So it's better to not show your frustration, no matter how you feel.

 

[Gamisch]

Whenever a man asks the board if he should do xyz he's already lost.

There's are no set blueprints because not just every woman is different, every situation is ALSO different. 1 woman can present you with multiple challenges . Tons of variables ,too much to predict the outcome.

If you feel chemistry, you indeed wanna strike when the iron is hot. Thats why women blow and jerk men they dont know the names from in the ally. Imagine you would be like IDGAFFFF and you would "chase" her right away. A week or so later you would meet her again with tons of reports build up already. Just a sneaky look could be making her wet. Now you had to start all over again. Last time you were number 100, by now you even got a new number : "try hard 107" ( she won't even acknowledge nor remember your previous attempts)

Look, if you are a man with options you would hit her upset a date and if she rejected you, cool. By the time you meet her again you might be sleeping with another woman already. That's on HER to figure out.

This is why women tend to prefer bad boys( which is a ridiculous phrase as we are MEN and not boys). The badboy will be straight forward and make it clear what he want. Believe me, if every man chasing her was a member on SS we would have 3 threads per week about this one woman. She is a flirt, and every man who wants "love" will say he felt chemistry. Put her in front of me and I'll report the same chemistry.

Next time just fecking text her the same night. Disguised as a "drunk text" saying she did some to you . Compliment her. Once.

She dealt with TONS if dudes who were wishy-washy and came with all that BF energy right away. I feel like at the bowling center she rather felt like you were that category. If you're honest you also know you probably moved kinda awkward around her.

The biggest lesson I take from this for my own journey is to NEVER give a feck about a strange woman , and to assume that iam better than her. Yes that's a tad arrogant, but I rather be arrogant instead of dorky.

 

[Gamisch]

Yeah definitely wish I had done that.

But after what happened at the wedding I had it stuck in my head that I had to do something now, thinking there would still be some intrigue and interest there.

If it didn't work out, I know I don't see her that often at all, so it wouldn't really effect the next time I do see her. Which again, may not be for 3-6+ months, so thinking any "damage" done, wouldn't be present at that point.

I'm not crying over this.

Just a little pissed with myself and that I didn't close this. Will be out of my head soon.

What happened at the wedding must become default whenever you meet a woman ,regardless of her age or smv. That's the department of self improvement.

Aka you should ALWAYS be moving like you did that day, and you should 99% of the time ignite similar emotions with women. Imagine how a woman like that will respond to you..

A woman flirting to us men must be like a deer running from a tiger: It should instinctively spark a fire inside that tells you it's GO TIME