She stopped initiating contact after 3 months of dating

[Sega Genesis]

I get what you're saying. Still I think that GENERALLY speaking @New_Journey is right. I've heard many women say this as well..on the other hand I also heard what you say very often.

I agree with @Be however there is some truth to what @New_Journey said as well.

Speaking for myself when I'm really into a guy, it's difficult sometimes to NOT initiate a text, not so much for reassurance or because I'm insecure or damaged, but rather because I like him and want to talk to him, connect with him!

I never considered it "chasing" or even pursuing per se, simply showing interest and again wanting to talk and connect.

The men I have dated have always appreciated it and in fact drew them closer and made it easier for them to pursue me without fear of rejection.

It's always a delicate balance. Not too much, not too little. For both her and him!

My experience.

 

[Clockwerk50]

You are missing the overarching issue and that is around 3-4 months women often decide whether they want to push the relationship forward or end it and find someone else.

Essentially they have committed to "seeing how things go" for a period of time, sort of like a probationary period at work when you first get hired.

Clearly she doesn't see any future with OP, mainly because he did a poor job of showing that he was interested in anything more than fvcking her.

This is simply called the expiration date of the relationship, nothing more nothing less.

Now, if that's all OP wanted then that's fine. But he needs to understand that this is going to happen frequently because most women don't want to just have sex with a guy and nothing else. She gave him a chance to see if he wanted anything else from her, he confirmed he did not, and she decided it was time to find something more than he was willing to offer.

He isn't in the wrong here, he just needs to accept that he can't have it both ways. Doesn't work that way in life.

Would be like trying to be in New York and San Francisco at the same time. Gotta pick one or the other.

I agree that most “situationships” tend to have a shelf life of 3-4 months, often because the woman doesn’t see a future with the man, or someone else enters the picture. However, I believe boredom is the primary reason things end. Without shared experiences—like planning trips as a couple, double dates, meeting each other’s friends and families, or attending events together—there’s not enough excitement or anticipation to sustain the connection. You can only rely on casual nights in, drinks at bars, or being stuck in a room together for so long before things feel stagnant and stale.

OP’s real mistake, in my opinion, was overcorrecting. When she expressed wanting more frequent communication, he gave in out of fear she’d lose interest. Ironically, this likely had the opposite effect. By relinquishing his power and abandoning the dynamic that initially intrigued her, he unintentionally shifted the balance and diminished her interest. It seems like he initiated contact more frequently than “once per week” as he claims to have done for a whole month.

I also agree that moving on is the best course of action here. If OP has plates, as he claims he has, he’ll bounce back fine. He just needs to learn from this: maintaining balance and mystery is key to keeping interest alive.

 

[Gamisch]

I agree with @Be however speaking for myself when I'm really into a guy, it's difficult sometimes to NOT initiate a text, not so much for reassurance or because I'm insecure or damaged, but rather because I like him and want to talk to him, connect with him!

I never considered it "chasing" or even pursuing per se, simply showing interest and again wanting to talk and connect.

The men I have dated have always appreciated it and in fact drew them closer and made it easier for men to pursue me without fear of rejection.

It's always a delicate balance. Not too much, not too little. For both her and him!

My experience.

Hey are you back already? How ya doing mam'?

Interesting to hear two women say the same thing. I guess that does kinda forces me to rethink my statement somehow..

Perhaps the "miscommunication " (for the lack of a better word )happens because;

Sometimes a man (like OP) deals with women with lukewarm interest. The way you describe how you liked to be conquered is ofcourse an easy layup (Assuming you provide a man with enough choosing signals ). The way it should be and I think most men would be happy of the rules of the game were that clear.

Unfortunately most men often deal with wishy-washy women who consider multiple options at once and jump from one man straight to the next without any explanation. In this case a simple explanation from his " plate" would've made the situation 10 times more clear. Now we're left guessing and use personal experiences as reference.

But thanks for saying this to both our ladies! Personally I find it encouraging to hear this from you both because it's a positive way to go about things. Me being a man, I've been knocked down so often by doing what seems logical and intuitive that I automatically assume the worse ..

 

[Sega Genesis]

@Gamisch first off thanks for the warm welcome back I do appreciate it!

Secondly yes I do agree with @BeExcellent and posted about it previously however again there is some truth to what you and @New_Journey posted too.

Where @Be and I differ is that like I said when really into a guy, I will initiate a text occasionally.

I'd never fall off his radar for a week and I've come up with some pretty "creative" reasons to reach out and connect with him.

However HE is still pursuing me for the most part.

Here I agree with a post from @BackInTheGame78; she basically got tired of being a "plate," expressed she needed more, he failed to act and she lost interest.

The expiration date theory is very true!

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

So i have this plate that i have been seeing for 3 months. We see each other about 1 time a week and each time we have s3x and fun.

In the beginning she would complain that i didn't contact her as much as she would like to.

But i noticed that for the last 4 weeks i am the one initiating the contact. She never rejected a date or something and the dates are fun but, why isn't she chasing my attention? After 3 months she should be attached right, so what am i messing up?

I haven't texted her for a week know since our last date so see if her behaviour would change, but still no text.

I usealy just text her once a week to setup a date, but this week decided to skip.

I also am starting to lose interest because why the **** would i always put in the effort to see her and arrange activities, what would you guys do?

It's normal to feel this way.

Things are going great for a while and then one person switches up, leaving the other to wonder if the person is (or has) slipped away.

It's tough.

However, that's why you should always have a rotation, and that's why you should always cold approach.

Both of those concepts will keep you from focusing too much on one situation.

But, as far as she is concerned...as one person stated, as long as you can still tap it every so often, then just take it for what it is.
....

I could tell you what I would do in that situation as a way to get closure, but I doubt you ready for all that.

 

[Sega Genesis]

In the beginning she would complain that i didn't contact her as much as she would like to.

But i noticed that for the last 4 weeks i am the one initiating the contact.

^^There seems to be some conflicting opinions about this, so to @AM349 can you clarify when she complained you weren't contacting her enough, did you begin to contact her more often?

You posted you became the only one who initiated contact but how often was that?

Once a week? Your post is unclear about that, at least to me.

As it stands now, you have not contacted her for a week, why is that?

Without more context, I'm inclined to think she felt like an option, needed more effort from you, more connection which never came so she lost interest.

But if you could provide more context it would be helpful.

 

[Chow Mein]

Like @BackInTheGame78 and @RangerMIke said, plates always have expiration dates; they fall out of the rotation and for exactly the reasons the guys cited.

I disagree with @New_Journey s bit here. The only women who will ever chase men are lower self esteem/less value/emotionally unstable women. Women who are high value (and know it) will NOT chase after guys. They don't need to and they have plenty of good options showing interest in them, which allows them to relax into the responsive feminine role.

My grandmother had a wise saying:

"Wise women let the man chase her until she catches him....."

And all the women in my family were married to very alpha men, my grandmother twice (and widowed twice).

That is a very different mindset than New Journey expects to see, and quality women still do that today because it promotes masculine/feminine polarity.

Plates are always going to break; and your plates are often going to be seeing (and sexing) other guys. Neither should surprise you.

She's not marriage material in your book, let her go.

NEXT.

I’ll need to disagree, as long as you hold frame, these plates will spin as long as you put in the effort.
I’ve been keeping multiple plates spinning for over a year. These are your down girls, they got your back.

 

[DJ Novice]

I only talk to my girlfriend a few times between dates (I only see her on Saturdays). Certainly not everyday and not for hours on end.

After the initial discovery phase there’s a real danger of either coming across as too insecure/needy if the communication is too frequent, or just boring conversations of little substance beyond what you did that day (which if you’re still working is pretty much the same during the working week). This can kill mystery which is a big basis of attraction and desire.

Bottom line only talk if you have something to talk about (and keep it short), not out of some obligation to talk to her a set number of times per week.

Let her initiate any conversations beyond what is absolutely necessary to keep in touch.