She's has done sexual stuff - and it bothers me

[Double_Diamonds]

I've been dating this girl for a few weeks officially, though we've been crazy for each other for much longer. She's catholic, and is a virgin. We agreed to wait until marriage to have sex with each other. Keep in mind I'm 17, and we're both high school juniors. We really have a strong loving relationshop.

But she recently told me that she has done sexual things (not sex), such as a blow job (which really bothers me), handjob, fingering, and eating her out. Surpirse! This came up in conversation when she wanted me to talk dirty to her, and I asked if she'd ever had an orgasm.

I got a kiss on the first date, the guy who did this took three months to get a kiss. After 6 or 7 months they did this stuff once with him, and they broke up after 9. She has said that she doesn't want to mess up again by doing this stuff. She only did it out of fear, because she thought it was the only way he'd stay with her.

I want to wait til marriage to have sex with her (I'm not a virgin), and I was willing to wait with this stuff. But now, after knowing that he's done something to her that I'm not allowed to do; I want to. It hurts, it makes me sad and angry. We've talked about it and she knows that I do have a problem with it, but I haven't said my opinion on us doing the stuff.

 

[WesCottII]

Mate, in my experience, when a bird isn't ripping your clothes off, she's not g/f material. That said, she'll crack after a few months.

 

[musclyjerk]

I've been dating this girl for a few weeks officially, though we've been crazy for each other for much longer. She's catholic, and is a virgin. We agreed to wait until marriage to have sex with each other. Keep in mind I'm 17, and we're both high school juniors. We really have a strong loving relationshop.

But she recently told me that she has done sexual things (not sex), such as a blow job (which really bothers me), handjob, fingering, and eating her out. Surpirse! This came up in conversation when she wanted me to talk dirty to her, and I asked if she'd ever had an orgasm.

I got a kiss on the first date, the guy who did this took three months to get a kiss. After 6 or 7 months they did this stuff once with him, and they broke up after 9. She has said that she doesn't want to mess up again by doing this stuff. She only did it out of fear, because she thought it was the only way he'd stay with her.

I want to wait til marriage to have sex with her (I'm not a virgin), and I was willing to wait with this stuff. But now, after knowing that he's done something to her that I'm not allowed to do; I want to. It hurts, it makes me sad and angry. We've talked about it and she knows that I do have a problem with it, but I haven't said my opinion on us doing the stuff.

It sounds like she's 'ready' for entry and is giving you the green-light to re-assure her and screw her holy @ss 'til she's screaming the lords name.

The Muscly Jerk

 

[BrokenLeftWing]

I've been dating this girl for a few weeks officially, though we've been crazy for each other for much longer. She's catholic, and is a virgin. We agreed to wait until marriage to have sex with each other. Keep in mind I'm 17, and we're both high school juniors. We really have a strong loving relationshop.

But she recently told me that she has done sexual things (not sex), such as a blow job (which really bothers me), handjob, fingering, and eating her out. Surpirse! This came up in conversation when she wanted me to talk dirty to her, and I asked if she'd ever had an orgasm.

I got a kiss on the first date, the guy who did this took three months to get a kiss. After 6 or 7 months they did this stuff once with him, and they broke up after 9. She has said that she doesn't want to mess up again by doing this stuff. She only did it out of fear, because she thought it was the only way he'd stay with her.

I want to wait til marriage to have sex with her (I'm not a virgin), and I was willing to wait with this stuff. But now, after knowing that he's done something to her that I'm not allowed to do; I want to. It hurts, it makes me sad and angry. We've talked about it and she knows that I do have a problem with it, but I haven't said my opinion on us doing the stuff.

Wow! You have some much to learn young man.

 

[jlr12584]

Stop being selfish. All it sounds like is what you want, what you need. If you truly loved her and wanted to wait for marriage, then do it because it will make it much more special. But you admit now you want to because she has fooled around with a guy before you were even with her... you cannot blame her for this because she did not know the future. Feels as if you just want to physically have her to stake your claim on her, and that is albeit human, very selfish to the core. Talk about your feelings with her, and tell her that it bothers you. If you cannot get over this to have a healthy relationship, then break up and find someone else. But sleeping with her won't fix anything, it might make things worse.

 

[Wyldfire]

Stop being selfish. All it sounds like is what you want, what you need. If you truly loved her and wanted to wait for marriage, then do it because it will make it much more special. But you admit now you want to because she has fooled around with a guy before you were even with her... you cannot blame her for this because she did not know the future. Feels as if you just want to physically have her to stake your claim on her, and that is albeit human, very selfish to the core. Talk about your feelings with her, and tell her that it bothers you. If you cannot get over this to have a healthy relationship, then break up and find someone else. But sleeping with her won't fix anything, it might make things worse.

Exactly...

To the Original Poster:

It sounds like this girl only did those things with the other guy because she felt pressured to do them, NOT because she wanted to. In the end...that relationship ended...and likely as a result of her feeling pressured to do something she didn't want to do. Although it might bother you that she has done something with someone else...remember WHY she did it...pressure. Do you really want to be no better than the last guy by pressuring her too? She sounds like a good girl, which is a heck of a lot harder to come by than those things you want her to do with you that she was pressured into doing with someone else.

NOTE: The rule of dumping her if she won't have sex with you does NOT apply to virgins who are also good girls. It only applies to sexually active girls.

 

[Hitman10000]

Man, the youth of today is delusional - especially since they have been tricked by media that marriage equates love.

Marriage at 17?!?!

For women, they can be ready to marry from early 20s to late 20s, but guys should wait till their mid-late 20s before diving in, and even before diving in at least date a girl 2 YEARS before even thinking about it!

 

[Kev07]

how the hell can you think about marriage when you're still in high school. the prospect of onegina at my age(17) gives me the fvcking creeps. and even if i could swing, the prospect of being bound to one person for the rest of my life, starting at 17, just doesn't register to me. I have too much more to do in the span of 18-25 before i want to settle down.

 

[whistler]

With all due respect to those who want to stay chaste until marriage...

Sex isn't THAT special. I mean, it's fantastic, but the promise of pvssy will inevitably cloud your judgment when you're considering whether the girl is worth marrying.

 

[Wyldfire]

I think everyone pretty much knows that it's a given that he's way too young for marriage. His question wasn't about if he should get married about, though...which likely means he isn't planning on doing that anytime soon (let's hope). The issue is that his virgin good girl girlfriend was pressured by another boyfriend to mess around without having intercourse...and now he's having a hard time dealing with resentments he's feeling because he and she had agreed not to do those things. That's what he needs help with right now.

 

[Kev07]

i don't know man, you have your whole life ahead of your, and the best years too (you're not even 18 yet) this girl seems like she would really hold you back.

 

[Kevin Cass]

I think you should just give it a few months. act like it doesn't bother you. girls like sex too and I think that if you just take it slow and go with the flow she might just give you a bj. i went through the same thing with my current gf. i was talking dirty to her and i asked a couple of questions and she told me that she has been eaten out before and other things like blowj but no sex. but then she told me she made a mistake and fell in love with an ******* and he cheated on her after she went away for a couple of weeks. she told me the same exact thing she told you

"She has said that she doesn't want to mess up again by doing this stuff."

she told me that she was even going to give that guy her virginity. ive been dating her for about 2 months and i have made out, sucked titties and gotten blowj's from her. so all i gotta say to you is give it a couple of months and ul get atleast oral sex from her. and she already promised to have sex when u get married and if you really really like her whats wrong with that?

 

[Double_Diamonds]

I think everyone pretty much knows that it's a given that he's way too young for marriage. His question wasn't about if he should get married about, though...which likely means he isn't planning on doing that anytime soon (let's hope). The issue is that his virgin good girl girlfriend was pressured by another boyfriend to mess around without having intercourse...and now he's having a hard time dealing with resentments he's feeling because he and she had agreed not to do those things. That's what he needs help with right now.

Exactly! I'm not marrying her anytime soon people, we've just been talking about it. Wow. And you totally got it dead on.

Most of you - thanks for your help, I appreciate it.

 

[Wyldfire]

Double Diamonds...

The last thing you want to do is let the resentments cause you to pressure this girl in the same way the last guy did. Even though it might make her do those same things with you, it will destroy the trust. She trusted you enough to tell you about the past and that means a lot. To help you cope with the resentment you should not look at it as what this other guy got that you haven't. Instead, you should look at it as what the other guy did to destroy her trust and ruin their relationship that you don't want to repeat.

There is a good chance that over time she will decide that she WANTS to do those things with you. You don't ever want a girl to do that stuff with you because she feels like she HAS to, because then she'll be less likely to ever WANT to.

Be the bigger and better person and don't make the same mistakes the other guy did by pressuring her. If the resentments don't go away in a couple of weeks then discuss them with her, but without coming across like you are pressuring her as well.

Good luck...

 

[Snow Plowman]

This doesn't stop attraction at all. This is a logical front and all you have to do is get her BT going and sexual tension all built up. She is going to end up doing something. It all comes down too, "Do you want to fuvk up her religious values?" (Really just logical, social conditioning)

Reason I say mess up her religious values, because when she backwards rationalize what she did, she is going to realize she had sex before marriage. An I personally don't know the reaction they would give. Her saying she was pressured is just her backwards rationalization of why she actually did all those sexual things. (Girls love sex) I think this Wait for marriage stuff is a way to keep the "I'm not a slut" mindset for a girl.

But I've been in your position and I left it, and I think you should too. The reason is because I'm living by my standards not hers. An two things that I stick too are...
1. I don't fuk Virgins
2. I don't fuk highly religious girls.

In my case I was touching up this girl, getting good conversation, we was getting real into it. It was totally on, but once I realize she was highly religious I stopped going for her. There is many other women who you can get the same connection that you have with another girl.

An sex isn't even a big deal. This Religious stuff make it seem like it's the ulitmate thing. When really it's just putting you're divk in a girl. I really think religious girls suppress their SEXAUL DESIRES a whole lot. When it surface and they actually have sex they will end up turning into animals in bed because all that sexual tension of trying to hold it. I know damn well all that waiting she is at home at night with her legs in the air playing with herself.

Bottomline if you're don't want to take her virginity before she gets married (You can do it easily) then I suggest you leave. Because this isn't your standard and its like a requirement she is putting up.

 

[ValleyDJing]

The fact that you're even talking about marraige at 17 is rediculous. Add to the fact that you've only been going out for 3 weeks?! There's not a word for how absurd that is. No offense.

 

[orlandorr]

"She only did it out of fear..." Hahahaha hahahahaha hahahahahahahaha!!!! Hahahahahaha hahahaha hahahahah ahahaHaha hahahahahaha hahahaha hahahahahaHahaha hahaha hahahahaha hahahahahaha!!!! Hahahahahahah ahahahahaha hahahahahaHahah ahahahahah ahahahahahaha hahahaHahahaha hahahahahaha hahahahahahahaHa hahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!

Hihihi, man, THAT WAS A GOOD ONE!!! Hehe. Now, seriously. WTF??? Marriage, 17, not allowed to do her??? What the heck are you kids watching on TV these days?! Just screw her and leave her. She's no good for you.

 

[md3sign]

Oh man on man. Don't get sucked in by the promise of pvssy. Seriously. She's making you wait cause she can. I've been there, trust me. I dated a "catholic" girl once who absolutely refused to have sex with me for months. I stuck with her cause she gave me head almost every time we hung out and I was a total AFC. Only when I snapped and decided not to take her sh!t anymore and opened my eyes did a sliver of respect come back and she started gettin freaky.

He's selfish? EVERYONE is selfish. Look inside yourself and ask what you really want. Not what someone told you or you saw on tv or heard in a classroom. Follow your instincts - they don't lie.

Also, messing up her religious values? wtf. do you have ANY idea how horny all these "catholic" girls really are? and while we're at it, where on earth does it say that premarital sex is bad? fvck .. the entire institution of marriage as we know it is contemporary

My advice - you're young, you don't know wtf you want at 17 (hell most kids out of college still don't know what they want to do), and you need EXPERIENCE to figure that out. move on this chick and if you can't get it soon, break it off. unless she's some goddess (highly doubtful) I'd break it off either way.

I bet when you split up she'll give in to at least something.

if only I knew at 17 what I know now ...

 

[azanon]

and while we're at it, where on earth does it say that premarital sex is bad? fvck .. the entire institution of marriage as we know it is contemporary

In 1st Corinthians of the bible, amonst other places. And marriage has a religious origin.

But who cares?

 

[md3sign]

In 1st Corinthians of the bible, amonst other places. And marriage has a religious origin.

But who cares?

ok, arguing about the bible is stupid, but I'm gonna go ahead and be stupid for a minute

1) bible is full of contradictions left and right. first of all this is paul writing this stuff - he's an apostle, not God. even in corinthians he says go ahead and get married, then he says it's better for man and woman not to get married. so wtf. fornication is also translated from hebrew as sexual immorality. you can interpret that in many ways

2) it's not one of the commandments and not something Jesus ever said. even the commandments are contradictory if you're gonna follow the bible word for word from start to finish - murder is a sin, yet in half the books of the old testament God promotes mass genocide, including the straight up murder of women and children of other nations by Israel

anyway. half the stuff people preach nowadays is complete bullsh!t promoted by their own lack of knowledge. how many people do you honestly know that have read the king james version of the bible from cover to cover?