Should I get serious w/ a Single Mother???

[SELF-MASTERY]

I'm 26 and I've been 'seeing' this beautiful 21 yr old woman and things are going really great, but she wants to get "serious." She has a two year old son whose father is very much in the picture of his life, which is great for me; I don't want to play daddy to the kid and she doesn't appear to expect me to. She seems really mature, has a career, her own place and all the other shyt we want in an independent women. I'm still a little apprehensive. She gives me alot of attention (I'm high maintenance), she cooks dinner for me, buys me shyt that she thinks I might like. What more could I ask for?

What do you guys think?

 

[WestCoaster]

Take it slow ... I dated some single moms in my 20's, looking back a big mistake. You have a very small window of opportunity in your 20's to date single women your same age who are enthusiastic, not yet that man-hating bitter, in shape, and their whole world ahead of them. Single mommies are in a different realm.

Honestly, I'd try to see how many single no-mommies you could date. If you feel this gal is a keeper, you still have to date a lot to get a comparison and find out if that's what you want. I date single moms now (I'm a lot older), but looking back no way should've in my 20's. Women are in their prime from 20-30.

I wouldn't completely give up on this gal or hold it against her that she has a kid, but tread lightly, go slowly, and consider all your options. I don't expect many here to agree with me in keeping an open mind.

 

[Macgyver]

Dude, if you just want to FWB them, then go ahead. Unless their baby daddy is dead and the kid looks like a complete different race than me, I will not take her seriously. There's so many single women out there that don't have a kid and are just as good, don't assume she is "the one" for you.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

DJ Math time again:

She is 21 with a 2 y.o. son, meaning she was knocked up at 19 and fresh out of high school. Avoid this woman like the plague.

 

[Latinoman]

I do believe that there some exceptions to the rules. Heck...you can even apply rules for normally distributed data (68-95-99.7 rule).

Now, here is the thing...she is 21 years old. She has a two year old child (thankfully, with a dad that is a good father figure). But the important thing is that she is 21. Now, keep in mind...MANY single-intelligent-professional women that married before age 24 end in a divorce. So...regardless of the single-mother status, the thing might never work. But then again...it might. YOU make the decision

So, given her age and single mother situation (and assuming it happened out of wedlock and that she was active sexually) and applying the (68-95-99.7 rule)...would she be one of the 0.3% that lie outside the range of the women that we describe in here (the 99.7% should be avoided)?

This is not perfect and perhaps very innacurate. But I'm using this for illustration purposes. If she was older and behaving that way, then I would say she might be 5% or even 32% that are outside the range of women that need to be avoid (e.g. avoid the other 95 or 68%).

My point is...you never know...she might be one of the very few exceptions. .

Note: If she is treating you very well...then stay with her for as long as you want. No need to marry anyone, IMO. But no need to dump anyone either. At least she is younger than you and taking care of her business.

 

[Desdinova]

She seems really mature, has a career, her own place and all the other shyt we want in an independent women.

Most SMs are like this. They're forced to grow up because they've started a family and need to take care of it. They need to learn to support themselves, learn how to cook, clean, and keep the bills paid.

There's always the dark side of SMs. They have baggage, and it's not just the child. They're going to have issues with the child's father whether he's in the child's life or not. She's likely to have lower self-esteem for the sole fact that she's a SM and is somewhat undesireable.

Unless you're a single parent yourself, I would highly suggest not getting involved with a woman with kids. Why waste your time on a family that isn't yours, and can never be yours? Why finish a project that someone else started? You're better off keeping to women who are childless if you're even remotely thinking about finding a good woman to have a LTR with.

I'm 26 and I've been 'seeing' this beautiful 21 yr old woman and things are going really great, but she wants to get "serious."

When you get "serious" with a SM, you're expected to take on some responsibility with the child. Trips to the fvcking zoo, amusement parks, and other things. You're going to be sucked into parental work whether you like it or not.

When I was in the dating scene, I wrote off LOTS of SMs. The main qualifications for me dating a SM is that she had to be hot (9.5 or higher), and it had to be for sex only. But I could never see myself adopting someone else's kids. If I were to have a family, I wanted to start fresh.

She is 21 with a 2 y.o. son, meaning she was knocked up at 19 and fresh out of high school. Avoid this woman like the plague.

I'd like to expand on what Rollo said. Most women in their early 20s have yet to go out and "live life". This woman is missing out on this point in her life, and she's going to feel it when she hits her 30s. Women need to have that feeling of accomplishment before they hit their 30s. If you find a woman who says "I had my fun, accomplished what I wanted, and now I'm ready to settle down", you can guarantee that she's ready to settle down comfortably into a LTR. A woman who is 21 is going to feel that need to "live life" sooner or later regardless of whether she's a SM or not. Most women under 25 aren't ready for a LTR because they're still "living their life" or have yet to do so.

 

[Latinoman]

Good post Desdinova.

I have two kids (teenagers) which I have custody 50% of my time. I still don't want ANY single mother. And if a woman doesn't want to be with me because of my situation, that's fine with me. Although, my two kids came from a long marriage and not the product of being sleeping around, like most people (note: I still don't want a woman with children - unless some conditions are met...and if that is the case, I would have her but NOT for marriage).

All that said...you are right... I personally believe that is better to FIRST have your own kids...and then, if it comes to that...accept OTHER's kids. But starting parenthood by rasing other men's children (unless they are orphans)?

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

I'm not talking about marrying the girl, but having something more serious than just someone to fk. You guys are right about alot of things, but she doesn't seem to have missed out on life because of the kid. I would feel shaddy if I NEXT her just because of the kid. She treats me like a king, like Harriet treated Ozzie and I find that refreshing. Maybe she's gaming me??? Damn she's doing a great job...

 

[WestCoaster]

As always, Des gets me thinking and agreeing with him.

Don't get serious. Date others. She's too young, you're too young. Why have the baggage at your age? You should be traveling Europe and sleeping with Scandinavians. You have the rest of your life to have kids and be tied down ... no matter how great this gal is.

At 30 she'll get cold feet and want to roam.

Don't do it ... no matter how great she is. And she's treating you great to nab you.

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

And she's treating you great to nab you.

But dammit it feels so good:crazy:

 

[Latinoman]

I'm not talking about marrying the girl, but having something more serious than just someone to fk. You guys are right about alot of things, but she doesn't seem to have missed out on life because of the kid. I would feel shaddy if I NEXT her just because of the kid. She treats me like a king, like Harriet treated Ozzie and I find that refreshing. Maybe she's gaming me??? Damn she's doing a great job...

Then stay with her for as long as you want. If she treats you with RESPECT and like a KING? Heck, you would be VERY STUPID to give that up. I wouldn't give that up either! Unless things change (e.g. I wouldn't want to marry if I was that young...especially with such a young woman)

Now, if you are referring to MARRIAGE? Hmmmm...that's the part I was trying to explain in my post.

I would not next her. I would probably be more exclusive (why hunt when I have something good taking care of me?). And when the times come...I weight my options.

I'm VERY open mind it. The important thing for ME is MY happiness. If she manages to make you happy right now...there is your answer.

BUT...like somebody said...once you become exclusive...there are other "responsibilities" that involve that child. So, you must weight everything: young woman that treats me like a King, but has a child vs. young woman that has NO CLUE of how to treat me, but has NO child.

 

[Latinoman]

Self-Mastery...I think that you will make the decision that is BEST for you.

You clarified that you were not looking for marriage (she is only 21 - single mother or not).

Perhaps, you want to take a break from "hunting" and dealing with a bunch of those nutty women. And perhaps you want to take a break while being involved with a woman that treats you like a KING (regardless if she has a child or not).

YOU know what YOU want.

Our advice here is like the advice some doctors give: statistics or based on what we see in average. Our opinion are based on non-scientific observations...for the most part. And we go with the worst case scenario.

But there are always moderate approaches that you can follow, without goint to the extreme (extreme = dumping her OR marrying her).

Do you want to be more serious with her? I don't see the problem with that as long as you understand what you are doing. And as long as you understand that this might not work in a long term situation (e.g. she is only 21). And as long as you understand that you will have some responsibilities.

You know what is best for you. ONLY YOU can make that decision.

 

[mrRuckus]

I'm 26 and I've been 'seeing' this beautiful 21 yr old woman and things are going really great, but she wants to get "serious."

What do you guys think?

I think you should point and laugh at her so that being a young single mom will go back to being a huge social stigma and stupid young girls will be scared to death of having a child instead of thinking they're special and being a drain on tax payers.

Is getting on the pill REALLY THAT HARD? The damn thing is near 100% if you can follow simple directions and take it when you're supposed to. My gf just has an alarm on her cell phone that goes off every day at 6:30pm and she pops the pill immediately. But i guess being responsible is too much to ask of people.

Oh and she probably has issues with abortion which always drives me up the wall but i guess that's my own personal thing.

 

[Latinoman]

I think you should point and laugh at her so that being a young single mom will go back to being a huge social stigma and stupid young girls will be scared to death of having a child instead of thinking they're special and being a drain on tax payers.

Is getting on the pill REALLY THAT HARD? The damn thing is near 100% if you can follow simple directions and take it when you're supposed to. My gf just has an alarm on her cell phone that goes off every day at 6:30pm and she pops the pill immediately. But i guess being responsible is too much to ask of people.

It takes two to make a child. Both (men and women) should be responsible for any child brought into this world.

 

[mrRuckus]

When you get "serious" with a SM, you're expected to take on some responsibility with the child. Trips to the fvcking zoo, amusement parks, and other things. You're going to be sucked into parental work whether you like it or not.

Yea man i get suckered into helping with girls' dogs too. I like dogs and all but i don't have one because i don't want to take care of it.. so i don't really want to take care of a dog that's not even mine.

Let alone some little brat!

 

[Latinoman]

Yea man i get suckered into helping with girls' dogs too. I like dogs and all but i don't have one because i don't want to take care of it.. so i don't really want to take care of a dog that's not even mine.

Let alone some little brat!

If I don't want a dog...I would certainly NOT going to be taking care of someone else dog or cat. In fact, I won't be LIVING with somebody that owns one.

 

[mrRuckus]

It takes two to make a child. Both (men and women) should be responsible for any child brought into this world.

So point and laugh at the guy too.


But... somehow i think that you should be held a little more responsible if...
1. It grows inside YOU
2. It affects YOUR health
3. You're the one with most of the control of whether you get pregnant or not. All the guy knows is the female's assurance of "yeah i'm on the pill and took it today."
4. You routinely date retard guys you know probably aren't going to be responsible when and if you do get pregnant.


Equality sounds all well and good but too bad if one gender gets the short end of the stick on some issues.


If i were a woman i'd rarely have sex outside a committed relationship. Hell i rarely do that now.

 

[Latinoman]

So point and laugh at the guy too.


But... somehow i think that you should be held a little more responsible if...
1. It grows inside YOU
2. It affects YOUR health
3. You're the one with most of the control of whether you get pregnant or not. All the guy knows is the female's assurance of "yeah i'm on the pill and took it today."
4. You routinely date retard guys you know probably aren't going to be responsible when and if you do get pregnant.


Equality sounds all well and good but too bad if one gender gets the short end of the stick on some issues.


If i were a woman i'd rarely have sex outside a committed relationship. Hell i rarely do that now.

Considering that MEN in this society are TYPICALLY stuck with the child support bill for the ENTIRE childhood (e.g. 18 years)...I would say that the man should approach this with the "I should be more responsible or risk losing 30-50% of my GROSS salary (before taxes!) for the next 18-years of my life!" approach.

After all...if he was man enough to have sex...he should be man enough to accept the consequences. And the consequences are not pretty.

Sure...the woman is stuck with the stigma of "single mother hood"...but the man would get stuck with either the "dead beat" OR "he is too broke $$$" stigmas.


My point is...when it comes to bringing a child to this world...BOTH should be accountable and face the consequences. Pointing the finger at women ONLY is not cool. It is in fact, misogynist.

 

[WestCoaster]

Calling Des and Rollo!

Guys, need your input here ... we have a guy who could be going down the wrong track!

 

[Latinoman]

Guys, need your input here ... we have a guy who could be going down the wrong track!

Why is he going down the "wrong" track?

He is NOT asking her to marry him. He is NOT saying he wants to be with her for the rest of his life.

He just want to take a break from "hunting" and be with her...for the time being...because she is treating him like a king. VERY RARELY a man would find a woman under 25 that can treat him like a king.

We encourage men in their mid 20s to find younger women. He did. He also found one that has something unique about her: she treats him like a king.

Of course, she has a child...but for the same token she is INDEPENDENT and the father of the child plays an active role with that child.

So...what's the big deal? We cannot put a blanket on EVERY single mother.

And as I said...he is just taking a little break from the "hunting" (which can be pathetically tiresome at times). And he is taking a break WITH a woman that TREATS HIM like a King.

When everything is said and done: fact is...she is treating him like a KING.

Now...if he was going to say, "I'm getting married" or "I have plans to marry her"...well, that's different. Regardless if she is single-mother or not. Fact is...she is only 21.

Many men post in here...and they have REAL relationships with women UNDER 25. NONE of them have said (well, one of them have said that too), "She treats me like a King". I think the treatment he gets from her FAR outweights the issue of the child. Especially at this stage of the "relationship".