She stopped initiating contact after 3 months of dating

[Sega Genesis]

I get what you're saying. Still I think that GENERALLY speaking @New_Journey is right. I've heard many women say this as well..on the other hand I also heard what you say very often.

I agree with @Be however there is some truth to what @New_Journey said as well.

Speaking for myself when I'm really into a guy, it's difficult sometimes to NOT initiate a text, not so much for reassurance or because I'm insecure or damaged, but rather because I like him and want to talk to him, connect with him!

I never considered it "chasing" or even pursuing per se, simply showing interest and again wanting to talk and connect.

The men I have dated have always appreciated it and in fact drew them closer and made it easier for them to pursue me without fear of rejection.

It's always a delicate balance. Not too much, not too little. For both her and him!

My experience.

 

[Clockwerk50]

You are missing the overarching issue and that is around 3-4 months women often decide whether they want to push the relationship forward or end it and find someone else.

Essentially they have committed to "seeing how things go" for a period of time, sort of like a probationary period at work when you first get hired.

Clearly she doesn't see any future with OP, mainly because he did a poor job of showing that he was interested in anything more than fvcking her.

This is simply called the expiration date of the relationship, nothing more nothing less.

Now, if that's all OP wanted then that's fine. But he needs to understand that this is going to happen frequently because most women don't want to just have sex with a guy and nothing else. She gave him a chance to see if he wanted anything else from her, he confirmed he did not, and she decided it was time to find something more than he was willing to offer.

He isn't in the wrong here, he just needs to accept that he can't have it both ways. Doesn't work that way in life.

Would be like trying to be in New York and San Francisco at the same time. Gotta pick one or the other.

I agree that most “situationships” tend to have a shelf life of 3-4 months, often because the woman doesn’t see a future with the man, or someone else enters the picture. However, I believe boredom is the primary reason things end. Without shared experiences—like planning trips as a couple, double dates, meeting each other’s friends and families, or attending events together—there’s not enough excitement or anticipation to sustain the connection. You can only rely on casual nights in, drinks at bars, or being stuck in a room together for so long before things feel stagnant and stale.

OP’s real mistake, in my opinion, was overcorrecting. When she expressed wanting more frequent communication, he gave in out of fear she’d lose interest. Ironically, this likely had the opposite effect. By relinquishing his power and abandoning the dynamic that initially intrigued her, he unintentionally shifted the balance and diminished her interest. It seems like he initiated contact more frequently than “once per week” as he claims to have done for a whole month.

I also agree that moving on is the best course of action here. If OP has plates, as he claims he has, he’ll bounce back fine. He just needs to learn from this: maintaining balance and mystery is key to keeping interest alive.

 

[Gamisch]

I agree with @Be however speaking for myself when I'm really into a guy, it's difficult sometimes to NOT initiate a text, not so much for reassurance or because I'm insecure or damaged, but rather because I like him and want to talk to him, connect with him!

I never considered it "chasing" or even pursuing per se, simply showing interest and again wanting to talk and connect.

The men I have dated have always appreciated it and in fact drew them closer and made it easier for men to pursue me without fear of rejection.

It's always a delicate balance. Not too much, not too little. For both her and him!

My experience.

Hey are you back already? How ya doing mam'?

Interesting to hear two women say the same thing. I guess that does kinda forces me to rethink my statement somehow..

Perhaps the "miscommunication " (for the lack of a better word )happens because;

Sometimes a man (like OP) deals with women with lukewarm interest. The way you describe how you liked to be conquered is ofcourse an easy layup (Assuming you provide a man with enough choosing signals ). The way it should be and I think most men would be happy of the rules of the game were that clear.

Unfortunately most men often deal with wishy-washy women who consider multiple options at once and jump from one man straight to the next without any explanation. In this case a simple explanation from his " plate" would've made the situation 10 times more clear. Now we're left guessing and use personal experiences as reference.

But thanks for saying this to both our ladies! Personally I find it encouraging to hear this from you both because it's a positive way to go about things. Me being a man, I've been knocked down so often by doing what seems logical and intuitive that I automatically assume the worse ..

 

[Sega Genesis]

@Gamisch first off thanks for the warm welcome back I do appreciate it!

Secondly yes I do agree with @BeExcellent and posted about it previously however again there is some truth to what you and @New_Journey posted too.

Where @Be and I differ is that like I said when really into a guy, I will initiate a text occasionally.

I'd never fall off his radar for a week and I've come up with some pretty "creative" reasons to reach out and connect with him.

However HE is still pursuing me for the most part.

Here I agree with a post from @BackInTheGame78; she basically got tired of being a "plate," expressed she needed more, he failed to act and she lost interest.

The expiration date theory is very true!

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

So i have this plate that i have been seeing for 3 months. We see each other about 1 time a week and each time we have s3x and fun.

In the beginning she would complain that i didn't contact her as much as she would like to.

But i noticed that for the last 4 weeks i am the one initiating the contact. She never rejected a date or something and the dates are fun but, why isn't she chasing my attention? After 3 months she should be attached right, so what am i messing up?

I haven't texted her for a week know since our last date so see if her behaviour would change, but still no text.

I usealy just text her once a week to setup a date, but this week decided to skip.

I also am starting to lose interest because why the **** would i always put in the effort to see her and arrange activities, what would you guys do?

It's normal to feel this way.

Things are going great for a while and then one person switches up, leaving the other to wonder if the person is (or has) slipped away.

It's tough.

However, that's why you should always have a rotation, and that's why you should always cold approach.

Both of those concepts will keep you from focusing too much on one situation.

But, as far as she is concerned...as one person stated, as long as you can still tap it every so often, then just take it for what it is.
....

I could tell you what I would do in that situation as a way to get closure, but I doubt you ready for all that.

 

[Sega Genesis]

In the beginning she would complain that i didn't contact her as much as she would like to.

But i noticed that for the last 4 weeks i am the one initiating the contact.

^^There seems to be some conflicting opinions about this, so to @AM349 can you clarify when she complained you weren't contacting her enough, did you begin to contact her more often?

You posted you became the only one who initiated contact but how often was that?

Once a week? Your post is unclear about that, at least to me.

As it stands now, you have not contacted her for a week, why is that?

Without more context, I'm inclined to think she felt like an option, needed more effort from you, more connection which never came so she lost interest.

But if you could provide more context it would be helpful.

 

[Chow Mein]

Like @BackInTheGame78 and @RangerMIke said, plates always have expiration dates; they fall out of the rotation and for exactly the reasons the guys cited.

I disagree with @New_Journey s bit here. The only women who will ever chase men are lower self esteem/less value/emotionally unstable women. Women who are high value (and know it) will NOT chase after guys. They don't need to and they have plenty of good options showing interest in them, which allows them to relax into the responsive feminine role.

My grandmother had a wise saying:

"Wise women let the man chase her until she catches him....."

And all the women in my family were married to very alpha men, my grandmother twice (and widowed twice).

That is a very different mindset than New Journey expects to see, and quality women still do that today because it promotes masculine/feminine polarity.

Plates are always going to break; and your plates are often going to be seeing (and sexing) other guys. Neither should surprise you.

She's not marriage material in your book, let her go.

NEXT.

I’ll need to disagree, as long as you hold frame, these plates will spin as long as you put in the effort.
I’ve been keeping multiple plates spinning for over a year. These are your down girls, they got your back.

 

[DJ Novice]

I only talk to my girlfriend a few times between dates (I only see her on Saturdays). Certainly not everyday and not for hours on end.

After the initial discovery phase there’s a real danger of either coming across as too insecure/needy if the communication is too frequent, or just boring conversations of little substance beyond what you did that day (which if you’re still working is pretty much the same during the working week). This can kill mystery which is a big basis of attraction and desire.

Bottom line only talk if you have something to talk about (and keep it short), not out of some obligation to talk to her a set number of times per week.

Let her initiate any conversations beyond what is absolutely necessary to keep in touch.

 

[Sega Genesis]

these plates will spin as long as you put in the effort.

I think that may the question here, how much effort was the OP putting in?

She complained he wasn't texting enough (low effort in her mind). He didn't confirm whether he began making more effort, he simply said he became the only one to make any effort as far as initiating texts go.

She may have already started losing interest which is why she stopped initiating texts.

Even now OP said he hasn't reached out in an entire week, so yeah she's done most likely.

She felt too much like an option, a plate, which she was according to the OP so he should just let this one go imo.

I'm not a guy but if you're gonna spin plates, try to not make your plates feel like options and like yesterday's leftovers, you still gotta make that effort to make her feel special and valued on some level otherwise she will find another man who will.

 

[Divorced w 3]

all the women in my family were married to very alpha men

What do you think the reason is that you don’t marry alpha men?

 

[Divorced w 3]

So i have this plate that i have been seeing for 3 months. We see each other about 1 time a week and each time we have s3x and fun.

In the beginning she would complain that i didn't contact her as much as she would like to.

But i noticed that for the last 4 weeks i am the one initiating the contact. She never rejected a date or something and the dates are fun but, why isn't she chasing my attention? After 3 months she should be attached right, so what am i messing up?

I haven't texted her for a week know since our last date so see if her behaviour would change, but still no text.

I usealy just text her once a week to setup a date, but this week decided to skip.

I also am starting to lose interest because why the **** would i always put in the effort to see her and arrange activities, what would you guys do?

My presumption is that you kept things very scripted and she realized it was a pattern. Once a week for three months is not normal human behavior for one who is interested in a relationship. If you want to know where she went, you can always reach out to her, you know.

 

[AM349]

As the time progressed, you did the opposite that hooked her up. I'm going to tell you what changed.


This is good. A woman spouting feelings from her mouth mean she has some level of investment, this is good, this is what you want.


You got to understand that women test men. She telling you that you didn't initiate was a test, to see how invested you were, since she was very invested, and you failed.


Exactly, you are following your instincts which is fine, you have good instincts.

This is what happened:

In the beginning you appeared like an alpha guy, who was busy, didn't have time to text, she was chasing for your time and validation, this is how every situation with a woman should be, she MUST chase you, it is in their DNA, women are hardwired to chase men, to try to get men to commit, women want to work hard for her prize.

When time went on, she complained that you didn't initiate, well, in you male brain thought "we've been having fun and sex, I should initiate more often", then you started to initiate, and poof everything went to $hit, that was your problem, doig what you thoguht she wanted, instead of doing what she needed.

You should've kept it lite, once per week with a lot of fun, and then a very cold silence from your part, that way she wonders about you. You should've been busy doing other stuff and dating other women but being silent. Women have a lot of orbiters who text them, and you not texting her, you were different, so she was hooked, but as soon as you behaved like other orbiters and giving her free attention, she despised that.

If I were you, the time she texts, reply one text normal, don't invite her to do anything, if she asks say you are busy for that week and do not give any other time to meet, is she ask you say you'll let her know, and then go on with your life dating other women. I would invite her to go out two weeks after she texts you. You need to become the guy she was attracted before, the one she was chasing, but you need to be busy living you life and not waiting for her.

No man will make a woman wait for sex, but when someone does it, it creates mystery, cause men love sex, so if you're not ****ing her given the opportunity, you must be fvcking someone else, at least in her mind, and that's what you want.

Thanks for the advice, but I did NOT text her MORE after she complained that she wanted me to initiate more and tell her more about how i feel about her.

She told me that, i aknowledge her feelings, and just kept doing what i did before. I just kept texting her once a week to setup a date and that is it.

I personally think that it was a mistake that she took as disinterest and just decided to find someone who will give her the attention she is looking for.

Remember she kept complaining for the first 2 months, she even cried about it in my face.

I think the problem on this forum is that guys are to harsh and trying to play everything by the book. It is also important when to break free from the rules, and in this occasion i should have validaded her more.

She behaved well, so why not give her a little bit of attention more to reward the good behaviour?

 

[AM349]

You are missing the overarching issue and that is around 3-4 months women often decide whether they want to push the relationship forward or end it and find someone else.

Essentially they have committed to "seeing how things go" for a period of time, sort of like a probationary period at work when you first get hired.

Clearly she doesn't see any future with OP, mainly because he did a poor job of showing that he was interested in anything more than fvcking her.

This is simply called the expiration date of the relationship, nothing more nothing less.

Now, if that's all OP wanted then that's fine. But he needs to understand that this is going to happen frequently because most women don't want to just have sex with a guy and nothing else. She gave him a chance to see if he wanted anything else from her, he confirmed he did not, and she decided it was time to find something more than he was willing to offer.

He isn't in the wrong here, he just needs to accept that he can't have it both ways. Doesn't work that way in life.

Would be like trying to be in New York and San Francisco at the same time. Gotta pick one or the other.

Okay but lets say I have a plate that I want a relationship with, how would you handle it then?

How to show her that you want a relationship without coming over as needy?

 

[New_Journey]

She behaved well, so why not give her a little bit of attention more to reward the good behaviour?

Did she give you a threesome? Did she clean your house on occasions? Did she cook for you a few times? Did she tell you I'm paying for the next date? How exactly did she behave good? Oh I know, accepting to dates and giving you sex, that's not good behavior, that's a called dating. The standard for good behavior is way too low for today's society, one of the reasons men struggle with women.

You simply were too invested in her, you wanted to break the rules and it blew up in your face. Rules are there for a reason, they are the training wheels until a girl stops seeing you and you don't post a noob thread asking advice from strangers.

Follow the rules until you can make them yourself, if not, the same $hit will keep happening.

 

[AM349]

I agree that most “situationships” tend to have a shelf life of 3-4 months, often because the woman doesn’t see a future with the man, or someone else enters the picture. However, I believe boredom is the primary reason things end. Without shared experiences—like planning trips as a couple, double dates, meeting each other’s friends and families, or attending events together—there’s not enough excitement or anticipation to sustain the connection. You can only rely on casual nights in, drinks at bars, or being stuck in a room together for so long before things feel stagnant and stale.

OP’s real mistake, in my opinion, was overcorrecting. When she expressed wanting more frequent communication, he gave in out of fear she’d lose interest. Ironically, this likely had the opposite effect. By relinquishing his power and abandoning the dynamic that initially intrigued her, he unintentionally shifted the balance and diminished her interest. It seems like he initiated contact more frequently than “once per week” as he claims to have done for a whole month.

I also agree that moving on is the best course of action here. If OP has plates, as he claims he has, he’ll bounce back fine. He just needs to learn from this: maintaining balance and mystery is key to keeping interest alive.

I would like to clarify that i in fact did not initiate more texts and just kept doing what i did before. 1 initiation a week to setup a date, nothing more.

Yes, we also did a lot of fun stuff together, concerts, ice skating etc.

Yes, i just told her that we shouldn't see each other any more and wished her good luck.

 

[AM349]

@Gamisch first off thanks for the warm welcome back I do appreciate it!

Secondly yes I do agree with @BeExcellent and posted about it previously however again there is some truth to what you and @New_Journey posted too.

Where @Be and I differ is that like I said when really into a guy, I will initiate a text occasionally.

I'd never fall off his radar for a week and I've come up with some pretty "creative" reasons to reach out and connect with him.

However HE is still pursuing me for the most part.

Here I agree with a post from @BackInTheGame78; she basically got tired of being a "plate," expressed she needed more, he failed to act and she lost interest.

The expiration date theory is very true!

I also think that this is the cause. But how to avoid this in the future?

 

[AM349]

^^There seems to be some conflicting opinions about this, so to @AM349 can you clarify when she complained you weren't contacting her enough, did you begin to contact her more often?

You posted you became the only one who initiated contact but how often was that?

Once a week? Your post is unclear about that, at least to me.

As it stands now, you have not contacted her for a week, why is that?

Without more context, I'm inclined to think she felt like an option, needed more effort from you, more connection which never came so she lost interest.

But if you could provide more context it would be helpful.

For all of the 4 months I initiated contact 1 a week to with just some small talk to setup a date.

When she complained I did not contact her more, I did aknowledge her feelings about it.

I did not contact her for a week to see if her behaviour would change, I also don't want to be the only person putting in the effort.

I texted her on sunday so after 7 days telling her that it is better to not see each other anymore and wished her good luck. I lost interest.

She replied and told me that she expected it, and wished me good luck too.

If you need more context let me know.

 

[Sega Genesis]

For all of the 4 months I initiated contact 1 a week to with just some small talk to setup a date.

When she complained I did not contact her more, I did aknowledge her feelings about it.

I did not contact her for a week to see if her behaviour would change, I also don't want to be the only person putting in the effort.

I texted her on sunday so after 7 days telling her that it is better to not see each other anymore and wished her good luck. I lost interest.

She replied and told me that she expected it, and wished me good luck too.

If you need more context let me know.

No that was fine and it's what I suspected and stated in my posts.

To avoid happening again with next girl, even though she's a plate, you still gotta her make her feel valued, that her presence in your life means something.

You said it yourself she was good to you, you enjoyed spending time, having sex etc, when she asked for a bit more effort, why not make that effort?

Would it kill ya to have texted a bit more often than once a week to stay connected?

If she's responding positively, then it's a win-win!

@BeExcellent can share more about that.

Sorry to whomever asked if she cooked and cleaned for you? Good lord, she's a woman you're dating and banging NOT your maid. Or your wife! Lol

Anyway, you may have found if you gave just a little bit more, made a bit more effort, she would have responded in kind and put in more effort herself. Initiating texts occasionally.

If you need a chick to chase your *** while you make minimal effort, look for the really insecure anxious ones who don't think they're worthy of having a man treat them well or make much effort.

Such women DO exist! Lots of them!

I'm female by the way in case you weren't aware.

 

[Chow Mein]

For all of the 4 months I initiated contact 1 a week to with just some small talk to setup a date.

When she complained I did not contact her more, I did aknowledge her feelings about it.

I did not contact her for a week to see if her behaviour would change, I also don't want to be the only person putting in the effort.

I texted her on sunday so after 7 days telling her that it is better to not see each other anymore and wished her good luck. I lost interest.

She replied and told me that she expected it, and wished me good luck too.

If you need more context let me know.

Ha, didn’t realize you were only 20, you’ll learn from this, brotha

 

[Clockwerk50]

I would like to clarify that i in fact did not initiate more texts and just kept doing what i did before. 1 initiation a week to setup a date, nothing more.

Yes, we also did a lot of fun stuff together, concerts, ice skating etc.

Yes, i just told her that we shouldn't see each other any more and wished her good luck.

Out of my 3 options, it was the second option after all:

“Secondly, as I mentioned earlier, after a couple has sex, there’s usually a shift in energy. One partner might see the other as "weak" for giving in, and the other stops idealizing them and starts noticing flaws. To counteract this, you need to fight against this negative inertia. You have to keep the excitement alive—keep proving yourself, keep your attention on her, and let her know you’re not taking her for granted.”

It’s hard to say if you took her for granted, she took you for granted, or if it was mutual, but the lack of effort may have left one or both parties feeling disillusioned, causing the relationship to slowly burn out.

Disclaimer: When people seek advice, we usually only hear one side of the story—the poster’s. We don’t always know how the other person feels. Moreover, with the limited information provided, it’s challenging to fully understand what happened, especially since we weren’t present during your dates or conversations.